Reflecting on 2011

Written 26 & 27 Dec. 2011

This is a topic that will probably take a few sessions to complete, but I’ll make a start tonight. I’m using my diaries to help me recall the events of the past year, although there are certain ones that are permanently etched on my brain.

This was a busy year, a year of many firsts for me, a year which, surprisingly, I survived without a permanent job – in fact, one of the most interesting and exciting years of my life. It was a year in which I pushed myself way beyond my former limits, in many aspects of my life, as well as a year of clarity and closure.

2011 has been a year in which I’ve re-learnt the value of friendship, and have come face to face with such love and magnanimity, that I have often been rendered speechless. When it mattered most, my family and true friends were there for me, supportive and caring, never questioning my judgement, nor doubting my integrity.

But the most significant thing for me by far, about 2011, was that I finally learnt what it meant to live my truth. This was the year I regained my freedom.

So, here goes....

1st quarter, January – March

January:
1. Played New Year’s Eve gig at Myoga Restaurant, in the Vineyard Hotel, with guitarist, Rudi Byrnes. The perfect way to see in the new year!
2. Continued interviewing District 6 land claimants – very interesting contract I was involved in since Nov 2010.
3. Recorded a demo of one of my original songs, “I’m So Happy Today”, at Ghalik Jacobs’s Little River Studio, with Wayne Bosch (guitar) and Tony Paco (percussion).
4. Uploaded the song onto the internet (www.soundcloud.com) two days later.
5. Demo played on regional radio a few days later and on national radio about two weeks later.
6. Spoke at a high school choir camp about my life as a singer-songwriter.
7. Started walking regularly with my best friend, Tracy.
8. Carried on swimming regularly at gym – max. at one visit, 30 lengths.

February:
1. Started sessions with life coach, Inez Woods. Wow!
2. Started advertising guitar lessons.
3. Had my Jetta’s engine overhauled.
4. Facilitated two discussion groups for a gender activist organisation.
5. Started a 14-week solo gig at Don Pedro’s, in Woodstock.
6. Did lots of walking, no swimming.

March:
1. Started teaching guitar lessons – by the end of the month, I had four students.
2. More work on the D6 project – compiling and analyzing data.
3. Created publicity pack to market the duo.
4. Did some editing work for a retail company.
5. By the end of the month, I had two weekly restaurant gigs – one solo, one duo (at Myoga, with Wayne).
6. Fitness level increased – max. at one visit, 60 lengths. :-)********************************************************************************

2nd quarter, April – June

April:
1. Extra 4 guitar students – total, 8.
2. From mid-April, a 6-week duo gig with Wayne at Doppio Zero, in Claremont = three weekly gigs!
3. Set up a routine of advertising weekly gigs in newspapers, on radio, Facebook, Gumtree, my blog, as well as my growing e-mail network.
4. Started focusing on my original music at solo gig – good response.
5. Carried on walking with Tracy.
6. Wrote a song (samba): “What’s What?”
7. Put music to a Diana Ferrus poem: “Have I Lost You?”

May:
1. My mom turned 81!
2. Local elections – 18 May declared a public holiday for this year.
3. By end of May, no more weekly gigs.
4. Almost no exercise this month. :-(

June:
1. Redesigned resumé - started marketing myself as a soloist.
2. Designed double-sided business card to reflect my two passions: Music & Words.
3. Applied for short contract, UWC job – Practice Teaching Supervisor - successful.
4. Eric Alan interviewed my mom and me on ‘The Taxi’, a new internet radio station.
5. Wrote a song (ballad): “Today I Opened My Eyes”.
6. Started planning concert of originals.
7. Very little exercise. :-(

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3rd quarter, July – September

July:
1. Got my first batch of professionally-made, Trudy-only business cards! (Before = duo.)
2. Spoke at a women’s breakfast (organised by Inez Woods) about my journey towards living my truth. Demo CDs for all.
3. Booked the Nassau Hall for my concert, set date for Friday 7 October, intending to record concert as live debut CD.
4. Secured the band for the concert: Wayne Bosch, Hilton Schilder, Errol Dyers, Charles Lazar, Tony Paco. (Or so I thought!)
5. Acquired 12 new guitar students. 2 of previous lot had dropped out. Total 18.
6. A little more exercise than last two months.

August:
1. Started contract job with UWC, supervising practice teaching B. Ed students.
2. Started tutoring a little boy – reading skills.
3. Did ‘Blisters for Bread’ Charity Walk (5km, with Mom and Tracy).
4. Started rehearsing for October concert.
5. Exercise: Not much.


September:
1. Three new guitar students, total 21.
2. Lots of rehearsing for concert.
3. I turned 50!
4. My Yahoo e-mail address hacked into – lost 11 yrs of contacts and e-mails I’d saved!
5. Changed concert to pre-recording, as particular sound engineer not available on 7 October.
6. Two musicians in concert band dropped out – secured new bassist for concert: Alistair Andrews! Hilton offered to do percussion.
7. Secured MC for concert: Derek Ronnie.
8. Had a crystal chakra alignment.
9. Exercise: Nothing!

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4th quarter: October – December

October:
1. Gregory Franz agreed to take photos at the concert.
2. Interviewed on Bush Radio; dj played two of my original songs: I’m So Happy Today and Lucy.
3. Fri 7 October - my concert of my original songs, with exciting backing band: Wayne, Errol, Hilton and Alistair! Wonderful, appreciative audience of +- 100 gave us a standing ovation!
4. UWC job came to an end – submitted marks for my 12 students.
5. Started 6-week substitute lecturing post at College of Cape Town, City Campus. Lovely experience. Met really cool people.
6. 2 new guitar students, total = 23.
7. Exercise: Nothing!

November:
1. Lectured at CCT for the entire month. Loved every day there.
2. My daughter turned 13!
3. My cellphone broke – lost years of contact numbers. Another forced new beginning.
4. Most of my guitar students stopped lessons towards the end of the month.
5. Went back to gym after 8 months – swam 20 lengths, restarting the journey.
6. Spoke at another women’s breakfast organized by Inez Woods – the theme was “Eat, Pray, Love”, and I was assigned “Love”!!
December:
1. Finished up at CCT on 6 Dec.
2. Mom treated me to “Phantom of the Opera”, at Artscape – wow!
3. Children finished up at school, excited to have passed to their next grades.
4. My son turned 17!
5. Christmas lunch at a cousin’s house – huge family gathering – then afternoon tea at another cousin’s …….a very satisfying, stress-free day!
6. Up to the 27th, I had done quite a lot of walking and swimming. Back in the groove of life.

I totalled all the walking Tracy and I had done this year, and it came to 248km – I am SO proud of that! This was one of the many things this year that had started as a thought and blossomed into action - proof that anything is possible. For December alone, I have swum 126 lengths. Now, that may not be much by someone else’s standards, but by mine, that’s pretty good! Tomorrow I’ll be back in the pool, and this time I’m aiming for 40 lengths. I should be back to 60 by the end of January.

So what’s the big deal? Why go on and on? What’s all the record keeping about? This stuff is important to me, because I’m breaking an old habit of playing down my achievements and focusing on my failures. It’s part of how many of us were raised, to regard acknowledging our successes as arrogant. I believe that, if you keep looking at your failures, you’ll keep failing. I live my life joyfully and intensely. There’s a whole lot that’s not where it should be, and a whole lot of serious stuff that needs my attention, but I would be missing the point - missing the lessons life keeps teaching me - if I disregarded the things that have gone well in 2011.

If I say I believe that “nothing succeeds like success”, then I have to look back at my many ventures and appreciate that there were indeed successes along the way. In Mind Power, you’re encouraged to think of past successes, build up an energy/thought vibration of success, and to let successful thoughts flood your mind, so that you predispose yourself to even more of the same.

I prayed for so many changes this year, and I can honestly say some of the most important ones were granted. I enter 2012 with a heart bursting with excitement and hope, a soul celebrating freedom, and a head full of ideas for the year ahead.

As I conclude this post, there are still a few days left of December, in which a lot could happen. I don’t have a New Year’s Eve gig yet, but who knows…..?

