I really should play more / Lockdown Day 482

I'm still reading Brené Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection, given to me as a birthday gift from my son, almost a year ago. It's not that the book is a difficult read - on the contrary, it's probably something you could read in a day - it's that I don't read enough. With my wool craft, I tend to sit down and watch movies/series, while knitting or crocheting. It's like losing myself in another world, after a day of dealing with life's peculiarities.  It's strange, because I love reading and whenever I do, I think about the fact that I could be doing so much more of it. 

I also have a problem in that I tend to be reading three books at the same time. Hmmmmm.... 

Anyway....  the chapter I started with, this morning, is entitled "Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth". Wow! She talks about the importance of playing, just for the sake of it - to have fun, to do the opposite of what we think adults should always be doing, namely, achieving or succeeding. Interesting. 

I can relate to that. How many times have I said things like, "I wish I had more hours in a day", or "Life is so hectic!" It becomes a habit to say those things and to keep living that way, without realising we have a choice. You can break your day up into sections and start by controlling the parts that you can. Eventually, you can get even the crazy parts of the day to become less crazy. You can. And if you've tried everything and it still doesn't work, it might be time to place yourself in a new context.   

Something I've learnt about myself is that I'm really not interested in competing. If I'm in a group and a number of people are being loud and talkative, I become even quieter. I actually hate competitions. I would never enter a talent competition - not because I'm scared I'd lose, because it just feels so arbitrary and so dependent on the opinions of a handful of people, each with their own agenda (and ego). I actually hate all the television shows that turn everything into a competition, like cooking and designing, or whatever else they take the fun out of. My favourite cooking shows are the ones with Nadiya Hussain. She's delightful. And she has fun. I feel inspired and uplifted when I watch her. She makes me believe I can do anything I put my mind to. 

I've often been called an idealist, so I've often referred to myself in that way, too. The reason is that I don't aspire to what many others think one should aspire to. And they always have suggestions for what you should be doing with your skills, talents or interests. How about letting me choose? If I'm building up my fitness by running, why can't I run just because it makes me happy? If I play guitar and sing, why do I have to enter a competition for other people to tell me I am or am not good enough? Why can't we do things just for fun? I believe that's called playing. 

I think that being involved in the music world parallel to my full-time job was what enabled me to cope with the stress that I encountered in the workplace. I felt this when I was teaching, as well as in my current job, in corporate philanthropy. I also found it worked for me to compartmentalise - to keep the two parts of my life separate. Every now and then, the two worlds would intersect, but that was rare. It worked for me to keep them apart. I feel like my music identity is linked to something magical, which I don't want my day job to diminish in any way.   

Oh, I've just seen the message written at the beginning of the book, by Nick:

To my mother

for teaching me

the first songs I ever learnt

so that I could write mine 

and also for writing her own  

                                                             Thank you, Nick. ❤

Positive Outcomes / Lockdown Day 481

 One of the items in my daily habit tracker is "Meditate". On a good day, I do a guided meditation first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I started meditating last year, during lockdown, when I discovered a whole universe of guided meditations on YouTube.

I always used to think that, to meditate, you had to sit absolutely still, in silence, for at least an hour, which I couldn't really see myself doing. But with the YouTube meditations I do, I select ones that last 10 - 15 minutes. Seriously, that's enough for me, at this stage. 

This morning, I did a meditation on "Positive Outcomes", which was exactly what I needed. If you think about it, whenever we achieve a goal -  or even just move slightly closer to one - what usually precedes it is a positive thought, or a shift in attitude. In fact, the more that life throws my way and the more challenges I work through, the more I realise that one's attitude really does determine one's altitude (to use an over-used phrase). 

Doing a morning meditation sets the tone for my day. It gives me a perspective that I apply to whatever comes my way. 

Here are a few affirmations that came up in this morning's meditation:  

🌱 "I am willing to align my perception with that of positive outcomes."

🌱"I recognise that the choice is mine. I choose to see positive outcomes."

