I cannot believe it’s the 22nd of September already!!!! What’s up with this year?!
SOLO SESSION 1
I did my first Solo Session on
Sunday, 4 September, at Surplus Books, in Woodstock. It’s a really nice space
to hold an event with about 30 people. I love venues that tell stories, so
singing in a bookshop was wonderful. It was a stormy day, so the fact that more
than 20 people braved the elements to be there, was a pleasant surprise.
As with everything I do, I always
reflect and decide what I will and won’t do again. André Manuel did an audio
recording, so I could listen back and learn from that Session. This is how I’ve
been for as long as I can remember – I want people to give constructive
criticism, so that I can do better, in future. It’s less about perfectionism than it is about
constant learning and growing, without which I’d feel there wasn’t much to look
forward to.
I want to comment on two things
that stood out, for me:
The first is that I was very
nervous, and I couldn’t shake it for at least the first half of the show. It
was a huge surprise to me, because I’ve sung my own songs many times in public,
before – except, usually in a duo. The starkness of doing it solo, for a whole
hour, made me feel a lot more vulnerable than I’d expected. There I was, having
chosen to sing my songs and tell their stories, to a small audience, and
yet it was terrifying to actually do so! I laugh at the memory of it now,
because the next point will seem incongruous with what I’ve just written.
The second thing that took me by surprise was how people enjoyed the humour in my songs. I’ve always had a sense of humour, so of course it would filter into my songs, but I hadn’t realised how people would react. I think it’s because I present as a very serious person, so people expect all my songs to be serious or sad. When you’re the one who wrote the material, you lose touch with how funny it is. At one moment, my friend, Tina Schouw (one of my music heroes), laughed so explosively, that I couldn’t sing, because she made me laugh, too. 😊
WHAT WOULD’VE BEEN SOLO SESSION 2
I had arranged to have my second
one at an art gallery in Muizenberg, on 17 September. I was really excited, as
I love the idea of singing in an art gallery. I did so in 2005, in Buitenkant
Street, when Dala Flat Music produced a three-concert series where I sang my
songs with Hilton Schilder. Art galleries are rich with stories. The Muizenberg
gallery owner and I had agreed on all the details. She insisted on doing the
flyer, so I sent her the info and artwork, and we were going to start
advertising on Monday, 5 Sept. I mentioned it on Facebook, and was expecting to
upload the poster later that day, but, from that very day, I was unable to get
hold of her on any of the platforms on which we’d been communicating. By the
Thursday, I publicly announced the cancellation of the show. Up to today, I
don’t know what happened. When I feel up to it, I will drive to the venue and
see if I can get any answers. So – that was that. A real-life mystery. Disappointing, threw my plans out, but life
goes on.
THE ACTUAL SOLO SESSION 2
My second Session now takes place on Sunday, 2 October, at The Athenaeum, in Newlands. This is a Victorian building, very close to the Newlands Stadium. Many people don’t even know it exists, despite there being a sign visible from the bridge next to it. I’ve been fascinated by this place for years. In the early 1980s, when I was at Hewat Training College, I took guitar lessons with the late Neefa Van der Schyff, and I actually played a classical duet with another student in that venue! I remember also attending anti-apartheid gatherings there. Not sure if they were meetings or performance-type events. Anyway, I’ve always wanted to go back there and perform my work. I’ve booked the Drawing Room, so it’s a cosier space than the main hall, but what a charming setting! It’s now run as an NPC (Non-Profit Company), so the venue hiring rates are affordable. They have about six different spaces in the building that can be hired for different uses. There's a security entrance and off-street, safe parking right at the venue. I like that.
SOLO SESSION 3
This time, I’ll be at Café
Societi, which is in the foyer of the Fugard Theatre. The date is Saturday, 22
October, three weeks after my 2nd one. I like that frequency, for
now.
PREPPING FOR MY ATHENAEUM SESSION
Playing through the set I did at
the bookshop, I decided to pitch out a few of the songs and replace them with
others. I like that feeling. It will be mostly the same songs, but with a few
significant changes. It’s an extremely personal thing, this entire project. I’m
project managing the entire thing, I’m sourcing the venues, I’m doing the
marketing, I’m selling the tickets, and I’m the only one performing – and
performing my own compositions. It doesn’t get more personal than that. So
deciding what to sing has got to be my choice, and no-one else’s. If I ask
for input, that’s different.
I can’t even begin to tell you
how profoundly different this is to what I usually do, which is to sing cover
versions, either solo or in a duo. There’s something about singing songs you
wrote yourself, and telling the back stories, that feels like pulling the skin
off your body and revealing the real you, underneath.
Like I did with prepping for
Session 1, I set up my P.A. system, tune my guitar, start the stopwatch, and
perform the entire hour set, including the talking bits. Early in my
practising, I had to remind myself to
factor in the applause. Weird.
WHY NOW?
Given the skin-peeling analogy, you
may wonder why I’m doing this project at all! There are a few main reasons and
probably tens of sub-issues feeding into them. I want to share my original songs
with people, because, through them, I tell the story of my life. While my songs
don’t dwell on the adversity I’ve faced, as a woman, they do show how my twin
passions for words and music combined to become the vehicle in which I
travelled through life. My songs are like journalling to music, and in my songwriting, I found the courage I sometimes lacked in real life. Most importantly,
I want to sing them while I still can. Two recent things - surviving the
Covid-19 pandemic, and turning 60 – gave me a sense of urgency about doing what
I’d been putting off for so long.
But there’s another reason – in a sense, the biggest reason. Because people see me as a strong, empowered
woman, they don’t know how fraught my music journey has been with gatekeeping
from other musicians, who wouldn’t let me sing my own songs at gigs where
mostly covers were being sung. What the actual fuck?! Every cover we do started
out as an original that hadn’t been heard yet! And you know what’s even worse?
I allowed them to silence me!
And even when I did sing my own songs, I had to put up with arrogance onstage. In an ensemble gig, in 2019, where the others in the band had got the gig through me, we were playing the intro to the next song, when one of the musicians pointed out to another that he was looking at the wrong chart. Instead of just flipping the page, he said “They all sound the same, anyway!” A few seconds later, I had to sing. I’m a sensitive person and I found that offensive, but I didn’t say anything. I just felt awful for the entire gig. I handed over my power, my agency, and simply believed what he said, because he was so highly regarded in the music world. And, no - my songs don't all sound the same.
I’M NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE. I’ve grown. It was just a matter of time. I trust my gut and I don't put people on pedestals anymore. As the late Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, do better.” And this is what my project is about. I am finally saying, in no uncertain terms: the ONLY person who can give me permission to sing my own songs is ME.
As I wrote, in one of my songs: “I’m
not waiting for your ok – I know when I’m right or wrong.”
Mic drop!
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