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Some thoughts on 2012
One of my main focal areas for 2012 will be generating an income (doing something I love) that will make me independent again and enable me to sort out the financial complications that arose in 2011. I will also intensify my focus on “a healthy mind in a healthy body”, both for myself and as an example to my children (because children learn from what we do, not what we say!). I’ll be flying solo for as long as it feels right. After that, I trust that, just like with the energy shifts I experienced in 2011, the year ahead will be characterized by more of the same, i.e. the perfect timing of the universe’s intervention in my life. But, more about this in another blog post. ********************************************************************************

Christmas 2011

Written: Sunday 25 Dec. 2011

Ok, NOW I’m excited! It’s 01h35, the house is quiet, except for the ticking of my travel alarm clock and the occasional vehicle sound outside. I’ve been troubled by my old friend, Insomnia, again.

Tonight my daughter decided we had to decorate the house, and her child-like spiritedness ended up affecting me. I’d thrown the Christmas tree away during the year (or was it before last Christmas?), because we’d had it for so many years, it was shedding its artificial pine needles all over. Anyway, tonight we ended up improvising, turning an unused speaker into a low table, draping it with a sarong and then putting a potted rosebush onto it. My daughter then found the box of decorations and basically put things up all over the lounge. She found the lights and somehow managed to wind them round the other speakers, and when they were switched on, she called us to come and look - I must admit, she’d brought some magic back into the house. And the children shall lead their elders……

Earlier, she and her brother had made the fridge tart for tomorrow’s dessert. Yay! I think I’d better go and sleep. I hope the people I’ve just sat making CDs for (songs from my concert at Baran’s, in March 2010) like their gifts. This is a low-budget gift idea, but, like so many other things, means a lot more to me than anything I could’ve spent hundreds on in a shop.

So, yes, without the cynicism this time: Merry Christmas! I hope that, away from the hustle and bustle of the day, you’ll find a few moments to reflect on the many things in your life that are happening exactly as they should. And for those people who are spending their first Christmas without a loved one – I know how that feels; my heart goes out to you. Draw strength from your cherished memories and trust that the pain will go away…. eventually.

Atonement

Picture: Part of my back garden.

Written: Thurs. 22 Dec. 2011

Watching the movie, “Atonement”, based on the book by Ian McEwan. It’s one of the three books my son reviewed for a big English assignment this year. He said it was one of the best-written books he’d ever read, and he’s a prolific reader. I should read it sometime. They had to choose three books that shared either a genre, a writer or a theme – he choose the theme of wrongful accusation. He spent months reading, making copious notes, then typing his essay.

Interesting that, with all the junk shown on SABC Television, they’d screen an excellent movie like this one.

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Tonight, I took a drive down to the gym, and got into the pool. There were only two other people swimming, so I didn’t need to share a lane. I swam thirty lengths, steadily working my way back to my fitness level of nine months ago, when I could do sixty lengths without feeling wiped out. I have my own way of enjoying the water – I swim underwater for the first part of every length, sometimes managing to reach the halfway mark while at the bottom of the pool, my lungs on the verge of exploding….what a feeling!

I’m not a good swimmer. I always swim the same stroke, breast-stroke – I’ve swum that way since my childhood. Next year I want someone to coach me, so that I may not only swim this stroke more efficiently, but that I may also vary my strokes, adding the crawl and backstroke, neither of which I can currently do for very long. I don’t think I’ll venture anywhere near the dolphin stroke - let’s just say I’m a dreamer steeped in realism.

Meditating while I swim has become one of my favourite pastimes, and I sometimes wish my lifestyle allowed me to do so every day. For now, I try to exercise every alternate day, with swimming sometimes losing out to walking. Another fitness/fun goal I’ve been thinking about is adding cycling (stationary bike) and dancing, varying my forms of exercise to increase my overall fitness and health and to keep myself interested.

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I dozed off, and now, as the clock strikes 01h00, I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry, as I missed the last five to ten minutes of the movie. I’ve seen it before, on the big screen, but that was a few years ago. Really wanted to catch the end. Beautiful classical music playing during the credits. Stirring.

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My annual dilemma is upon me once again – I feel intensely reflective, this time of year, and I crave solitude, silence and the tranquility of nature, but the traditions we observe thrust me into large gatherings of people, frustrating my soul.

So much has happened, this year, and I have so many decisions to make – quite big ones, in fact – that I really don’t feel up to the festivities of the next nine days. This is my second consecutive Christmas where my dire financial situation has made me wish I could just fast forward to beyond the holidays, and get stuck into the pressing matter at hand, namely, securing an income. If I don’t
generate sufficient money, I won’t be able to stay where I am now, and that would be a huge upheaval for my family. I’ve been living here for almost 15 years, the longest I’ve ever lived in one house.
I’ve started working on my plan to earn an income independently, but I’m so distracted by all this Christmas stuff, that I can’t reach a point of completion and conclusion. Today’s unforeseen expense of a new car tyre set me back shockingly, and right now I don’t know how I’ll get to the end of December, let alone the end of January. My guitar students who’ve said they’ll resume lessons in February have no idea of the impact of that decision. I have to run my little music school in a way that works for me – the alternative is too unstructured and too open to surprise and disappointment.

I believe that I hold within me the power to make all of this right, but I need time and space in which to effect the necessary changes. I have absolutely no doubt that I can bring into being every idea in my head – no doubt at all. A friend who’s dealing with serious illness told me she’s afraid of nothing, and I thought about how empowering that must be, and about how we allow fear to hold us back, incapacitate us ….. I don’t want to dwell in that space anymore; I want to live as boldly as my heart assures me I can.

So …… Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, blah blah blah. I’ve got other things on my mind, like survival.

My growing restlessness convinces me that 2011 will be the last year I march to the beat of any drum other than my own. It's about time!

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Three angels

Written Sat. 17 December 2011

As 2011 draws inexorably to a close and I ponder on the things that have changed, the things that have stayed the same, and the surprises along the way, I find myself needing to acknowledge some people in my life, people who might not even realize how their personalities, their choices and their life stories inspire and astound me.

I have a person in my life whose greatness lies in, amongst other things, his humility. I met him in August 2008 when I became his guitar student at Jazz Workshop Music School. I’d known about him and had heard what an amazing guitarist he was, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the beautiful personality that came as part of the Wayne Bosch package. Six months after we met, we did our first performance together, and five months later, landed a weekly restaurant gig that lasted 14 months, at Food Lover’s Market in Claremont, Cape Town. We’ve continued to do gigs since then, and he’s someone whose company I enjoy and whom I respect immensely, for the way he lives his life and for the brilliant musician he is. Wayne is easy-going and fun to work with - a consummate professional, who won’t ever disappoint you. During the gig, he’s absolutely in the moment, and doesn’t ever rest on his laurels. Yesterday we played at a wedding on a wine farm in Durbanville (congratulations, Julia and Clint!), and once again he made the repertoire fresh and exciting, by doing songs we’d done many times before in completely different feels. Never a dull moment. Today I pay tribute to Wayne Bosch and the way he brightens the world. He’s a world-class musician who deserves to be playing on the biggest stages, at the biggest jazz festivals around the world. I pray that all the elements, internally and externally, come together to move him decisively towards his destiny.

