Anniversaries

In the past few days, I’ve had two anniversaries, but not the kind one generally talks about in public, let alone celebrates.  After considering the matter, though, I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone has these kinds of anniversaries. We don’t throw parties for them, and we don’t get cards or gifts. If we’re lucky, we have a few close people who know the significance of the dates.

On 28 October, it was 19 years since my miscarriage. Even though I wasn’t very far into my pregnancy, it was still devastating. I’d had a very stressful year at work, and had decided to leave teaching. In the wake of that decision, even more events took place at work, and I was aware that I was taking strain. However, it was still a huge shock having to deal with the sudden end to my pregnancy. Just the day before, I had excitedly told my dad that I was expecting my second child, and I’ll never forget how thrilled he was. Having to phone him from the hospital, the next day, to tell him I’d had a miscarriage, was very hard for me.  

I finally gained a healthier perspective and found my peace, when I gave birth to my daughter, two years later. Seventeen years later, my daughter is one of my two bright shining stars, and I know, without a doubt, that everything  is exactly as it was meant to be.

The second anniversary was on 1 November - the date my marriage was legally terminated, fourteen years ago. It was the healthiest thing for me, to leave that marriage, and I have no regrets, except that my children did not have the kind of childhood I’d have liked them to have had. Having said as much, I have to add that I am extremely proud of them; they’ve grown into confident, compassionate and insightful young adults, and I know they’re going to live interesting, purpose-driven lives.

I know I’ve grown up, because I can look back at both of these events, and understand that they are merely parts of my journey, parts of my life story. I can’t say I’ll ever forget them, but I can feel myself disentangling from the sadness of the memories, and becoming more philosophical about them.

My concern, these days, is for other women who are going through the same things. I want to reach out and tell them that, in time, they will find peace. It doesn’t happen overnight, but if you focus on nurturing your gifts, and on loving the ones who need your love – and not forgetting to love and be kind to yourself - peace will be your reward. So many people regard the achievement of fame as success, but for me, having achieved inner peace, after years of turmoil, is one of my greatest feelings of success - second only to the joy of watching my children grow into who they’re destined to be.