🌱 "Even when I'm not sure what they are, I trust in the vague sense that only positive outcomes are  possible."

🌱 "Only positive outcomes are real." 

🌱 "I am where I'm meant to be."

🌱 "I believe in positive outcomes."

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Today, someone very special to me received disappointing news. I spent a lot of energy worrying about her - worrying how she was doing, worrying how the news had impacted on her day and how she'd move forward. Because I had done this meditation, I actually believed that the situation was exactly what it should be, and felt that, in time, this would become clear to all involved. To my delight, she spent some time processing the news and arrived at the same conclusion - that it was a blessing in disguise.  

*************************************************** 

Here's the link to the meditation: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBjXj7AwouY&ab_channel=GreatMeditation 

Peace 🐦

                                                      I found this image online. I really like it. 

Power / Lockdown Day 480

As usual, my thoughts are all over. 

Today I'm thinking about how people behave when they are in positions of power. The pattern seems to be the same, no matter if they're positions in a sports club, at a school, in a band, in a company or in government. The same goes for religious groupings and families. Some people seem to wield their power as though they're untouchable, like it's something they'll always have; they take decisions that have serious implications for people, not thinking beyond the immediate goal or how they can advance themselves. They go back on their previous statements and lie about what was originally said, manipulating narratives as a matter of course. In fact, they operate as though whoever they're addressing is stupid. They destroy any remaining vestiges of trust and credibility. They're secure within their power-hungry milieu and wield their authority with cut-throat impassivity. Most of them leave no space for you to ask questions or make a counter statement. You're expected to know that your opinion is of no consequence. 

Someone once explained to me the difference between power and authority. One was where only the person believed he had it and the other was about consensus, where everyone around the person viewed the person that way. I wish I could remember which was which - they seem interchangeable to me.     

And then there is the other extreme, where someone who has the power to make decisions that have huge implications for others' lives does so with compassion. This is a style with which I work well and which I have tried to emulate, whenever I've found myself in a leadership position. It speaks of a level of respect for everyone around you and a perspective that you are part of a collective, even though you're a leader.  You confer, you listen to others' input, you consider different perspectives. Yes, you still have to take the final decision, but your way of arriving at it is inclusive and with long-term sustainability in mind. Whenever I see someone shouting at someone else, especially in the workplace, I wonder, "Where do they go from there? How can that lapse in judgement, that disrespect, ever be undone?"  

People often assume that a compassionate leadership style is weaker and more likely to be found in women, but that's not necessarily true. In our society, women are encouraged to be more compassionate and caring, but there definitely are enlightened men who are capable of this style of interaction. And,  believe me, there are women leaders who fall into the first category. 

What I've discovered is that people whose sole focus is on pleasing their superiors, on scoring points, on being promoted or welcomed into the in-crowd,  are often incapable of showing empathy towards people on the lower rungs. I think that, somewhere along the line, they develop both tunnel vision and a thick skin, and it is this combination, as well as an infatuation with the trappings of success, that blinds them to the importance of keeping things real and of treating people like the precious beings they are.

Ever since I was a child, I've found myself in leadership positions. In recent years, my job has put me in a position of having to take difficult decisions and to communicate them to the people affected. People who were my superiors often accused me of being too soft, but the alternatives suggested, in most cases, were not what I could align myself with. I'd even request that my name be removed from a document, if I could not defend what was written in it. 

I come from a family of people who are good at language - that's a gift you have to use, whenever you can, to resolve things peacefully. I've raised my kids with this view, as well:  "You know enough language to say anything to anyone, without humiliating them or losing your dignity." Obviously, it's about a lot more than just language, but even so, it's a good place to start. 

And so, as I prepare to take my leave of my current place of employment and contemplate what lies ahead, I'm grateful for everything I've learnt in this company and excited about the next chapter of my life. 

If I have authorship of my life, as I believe I do, may I use my thoughts, words and actions to continue living a gentler alternative. Unapologetically.    

                                                Muizenberg Beach, June 2021

This Is My Journey

“I’ve found myself at the crossroads before. Somehow, I’ve always managed to find my way.” 