The second person I want to acknowledge today is someone I’ve known about since my childhood, although I’m not sure if we ever met as children. Our parents (her dad, my mom) sang opera together, many years ago, in the Eoan Group, a cultural organisation. In our adult lives, however, we met through a mutual friend, in about 1992. Early on in our friendship, we went away for a weekend with a group of about 8 women, and discovered we could talk for hours! Haha – that hasn’t changed! Over the years, we saw each other very rarely, when she was living in Ireland and would come down to Cape Town on holiday. In November last year, however, fate moved us back into each other’s lives, when we worked on a District 6 project together, interviewing land claimants. During the time we spent driving around the Cape Peninsula, going from area to area and house to house, we did a whole lot of chatting, and in that time we formed a bond that was destined to become one of the strongest, most interesting friendships I have. Inez Woods offered to do life coaching with me at a time that I couldn’t afford her sessions, so we decided our collaboration would entail an exchange of skills. We spent many hours in many coffee shops and restaurants, having these sessions that seemed to fill both our tanks and have a motivating effect on both of us. We’d brainstorm ideas and talktalktalk until we were exhausted, but each would leave with new ideas and long To Do Lists to tackle before our next meeting. I met Inez two days ago for another coffee-shop-brainstorming-session, and this time we looked back at 2011 - each one finding it harder to acknowledge our own achievements than to see each other’s successes – and started looking at 2012 with some seriousness. Each of us had set our sights on certain goals, and we realize now that 2011 was just the beginning. When I’m with Inez, I am filled with excitement about how much is possible. I don’t know how she does it, but she makes me feel like I can go out there and achieve all my goals and dreams. She has an energizing effect on me, and she never lets me off the hook! She’s an excellent life coach, and most of my successes this year can be attributed to her influence on me. She’s hardcore, I can tell you, but if you seriously want to stop wading in the shallows and want to start swimming strongly towards your target, she’s someone you should consider working with. Her blog is inezwoods.wordpress.com, and she’s also on Facebook. This year she started the WAG Network, with WAG standing for Women Against the Grain – check out her website www.wagnetwork.co.za and watch out for this movement, because its awesome founder, Inez Woods, is going to rock your world.

And finally, I’d like to pay tribute to someone in my house, someone I gave birth to almost 17 years ago, and someone who’s grown into one of the finest people I know – my son, Nick Geffen. In the first half of last year, he started having discomfort in his left knee, which developed into such debilitating pain, that he ended up having surgery. He spent most of last year dealing with the ramifications of this condition (the cartilage below his knee-cap wears away), including missing school, having to give up sport and having to use crutches for an extended period of time. This year, it became apparent that his right knee needed surgery as well, which was what happened. The transformation of this young man, since the second operation, has been profound. About three weeks ago, he finally started walking without crutches and the day that he climbed his first flight of stairs unaided – and without swinging on the banister – he described the achievement to me with tears in his eyes. He’s learnt, in the most extreme way, never to take anything for granted. He’s 16, he’s someone who loves school and enjoys studying, someone with a lust for life like I’ve never seen before, and he’s emerged from the past two years with more wisdom and spirituality than most people achieve in a lifetime. He is someone who inspires me constantly, someone whose zest and passion will move him through life with that huge smile fixed on his beautiful face. Last year had its own challenges for our relationship, when he decided to live with his father and not come to my house every second week as per the schedule, but, with counselling and the healing that comes with the passage of time, we got through that, and we now enjoy an understanding that surpasses anything we might have had. My life is enriched and brightened by this young man, and I am blown away by his capacity to live life and to do so on his own terms, with the compassion and integrity he shows. Wow!

I am blessed by so many people’s presence in my life, and today I felt a strong compulsion to say this about these three angels.

Day 1 of December school holidays / Phantom

"The times they are a-changing" indeed, as both my children are busy today, leaving me with an unexpected day to myself. Yup, momma's at the internet cafe, doing her online thang. Oh, well. This gorgeous weather reminds me I have some other domestic stuff to attend to, so I'd better keep this short.

Last night I experienced one of the - if not THE - most spectacular stage shows I've ever seen: Phantom of the Opera, at Artscape, in Cape Town's city centre. I was treated by my mom, and I loved it SO much, I want to go and see it again. Everything was fantastic - the costumes, the sets, and particularly the voices of the lead singers. Interesting to me that the female lead had an operatic voice, but the male lead had a rock voice. Both of them were stunning! I don't have the programme with me now, but when I do, I'll do a full article. The orchestra transported me to worlds far away from my seat in the opera house, and I felt my skin tingling, my hair standing on end many times during the show, as the chords and bass lines altered below the melody lines, adding elements of subversion and danger to the atmosphere. What a clever score! SO BEAUTIFUL! One of the highlights was the song, "Music of the night" by the phantom.

BUT, more at a later date.

The silver lining type

Written Thurs. 8 December 2011

The issue of closure has been on my mind a lot, lately. I’m big on closure – always have been. I need to end one thing conclusively before starting another, especially when it comes to relationships. Closure. Not as scary as we think it is. I think it all depends on how you approach life: are you the silver lining type, or the cloud type? Do you focus on every cloud having a silver lining, or every silver lining having a cloud? To move towards closure, there’s a whole lot of processing that needs to happen. Trying to fast forward the processing can result in loose ends.

Closure is as much a part of life as breathing. Life does indeed go on. In fact, we’re constantly faced with endings and beginnings, birth and death; my philosophy is that, the older you get, and the more life experience you gather, the better you become at dealing with these cycles. And that is one of the most exciting things about this thing called life – the cycles: the new beginnings and the endings and the new beginnings….

I always say that everything has a beginning, a middle and an end, yet most of us live our lives being prepared for only the first two. Even the ultimate goodbye, death, is such a taboo, such a no-go topic for most people, and yet it’s the one thing we can be sure awaits us all. So we delude ourselves that, if we don’t talk about it, it won’t happen. Every relationship has a beginning, a middle and an end: some relationships end with the death of one of the partners, and others with the death - one way or another - of the love that was once shared.

The person I have grown into has an identity unavoidably interwoven with people I’ve been connected to. The challenge is to delicately but decisively unravel, extricate, liberate, and to continue maturing into the Trudy I was always meant to be. I’ve made some promises to myself that I know I will stick to for the rest of my life, because this is the time to break old, stale, counter-productive patterns. This is the time to live my life in an unfettered way, to pursue my goals with faith and vigour, to live my truth boldly, and to step so far out of the box that people’s mouths may drop open in wonder. Haha!

I am consciously opening myself to new energies and embracing opportunities with an almost-childlike curiosity. Tomorrow I make my first-ever television appearance, and I do so as a singer-songwriter. I go into the studio and sing one of my originals, as part of a tv promo for The Taxi, a new online radio station, at a time of day that they’re being broadcast live on Cape Town Television, known as CTV. So yes, I’m grateful for the opportunity afforded me by well-known theatre and media personality, Soli Philander, owner of The Taxi, and looking forward to it like a child anticipating a birthday or Christmas.

And you know those cycles and chakras and alignments and spring tides? Well, I was hanging washing on the line about an hour ago (yes, I do these things at night, when my days are too busy), when I looked up at the sky and saw a huge moon smiling down at me. It must be a day away from full moon – my favourite moon - which means tomorrow is a brilliant day for me to do a tv appearance, because it will be the start of something new, something wonderful.

I suppose it’s clear I’m the silver lining type.

The Perfect Antidote

Written Wed. 7 December 2011

Last night I went to support Khadija Heeger’s regular poetry event, called “Poetry for Love”, at Sabrina’s, a restaurant diagonally opposite Long Street Swimming Baths. It was the first time I’d been able to go to one of her events, and this was unfortunately the last one for 2011. Sometimes it’s hard to believe the year’s about to end. Shoo, what a year!

The artists for the night were poets and singers, most of whom performed original work – what a treat! I am a great admirer of Khadija’s work: it leaps off the page when you read it, but the true power of her talent is most evident when she performs live. I’m fascinated by the way poets remember their poetry, but I suppose it’s like singers with their lyrics. When I see someone like Khadija performing to such small audiences, I feel frustrated, because, with her skill and finesse, she should be sought-after and celebrated. I love the sheer abandon with which she writes, going all the way with her imagery, taking her audience on a ride so wild, they find themselves panting when she’s done. Why, I keep asking myself, are such richly talented artists constantly struggling to get their work heard? Why!? Why are the “decision-makers” in the Performing Arts not actively engaged in sourcing artists of this calibre?

Also on the programme was UK visitor, Raymond Antrobus, whose poem about his impressions of Cape Town gave us a glimpse of our mountain and climate from a foreigner’s perspective. Delightful turn of phrase, warm, witty, wonderful energy from this engaging young poet. Such a joy to hear poetry like that– intense, raw, impassioned, yet deeply sensitive - written by a man. I was shaken to my core - I love it when someone’s manipulation of words stirs me like that. Check out his blog: http://raymondantrobus.blogspot.com.

