Wildness

Another phenomenal picture taken by wave photographer, Clark Little.

There's a wildness in me that can't be contained, and I'm slowly coming to terms with that. I've been aware of aspects of it since my twenties. It's what I often call "restlessness" - it seems to appear in cycles - but I know it's much, much more. The real dilemma dwells way below the surface. I imagine many people, if not all, are like this? I fit into the roles I am forced to play, I earn a living and provide for my family. I struggle through survival issues like many other single parents, and I dream of an easier life. Maybe it's a musician thing, maybe that so-called "artistic personality" that so many people hide behind, that blanket excuse for all kinds of craziness. I crave alone time, and when that's quenched, I crave connection, and when that's sated, I crave solitude again. I allege that I want a certain set of circumstances, but then the wildness surfaces, and I wonder which voice I'm allowing to be heard: the real me, or the socially constructed, oh-so-appropriate me?

And when I reach the end of this life, will I really be able to say that I've lived my truth?