That’s how I ended my previous blog post, on 16 June.

Well, since then, I’ve made a life-altering decision. To many people, it will seem like a sudden decision, but it isn’t. For most of lockdown, I’ve had a feeling, on a very deep level, that something in my life was shifting. I didn’t know what, I didn’t know how it would manifest, but I knew that I’d recognise it when it came.

On the 3rd of June, we were informed that our company had entered a Section 189 process, by the end of which a certain number of employees would have been retrenched.  Since then, which is just over six weeks ago, I’ve been going through the different aspects of this process. It’s the same as any other big change in life, yet it’s unlike anything else. All three positions in my team were declared “redundant” and two new positions created, for which we were invited to apply. You can see how, despite it being a common corporate process, especially during the Covid-19 pandemic, it inherently hurts people. It breaks up people who were working as a collective and turns them into competitors.  

Once the facts had been presented to us, and we were each required to make a decision with far-reaching consequences, I found myself giving an instruction that was contrary to everything I’d ever told my team: make your decision as an individual; think of yourself, not your colleagues; do what’s right for you and your family.  Easier said than done, believe me.

On the 1st of July, I submitted my decision not to apply for either of the positions. Part of what happens in these situations is that not only are teams reduced in size, but the remaining/’new’ positions are offered at reduced salaries. This is another way in which it hurts people – you stay on, doing extra work because your team is smaller, but you earn less than you were before. You are basically required to choose between staying on and earning less, and being retrenched.  Not exactly win-win.

My decision gave rise to other processes within the company, which have not been resolved yet. Seventeen days after having submitted my decision, within the required time frame, I don’t have the clarity I thought I’d have by now. After five and a half years in the job, I will need time to do a proper hand-over. I had hoped it would happen in the next two weeks, but that hasn’t been confirmed yet.

Let’s just forget about the clinical side of this, for now – the process, the time frame, the many boxes  to be ticked. The personal impact is huge. Every day, I have to remind myself not to be in caretaker mode, making sure everyone else is ok, and to look after myself. I know the theory so well, but what has happened is that my health has taken a beating, in this time. I’ve even had to skip my first Covid vaccination appointment, because I’ve been feeling so sick.    

I’m at peace with my decision and am trying to disengage from the process emotionally, to survive the waiting, because certain things are beyond my control. I made the decision after much thought and, despite not having another permanent job lined up, I am sure I’m doing the right thing.

I’ve made big changes before – particularly with jobs and relationships – and understand that the transition period can be rocky. But this time I’m at a very different point in my life, having worked in Education (at different levels, in different capacities) for 29 years and in corporate philanthropy for five and a half years. Besides that, I’ve also worked part-time in the music industry for about 34 years,  been a mother for 26 years (and a single mother for 20 of those years), taken on various contract jobs, including radio presenting, been blogging for 12 years and have done some motivational speaking. The list is longer, but those are the most relevant, for now. 

Two months away from my 60^th birthday, I know myself better than I ever have, my boundaries are better than ever before and I have a much better understanding of how I’m supposed to live my life. I know what made me decide to leave my job and it’s that same set of guiding principles that will lead me to my next adventure. More than anything, I’m open to doing more than one job, in my quest to generate an income doing things that resonate with my soul.

So, yes – I’m standing at the crossroads again, but I’m excited about the future and the many possibilities that lie ahead.  I keep thinking of a little song I wrote last year, for a podcast series:

This is my journey

The road ahead, the road behind

This is my journey

Who knows what I’ll find

This is my journey

Who knows what I’ll find

     I took this photo in our area, a few days ago. Rainbows always fill me with hope. (July 2021)

Youth Day / Section 189 / Lockdown Day 447

Like many people who were teenagers in 1976, when school children in Soweto, engaged in an anti-apartheid protest on 16 June, were gunned down by police, I have mixed feelings about today.