Another artist was Daneel Van Der Walt, who sang original songs, accompanied by a guitarist (whose name escapes me - I’ll find out). I enjoyed her style, and would love to hear more of her work. She has a voice that’s versatile, with light and dark tones, as well as a soulfulness that at first took me by surprise. Her lyrics are clever, at times poignant, and her compositions are good. It’s such a treat to be exposed to Capetonian artists I haven’t encountered before.

Noni Nozuko Poni sang three songs, all a capella. The first two were in isiXhosa: Ntjilo Ntjilo, a Miriam Makeba jazz ballad, and a second song, which she wrote for her mother. The third was a soul ballad – I can’t remember who the original artist was. Noni has one of those voices that transport you to some other state of consciousness - you have to listen to her with closed eyes, and surrender to the sound, allowing it to envelope you. She has a huge vocal range, and her phrasing is delightful. Another artist who needs a much wider audience.

Maya Spectre also sang three songs: A Day in the Life of a Fool (also known as “Black Orpheus”, but with different lyrics) and Summertime, both well-known jazz standards. She was accompanied by Elton Goslett, whose electric guitar playing was crystal clear and utterly beautiful. Her third song was an original, which she sang unaccompanied. My honest opinion is that this kind of night lends itself to original work, so artists who have a body of original work should exploit the opportunity to do their own material.

The final poet was Yisir Daly-Ward, whose unassuming style belied the powerhouse of poetry she was about to share with us. Her first poem was short, and, because she read it from her phone, she came across as almost-apologetic when she read it. But her next two poems dispelled that myth. Completely. Wow! Once again, a gifted wordsmith, whose acute – and often humorous - observations of people, of life, of nuances, keep her listeners spellbound. Her voice itself has a rich tonal quality, a strength, a depth, a sense of age-old wisdom, of timelessness - I could listen to it for hours. What a lovely poet!

And so ended a thoroughly enjoyable evening. I had taken my mom along with me, and I think that, although she was slightly uncomfortable with some of the more explicit content (!), as a performer herself, she actually enjoyed the evening.

I’d come to the end of a 6-week lecturing contract yesterday, so I was a bit sad when I got to the restaurant, but all that self-pity came to a well-timed end once the programme started.

Poetry ……. . the perfect antidote.

First-ever tv appearance/Closure/Swimeditate

So who said that you couldn't experience really cool FIRSTS at my age? Today I sang one of my original songs, "Joe", live on Cape Town Television, known as CTV. It was just after 11am, and it was part of the live recording of "The Taxi", an online radio station, which has been live on CTV for the past week, from 10h00 - 12h00 daily.

I was nervous, of course, and have NO idea how it sounded or how I came across, but what the hell, it was cool, and just another piece of the puzzle, another page in the autobiography, another piece of the mosaic...... and other such metaphors.

Today was not only a day of new experiences, but also a day of closure, as my daughter took her leave of primary school. I attended the Final Assembly, bawled my eyes out, and then enjoyed the pleasant breakfast under the trees we were all treated to. Perfect weather made the entire experience very satisfying.

And so ends seven years of Bergvliet Primary School for my daughter, but 10 years for us as a family, as my son had been there as well. Next year we'll have both children at the same high school, and that should make life easier, especially w.r.t. transport.

Sitting in the cool (temperature) internet cafe. Have to take my mom to the shops. Later tonight, a treat for myself, by myself: a much-longed-for swim at the gym. Friday nights are the best time to go to gym, especially to swim, because you're one of the few people there, and you could easily get the pool to yourself. Ok, it does mean you get to swim with a whole day's germs, etc, but there are some things you just have to deal with, on the road to empowering yourself physically, spiritually and intellectually, which is what I achieve when I swimeditate (my own word for meditating while swimming).

Tomorrow night I do a house party with Wayne Bosch, which I'm really looking forward to. I get to sing and play my guitar for a whole night, I get to interact with really cool people, and I get to make music with one of our country's finest guitarists.

Why would I need to complain, when life sends opportunities like these my way?

Seismic

Written Sun. 04 December 2011

When I think of all the beautiful things that have been happening in my life, I have to smile. I told my best friend, the other day, that it felt like the universe had us in the palms of its loving hands. I know it sounds corny, but when I think of all the challenges I’ve had to face, especially in the last 14 months, and I see the energy shifts that have occurred (some decidedly seismic!), I can only thank all the benevolent forces out there for bringing me to this point, this wonderful point that feels like the best kind of closure – the kind filled with new beginnings.

Things that had been blocking my energy, causing me tension for a long time, have resolved in surprising and interesting ways. I’ve been blessed with opportunities to heal and to move on, in a few parts of my life. Teaching at a college for the past five weeks has been a new beginning that came at exactly the right time. I’m sending all my prayers out into the universe for more opportunities at the college, a place where I rediscovered a part of myself (the me-in-front-of- a-class part) and met a bunch of fascinating people. The staff weren’t too bad either. J Haha – jokes aside, I have some really cool colleagues, and I hope I get to work with them again.

In two days’ time, I end my short contract, and enter the next phase-within-a-phase of my life, with more uncertainty than I’ve had for the past five weeks, but with a renewed faith in the power of personal energy, that mysterious force which, once ignited, has the potential to effect radical change. What boggles my mind is the sheer force I believe like-minded people can wield, to achieve just about anything.

I’m inspired by the slogan of this year’s 16 Days of Activism against Abuse of Women and Children: “Peace in the home before peace on earth”. It starts on a personal level and it can only grow from there.

I will go through the rest of my life seeking out people as passionate as I am about using our collective power to change the world, person by person, family by family, community by community, city by city, country by country.

Inspired

Sat. 03 December 2011

23h50, the end of a beautiful, busy day - a day composed of a comfortable mixture of things I had to do and things I chose to do. I liked the fact that I achieved one or two things that had been on my To Do list for a while, like having the garden taken care of! What a relief! Not only had the grass grown really long, but we hadn’t been watering much, so everything had dried out. I look at some of my pot plants that were so beautiful a few months ago, and I know I have to re-prioritize my activities, because a neglected garden makes me unhappy, while a thriving garden inspires me. Part of my frustration about the garden is that I’ve just been too busy to tend to it, so the way it’s been looking recently is basically just a reflection of how busy I’ve been. Fortunately, my son’s become very aware of my workload, and has offered to water the garden tomorrow.

This has actually been a week where I’ve achieved some closure and made significant strides. On Monday I sorted out my gym arrears (long, ridiculous story linked to medical aid) and got back into the pool after 8 months! The feeling of that moment when I slipped into that wonderful, welcoming water will remain with me for a long time. I managed 20 lengths, felt I could’ve gone on, but started feeling a slight pull in one of my calves, so decided that 20 was quite enough. The week seemed to fly by, and the next time I was able to swim was last night, when I did another 20 lengths, this time limited by the closing time of the gym. But still, I’d had the luxury of the whole pool to myself, which always feels like a rare and valuable gift.

Sun 4 Dec. 08h00

Loved waking up naturally, this morning, without an alarm urging me into the new day. This, alone, feels like a holiday. One day I’ll have enough money to go away for a while, on a real holiday, but for now I’ll savour the little breaks life affords me, and feel the pleasure of those moments. The alternative is to dwell on what I don’t have, which is not how I choose to go through life.

Today’s yet another busy day, and I have to start as soon as possible, in order to get through everything and keep my sense of humour.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this past year and how interesting it’s been, so I’ve decided to set time aside to write a reflective article, detailing the amazing path life has taken me down, these past 12 months. Even if all I achieve is the soothing of my Virgo soul, I want to write it down.

