Ridiculous, or sublime?

How do you vent, rant, whatever the word is, without giving specifics?! 

Right now, I'm experiencing the emotional version of having my guts lying next to me.  I'm going through something which is tearing me apart, emotionally. As much as I'd like to shout it out to the world, for public exposure, all I can do is compartmentalise, and deal with the different aspects separately. 

Oh my word! How frustrating!!!

Every now and then, I come face to face with what is known as institutionalisation. If you've spent most of your life within some type of institution, you are most likely part of this phenomenon. Many teachers, for example, went straight from school to college or university, then went to work in an educational institution. Unless you have other things in your life that expose you to different structures or disciplines, or even less formal pursuits that allow you to have fun and explore the lighter side of life, all you will know is the institutionalised life. Another  example of this is long-term prisoners who, once released, cannot function in the real world. Some even purposefully commit crimes, to be incarcerated again, because they know how to function within those painfully prescribed parameters. 

In 2006, I went back to teaching in a state school, ten years after having left that kind of job. It was slightly different, because this time it was a high school, whereas my previous teaching had been at a primary school. I had never felt more like a square peg in a round hole! My six-month post turned into 18 months, after which I returned to the TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) industry, where I worked as an Assistant Centre Manager until my retrenchment, in late 2010.     

I knew, by then, that my tolerance for certain ways of thinking and operating was limited, and that I'd struggle within rigid hierarchical structures, where flexibility and a caring form of communication were absent, even frowned upon. However, financial need forced me back into the state sector, from mid-2012 to early 2016, after which I worked in the corporate sector, in philanthropy, for five and a half years. Until I took voluntary retrenchment. Even corporate structures can be suffocating. 

But here I am, again - teaching part-time. I love teaching English to my adult students who are completing their matric. And I love teaching part-time. But... there are so many things I wish I could change. I've learnt the hard way, throughout my life, and as recently as August 2022, that, when you speak truth to power, you suffer the consequences if there's no-one or no structure powerful enough to protect you. 

I believe that the decision as to whether I speak out or go quietly into the night was made when I was in the womb.    

Who knows where I'll be in a week's time... in a month's time... in a year's time?    

Maybe teaching English in Mauritius? I've heard they accept over-60s.