I was in Grade 9 (known as “Standard 7”) at the time, at Harold Cressy High School. I think that was the first time I’d heard the word “solidarity”. The news of this horrendous incident spread and we were informed that schools across the country would be protesting, in solidarity with the Soweto learners and the greater struggle. Before 1994, the day was known as Soweto Day, and was not a public holiday. In 1994, it became one of the post-apartheid public holidays and was renamed Youth Day. Looking at the decisions made in that time of transition, I can see how much was done in the spirit of reconciliation, but today I have to wonder why so many compromises were made, whether it was worth it, and whether it’s the reason our country’s in the mess it is today. Even renaming it Youth Day takes away the essence of the day. When I hear what some young people think the day is about, I have a dilemma: should I give them a quick history lesson, or be impressed by their fresh take on the significance of the day?

While the issues plaguing South African youth today are not the same as they were in 1976 (today’s youth having been born in post-apartheid South Africa), I think it’s crucial that they at least know the history of the day and see themselves as part of the broader story. While foreign visitors to our country rave about the world-class roads, hotels, game lodges and shopping centres, the lived reality of most South Africans is completely different.  That was how “township tours” started – people living in those Third World conditions wanted foreigners to get the full picture, as well as to distribute their extravagant spend more widely. I worked in the TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) industry for a total of 10 years, in which time I encountered foreigners who welcomed the opportunity to visit townships, as well as those who felt it was intrusive and inappropriate.

*****************************************

On a more personal note, I am using today as a much-needed Trudy Day. I need a break from the stress of my job, right now, and today’s a perfect breathing opportunity.

The company I work for has embarked on a process known as “Section 189” (of the Labour Relations Act), which is essentially retrenching staff whose posts have been declared redundant, as a cost-saving strategy. That’s the clinical explanation. To the “staff”, namely the PEOPLE, it’s a lot more devastating. Each employee received the first letter, informing us that the process had begun, what the steps were and by when it would be completed. Each of us received the news with our own set of personal fears, linked to our own circumstances, as well as to the dire employment situation and economic crisis in our country. For people who have working partners, it’s a little less frightening, because there’s at least another household income. For people who have parents able to support them, there’s that safety net.

For me, as I wait for this axe to fall, I can hardly breathe.  I feel like I’m drowning. My employment contract expires when I turn 65, which was reassuring, until about three weeks ago. However, I’ve lived through enough – including retrenchment, in October 2010 – to know that even permanent contracts aren’t permanent. As long as you’re working FOR someone else, you’re at the mercy of other people’s decisions. As someone who essentially believes that socialism is the only system that effectively respects and cares for the needs and rights of every citizen, I’m once again feeling the sting of being a tiny cog in the gigantic capitalist machine.

And as the theory turns into an actual friend calling me and telling me she's leaving, my heart knows it can’t avoid breaking over and over again. As an empath, I can’t tell the difference between your pain and mine. It’s exhausting, to say the least.  It takes all the strength I have (sounds like the lyrics of “I will survive”) to keep getting up each day and going through the demands of the job, all the time knowing that I could receive that second letter, which would change my life and that of my daughter’s in ways that the decision makers would never take responsibility for.  

The last time I was retrenched, I was 49. After two years of taking short contract jobs, I returned to the government education sector, teaching at a high school for five months, then lecturing at a college for three years. And then I left the civil service - for the third time. 😊   

This time, I’m three months away from my 60^th birthday. Personally, it’s a good time of life for me – I feel more at peace with who I am than ever before, and I’ve sorted out a lot of things, as my  experiences have given me new insights and perspectives. I’m consciously looking after my health and am fitter than I’ve been in a long time. It’s strange - to put it mildly – to feel this much at peace with who I am and simultaneously feel the dread of a tidal wave possibly landing on me.

Everything I believe in tells me to keep a positive attitude, that there are other opportunities out there, that I have skills that are needed in this country, that my children are adults, so I could finally consider working abroad, that the universe has always shown me my next path, that I’ll be ok, that I’ll be ok, that I’ll be ok…..

