Moratorium on kindness?

Last week, I found myself in a room with two people raising their voices at each other, just like so many times before, with the common element of all the arguments being one individual. This is a person who has, to put it mildly, a problem. With very poor boundaries, respect for others, and  - in my opinion - self-respect, she blasts her way through any situation that presents her with difficulty, becoming verbally abusive, refusing to listen to anyone else's opinion or explanation, and spewing her toxicity over everyone within earshot. The fact that this is a work environment, where the staff are thought of as educated professionals, makes this even more disgusting.

In this most recent outburst, a well-meaning colleague was taken to task for having made a mistake in the course of doing a favour. Instead of bringing it to her attention in  a calm, professional manner, there was accusation, vitriole, and the now-commonplace verbal barrage, complete with headache-inducing volume, finger wagging and that distorted, arrogant facial expression I have become familiar with in the last seven months.

At the end of the ugliness, there was an announcement that colleagues were no longer to do favours for each other, a demand initially screamed across the room by The-out-of-control-one. For some reason or other, I found this even more offensive than the ugly argument I had just been privy to. To instruct people not to help each other, when they form a team whose very thriving depends on co-operation, unselfish sharing of resources and being there for each other (especially when deadlines loom), is extremely counter-productive. For me, it was completely unacceptable, because it goes against my chosen value system, a system of living gently and kindly that I actively promote every day of my life. I do this to counter the bitterness and vindictiveness in the world, in  fact the very harshness which oozes from the pores of this offensive colleague.

I refuse to stop helping people, and I refuse to stop doing favours when my fellow-workers need help. To make sure no-one was in any doubt as to where I stood on the matter, in the midst of the chaos and screaming, as the announcement ("No-one does favours for anyone anymore!") was being made, I shook my head fiercely and made my own counter-announcement to my stunned colleagues: "I don't mind if you do favours for me, and I'm happy to keep doing them for you."

How do we encourage our charges to live compassionately and considerately towards each other, and towards the planet, if we can't do so ourselves?

There's only ONE loser in this story.    

Concert on Sunday 11 August 2013

I'm two weeks away from a concert with an exciting trio: Keith Tabisher (guitar), Tino Europa (bass) and Roy Davids (drums). It's on Sunday afternoon, 11 August, from 3pm to about 5:30pm, so you can still enjoy your evening, doing whatever you normally do to wind down your weekend.

The venue is Stephanian's Sports Clubhouse, in Tristania Road, Ottery, in Cape Town. How do you get there? Get to Ottery Road, about 1km from the Hypermarket, turn into De Wet Road, then right into Chris Barrie Road. At the end of that road, turn left into Tristania Road and immediately right into the sportsfield, where the venue is.

Tickets, at R100 each, may be bought directly from me. Contact me via this blog, my Facebook page or my e-mail: guitartrudy@gmail.com to book your single, double or table of six.  Yes, this is a concert with a difference - guests will be seated at tables, and are welcome to bring their own refreshments.

This concert performs a dual role: providing a relaxing Sunday afternoon of live jazz, and  raising money to help my daughter realise a dream - to travel to Thailand with her school in June 2014. It's a wonderful adventure and humanitarian trip, organised by World Challenge, a UK-based company with many years of experience. They take children from all over the world to different countries, take them on a 3-day mountain hike, involve them in a local community project and expose them to a way of living which encourages independence, group work and leadership, away from the comfort of their homes and families. The children, all in Grade 10, shop for ingredients at local markets and cook their own meals. They take turns being group leaders. From the moment my daughter heard the presentation, she set her heart on going, and I promised her that, together, we, as a family, would make it happen.

And so it starts. We have nine months in which to raise the rest of the money, and the trip happens in 11 months' time. There's so much to be done, lots of equipment to be bought and fitness to be increased, but we've paid the deposit and we're committed.  

We are making this happen.