The lull after the storm - Sept 2024

There is a period during every school term that is so stressful, I fear I might collapse from exhaustion – the weeks we spend marking the term’s assessments.  Fortunately, the term has ended and we're on a much-needed break. As usual, I have a list of what I want to achieve during this holiday, but, given that it's just ten days long, I'll keep an open mind.  

Stepping back and looking at my current lifestyle, I have to be honest - that much-desired balance, which I've sometimes come fairly close to attaining, is nowhere in sight. My job has taken over my life, and I've had to relegate what makes me happy to the sidelines. I seldom have the time or energy to pursue my hobbies. Only I know whether this is sustainable or not. Only I can decide on the nature of the changes I need. I'll use this short break to process things and commit to a course of action. One way or the other, something’s got to change.

Speaking of change, I've been living in my flatlet for three months, now.  Some things have worked out well, and others not. On the one hand, my landlord has made some changes, to make the space more efficient, which I really appreciate. On the other, my fibre company no longer offered my original package, so I'm paying more than I used to. For now, I’ll leave things as they are. When I get my next wave of energy to tackle non-urgent things, I’ll attend to that matter. 

I've realised that one of my coping mechanisms is to deal with urgent matters, and to keep lists of the other things, with a view to getting around to them when I can. And I find myself getting really annoyed with people who press me for things that are not urgent. I will get around to those when I can.  

I also find that my methodical way of doing things generally takes longer than the time allocated, and I’m constantly running out of time. I’m a process person, and not a rush-to-the-finish-line person, and the world shouts at me to be the latter. In order to cope, I constantly re-evaluate choices that don’t work out, and try new ways of doing things. Right now, I’m doing what feels like the most workable for me. I sometimes get criticised for my methods, but quite honestly, when I get advice from someone whose own methods don’t inspire me, I simply stick to my own.

At some stage, I had a work-play balance that satisfied me. Having personal time outside of my work time - to be with my family, to crochet, play music, dance, and occasionally see a friend socially – gave me a sense of “all’s right with my world”.  As a creative person, that fuels me. I need discretionary time, in which to make authentic choices. The more discretionary time I have, the higher my level of creative output. The more time I spend plodding through externally imposed responsibilities, the less creative I am, the less I feel like myself, and the less effective I am at everything I do.

So, as I spend the second day of my holiday catching up with housework, as well as finally getting down to crocheting (I’ve missed it!!!!), I already know that these ten days are going to fly by, and that I need to prioritise what’s important to me. I have a few unfinished craft projects to attend to, and I actually want to reorganise the furniture in my flatlet – something’s still not working. It’s only during a school break that I can do justice to this type of thing.

Music

I’ve done a few once-off performances, recently – at a panel discussion on our new government’s gender policies, and at a screening of a short documentary on forced removals in Cape Town, which was a District Six Museum initiative.  

The music season has started, and I have two definite gigs booked. I really miss being musically active. There were some years I did over 50 gigs.      

A few days ago, after all my marking was done, I got involved in a short-term music project which I was invited to. I’m not allowed to give details yet, but I will do in future. Really exciting. Stepping out of my comfort zone.

Nature

As our seasons change from the starkness of winter to the softness and colourfulness of spring, there’s so much to photograph. I’ll take pics whenever possible. Nature is, as usual, one of my biggest sources of inspiration.

The other day, someone sent me an article entitled, Nature is not God. I didn’t read it. I’m not interested in religious views that focus on the one-upmanship of who’s going to heaven and who’s not, by virtue of the randomness of the family you’re born into. In fact, I strongly reject that. I’m also sick of the inherent Islamophobia that is part of that package. If you don’t see yourself as part of humankind, but a privileged sub-sector destined for an after-life promised to a select few, we definitely don't have the same view of spirituality. Different WhatsApp group.   

When I think of how much of this blog post I ended up censoring, I can see I'm not the Trudy I want to be, right now.   

Time will tell.