Selecting the focal point

Last night, I had a strange dream. And that's putting it mildly. But, with the arrival of a new day, I've decided to do the one thing I can always do - select my focal point.

This was easily the most disturbing dream I've ever had. It was nighttime, and I was walking through a confusing network of streets in a small coastal town. It was really dark - there were either no street lights, or they were very dim. I was walking in a certain direction, like I knew where I was going, but every time I turned down a new street, I was met with a set of horrible circumstances. 

The sea was rushing wildly into the town, causing chaos, as it spewed not just debris, but all kinds of horrendous creatures. The details are fading now, but I kept trying new routes to get to where I wanted to be, and encountering new horrors. I had to fight off disgusting creatures, some of whom were trying to attach themselves to me. It was creepy as fuck, but not once did I turn back - I just kept moving towards my intended destination, wading through the water rushing towards me. 

The water was dark, dirty and foul-smelling, filled with flotsam and jetsam, and even though I was shocked and disgusted by what I had to deal with, there was no thought of giving up or surrendering to the inevitability of defeat. I didn't call out for help. I took everything in my stride, dealing with each successive wave of horror, and never doubting that I would survive. 

And that's the focal point I've selected. I survived all of that. Yes, the dream freaked me out, and I woke up feeling grossed out and wondering what had put such terrible images in my mind. But when I thought about it later, I realised that that dream was about survival - my proven ability to survive whatever life throws at me. 

This has been one of my most challenging years in a long time. While I have the greatest self-knowledge and self-acceptance I've ever had, I've also found that taking principled decisions, in a world where too many toxic people make the rules and decide who deserves a seat at the table, can be a very difficult and lonely path, filled with hardship that can be soul-destroying, making one doubt one's ability to carry on.   

I will continue to focus on the survival aspect of my horrible dream. It felt like a harsh way to receive that message, but that's what I'm taking away from it. I have been reminded - in a hard-to-ignore way - that, despite the many difficulties I've experienced, in recent years, I have survived. I choose to believe that the worst is over, and that I've made it through the darkness. 

I'll quietly give thanks and live my life appreciating that I come from a line of strong women - women who endured a lot, yet survived. Women who were independent, who loved fiercely, and who found reasons to sing, dance, laugh and celebrate. Women blessed with longevity.   

Thank you, Universe. The only other choice I have, besides selecting survival as the focal point of this dream, is to live my life in a way that promotes the opposite of the ugliness I encountered in the dream - I will consciously seek out and advocate for life, light, peace, clarity and beauty.    

                             A photo I took at Sea Point Promenade, sometime this year.