Dry eyes

Another limited-time blog post, with the timer set for 30 minutes, but this time I have something to get off my chest.

DON’T READ THIS IF YOU THINK THAT PEOPLE WHO RECOUNT PAST HURT ARE WALLOWING IN IT! (I’M SERIOUS.)

A few years ago, I was taking minutes in a staff meeting. We were a team of seven, including the manager, and I can’t remember the specifics, but there was a lot of tension in the room that day. That was not unusual. Before I knew it, one person had raised her voice at one of the others, and he'd responded by shouting back at her. They kept on shouting, each one trying to be louder than the other, and it was terrible to be in the presence of such destructive energy! 

I kept my eyes on the page in front of me, not wanting to look up at anyone, because that would’ve made it more real. I noticed there were drops of water falling onto the page, and it was only then that I realised I was crying. 

I had two main streams of thought at the time: one was wondering how they could ever hope to regain a normal relationship afterwards, and the other was a lot of memories flying around erratically, of times in my life when I’d been shouted at, how horrible it had been, and how I’d had to either shout back or shrink back.  

What happened today was not as bad. Or was it? There were no tears, but we all know that emotional pain often stares at the world through dry eyes.

So what I’d like to do now, as part of how I choose to deal with this, is write a list of 20 things that make me happy:

1.       Having space and time to myself

2.       Hanging out with my special people

3.       Singing and playing my guitar

4.       Writing

5.       Coming up with new ideas & excitedly implementing them

6.       Listening to good, live music

7.       Enjoying a delicious, healthy meal

8.       Reading a book that inspires me

9.       Spending time with my inspiring friends

10.   Watching a good movie

11.   Waking up without an alarm

12.   Fresh bedding

13.   Enjoying a good laugh with others

14.   Walking in nature

15.   Playing my original songs to a listening audience

16.   Making music with people who ‘get’ me

17.   Homemade peanut butter-and-banana smoothie

18.   Teaching someone to play the guitar

19.   Reconnecting with a good friend after a long time & feeling that same good energy as       before

20.   Travelling to other countries

 Ok, I had to snooze the alarm twice, but at least I’m getting to fit some writing into my busy, demanding days.

I thought of something, recently: I’m always referring to what life demands of me, but what exactly do I demand of life?