What I do hope to achieve, as well, is to show others who have been retrenched, that:

i) LIFE goes on

ii) it’s ultimately up to YOU whether you sink or swim

iii) you have to be open to accepting CHANGE and to doing things differently

iv) you have to HUMBLE yourself and DEPEND on others for a while

v) if you open your mind, you’ll see the many OPPORTUNITIES around you

vi) it helps to spend more time with PEOPLE who lift your spirits and support your journey, and less time with people who constantly drag you down

vii) it seldom happens overnight, but your PATH will become clear, and you WILL find your direction, your purpose, your way of making money that is right for you

viii) you need to TUNE into yourself, know what makes you tick, and try to align that knowledge with an income-generating activity (or activities, in my case) – if you’re interested in living an authentic life, and not just working for the sake of working.

ix) in the words of David Miller, the Principal of Norman Henshilwood High School, “BAD TIMES DON’T LAST” (in a speech at Bergvliet Primary on 30/11/11)

x) you can actually reach a point where, with hindsight, you can APPRECIATE that losing your job was the BEST thing that could’ve happened to you, because it catapulted you into a far more MEANINGFUL and truly SATISFYING time of your life.

In conclusion, I’d like to quote from a speech made by Haajer Kader, an inspired and inspiring Grade 7 pupil at Bergvliet Primary School, also on 30/11/11, on the occasion of their Academic and Sports Awards: “Don’t let your past steal your present.”

Saturday 26 Nov 2011

This morning I participated in a Women's Wellness Breakfast, organised by the multi-talented Inez Woods, in the southern suburbs of Cape Town. Her previous two were out Blouberg way. About 50 women gathered at Tango's, a restaurant not far from where I live, and spent a few hours together, hanging out, sharing and basically 'filling our tanks' with inspiration, so that we may continue our respective journeys with more insight and joy.

I'm typing this at an internet cafe, so I won't write my review right now. For those who were interested in the books I recommended, here they are:
The Seat of the Soul - Gary Zukav
Mind Power for the twenty-first century - John Kehoe
Women Who Run With The Wolves - Clarissa Pinkola Estes
Women Who Love Too Much - Robin Norwood

Well done to Inez for accomplishing her third event of this nature this year. I remember when it was just an idea, something that she was dreaming of doing. I am immensely inspired by this powerful, inspiring, kick-ass woman.

Colour TV

Written: Sat. 3 September 2011

A bit hindered by technology, but decided to go ahead anyway. My laptop has a virus problem, so, until it’s sorted, I’m not inserting my memory stick – it corrupted two of our memory sticks, last week, before we realised what the problem was. Like so many other things in life, sorting this out requires spending money, but, like just as many other things in life, there’s always Plan B: finding a friend who’ll do it as a favour.

I’ve realised that I enjoy sitting and typing as much as I do writing (with a pen). Whatever I type now can’t be saved on my memory stick until the virus problem is fixed, so I won’t have the gratification of posting my new article on my blog within a day or two. My recent blog posts have been relatively short, because I’ve been typing them at the internet café. I’ve thought of writing them out and then typing them at the café later, but that somehow defeats the spontaneity (a friend of mine says “spontanuity”) of blogging.

I heard something funny on tv last night – watched “Colour TV” for the first time – which was a performer saying she had an assistant updating her blog regularly. The interviewer asked her, “With your ideas or hers?” (Funny how he assumed the assistant was a woman.) She replied that the assistant posted her ideas (the artist’s). I suppose this is fairly common, as I’m sure there many different applications of the blog concept, but I somehow like the idea of someone, no matter how busy or famous, taking the time to sit down and record, in his/her own words, things on a blog. I don’t doubt that this perspective might change as I encounter more blogs and see the diverse ways in which they’re used. I suppose they’ve come to replace websites, to a large extent.

So, how do I feel about “Colour TV”? As I said, I’ve watched it once only, and that was simply because I was busy doing something in the lounge, the tv was on, I looked up and there it was – a newish South African television programme specifically showcasing “Coloured” people. When I first saw it advertised, a few weeks ago, I did not find it interesting - or important – in any way, and simply forgot about it. The repeated ads kept bringing it to my attention, but again, I didn’t diarise it nor make a mental note to catch it when it came on, unlike my reaction to another new tv programme, “Hello Doctor”, which I thoroughly enjoy and make a point of watching every Sunday at 5pm.

“Colour TV”, from what I gather, attempts to show the funny side of Coloured people, as well as showcase individuals who’ve achieved success in their fields of specialization. My reaction to the humour ranged from a reluctant grimace to a spontaneous guffaw, the latter confined to the ad lib-type comments by the two characters who’re supposed to be the behind-the-scenes studio engineers. They’re quite funny, and their lines sound authentic.

What I do have a problem with, and I might as well be bold enough to just say it, is the perpetuation of the Coloured stereotype – I really don’t need yet another display of the same thing. Yes, many Coloured people talk in a sing-song accent; yes, many Coloured people mix their languages and often can’t speak even one of them fluently; yes, music and performance play a huge role in the lives of many Coloured people (show me a culture where this is not so); yes, the comedic element is rife……… but why is the focus once again on the ridiculous?

What exactly is the goal, here? If this is in response to the hugely successful tv programme, Eastern Mosaic, which focuses on the Indian community in South Africa, I think it’s seriously missed the point. Eastern Mosaic doesn’t caricature its target audience and perpetuate embarrassing stereotypes. It celebrates the history and culture of South Africans of Indian descent, and does so very successfully, in a way that entertains and educates viewers (from diverse backgrounds).

I’ve been wondering about something: the guest who was interviewed towards the end of the programme (by Terrence somebody) – Shimmy – spent so much time doing the raucous Coloured laugh that she looked like she was faking it. Are the guests given the brief as to how to behave, so that you come across as a real Coloured? And what is a real Coloured, anyway?

I won’t deny that the apartheid system, in forcing people to live as separate nationalities within one country, created pockets of culture within the nation, and yes, we did end up developing separate identities. I’m all for celebrating diversity, but I’m afraid this kind of thing doesn’t resonate with me. It’s like those District 6 plays – someone described the genre as “the heart without the head”, and I agree that many of those plays are slanted in a direction that focuses on the soap-opera aspect, rather than whatever else was happening at the same time in history, to people from that same community.

Yes, show South Africans and what they’re all about. Yes, educate the different communities about each other’s peculiarities. Yes, be proudly whoever you want to be. But please don’t portray these differences in ways that over-simplify and ridicule. Do we really want the first thing that comes into someone’s mind when they hear the word “Coloured” to be a picture of someone speaking bad English with a couple of missing teeth and a laugh that hints at some kind of chemical imbalance?! The stand-up comedians have milked that stereotype to death – enough already!

I’ve learnt to trust my instincts. If I spent most of the time cringing while watching “Colour TV”, then I honestly can’t say I found it enjoyable, educational or in any way entertaining.

I won’t be watching it again.

I look forward to a more current and relevant take on the topic.

The day of Aunty Joyce's funeral

There are two things I miss a lot, each of which adds a dimension to my life that opens up a myriad of possibilities: having internet access at home, and swimming.

Today is Thursday 22 September. The significance of this date is varied – it’s the date on which my parents got married in 1956, but it’s also the day we said our final farewell to an aunt, my late dad’s cousin, Joyce Ronnie (nee Rushin). She passed away on Sunday 18 September, and the funeral was today. She’d been a stalwart of the Methodist Church in Surrey Estate, in the broader Athlone area of Cape Town. She and her late husband, Edwin, had been a formidable couple, practising their Christian faith in the most practical of ways.

But that’s not what I remember about Aunty Joyce and Uncle Edwin – I remember how happy they were in each other’s company. Unlike many men I’ve encountered, Uncle Edwin always treated his wife with respect, and there was no mistaking the love he had for her. Similarly, she beamed when she was with him, and it was clear he was her soul mate, her partner of choice, the love of her life. More than that, they shared an ability to live life to the full and to do so with a good dose of humour. Their sons - Derek, Roger and Donny – are three really nice guys, and they carry in their genes the wonderful attributes of their amazing parents.

I was privileged to have been at Aunty Joyce’s final birthday celebration, in June this year, when she turned 79. She took a break from the home where she lived, in order to be at Derek’s house, where a tea party was held in her honour. I was moved, that day, when a relative, Charles Rushin, paid tribute to her in a speech. He made a point of saying that people always waited till someone died before saying what a wonderful person he/she had been, but he wanted to say TO Joyce (they were cousins) how special she was to him and to everyone present. She sat on the couch, quietly taking it all in, smiling in her sweet, dignified way. We all knew that she was, in fact, gravely ill – her severe weight loss bore testimony to this – and I think everyone felt, that day, that it could well be her last birthday. And so it was.

