Reviewing my 12 weeks at Don Pedro’s

Friday 13 May 2011 One-ish in the morning

After my gig at Don Pedro’s, once again hyped up, unable to fall asleep. I don’t know how other musicians do it, but I can’t just come home and go straight to sleep.

Ok, had a quick shower, feeling better now.

Tonight was another amazing night at Don Pedro’s. Special people there tonight were my best friend, Tracy, my best friend from high school, Zenariah, my new friends who play the hand drums, and then the surprise of the evening – my sister, Wendy, and her husband, Theo! Also a lovely surprise was seeing my friend, Valmont – very good guitarist and vocalist, amongst other things – and his lovely wife, Tanya.

Sat. 14 May 2011

But the definite highlight of my night was, once again, doing my second set with ERROL DYERS. Every time I’m on stage, I learn something, and tonight I learnt, amongst other things, the same lesson life has tried to teach me so many times before, that there’s nothing as satisfying (musically) as performing your original songs! But there was another lesson life had to teach me again – Errol is amazing! He listens to what I’m playing and singing, and plays around that, complementing, enhancing, never over-playing, never drowning me out or pulling my song in a direction I’m uncomfortable with. He’s considerate and intuitive, sensitive and unselfish. Unlike the previous time we played together, this time he played his own guitar, and I love the sound he produces on nylon strings – warm, melodious, interesting, unpredictable. What makes performing with him different is probably a combination of his playing style and his personality. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the former is merely an extension of the latter.

I’ve been extremely lucky, throughout my life, to have made music with a lot of different people, each of whom has influenced me in some way.

My Thursday nights at Don Pedro’s have been a journey within a journey, and, looking back at the past 12 weeks, I can’t help but think of an affirmation I’ve been using since I left the formal employment sector 8 months ago: “Everything in my life follows the perfect plan of the universe.”

Someone told me recently that when I talk about music, I’m totally engrossed in it. Funny how my first response was to apologise, because I thought he meant I wasn’t being a good conversationalist, that I wasn’t interested in what he had to say, but he corrected that misconception, commending me for having such an obvious passion in my life.

Sometimes I set out to achieve something and life surprises me by adding elements that I’d never counted on, and the whole experience just becomes much larger and richer than I could ever have imagined. That’s what gigging at Don Pedro’s has been like for me. When I was approached to do it as a soloist, I tried very hard to convince the owner that hiring the duo would be much better! He insisted that I do it as a solo act, and encouraged me to do my own material, as well. With great trepidation – well-concealed, according to my friends – I took on the challenge, and what I can say for sure is that after my first night there, after having done two whole sets on my own, I knew what I had to do. I knew what it felt like, after many years of preferring a duo format, to be alone on stage and to be responsible for generating both the vocal and instrumental aspects of the music. The overwhelming feeling was that, as a soloist, I had “no place to hide”.

As the weeks progressed, I realised the other benefits of a gig like that, as I got the opportunity to perform my original songs to appreciative audiences comprising other creative people: writers, poets, musicians and artists. I started going through my original music at home and selecting songs I either hadn’t ever done, or songs I’d rarely done, in public. That was refreshing for me, as an original artist, and of course it’s always good to see how people react to your songs. What I also liked was that I met so many people that I hadn’t met before, many of whom I’d like to stay in contact with.

Some memorable things that happened in the past 12 weeks at Don Pedro’s:
• My best friend went with me on 5 of the nights.
• In week 4, two of my friends (Diana Ferrus and Vangie Watkins) spent the evening there with parties of their friends.
• In week 5, I met duo Mel and Elton, who did a few songs. The restaurant was full that night, with lots of interesting people I knew, and it was a very special night for me.
• In week 7, my high school best friend had her birthday party there. Singer-songwriter Peter LaVey did a few songs as my guest artist. After my second set that night, Mel and El did a set – that surprised me, but proved that, at Don Pedro’s, well…… anything goes!
• Round about week 7 or 8, I sang two brand new songs, one a poem by Diana Ferrus - “Have I Lost You?” - that I’d put music to, and the other a new song of mine, a samba called “What’s What?”
• In week 9, I stepped out boldly and did a whole night of originals! Turning point for me.
• In week 10, Errol Dyers joined me on stage for my second set – we did originals only. That night, a friend I hadn’t seen in about 15 years, Shirley, was there with her husband, Ricardo.
• In week 11, I had the privilege of doing my second set with Hilton Schilder, a musician I’d last performed with about 5 years ago. Nice surprise was seeing another friend I hadn’t seen in about 25 years, who’d come to hear me - Mark.
• In week 12, Errol Dyers once again accompanied me in my second set. My sister and her husband came, as well as hot muso, Valmont Layne.
• On one of my first nights there, I met a group of drummers who come to Don Pedro’s after their drumming workshop; really nice guys, and they’ve been there on most of the nights I’ve played there. In a strange way, their presence, week after week, reassures me. Funny how people you hardly know can have that effect on you.
• On almost every one of the 12 nights, someone asked me if I had a CD, or when I was going to record one. On the 12th night (how Shakespearean) I was able to give someone a CD of original music recorded at a concert in 2009.