And so I get up every morning, I do my morning things, I arrive at my workplace – usually my lounge, as I’ve been working from home under lockdown – and I work. I have virtual meetings, I send emails, I have discussions on the phone, I check in on my team’s progress and offer guidance where necessary, I respond to requests from the public, and I report to my superiors. When a new project comes up, I draw up a plan, assign roles and do my part, including keeping the working document updated. At the end of my working day, I get up from the table and the rest of my life happens.

For my mental and physical health, I exercise three times a week, I drink lots of water, I eat fruit and salad daily, I meditate, I do Mind Power, I stay in touch with a few people on similar journeys and avoid toxicity wherever possible. I’ve also become busy with my crafting, so I’m always working on something. Interestingly, all the recent blankets and beanies have been sold, so that hobby’s become a small income generator. I also love writing, so I’ve been writing little chapters about the music side of my life and posting a new chapter on my Facebook musician page every fortnight since early May.  

I’m singing in a virtual concert on Sat 26 June, so I’ve been making time to sit with my guitar every day, singing through some of my compositions. Music has always been one of the things keeping me grounded.   

You know that feeling of things being beyond your control? That’s where I’m at in my job. In the rest of my life, I’ll keep focussing on what I can control, I’ll keep working with my habit tracker, and I’ll keep believing that – no matter what happens during this round of retrenchment – I’ll be ok.

I’ve found myself at the crossroads before. Somehow, I’ve always managed to find my way.  

Two Things On My Mind Today (Lockdown Day 425)

I want to write about two things, today.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about situations I’ve stayed in long after I should’ve left. One always sees the full picture in hindsight, but there are definitely situations where you know, without a doubt, that you should leave, but you don’t.

There seems to be a pattern, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a platonic friendship, a working relationship, a job or a membership of some kind of club or organisation. The pattern is that you observe or experience something that doesn’t feel quite right, but, because you like everything else about the person, job or group, you dismiss it. Then you experience another thing that you don’t feel you can align yourself with, but again, you brush it off, because there are so many other aspects you really enjoy. As more and more things happen that go against the grain of who you are, you speak out and try to sort things out, so that you can feel the joy you used to. But your attempts at sorting things out are met with a reaction that alienates you, and, depending on where you are on your journey, you decide to either leave or give the situation the benefit of the doubt. Most of us stay, but the problem just gets worse. You keep speaking out, but you never succeed at achieving the clearing of the air or the peace of mind you’re seeking. And still, you stay. You remember how wonderful it was when it all started and cling to a belief that it can be that way again. You know the choices you made at the time, the sacrifices you made, in order to be with this person or in this job, or to become a member of this organisation/club. You vividly recall the excitement of that new beginning, and you stay, believing, despite all indications to the contrary, that somehow this is still right for you.

Over time, as your feeling of discord overwhelms your feeling that all’s well, you start to see things with greater clarity and you know that, by staying, you are settling for the consolation prize and that you owe it to yourself to make a clean break. When the situation is a marriage, it’s a lot more complex, because serious consideration has to be given to the impact on the children and to the financial ramifications of splitting up. Many women say they stayed in their marriages two years after they’d realised there wasn’t a bright future within the marriage. What do they do for those two years? Speaking from experience, I’d say they blame themselves and try everything they can, to make things better. Until they exhaust their possibilities and the ugly truth stares them in the face wherever they look. It’s over. Get the hell out, if you want to salvage your sanity and your happiness.   

At certain times of your life, cutting ties and walking away is harder. Some resign themselves to a life lived at half mast, a life of going through the motions, a life of unfulfilled expectations, potential and dreams. It makes me sad when I encounter people – usually women – who are in this state of hollowness, of dull eyes, of no spark, of abject alienation from their formerly vibrant and powerful selves. In a room full of people, loneliness is still their only companion.   

So, yes – I’ve been thinking about times in my life when I’ve stayed too long, as well as the times I’ve found the courage to leave.

