Reflecting, on sick leave (flu)

Last week, my throat started feeling scratchy, and I worried about my singing engagement on Wednesday night.  I’d been practising my songs without amplification for about a week, but on the day of the event, I had a run-through with the P.A. system at home. I knew that, with a good sound system, I could pull off my 20-minute solo set. Without one, I wasn’t sure if I’d be audible. 

Despite a power failure at the venue earlier in the evening (construction workers had severed a cable), the electricity was restored in time, and all went well. Except that it was a smoking venue – something one rarely finds in Cape Town, these days. Or rather, something I don’t often encounter, because I’m not a night-spot person. I suspect that those venues where people do smoke, are actually breaking the law. But, whatever.

For me, personally, it had a disastrous impact. I got to the venue just before 7pm and left after 11pm, so for about 4 hours I was inhaling second-hand smoke. A recipe for disaster, even had I not had a sore throat.  The last time this happened was about two years ago, and I was so badly affected, I ended up at a specialist to have my vocal cords examined. Fortunately, the sound man knew his stuff, the audience was receptive, and everyone's performance went well.

                     With Gail Van Breda and Blaq Pearl, who performed their poetry on 23 May. . 

On Friday I was coughing and had a huge headache, on Saturday I felt worse and drove to the pharmacy to buy meds, hoping that self-medicating would solve the problem. It’s hard to tell when something’s a mild, passing infection that you can clear up on your own (and not have to miss work!) or if it’s more serious. Working in a huge, open-plan office, I pick up the mild, passing types of infections regularly, and self-medicate my way through them. I also eat healthily and have a daily vitamin regimen, which definitely help.

Yesterday morning, I woke up with no voice - always a scary experience for me. I kept taking the meds, and by late morning I had a kind of creepy voice. I was feeling sore all over, I had a weird cough that caused my throat and chest to burn, and all I wanted was to get back into bed.

But life doesn’t always give one those breaks - especially as a single parent. Sundays are the days I do my laundry, and we normally do some grocery shopping as well. It was ‘’Pay Day weekend”, so we needed to do a fairly big shop. I did my laundry, we did the shopping, I cooked food, made soup, etc. and all the time I felt terrible. What’s worse is, with the drought we’re experiencing, you can’t just switch on your washing machine and let it go through all three cycles – you have to stop it after the wash, collect the water, spin; stop it after the rinse, collect the water, spin. Only then can you take the washing out to hang it up.  

My energy was low and I felt like keeling over, so I selected clothes for just two loads, and did those. Another thing we do, a la the drought, is refill the toilet cistern with used water. So every time you flush the loo, you have to physically lift a bucket of water and pour it into the cistern. It’s exhausting, and even worse when you’re feeling sick.

By last night, I knew I had the flu and that I needed to see a doctor. As soon as I woke up today, I went online and made an appointment with my GP.  Later this morning, I’m off to the appointment. And then it’s into bed for most of the day. The crap thing is, this evening I have to get out of bed, and drive 22km to fetch my daughter at college. I’ll wrap up warmly, like I did this morning.  

On the bright side, yesterday was my fortnightly Weigh Day (end of week 20), and I’d lost another 0,4kg, bringing my total weight loss to 11,9kg. I have another 3,8kg to go, to reach my goal weight of 69kg. By that time, I will have to buy myself a new wardrobe. How exciting?! I currently have three pairs of pants that fit me, and I wear them all the time. Yes, I could wear my big pants with belts, but I’d look like Whoozy. Besides, I hate that feeling of my pants walking next to me!  

Feeling really bogged down by how expensive life is. I keep saying, even if your salary stays the same for a few years, you’re effectively earning less, because life just gets more and more expensive: electricity, water, groceries, petrol….. Oy!!!  I budget carefully every month, because I am the sole provider for my daughter and myself, but it freaks me out how everyday eventualities impact on one’s already-strained resources. Even being sick can be very expensive! My Saturday trip to the pharmacy cost me money I had not budgeted for, and driving my daughter to and from college, when I don't go to work, doubles the number of trips to town. These things all cost money and place further stress on one. 

In a month that I don’t have my regular weekly gig (restaurant closes for Ramadaan), I really feel the impact. Even though music is my passion, it’s also my source of additional income. I pray to get well soon, and to score a couple of paid gigs in June.  

And with that, it’s started raining. Welcome rain in our drought-stricken province. Thank you!!!

Moving at work

I started my current job in March 2016, and for one and a half years, was based in town. Things changed, and I was moved to our office in Claremont, which was half of the distance to town, resulting in a huge saving on fuel.

 When I returned to work after the December break, I was informed that I was heading back to town. and on 16 January this year, I went back to working at the original office. I loved it, I liked the spot I was given, I revelled in the natural light, the space around me, and the spectacular views from our 10^th floor open plan office. I realised when I got back there, just how distracted I’d been in the previous office, with everyone sitting relatively close. No privacy whatsoever. Everyone heard everyone’s phone calls. It takes some getting used to.

But, with the only constant in life being change, tomorrow I move again – this time, it’s the same floor, in the same building, just on the other side.  