With two more Thursday night gigs at Don Pedro’s left, I can only say it’s been a crazy, wonderful time for me, and I look forward to my last two nights there. Who knows what might happen?! 

And so, as I end this blog post on Saturday afternoon, having spent a whole day in bed feeling rotten with flu, I really do see how my life follows some kind of path that I’m not always in control of, but that feels exactly as it’s supposed to. Often, when I’m incapable of making the right decisions for myself, the universe intervenes and takes the decision out of my hands, guiding me to my inexorable destination. And, believe me, the list of examples is getting longer.

But that’s another story!

More pics taken in Kalk Bay, at The Brass Bell, April 2011

More Kalk Bay pics, taken April 2011

A backing band called “Shhhhh!”

Picture: My best friend, Tracy, and I spent a morning browsing around in Kalk Bay's magical little shops, and ended up having lunch at Cape to Cuba. This was how close we were to the railway tracks! What a rush!

Blog post 2 – Fri 15_04_11

Second blog post in one day – some serious blogging going on! It was all supposed to have been one blog post, but this topic needed to be physically separated from what gushed out as the first article. Blogging is a bit like songwriting, for me – I never know when the mood will hit me, and I don’t always know what’s going to come out, because there’s always so much in my head.

Well, here goes:
My music life has taken a new direction, recently, with the addition of two weekly gigs, bringing my current total to three, the most I’ve had in years, simply because I wasn’t hungry enough for it and I wasn’t looking seriously. That was while I worked in a mainstream job with a safe, predictable monthly income and all the benefits that go with it, and music was my “hobby”. Now music is one of the two main directions I’m investing myself in, as income-generating activities – the other is, broadly, the English language. In the music part of my life, I do live gigs and teach guitar lessons – I now have 8 students. In the English Language part of my life, I’ve been doing some editing work, and have found that not only do I enjoy it, but it’s one of the easiest things for me to do. Imagine having TWO things you love intensely, both of which have the potential to generate an income. “But that’s not all” - as they say in the infomercials – managing myself in both these areas means I get to be in control of my time and my life. In reality, I’ve become my own boss, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. The more I flex myself and reap the rewards, the more I realize what’s possible. Every week, sometimes for a few consecutive days in one week, new opportunities open up, people approach me to do projects, to do short contracts, and to use my expertise in some way – it’s so cool! And do you know why this is happening? Because I believed it was possible. Not only that, I opened myself to the guidance of a life coach (Inez Woods – Google her!), and working with her has revolutionized my entire life. I’d highly recommend her to anyone.

It’s not always easy, and there are times when payments for work done are delayed, and there’s a domino effect on payments I have to make – that kind of thing stresses me as I strive to regain my independence and not have to borrow from anyone. I must say this, however: learning to ask for help when you’re down and out is a very important life lesson; if you know that it’s quite ok to ask for help, you’ll never be someone for whom life has no future, for whom suicide is an option. Pride sucks – get rid of it, keep records of loans made, and be responsible about repayments. What the experience of leaning on someone does is, it raises your sensitivity and compassion towards others when their time of need arises. You will understand fully, when approached by a needy friend, exactly how hard it was to pluck up the courage to ask for that loan, and how desperate the person must be to get to that stage. Watch out, though, for habitual borrowers who have a poor track record of repaying. Some people know how to make you feel guilty when you ask for your own money back! 

But, back to the topic I actually want to tell you about – last night’s gig! Firstly, let me tell you what the three weekly gigs are:

1. Duo gig with Wayne Bosch: Wednesday nights at Myoga Restaurant, in the Vineyard Hotel, Newlands, Cape Town. We play two sets during dinner, from 8 to 10pm. Lovely 5-star venue, characterful old building, the most amazing staff I have ever encountered and the food is so scrumptious, I want to move in!!! We’ve done three nights there so far.

2. On Thursday nights, I do a solo gig at Don Pedro’s, in Woodstock, Cape Town, also two sets, starting at 8:30pm. I’ve been there for 8 weeks, and it’s quite a highlight of my week, for reasons that might take you by surprise. (More about that later!) An old, established hangout for political activists and arty types (!), this venue is regaining its popularity under new ownership. Could have a bright future.

