My Journey Back to Trudy - Day 77: Interim weight goal achieved

I'd like to say just a few things, before I hit the sack - it's sooooo late, but this is the first time I've had a chance to write!

Today was Day 77 = the end of 11 weeks of eating healthily. My interim  weight goal was to have lost 10kg by this weekend (Cape Town International Jazz Festival). I weighed myself this morning, and to my utter surprise and delight, I had lost a total of 10,2kg. I am now 5,5kg from my goal weight, which I want to have reached by 30 June this year. 

Just a few thoughts:

1. I thought about why I'd chosen an event's date as my interim goal date, and I must admit it was initially about my visibility on the night, and the ego-driven side of me anticipating people's responses to my weight loss. However, as the weeks passed, and the full impact of what I was doing (radically altering one aspect of my life, in order to radically alter my approach to everything else in my life) dawned on me, I became a lot less invested in what people said, and a lot more interested in the journey itself, and how it was changing me - especially psychologically. 

By the day that I went to the festival (23 March), I was in a completely different head space to when I'd started (8 January), and I was actually not wanting to hear people's opinions of my physical changes. To my relief, only one friend I hadn't seen for a while commented.

And another thing about pinning a goal to an event date - it's actually something I've done before, with other goals. 

2. I've been thinking about what it is that's made me remain constant, with my revised lifestyle, and I've figured out what it is: eating healthily is not something I do - it's who I am, now. When I started this journey, as I've said before, I was completely ready; it was like something had switched on inside of me, and there was no off switch. I've recently been to an event where there was a buffet spread. Unlike before, when I would've over-eaten, in my attempt to try as many tastes as possible, this time I sought out the protein and veg options that I wanted, and ate as though I was eating at home. My relationship with food has changed significantly. 

3. Exercise development: I started planking, a few days ago. Yes! Strengthening my core. It's another aspect of the journey. I'm still dancing, and still loving it. 

4. A change I've noticed is that I enjoy almost everything about my life. The things that don't change their status as ''not enjoyable'' are the things I'll eliminate from my life when the time's right. This is a process of shedding unwanted baggage, to prepare for a lighter existence. 

                   Before my gig on Sat 24 March 2018. Day 76 of eating healthily. 10,2kg down.

Inappropriate

Here I go again - this time giving myself 25 minutes to type, edit & post.

I've encountered something strange, in certain people, and I've realised that all I want to do, when confronted with this phenomenon, is get as far away from them as possible. And stay away! The thing I'm talking about is when you have something in your life that you have CHOSEN, and that makes you HAPPY, that brings NO HARM, carries NO DANGER to you or anyone else, you are quietly going about doing your thing, and it enhances your feeling of  "all's well with my world", and these people have to tell you why you're either wrong to be doing it, why you should be doing it differently, or how they would do it if they were you. As the teenagers say, "Did-ask!" 

If I wanted someone to constantly tell me their version of how I should be myself, I would've stayed married!

I am 56 years old. I have experienced a lot, and I've learnt a lot. I do not engage in self-destructive pursuits, and am in fact a really harmonious, peace-loving individual. And that's the key word: INDIVIDUAL. If something in my life does not match up with your expectations of who and what I should be, and you're not playing an official role as an assessor, mentor or manager/employer - do me a favour, please: keep it to yourself!

I have friends who smoke, and it tears me apart that they're consciously taking one suicidal puff at a time, inviting all kinds of avoidable diseases into their lives - but that's their choice. If I don't want to be around cigarette smoke, I remove myself from the company where people are smoking. No matter how I want to cry out that a friend of mine died from emphysema a few months ago, directly as a result of excessive smoking (which he told me, himself), I don't. Even the cigarette packets have warnings on them. That's your choice. It doesn't have to make sense to me! It's your life. 

I have had to face the fact that some of my friends don't like my original music, and never come to my shows. I have even had to face that fact about close family members, but it's all part of life. Live and let live. I'm fortunate that life has sent me a warm and supportive artistic family, people I've met over the years who get me and my music. They know how to deliver their feedback without making me feel like crawling into a dark cave and never coming out again. They operate from a point of respect.   

So here's what I'd like to say, especially to those people who keep telling me their version of what's ok and not ok for me: I do not meddle in your life - I understand and respect that, as a mature adult,  you have a right to live your life any way you choose. It has nothing to do with me. Show me that same respect.   

The truth is, I owe you nothing - particularly not my attention, when you're being so inappropriate. 

My Journey Back To Trudy - Day 58

I'm going to try to type, edit and upload a whole blog post in 20 minutes! Haha! Wish me luck!

I want to write a quick update on my Journey Back To Trudy, which I began on 8 Jan 2018. On Sunday 4 March, I got onto the scale for my fortnightly weigh-in, and found that I had lost another 1,2kg, bringing my total weight loss thus far to 8,3kg. I have quite a bit to go before reaching my goal, but I've happily reached the point where the no. of kilos I've lost exceeds the no. I've yet to lose. And that's really cool! I am so chuffed!

