My talk at the Women's Wellness Breakfast on Sat 2 July 2011

IMPORTANT LESSONS I'VE LEARNT (AND AM STILL LEARNING!) ALONG MY JOURNEY TOWARDS LIVING MY AUTHENTIC LIFE

Many years ago, a wise woman said to me, “Live your truth, and the universe will support you.” That was about 10 years ago, but it was one of those things that took root inside of me, and subsequently became my philosophy.

Someone once asked me – and today I’d like to ask you - “If money were not an issue and failure not a possibility, what would you spend your life doing?”
In my case, there was no hesitation; my answer was, “Music.”
Knowing what you’d like your life to be about is just the beginning, but it’s a good start.

I’ve decided, because I am so passionate about the guitar, to use the six strings of the guitar to share with you some of the insights I’ve gained, over the past 9 months, during which I have been trying to support myself as a self-managing musician.

1st string: E – It adds an interesting aspect to whatever’s played, has a high pitch that can be quite irritating, is often the one that breaks under pressure. It’s nice to have it as part of the full set, but when you have to do without it, it’s actually possible to play your guitar just fine that way! From my perspective, having played the guitar for 33 years, this is the only string you can do without and play complete songs without being seriously compromised.
E = Everyone else’s expectations of us
I’ve come to understand how strong the messages are that others give us about ourselves – our parents, our siblings, other family members, our teachers, our colleagues, our friends and even our partners. The ones we were given repeatedly as children seem to stick like Super Glue. As adults, we tend to live our lives according to some script we were handed that we’d unconsciously been rehearsing for years.
One of the biggest challenges for me, in trying to live my truth, is seeing how many of my choices and patterns come from trying to live up to other people’s expectations of me. Acknowledging that they’re not always right for me, and accepting that I have a right to choose a different path, is both liberating and scary. It’s also important to be understand that dealing with this issue is not a moment, but an ongoing process.

2nd string: B – This one you can’t do without. In fact, the second string is a very good string for playing the melody line, for playing or taking the “lead”. It forms an essential part of most chords, and provides a clear treble sound that indicates the highest frequency or purest sound of the chord.
B = Believe in yourself (your judgement, your instincts, etc.)
Another aspect of this journey I’ve come face to face with is that it is a very personal thing and, if you want others to believe in you, you HAVE to believe in yourself. Once you’ve identified what is authentically YOURS – YOUR dream, YOUR truth, YOUR path, YOUR authentic self, call it what you like – you have to focus on it and go for it, despite what others say. Well-meaning people will give you all kinds of advice, often trying to dissuade you from your chosen course. It’s easy - especially when the people talking to you are assertive or persuasive, or are people you’ve listened to for years, having them question and override your decisions - to give others the benefit of the doubt and allow them to convince you that you should be doing something else. The people who don’t understand will label you stubborn or selfish, but you’ll soon figure out who you can and can’t share your ideas with. Practically everything that people say to us is a lot more about them than us. Stephen Covey, author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, says, “We see the world not as it is, but as we are”.

3rd string: G - this is the string that I have the most trouble with, the one that seems to slip out of tune the most. Whenever I pick up my guitar after it’s been in its case, this is the one I have to tune. At gigs, after the breaks, we check our tuning, and it’s always the 3rd one, the G-string, that needs to be brought back in line. I turn the tuning peg and listen to it, and once I’m satisfied that it’s where it’s supposed to be, I go ahead and play my guitar. But after a few songs, when I check the tuning, it’s lost its tautness, and I have to tighten it again. If I don’t, then everything I play will sound out of tune, wrong, unpleasant. To produce the sound I want, I have to take a few seconds and get the string to sound absolutely right. It’s something I’ve dealt with for a long time – might just be peculiar to my guitar, but this is the only one I’ve used for the past 14 years.
G = Guts (Courage)
This is an area I struggle with a lot, no matter how many times my plans work out, no matter how much experience I gain along the way. Even though I know I’ve been a musician for so long, of course I can do it, I still have to keep psyching myself up to go out there and do it. Marketing oneself takes a lot of guts, especially when you do cold, face-to-face marketing, where rejection could be immediate and ruthless. I have times when my courage is low and other times when I feel I could conquer the world. Having a close circle of people who support your journey, through thick and thin, helps when the hard work does not automatically translate into success.
When you’re putting yourself out there, if you’re not doing so believing in yourself and being courageous, it will come out that way, and you diminish your credibility, your ability to inspire confidence in people.