Interesting how someone’s death ends up bringing family and friends together. I saw so many people I hadn’t seen in years!

Miscellany

Written: Saturday night, 29 October 2011

I came to terms, long ago, with the fact that I’m one of those people who live life intensely. The past few weeks, with the profound changes I’ve experienced – some a lot easier to assimilate than others - bear testimony to this.

It’s 10:35pm and I’ve just come home from a lovely gig with Wayne - a house party in Kuils River. I don’t just enjoy making music a little, I LOVE it. I thrive on it. I draw strength and inspiration from it. Very little makes me as happy as playing music in a performance context does. If I could perform every day, I’d be the happiest person alive. I also did a gig during the week, with Keith Tabisher’s trio. Very cool. It was high on a hill, with the most magnificent view in every direction. Before the gig started, we were treated to a sunset that was so splendid, we all became silent as we watched in wonder. It was a night of great collaboration. The musicians I work with inspire me immensely. I learn from them all the time, and continue to grow as a musician because of them.

A few days ago, I started teaching a few subjects to adult students, at a college in Cape Town’s city centre, the answer to months of prayers by many people. It’s a temporary post, till 6 Dec. I’ll write more about this, sometime. I teach subjects from the old matric syllabus: English First and Second Language, Afrikaans Tweede Taal and Criminology.

When I was retrenched a year ago, I had no idea it would be so hard to find employment. Our economy’s in a terrible state, with the statistics on unemployment showing little or no improvement. I wonder what the tipping point will be, that moment when our government realizes it HAS to prioritise job creation. I feel very strongly about the huge disparity between the haves and the have-nots, and it saddens me beyond words that the fat cats in parliament seem oblivious to the awful day-to-day struggles of unemployed people.

Sunday night, round midnight:
I have an extremely busy week ahead. I sat my kids down with my diary, this evening; we went through each one’s after-school activities and tried to get our three schedules to somehow fit into a seamless whole – haha! We’ll see. I have a feeling that there’ll be plenty of quickly-prepared meals, as well as late-night laundry sessions, with the unavoidable three-hour sleeps that seem to go with this kind of week. I regretted availing myself for a gig on Tuesday night, as it falls in a crazy period in our lives.

I need to sleep. Listening to Brazilian music on the laptop – aaaaah, what a treat! Soulful, soothing, lulling. I’m deeply grateful to the guy who fixed my laptop, removed the virus and installed an anti-virus programme. :-) Earlier today I found an old cassette of Bahian music, and I listened to the whole thing. Song after song took me back to Salvador Bahia……intoxicating, strangely familiar, a place I’m sure I’m genetically linked to. One day when I have spare money, I’ll take that blood test that reveals your genetic path globally. I’ve always wondered about my origins; I’m expecting to be connected to South America in some way. Or some other culture where the guitar and hand drums feature prominently and the rhythms are the ones I feel in my blood.

Singing now – Rosa Passos, “E Luxo So”. I love this song! Lovely arrangement, just enough congas, light, suggestive, rhythmical, inviting us to dance, sway, samba, samba, samba, smile, sing……! Rosa Passos does the song with so much finesse, gliding her way through the lyrics like a dancer, with her silky smooth voice, effortless, ethereal. Brazilian music! Hits me in the solar plexus, takes my breath away and always puts a smile on my face. How lucky I am, in so many ways.

Goodnight, sweet world.

:-)

Amazing

"Written: Sun. 13 November 2011

Listening to Stevie Wonder’s “Golden Lady”.

Aaaah, another lazy Sunday morning. Seems like a new routine emerging, to blog in this timeslot. I seem to remember it being a routine I had sometime ago, before the laptop caught the virus. I’m starting to suspect that internet cafes are the problem. I must’ve picked up a virus on my memory stick, then transferred it to my laptop at home. The owner of the intcaf suggested I use my laptop there. I managed it once only, because I usually pop in on my way home, and the laptop’s not always with me.

Woke up, sent a few sms’s re outstanding guitar lesson fees. The craziness of my life at the moment is that I’m working in a job in the city, incurring extra expenses linked to transport, etc, but still 100% dependent on music (guitar fees and gigs) as my source of income, until the day I get paid by my new employer. A glorious day, I hasten to add, anticipated with such excitement, you’d be surprised! Try being unemployed, then self-employed in the music world for many months, and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Having said as much, if I don’t get steady employment for 2012, it’s my plan to develop the self-employment concept into a far more structured and sustainable situation. I am a mother, I have to look after my family and make sure I pay my way through life, which just seems to get more and more expensive, no matter how one attempts to master the art of belt-tightening. Sometimes I get sick and tired of having to live the way we do, doing without important things, because there’s just no money.

“All is fair in love.” A bit of a hectic concept for me, right now. I went to a family wedding yesterday. Driving to Stellenbosch, I thought about love, loyalty, commitment, marriage, and about the two young people embarking on this journey. I knew that, like all the other people my age in the gathering, cynical in spite of ourselves, I’d be sitting there wishing them all the luck in the world, wishing them a beautiful life together, but painfully aware that the odds are so stacked against that. As I sat through the speeches, I realised that the couple and their families were born-again Christians, and I concluded that, with that as a central force in their lives, they probably stood a better chance of weathering the storms. I sincerely wish them life-long happiness, because the idealist in me still believes it’s possible.

“If It’s Magic” – has to be one of the most beautiful Stevie Wonder songs. Like most songs, its beauty lies in its simplicity. As a songwriter (and word nerd), of course I’m affected by the sheer poetry of the lyrics.

If it's magic...
Then why can't it be everlasting
Like the sun that always shines
Like the poets in this rhyme
Like the galaxies in time

If it's pleasing...
Then why can't it be never leaving
Like the day that never fails
Like on seashores there are shells
Like the time that always tells

It holds the key to every heart
Throughout the universeIt fills you up without a bite
And quenches every thirst

So... If it's special
Then with it why aren't we as careful
As making sure we dress in style
Posing pictures with a smile
Keeping danger from a child

It holds the key to every heart
Throughout the universe
It fills you up without a bite
And quenches every thirst

So... If it's magic...
Why can't we make it everlasting
Like the lifetime of the sun
It will leave no heart undone
For there's enough for everyone

Later on in the album, “Ribbon in the sky” has such a beautiful piano solo, you realise that this brilliant pianist is a man known more for his voice and lyrics than for his sheer mastery of this instrument. Interesting how many other artists’ songs feature him on harmonica – and when you hear the sound, it’s immediately recognisable as Stevie’s playing.

Do you know the song “Stay Gold”? I only became aware of it when my sister lent me this album of Stevie Wonder love songs. It’s a song that I can imagine Zane Adams, Vernon Castle, Glenn Robertson or Richard Caesar doing. (All Cape Town male vocalists, in case the names are unfamiliar to you.)

My friend, Keith, gave me a lovely album once, with various female vocalists I wasn’t familiar with. Listening to a song now that was introduced to me on this album, a song I find magical – “Amazing”, by Sara Gazarek. I’ll type the lyrics, but to appreciate the power of the song, you have to listen to this woman’s voice – uncluttered, crystal clear, pure, honest. The sparse arrangement of the piece adds to the overall effect. I always favour the less-is-more approach.