So the journey continues. I feel like all the weight I gained in the last 24 years is symbolic of the clutter and chaos I took on in my adult life, both of which serve no purpose in my life; in fact, I have no interest in taking them along on the rest of my life's journey! I'm fascinated by how decisively changing one area of one's life brings about significant shifts in other  areas. I will expand when I find the time and courage to. The most important thing is, they're all good. Life feels good, and it's because I've taken back control and no longer feel at the mercy of things, including my appetite.

The tools I've chosen, for this Journey Back To Trudy, are:
1. Eating a healthy, low-carb and no-sugar diet
2. Drinking lots of water
3. Exercising regularly (dancing)
4. Doing the mental and spiritual work necessary to support my focussed, purpose-driven lifestyle
5. Writing about my journey - both in my personal journal and on my blog (I think Facebook has heard enough of me and this topic for a while. :-) )
6. Enjoying the journey itself - each and every day of my life.

The past eight weeks have been both liberating end empowering. And you know what's the best part? You start to see a lot more possibilities in life than you did before. You think: If I could achieve this very difficult thing that I'd struggled with for so many years, what else could I be changing in my life?

Twenty minutes! Yaaaas!!!

             Not a very clear pic, but here I am, on Sat 3 March 2018. Day 55 of healthy eating.

A weak week

This past week was a tough one for me. On Monday, I wrote out my To-Do list at work, and it filled 7 sides of an A4 book. The thing with a To-Do list is that it doesn’t stop new things, all of which are urgent, from cropping up!  I have a simple philosophy – I’ll start, I’ll do what I realistically can, and then I’ll come back tomorrow, and do whatever I realistically can, etc. etc. There’s no other way.

However, on Monday afternoon I started feeling strange, and by the evening, I was really ill. On Tuesday I stayed out of work and went to the doctor. I was diagnosed with gastroenteritis, which my doctor said had reached epidemic proportions in Cape Town. This seems to be linked to our water shortage - a scenario we’d feared would happen, but had hoped we could somehow avoid. At least I was able to get medical attention and general advice on the do’s and don’ts. Many others aren’t that lucky.

In this state of feeling sick, and armed with my meds, I returned to work on the Wednesday, and tried my best to stay focussed and productive. In fact, I was so aware of how missing one day impacted on my workload, that I worked right through, without taking a break. (Why do we do these things?!)  Somehow I made it through the week, as well as the Saturday morning part of my job – at Sekunjalo Delft Music Academy – and even managed to do my gig on Saturday night. Thank heavens it was just two sets, and not three, because I struggled to keep my energy up. Having said as much, I actually enjoyed the gig. It’s a no-pressure kind of thing for me, and I love being able to perform in public.     

During the week, while driving somewhere on my own, I was listening to a piece by brilliant guitarist, Jonathan Butler, on a compilation CD I have of South African musicians. I turned the volume up, and allowed the sound to envelope me. And then, seemingly out of the blue, I was overcome with sadness. Before I knew it, I was crying. I thought about the great guitarists I’ve worked with, most notably Keith Tabisher, Wayne Bosch and the late Errol Dyers, I thought about how happy I am when I’m making music, and how fulfilled and transported I feel when I’m singing my own compositions with an accomplished guitarist who ‘gets’ me, and respects my work. I thought about the many songs I’ve written, the stories my songs tell, and how important it is to me to tell them. It struck me that I basically do very little with my compositions. I put on one original concert a year, and even then, I feature younger artists in the first half. The last time I did a full concert of my original work was in 2011, at the Nassau Hall. That’s SEVEN years ago!

I felt that awful feeling of life passing me by, while my songs gathered dust. I felt like I was mourning a music career I wish I’d had. I felt a sense of wanting to stop everything else, and just make music! Why does that sound both extremely appealing and unlikely? As soon as the wonder and magic of the thought start to fill my being, that other “be realistic’’ side rears its head. I can’t deny that this is a huge sadness in my life.  And maybe when I’m sick, and not feeling on top of things, my physical vulnerability opens the door to these other feelings of what else is missing from my life.  

But, imagine how much worse it would have been had I not had my weekly restaurant gig and the other once-off gigs I get, like weddings and other events. Even though I was feeling under the weather on Saturday night, I actually enjoyed my gig at Sabria’s Restaurant. I did not sing any of my originals, but stuck to the crowd-pleasers. Despite that, I enjoyed singing and playing, and I felt blessed to be able to do this very special and magical thing, at this stage of my life.

Maybe I’m luckier than I realise.

                         Pic taken by my daughter, after my Sabria's gig on Sat 3 March 2018.