                                                                      May 2021                                               

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The other thing I want to write about is freedom. More specifically, how I feel when I’m running.  Now that our winter’s here (technically still autumn for another 6 days), it’s dark by the time my fitness training session ends. Because I enjoy running, my coach lets me run on the field for the final part of the session. Others who don’t want to run can end their session doing other exercises. We also run earlier in the hour-long session, just after the warm-up. But my favourite feeling is running alone, in the cool evening air, on a rather dark field. There are other people on the field at the time and enough lights on the perimeter - including a clubhouse/restaurant that’s well-lit – for me to feel safe. Every South African, especially the women, would know what a rare thing this is, in our country. Women do not walk or run alone, especially at night. It’s just too dangerous. It breaks my heart to think of how women have been forced to shrink our lives, in order to stay alive. 

I don’t train every day, but am working towards a long-term, sustainable routine of thrice a week. This feels doable for me. The minute I try for daily sessions, life happens, I have to skip a session and then I feel frustrated. So, three times a week is a realistic goal for me.

But, back to the running. I am very much a beginner, after having stopped running more than ten years ago. In the hour-long sessions, in which we do a variety of strengthening and aerobic exercises, including boxing, I fit in anything from 1,2km (once around the field is 400m) to 3,2km. When I go to the field on my own, over a weekend, I do at least 4,4km. At this stage, there’s still some walking, as I’m steadily building up my running fitness. 

But, I digress. This is not about distance or time. I wanted to write about how I feel. So here goes: no matter how shit my day's been - no matter who’s pissed me off or undermined me, underestimated me, talked down to me, or taken credit for my ideas – when I run, everything’s right with my world. As I said, I’m a beginner, but I remember running for an hour at a time, when I was younger and fitter, and I understand those people who choose to start each day with a run. I get it. I totally get it.

When I run, I feel the freedom of childhood – that sense of running with joy, with arms and legs doing their own thing, without any thought of what you look like. Sometimes children make funny sounds when they run, as they uninhibitedly give in to their bodies. I feel the freedom every woman should feel, wherever she is, at any time of day. I feel the freedom that every human being has a right to feel, regardless of geographic location, "ethnicity", socio-economic situation, religion, sexual preference, etc.

When I run, I feel more switched on and alive than I do at any other time of my life. It's a beautiful meeting of the physical and the spiritual. It's a celebration of life and survival, and a delightful act of rebellion against everything that tries to box us in and cut off our oxygen. Fuck, it's an incredible feeling!

Today was not a training day for me, but tomorrow is. I look forward to running around that field more than anyone could ever understand.   

I cannot wait!

                                                    With coach Grant Cyster, in Jan 2021. 

 

Building Habits (Lockdown Day 418)

 Typed on Monday, 17 May 2021

20h11

LOADSHEDDING

Tonight we have loadshedding from 20h00 – 22h30, so I prepared for the darkness by lining up some creature comforts to make myself feel better. I had a soak in a hot, fragrant bath, got dressed as warmly as I could (Cape Town’s winter is here), made myself a cup of chamomile tea and made sure I had some of my favourite music downloaded on Spotify. Before that, I’d made sure the laptop and the LED lamps were charged.

So here I am, with a lamp providing much-needed light, my tea next to me, and one of my favourite albums playing on my phone – Unydos, by the guitar duo of James Grace and Morgan Szymanski. The track playing now is Bolinhas de Queijo (Imagens do Nordeste), by Celso Machado. 

                                                             Source: Google Images 

JAMES CLEAR: ATOMIC HABITS

For quite a few months (or years?) I’ve been receiving the weekly emails of James Clear, author of the book, Atomic Habits. I’ve just started reading the book, but have been watching Youtube videos of his for a while and been profoundly affected by his teachings - he focuses on how to build good habits and shed bad ones. Fascinating. In essence, what he teaches is largely common sense, but it’s the way he puts things across that makes what he says so jaw-droppingly inspiring.

A few things that really stuck out, for me were (paraphrased):

-          Having goals is not going to make you succeed – it’s the ACTION you take that will get you to where you want to be.