Amazing (sung by Sara Gazarek)

Sunflower beauty surrounds me / Against a sky of grey
The night time falls down upon me / At the closing of this day
Words cannot explain the feeling that my heart speaks of
The choices, the boundaries
When I feel the pain of all of these thoughts of mine,
The questions, the answers

When will I realise all of life is amazing
Take it in, let it go, can’t you see it’s so amazing

I need the feeling of sunlight / To help the forget the cold
Between the spaces of daylight / There lives a frozen soul
Here we go again, this wandering mind won’t settle down
If just for a second
When I think it’s gone, it starts itself right up again
Unending and relentless

When will I realise all of life is amazing
Take it in, let it go, can’t you see it’s so amazing

Melt away, let life flow
Just give in, just let it go
Current strong, so am I
Amazing things don’t ever die

(piano solo)

When will I realise all of life is amazing
Take it in, let it go, can’t you see it’s so amazing

When will I realise all of life is amazing
Take it in, slow it down, can’t you see it’s so amazing

Melt away, let life flow
Just give in, just let it go
Current strong, so am I
Amazing things don’t ever die

Never die

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Yesterday I thought about life expectancy, and decided that, since so much of my life has been fraught with one struggle after the other, I’d really like to live to the age of 100, because the next 50 years can only be better, and maybe in that way I’d attain some sense of symmetry, fulfillment. But then, I like the energy I have now, and I suppose that just weakens over time. I mean, can you imagine me doing gigs at age 100? Wonder what we’d call our duo? Some really funny names come to mind, none of them printable – because then you’d really see how off-beat my humour was! :-)
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Niche

Written: Sat. 19 November 2011

What is it you look forward to doing, when life affords you a break from what you HAVE to do every day? THAT’S your truth. For me, there are two strong pulls – playing my guitar, and writing. Sometimes, when I have to choose, because the gap between scheduled activities is so small, the decision is organic: I simply go wherever the pull is the strongest at the time. For really short gaps, I pick up my guitar and play whatever comes to mind. At other times, if I have a long stretch of time, as in hours, or even a whole day (quite unusual), I try to balance the time between the two. Both restore my sense of balance, as well as my feeling that I’m living my life according to my own terms, that wonderful, heady feeling of freedom that dawns on me every now and then.

This has been a year like no other, and the lessons in humility and frugalness I’ve had to learn will most likely be my best allies in the years ahead, as my thoughts turn to what it is I really want to do, to earn a living.

In a sense, it’s merely an academic exercise, this “wondering what it is I want to do” – because I know, just like I’ve known for a long, long time: it’s simple – it’s music! I’ve been teaching guitar lessons since March this year, and I now have 24 students. I’ve sat and done some projections: it’s entirely possible for me to earn an acceptable (not lavish) income from doing just this. I’d have to work hard and smart, and treat it very seriously (as I currently do, anyway), but run it as a tight business enterprise. For me, that’s just the start. This year has shown me the most important thing, and it’s this: I don’t have to do what everyone else is doing, even as a guitar teacher. I need to do what I love doing, and the rest just flows. My niche market is a different one, as I’ve always been convinced there was a significant part of the population wanting to play the guitar socially, to strum chords and play songs they can sing along to, either alone or with others. That’s my market, not people wanting to study music to write exams and do their grades. I can refer my students to teachers who do that, if they get to a point where they want to.

I have quite a few challenges, the most important being to set it up as a small business enterprise. Actually, that’s just one of the important challenges. I’ve learnt some big lessons the hard way, this year, and two of them are:
1) it’s crazy for me to drive to my students’ homes to teach them – it impacts on two of the most important elements, time and money, limiting my productivity and potential income, and
2) I have to establish a simple, effective, no-nonsense fee-collecting system, to cut out the inconvenience and anxiety I’ve had to endure, this year.

So my challenges are clear, as I approach 2012 and consider developing this venture along more serious lines. Knowing myself, I can safely say that setting up the guitar lessons in this way is just the skeleton of what my life will be about – I am a creative person, and teaching guitar lessons, day in and day out, in 30-minute timeslots, could become as unfulfilling as sitting behind a computer in an office; no, my vision extends way beyond this. The one thing I know I need, in order to feel “alive and kicking”, is the excitement of a new project to sink my teeth into. Based on this, I can guarantee you there’ll be lots more I’ll be doing with my time, involving music, but also aimed at another one of my life’s goals: to make a difference in post-apartheid South Africa.

The more the universe exposes me to different people and the realities of life in post-apartheid South Africa, particularly in my city, Cape Town, the more I’m convinced my real role lies in merging these two passions, and forming a collective of some kind, aimed at enhancing people’s lives through music, by taking music to them and affording them opportunities to learn, explore and extend that side of themselves. The real challenge then becomes finding a model which will fulfil my philanthropic needs and earn me a sustainable income, on which to support my family, as a single mother.

And with that, it’s just about time for my alarm to go off, as I prepare to teach a few guitar lessons, do some housework and spend time with my amazing children. You have to be amazing to put up with me! :-) The good news is that, while I do spend a lot of time in my head, planning, dreaming, conjuring up projects, I do move beyond this and bring the dreams to life. But more importantly, for me, success always has meant - and always will - success for the collective, not just the individual.

Utopia. Such a fun place to go to, in my head. :-)

You’ve Got A Friend

Picture: a cropped version of one of Gregory Franz's photos taken at my recent concert.

Sunday 6 November 2011

One of those days where there’s so much on my mind (this is always true), that I don’t know where to start.

The pleasure of being able to start my day relaxing in bed and typing a blog post, is something I haven’t had for a while. Thanks to the assistance of a very generous friend, I was recently able to sort out quite a few loose ends, including my laptop problems. I might not believe in angels with wings and harps, but I certainly have encountered, in the course of my life thus far, people who possess the qualities ascribed to angels. This friend is one of them.

The profound changes I’ve experienced, over the past fourteen months, and particularly in the last two, have altered the direction of my life irreversibly. The best part is, I’m at peace with it all. When you’re in the middle of a big, life-altering event (being retrenched, for example), it’s easy to feel like you’re the victim of an arbitrary act of unfairness, and it’s even easier to wallow in self-pity. As trite as this may sound, the longer you remain in that state of woe-is-me, the longer you’re likely to take to restore the equilibrium in your life. Some people, for whatever reason, never move beyond the anger-and-blame stage, after an extremely unpleasant or challenging experience, and live the rest of their lives bogged down by the weight of it. I’ve encountered people in their senior years whose every utterance spews out the venom of past injustices, hurts and disappointments. It saddens me that they’ve not been able to deal with, work through and move past their pain; their lack of joy and excitement about anything makes me wonder what daily life must be like for them – I can’t imagine living life like there’s nothing to look forward to. In fact, I’ve promised myself something, especially after my most recent “extremely challenging experience”: if any part of my life feels like a drag, like it’s going nowhere and it’s sapping my joy, rather than fuelling it, and if it feels like there’s nothing to look forward to, it’s time to be true to myself and walk away. I’ve been severely tested, recently, but I’m going through all the emotions that I have to, immersing myself in the different facets of closure, and moving on. Just give me time - I’ll be more than ok.

The beautiful symmetry of life’s energy flow has again become apparent to me, in the past few weeks: the same day I discovered something toxic in my close circle and decisively extricated myself from it, I received a phone call about a possible job opportunity. I went for an interview a few days later, was accepted for the position a few days after that, and am now working in a part-time position, till the end of the school year. I’m lecturing at one of the big FET (Further Education and Training) colleges in our city. Yes! Beaming with excitement and loving every minute of it! I lecture four subjects in the old matric syllabus, to adults: English First Language, English Second Language, Afrikaans Second Language, and Criminology. I love the old building, I’m enjoying the students, and the staff has been welcoming, friendly and helpful. I drive to town every day, leaving home earlier than ever before, and it all works out beautifully. When the children are with me, I leave even earlier! We managed four out of five seamless mornings this week, which was not bad at all! I leave college at 3:30pm, so I miss the evening traffic craziness. I take De Waal Drive (a winding road on the lower slopes of Table Mountain) twice a day, which gives me a sensory feast of ocean and mountain, filling my songwriter tanks, making my spirits soar.

I am alive, so I might as well be very alive!

I have chosen to continue with all my other activities, despite having a day job, which means I still tutor a little boy in the afternoons and teach all my guitar lessons (13 a week, including groups) in the evenings and the whole of Saturday. Besides that, I’ve done a few gigs, as well! Of course, this translates into a hectic schedule, but I’ve chosen to seize opportunities when they arise and to cut the clutter as much as possible. Prioritising and being realistic about how much I can and can’t do, are important under these circumstances. The job ends on 6 December, after which I go back to being a self-employed musician, which was why I didn’t want a break in the guitar lessons. As it is, I’m probably going to be faced with a sudden drop in income in December, if most or all of the students take a break. Here’s sending out a message to the universe – send me lots of fun, well-paid gigs, please!