Now, for some people, a move is no big deal, but for sensitive people, everything affects one – particularly the number and proximity of people in a shared space.  Hectic! What can I do? In our country, with such high unemployment stats, I’m lucky to be employed, and I’m even luckier that it’s in a good company, in the one area of the corporate world where I don’t feel like a misfit – philanthropy. 

So I’ll have to get used to being surrounded by many more people, in a much tighter space, with limited natural light and a view of a wall and other desks, as opposed to the harbour. 

I’ve found that the way I handle change has a lot to do with how involved I was in the decision-making process. Changes that I have to make that are decided for me are much harder to adapt to than changes I decide on for/by myself.  

Whichever way you look at it, every day brings a new set of possibilities.    

                         This is the view I say goodbye to, tomorrow. Isn't it spectacular?!

Dry eyes

Another limited-time blog post, with the timer set for 30 minutes, but this time I have something to get off my chest.

DON’T READ THIS IF YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE WHO RECOUNT PAST HURT ARE WALLOWING IN IT! (I’M SERIOUS.)

A few years ago, I was taking minutes in a staff meeting. We were a team of seven, including the manager, and I can’t remember the specifics, but there was a lot of tension in the room that day. That was not unusual. Before I knew it, one person had raised her voice at one of the others, and he'd responded by shouting back at her. They kept on shouting, each one trying to be louder than the other, and it was terrible to be in the presence of such destructive energy! 

I kept my eyes on the page in front of me, not wanting to look up at anyone, because that would’ve made it more real. I noticed there were drops of water falling onto the page, and it was only then that I realised I was crying. 

I had two main streams of thought at the time: one was wondering how they could ever hope to regain a normal relationship afterwards, and the other was a lot of memories flying around erratically, of times in my life when I’d been shouted at, how horrible it had been, and how I’d had to either shout back or shrink back.  

What happened today was not as bad. Or was it? There were no tears, but we all know that emotional pain often stares at the world through dry eyes.

So what I’d like to do now, as part of how I choose to deal with this, is write a list of 20 things that make me happy:

1.       Having space and time to myself

2.       Hanging out with my special people

3.       Singing and playing my guitar

4.       Writing

5.       Coming up with new ideas & excitedly implementing them

6.       Listening to good, live music

7.       Enjoying a delicious, healthy meal

8.       Reading a book that inspires me

9.       Spending time with my inspiring friends

10.   Watching a good movie

11.   Waking up without an alarm

12.   Fresh bedding

13.   Enjoying a good laugh with others

14.   Walking in nature

15.   Playing my original songs to a listening audience

16.   Making music with people who ‘get’ me

17.   Homemade peanut butter-and-banana smoothie

18.   Teaching someone to play the guitar

19.   Reconnecting with a good friend after a long time & feeling that same good energy as       before

20.   Travelling to other countries

 Ok, I had to snooze the alarm twice, but at least I’m getting to fit some writing into my busy, demanding days.

I thought of something, recently: I’m always referring to what life demands of me, but what exactly do I demand of life?  

20-Minute Dash

I’ve set the timer for 20 minutes, and that’s all I’m going to do – 20 minutes of random writing.

Today was a very productive day. I told myself I’d be up before 8am, and I was. I told myself I’d be in bed by 10:30pm, and I was. Between those hours I was hellishly busy, but now I’m winding down, by writing in bed.

It’s funny, this urge to write. Sometimes, there’s a particular thing I want to write about, but tonight’s not one of those – I just feel like ending my day, rounding off my weekend, by writing.

Today I made my first pot of soup for this winter, and I haven’t even had a bowl yet. I also made dahl curry, which I definitely ate. I also made time to cook something for tomorrow’s lunch, for my daughter and me. Now that we don’t eat bread, I generally take some kind of protein and a salad, some fresh fruit, and some nuts and seeds. Everything’s ready for me to just pack into my lunch bag tomorrow morning.

Today marked the end of Week 18 of healthy eating, so it was also ‘’Weigh Day’’. Although my weight loss is slowing down, I’m still losing, so my focus and discipline are paying off. I managed to lose half a kilo in the last fortnight, and I’m more motivated than ever. I started out at 84,7kg (8 January) and I’m down to 73,2kg, having lost a total of 11,5kg. I am 4,2kg from my goal. 

I have also started re-reading The Artist’s Way (by Julia Cameron). I’m feeling so good about having changed my eating habits, that I’m ready for my next big challenge.

Hmmmm….. I wonder what it will be?

In closing, I want to say that I have a few friends whom I don’t see often, but when we do connect, they tell me they read my blog. Sometimes I even get asked why I take so long between blog posts, and told that it’s time for the next one! Haha! 

I’m happy that people read my blog. Sometimes I actually have something to write about. 😊

The interesting thing is, I started this blog in 2009, and I have only 16 followers. 😊 Fortunately, I’m able to check the stats, and am satisfied that many more than 16 people read my posts.

Ok, so that’s it. Nothing major, but I did say it would be just a random 20-minute post.

Can you guess what that next challenge will be that I’ll tackle while  going through my second journey through The Artist’s Way? 😉

           Today was Day 196 of writing Daily Pages, a habit that gives me great balance & focus.