-          After you’ve written your goal down, give it specific space in your life – commit to taking ACTION on a specific DAY, at a specific TIME and in a specific PLACE. (THIS one was life-altering for me.)

-          If you commit to small ACTIONS and DO them consistently, you will steadily improve, see results, be inspired, gain momentum and experience a compounding of all your little successes.

-          Building good habits is not about getting better at DOING something, but about becoming a different person – changing your IDENTITY. 

-          He says that every time you do an action that is a good habit you’re cultivating, you are casting a vote for your future self.  😊

                                                  Source: Google Images

HABIT TRACKER

For the past 12 weeks, I’ve worked with a habit tracker. I draw it up as a table, once a week, and tick off my goals at the end of every day. I actually started 12 weeks earlier, kept it going for 9 weeks, but then stopped for 3 weeks. Then I got more hooked on the James Clear material, did some reflection and analysis of my lifestyle, and started taking the topic of habits a lot more seriously. Basically, if I apply myself half-heartedly, my results will show it. If I apply myself in a focussed, intentional way, my progress will reflect that.

After quite a few weeks, I did another reflection session on my habit tracker results. The truth stared me in the face: the habits I ticked off every single day were the ones I enjoyed or were part of a bigger picture that was very important to me. I needed to find ways to make the other daily goals either more enjoyable or more clearly defined as crucial to the bigger picture of my life (how the daily habits fitted into my long-term goals). 

EXERCISE

One area where I’ve started applying the James Clear teachings is in my exercise life. I started working with a trainer in October last year, but since mid-March, I’ve been taking training a lot more seriously, working out three times a week. I train in a small group, but occasionally do a one-on-one session. Some days, I get into my exercise clothes, drive down to the field and walk-run on my own. The most interesting thing is that, as my body responds and my fitness increases, I’m enjoying training more and more. I can’t believe I’m someone who looks forward to exercising. My goal is no longer to just work out three times a week, but to do a sweat-breaking, capacity-stretching, full-body workout three times a week. I’ve rediscovered my love for running and am seeing exciting progress there, as well. With the seasons changing, the sun sets earlier and we do the latter half of our training session in the dark. I love running in the dark. The cool air is a divine energy boost and I’ve always found night time magical. 

                                              The field where I train - this was taken in April. 
  

FACEBOOK MUSICIAN PAGE

At the beginning of May, I decided that another area of my life that required more effort from me was my Facebook musician page. I brainstormed different types of posts I could do and drew up a one-month plan, committing to posting twice every week – on Mondays and Thursdays. So far, so good. Another example of small, consistent steps. Fascinating to watch the response. Basically – no effort on my part, no response from the public. However, I’ve seen that small, consistent steps on my part have yielded quite a lot of interest from the public. Interesting.

Check it out: https://www.facebook.com/Trudy-Rushin-Singer-Songwriter-345091698939418 

                                            Trudy - Feb 2019, by Jeffrey Abrahams

CROCHETING

I’ve continued crocheting and am currently busy on my 9^th blanket since March 2020. I’ve completed two that were commissioned, where I was able to earn a bit for creating them, and this is my third. Crocheting has become part of my daily routine. Making blankets is a good metaphor for life and all the other habits I’m cultivating: I crochet one stitch at a time and before I know it, I’ve completed a row. I keep focussing on completing one row at a time, and before I know it, I’ve created a whole blanket. I love every aspect of making blankets:  the conversation about the colours, buying the wool, starting, working on it for weeks and weeks, finishing it off with the border, then getting it to its owner. Before I hand over the blanket, I wash it, which brings out the texture and warmth of the wool. I love this hobby of mine! I love the fact that something I find so enjoyable results in an attractive and functional item that can add comfort to someone’s life for years and years. I love it!

                                            Blanket No.8 has been delivered to its owner. 

21h25

I’m cold. I wish the lights would go on now. Yes, I could get under the covers and fall asleep, but there are a few more things I want to do tonight.

Isn’t life fascinating?!   

                                                          Sunset sky - May 2021