Speaking of which, yesterday I did a one-hour gig with my friend, Keith Tabisher, at a wheelchair race organised by the Western Cape Rehabilitation Association (I might have the actual name wrong). It was in Mitchells Plain, on the premises of Lenteguer Psychiatric Hospital, where the Rehab building is situated. We sat under a huge Nomad tent and the sound was done for us. We played a selection of well-known instrumentals and songs, and people enjoyed the music. Keith played his acoustic guitar and the two guitars sounded more beautiful than I can describe. Performing music is not just about instruments, techniques and item selection – it’s so much about the energies of the people. We’ve known each other since we were teenagers, and have played in more gigs together than I have with anyone else, and all that history comes together when we play.

Every gig I do is like a chapter in the story of my life, and there’s inevitably something funny that happens. Yesterday we faced the challenge of announcements blaring while we were performing, with the same speakers emitting both. At first, we were thrown by the interruptions, and stopped playing till the announcement was over, then started the song again. This wasn’t very successful, because a few seconds later there’d be another announcement, and we’d have to start again. In the end, we found a compromise, continuing to play the chords and just stopping the vocals until he’d finished the announcement, so you’d have the unbelievable combination of something like: “When you’re down and troubled, and you need some love and care/All the contestants for the 800m wheelchair race please come to the Start/Close your eyes and think of me, and soon I will be there/ Don’t forget you can take a raffle for just R5 to win a fabulous… /You just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I’ll come running/ We’d like to thank our sponsors, …, for making this event possible /You’ve got a friend!

J

And finally....

The person who's largely responsible for my having the confidence to push myself out of my comfort zone, maestro Wayne Bosch. Always a privilege and pleasure to work with him and to keep learning from him.

Pictures: Gregory Franz

A few more pics

Here are a few more pictures - so hard to decide which ones to publish; they're all so full of life! The top one shows Hilton on the Khoi bow, on my song "I Don't Know". The third one is of our MC for the night, Derek Ronnie.

The whole band

I had such a blast, doing my songs with Wayne, Hilton and Errol, with the beautiful bass guitar of Alistair Andrews behind us, adding the depth and groove that only a bass guitar can give. Here are some pictures, taken by Gregory Franz, of the whole band.

Left to right: Hilton Schilder, Trudy Rushin, Wayne Bosch, Errol Dyers and Alistair Andrews.

Errol Dyers

Errol Dyers played his acoustic guitar, and also played the rain stick, a gentle-sounding percussion instrument, on one song. In our mini-set of my originals, we did: Cobwebs in Unusual Places, Salvador, Strong and Gentle and Libido Blues.
Photos: Gregory Franz

Hilton Schilder

Hilton Schilder played the melodica on one of my songs, Strong and Gentle, and later we did a mini-set with him on piano. The songs we did were: Write Another Ending, Waiting For My Muse, Fall in love in February and Joe!

Photos: Gregory Franz

Some pictures of my recent Nassau concert

Gregory Franz took some amazing pictures at the Nassau concert on the 7th of October. Here, Wayne Bosch accompanies me on electric guitar. We did a mini-set of four of my songs:
My Favourite Time of Day, Chocolate Guitar, Lucy & Slide Across The Moon.

My biggest original concert over - time to reflect

On Friday 7 October, I did the biggest concert of my original work thus far. On stage at the Nassau Hall with me were Errol Dyers on acoustic guitar, Wayne Bosch on electric guitar, Alistair Andrews on electric bass guitar and Hilton Schilder on piano, melodica, Khoi bow and percussion.

Sound, lighting, DVD recording and all printing done by Andre Manuel, without whom this concert would've been a very different experience. He put in hours of work behind the scenes, setting up arrangements, sourcing equipment and making sure everything was not only done on time, but also that the quality was superb. I know when I work with Andre (and his wife, Chantel Erfort) that I'm in good hands. Thanks also need to go to Alistair Andrews for linking us up with Paul Bothner's in Claremont, who supplied the microphones, and Eastern Acoustics, for the mic stands.
Any artist knows - you're as good as your sound equipment.

The audience was amazing - I could feel their energy throughout the show. Sometimes it's hard to see people's faces when a bright light's shining into yours, but I tried to look at people, to look at their faces and to see their expressions - quite a blast, doing that on stage; I don't think audience members realise what a huge, important part of the performance they are. Again, take the audience away and the performance is nothing but a dress rehearsal. Big thanks to everyone who took tickets and supported the show. Anyone who knows my story knows that it was much more than just another concert to me.

Originally I'd planned to do the concert as a live CD recording, which was destined to be my debut CD, but plans changed along the way, and NOW I appreciate why that was exactly how it was meant to be. I look forward to recording my CD in a more controlled environment, to produce something of quality that people would want to listen to for years to come.

The musicians wove their magic on the night, putting my compositions out there powerfully, and supporting me in a way that gave me wings to fly. My history of working with Wayne showed on the night - he's tuned in to me perfectly, knows every note of my melodies, plays notes and chords that complement mine beautifully, and always at a volume that's right for my decidedly soft voice. I made sure we did one song in the show as a duo, because that's the most polished sound I have, mainly through repetition, but also because of personal energy.

Finally getting to work with Errol was unbelievable, and I felt like my entire body wanted to smile while we were doing our mini-set, the first four songs of the first set. He's someone I'd love to do a lot more work with - he and Wayne played really interesting 2-guitar accompaniment to some of the songs. I'm not sure if they'd worked together before; acoustic and electric guitarists seldom do. I loved the combination, and wasn't surprised that they could sound that good together - my gut told me they would.

Hilton on piano took songs I'd long heard played on guitar into a new realm. His mastery of his instrument is unquestionable, and his rendition of "Joe", the quirky blues I selected as the final song of the first set, will probably linger in people's minds for a long time. It seems, though, that his playing of the Khoi bow on the ballad "I Don't Know" was what made the biggest impression of all. It has an other-worldliness to it that at first jars the senses and then, once you've become accustomed to it, lulls you, transports you to a different place .... caves, hills, wide open spaces, unspoilt nature, timelessness.

Alistair joined the band late, as we had to replace our original bassist, but he acquitted himself more than capably on the night. I'm used to singing with just guitar backing or with guitar and double bass, so it was quite an adjustment to me to sing with an electric bass sound. In the rehearsals, though, I realised that what I wanted, that depth of sound, I could get from an electric bass as well. He's really fantastic!

I could write volumes about the experience of putting on a concert like that, the risks involved, artistically and financially, and the challenges life threw my way in the weeks leading up to the event, but...... what the hell - no regrets!

I'm deeply grateful to my family for their love and support, especially my children, Nick and Summer, who not only helped on the night (foyer assistants), but had to endure weeks of strangeness as I darted about to rehearsals, etc. I don't think they could handle another night of takeaways! Thanks to my mom for her support always, and my cousin Tracy - the best friend anyone could have! My sister, Wendy, and my cousins (Pat and Jenny) who pitched up to support - wow.... THANK YOU!!! :-)

To all my friends who came to the show, and to those who sold tickets to their friends and helped with publicity on Facebook, etc. - my heartfelt thanks to you too.

Thanks to the cool MC, my second-cousin, jazz-loving Derek Ronnie, who looked so dashing and did a fabulous job.

But for now, I'd like to say I'm proud of what I did, and SO proud of what we as a group of musicians and technicians achieved, with fairly limited resources. Once again, I learnt a lot along the way, and I'm very happy that I trusted my instincts every step of the way. Where, for some reason or other, I overlooked certain things so that the show could go on, believe me, I won't make THOSE mistakes again.

I sincerely believe that Friday night's concert, while ostensibly the end of a process, was actually the beginning of a whole new one.

(When I get the pics from Gregory Franz, who saved the day for me, I'll add some to the blog. MEGA-THANX, Gregory!!!!)