Early August & Health Scare

Written 03 August 2012

This is nice! Just after 10:30 on a Friday night and I’m in bed! WHAT?! I’ve been itching to write for days, but have just been way too busy.

First of all, I can’t believe it’s AUGUST! I feel like my year’s hardly started! I can see by the trees that spring’s on its way, but the air is still ice cold. We’ve had a few nice days, recently, but now that it’s the weekend, we’re looking at some rain again.

This past week has been one of a kind: I went for two job interviews on Monday, was accepted for one of the posts on Tuesday, and on Wednesday, my first day in the new job, was accepted for the other one. The crazy thing is that I turned down the second one, even though it was a permanent job, and decided to stay in the temp job I had just committed myself to. The main reason I didn’t take the permanent job was that agreeing to take on the logistics of getting to the place was like begging the universe to complicate my life immensely.

In fact, I’d decided, once I’d given it some thought, that it was actually perfect for me to take the 4-month post, enjoy the experience as much as I could, and then apply for something as from January 2013. I have a feeling that next year’s going to see my energy bounce back and that this new wave I’m feeling now will continue to swell and grow.

All I know is that, with every decision I make, these days, I learn to know myself better. I’m still making mistakes, still unsure of so many things, probably more in the red than I’ve ever been, and yet…. I think the wheel has indeed begun to turn. The challenge for me is to continue to live my truth, walk the talk, strive to maintain balance, read the signs when I lose the balance, and know how to effectively restore it.

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Oh, my! How strange that those would be my thoughts at bedtime, when a few hours later I’d get a huge scare about my health and well-being.

It’s just after 06:30, the next morning. This morning at 00:45, I was awoken by my mom’s coughing (she’s here for an overnight visit), and as soon as I woke up, I realised something was wrong with me – not just a sore throat or a headache, but a set of symptoms that had me very worried. My head felt thick and woozy, like I couldn’t keep my balance. My chest was tight, my arms felt heavy and I was experiencing tingling in my arms and hands, as well as my feet. I got up, gave my mom cough syrup and got back into bed. I lay there for a while, hoping I’d start to feel ok, but no matter how I lay, I just felt worse and worse. Started imagining all kinds of things, so I decided I needed to get to a doctor. I was so dizzy, I knew I shouldn’t get behind the wheel. I drafted an sms to my neighbour, but didn’t send it for about 45 minutes, hoping that the feeling would go away and I wouldn’t have to bother anyone. My head had begun to throb and I was a bit nauseous.

Eventually, convinced I was heading for a heart attack, I got up, sent the sms and went to tell my mom what was happening. My neighbour phoned back and within minutes was driving me to the nearest hospital.

Got to the hospital, they asked a lot of questions, did an ECG and various blood tests, checked my BP, let me sleep for a while and later did another ECG and another set of BP checks. After all of that, I’d started to feel ok again and the doc said he could find nothing wrong with me, there was no medication he could give me, and that I should just “take it easy for a few days”. My goodness – if only it were that simple. But I’ll try, for sure. Instead of doing the whole mountain of laundry, I’ll select the urgent items.

What I do know is that I have never been as stressed as I have in the past four months, and tonight’s experience was a wake-up call to me. Stress always ends up showing through physical symptoms. I need to reverse that and make sure the happiness I’ll be generating will spread to my cells and infuse my entire body with peace and well-being.