4th string: D - This string is the one that visibly perishes the fastest. If you’ve used a guitar for a while and not changed its strings, you’ll see that the 4th string looks worn out and needs replacing. The reason is that this string is also played in most chords and even though it’s one of the three bass strings, it is the thinnest of the three and takes a lot of strain. Often, replacing just this one can make the guitar sound like you’ve replaced the whole set of strings.
D = Dream
For me, as for many people, my main dream has been the same for many years – to be “a successful, full-time musician, living my passion and living my truth”. Over the years, I had a day job as a teacher and then as a manager, and that kept the music side of my life a part-time, semi-professional hobby. I’d drive to work, day after day, going over this affirmation and others, doing visualizations about my dream. But some days I’d forget, I’d be too busy, or there’d be so many other demands on me, that the dream would start to perish. Sometimes we put our dreams away, and, like a wedding dress worn decades ago, we take them out every now and then, look at them and wonder….. And then I was retrenched, and I had nothing standing in the way of my dream. And yet, it wasn’t that easy. I’ve always had a dream, and it’s very important to have a dream. If you’re not sure what yours is, think about my first question. The dream is the start. I can’t imagine not having goals or dreams to work towards.

5th string: A - This string is not quite the biggest or the deepest of the 6, but it’s very, very important – the 5th and 6th strings are like two lotto winners, equally important, sharing the jackpot. These two strings provide the bass notes to your chords, rooting them. Without them on your guitar, you’ll have a serious problem – you’d probably have to cancel your gig or borrow someone else’s guitar, if you don’t have spares.
A = Action
It’s all very well to have a dream and to believe in it, but without the necessary action, that’s all you’ll have – your dream. I read in a newspaper article in January, “A dream is a goal without a plan.” It was a quotation by Antoine de Saint Exupery, the writer of The Little Prince.
I’m very good at making detailed lists, planning a course of action, but my plans often remain on paper – works of fiction. I’ve learnt that when I apply myself, when I take action, I achieve success, when I don’t, I stagnate.
But more than that, I’ve learnt that after that initial step, I need to do the next step and the next step and the next step. FOLLOW UP & THEN FOLLOW UP & THEN FOLLOW UP…
Sometimes the opportunities are there, just waiting for us to follow up with ONE more action step.

6th string: E - The deepest of the 6 strings, the one that gives most chords their root, their frame of reference, their point of departure. The bass line can be played alone, moving a piece of music in a particular direction. Again, you might as well cancel your gig if you don’t have a 6th string. Everything you play will sound like it’s lacking something, like there’s a vacuum of sorts. The sound produced by this string drives the piece of music, giving it its underlying identity.
E = Energy
At the root of everything on this journey, is your energy. This is something that can’t be faked. There are different aspects to energy, but basically I’m talking about things like physical, intellectual, psychological and emotional energy. When your energy’s right, you’re most likely to succeed. Each of us knows when we’re feeling on top of things, when our energy’s “on”, and we all know when we’re not! Identifying the things and people that drain our energy - and then doing something about it - is another challenge for us. Before you embark on your journey, especially the more public aspects (like advertising, promoting, etc.), make sure your personal ENERGY is good and healthy, in order to give others the right message and to predispose yourself to succeed.

Our energy is what makes us unique. We owe it to ourselves to surround ourselves with people, things and activities that fuel us, that give us good energy, and to consciously reduce and (if possible) eliminate the energy drainers.

I’d like to conclude with the question I began with: If money were not an issue and failure not a possibility, what would you spend your life doing?

*********************************************************************
I started my presentation with one of my original songs, “Joe”, a tongue-in-cheek song about a man who caught my attention in a crowd. It’s a blues, and is quite humorous. At the end of my presentation, I gave my latest song, “Today I opened my eyes”, its first public audience. It’s a ballad I wrote in June this year. It starts out sadly and bleakly, then moves steadily towards a very optimistic, hopeful conclusion.

After the event, a few women came to chat to me, and the consistent feedback was that they really liked my lyrics, and would’ve liked to have heard more of my songs. One woman said she liked the fact that my songs told stories.

The organizer, Inez Woods, had afforded me a wonderful opportunity to promote my music, so everyone received a demo CD with my song, “I’m So Happy Today” in their goody bags. To my delight, during my Q&A session after my presentation, quite a few people expressed disappointment that there was only one song on the CD.

I really need to get that official debut CD recorded and released!

*********************************************************************