A good place to start

Picture: A sunrise that took my breath away, on my way home after dropping my daughter at school, one day last week.

Tuesday 7 June 2011

People often ask me, alluding to my being out of formal employment, “So what do you do all day?” Well, it’s 9am and I’ve already had a cup of coffee, read part of a newspaper and put two loads of laundry on the line. Oh, and I’ve swept up the post-storm leaves in the yard. Next, I’m typing five documents, including two cover letters; I have to burn a few more copies of my promotional (demo) CD, and then I’m getting up to hang more laundry on the line, shower, get dressed, have breakfast and leave for about two hours of e-mailing job applications and marketing myself by personally walking into restaurants (minimum for today is three) with my publicity pack. At 2:30, I’m fetching my daughter at school and taking her to a medical appointment. Afterwards, I’ll practise my music for two to three hours; later this evening I’m connecting with my best friend.

Any other questions?

I live a varied and interesting life – in fact, I always have. The main difference now is that I’m flexing myself as a self-managing musician and entrepreneur, with all the inevitable highs and unavoidable lows that go with that kind of lifestyle choice. Yes, I REALLY miss the security of a predictable salary at the end of each month and the kind of planning and structure that that enables, and yes I do indeed fret about my finances and what I’m not able to afford anymore, and yes, I do aspire to increasing my earning capacity to equal or better what I earned in my last job. Yes, yes, yes. But that’s just one side of the equation; ask anyone who’s taken this step and they’ll tell you, despite the occasional anxiety and the sacrifices, it’s a journey well worth taking. I’ve always been a practical person, and I think I have a good take on when enough is enough. In some ways, I’ve reached that point, which is why I’m sending off job applications again, but what I do know for sure, is that, even if I do end up taking a “normal” job again, my hunger for music will always be there, and I will never stop that side of my life. Ask anyone who’s passionate about anything – whether you do it in a full-time or part-time capacity is nowhere near as important as the fact that you’re doing it at all!

What have I learnt, in the past eight months since my retrenchment? I have learnt to listen to people’s ideas and suggestions, because I may be able to play the guitar and sing, but I could always benefit from other people’s ideas about marketing and promoting myself. I’ve learnt that my shyness and modesty, while encouraged as virtues in my formative years, are obstacles in my current quest, and I constantly have to deal with them, like little ghosts from my childhood that come back to haunt me when I least need them to. I’ve learnt that I actually do have great ideas, myself, and that my real problem is second-guessing those ideas and opting instead for a more assertive person’s idea. I’ve also learnt that, when I do forge ahead with my ideas, not only do I achieve success and satisfaction, but my ideas are so obviously right for me. No-on can do Trudy like Trudy. No-one knows the full range of issues, regrets, fears, thoughts, feelings, actions, concerns, joys, memories, goals, dreams and desires that make me who I am. The person you see stepping up on stage, sitting down and picking up her guitar to play and sing has such a long list of things leading up to that moment alone, that the average person would say, “How the hell do you fit it all in?”

But I do, and I’d do it again and again and again, just to feed my soul with those minutes and hours of performing live music to an audience, something indescribably wonderful and satisfying, something that’s as natural as breathing, yet as complicated as life itself.

A lesson I’ve learnt in bits, over time, and am coming to terms with in all its complexity right now, is that I should be promoting myself – not hiding in a duo, not elevating other musicians while I do all the marketing, publicity, admin, etc. involved in getting music work. I am a brand that needs to be promoted. And if I’m calling myself a “self-managing musician and entrepreneur”, then I have to believe in my brand, be completely comfortable promoting that brand, and lose all the shackles of my earlier socialisation that keep me from maximising my communication, marketing and public relations skills to advantage that brand.

This is going to be a very interesting part of my journey. I have to do it in a way that feels right for me. How do I know that, in my case, self-promotion won’t be synonymous with arrogance? Because I know myself.

I think that’s a good place to start.