3. On Sunday we started a new gig, at an Italian restaurant in Cavendish Connect, in Claremont, Cape Town, called Doppio Zero. This I do with Wayne, and we play three sets from 7 – 10pm. Lovely ambience, nice buzz, and I really like the way the restaurant spills out onto the public walkway, with tables under the trees. Charming! The manager is Bulgarian, a lovely woman with a warm and funny character, and she made us feel welcome from the word go.

I have 7 minutes before I’m supposed to get up and hang the laundry, shower, get dressed and fetch my son at school to go to the physio.

So, pushing past my self-imposed time limit, here goes again:
Why do I love my gig at Don Pedro’s? Ok, let me tell you about last night, which was easily the funniest experience I’ve had at a gig in ages! As usual, the first set passed fairly uneventfully; I was quite tired and I remember looking at my watch and thinking, the set must be about done, when I saw I was only 15 minutes into it, and there were another 30 minutes left! Doing a solo gig is hard work, especially when the night before you’ve had the thrill and luxury of being accompanied by a wonderful guitarist.

But, I digress!

Somewhere in the evening, round about the end of that set or during the break, a group of people pitched up, having come from a live poetry event. I knew most of them, knew them as writers and poets, and knew that they normally enjoyed my originals, so I made a mental note to do more of my own songs in the second set.

When the second set got under way, one of the women in the audience was so interested in the songs I’d written, and so intent on catching every word, that she kept telling the other patrons to keep quiet, with interventions ranging from ”Shhhhhh!” to the kind of colourful language that you probably won’t read on my blog. Ever. It was so funny! At times I couldn’t even sing, I had to laugh out loud, because the others in the audience weren’t always obliging, choosing instead to engage in playful banter with her, which produced more colourful outbursts, at an even greater volume. At one time, I felt like putting my guitar down, so that I could roll on the stage with laughter!!!! So funny!

But that’s not all!!!! When I sang covers that she knew, she sang out loud with me, and sometimes harmonized – I must say, though, she could really sing!!!! I do a version of a Beatles song, “Do you want to know a secret?”, where I pull the arrangement into a lazy swing with jazz chords, and I love singing it MY way. Last night, however, any attempt at rendering my own version fell by the wayside, as my vociferous friend belted out her own version along with me.

In the end, it was just good fun, and everyone saw the funniness of it all.

Later on, when another friend arrived, someone told him I’d sung my second set with a backing band – oh, the singing lady had also played “drums” on the table, keeping the beat quite powerfully with her flat hands, as one would play a djembe - and that the band’s name was “Shhhhhh!”.

To all my old friends who regularly pitch up at Don Pedro’s to listen to me and enjoy the food and the wonderful Bohemian vibe of the place, as well as to the new friends I’ve made there, and especially to the lady who sang so passionately last night, immersing herself in the music – I believe her name was Maude? - thank you for your warmth and love, and for making my weekly gigs there such a pleasure.

I really do lead an interesting life. Maybe I’ll write a book about it one day.

But for now, it’s all going to come out in little – or not so little! - blog posts. Sometimes even two on one day!

(Big thanks to Zeni and Suli, who gave me CDs last night, to add to my female vocalist listening library – oh my goodness - my head and heart are filled with new music today, utter soul food! Deep sigh of contentment…..)

Standard Deviation

Picture: My daughter and I had lunch at The Brass Bell (in Kalk Bay), sometime this month, and this was the view right next to where I sat. I feel incredibly alive when I'm this close to the ocean.

Friday morning, 09:45, 15 April 2011

Slouching in my bed, laptop on my knees, four pillows behind my back, determined to laze my way into this day, after what feels like at least two weeks of running around like a headless chicken.

It’s funny how we can go through life believing that A is A, B is B, etc. and that everything we’ve ever “known” is fact, truth, the way it is, the way it’s supposed to be, and the way it always will be. And then we grow up, and things start to look very different. Sometimes we gain new insights through the natural processs of maturing from childhood to adulthood, and sometimes we find ourselves, at different ages and stages of our lives, learning such huge lessons, that we start to realize that much of what we accepted as fact, as unalterable truth, was just perception, or often, misperception.

I am learning, anew, how, when I live consciously, when I strive to live authentically, and not just as a carbon copy of everyone around me – particularly in my family of origin – there are layers and layers of things I need to unlearn, as part of the journey towards discovering and uncovering, setting free the person I truly am. Setting oneself apart and choosing a career, a lifestyle, a path that is different, that doesn’t appear on the list of family-approved options, is not the easiest route to take. In fact, if you’re not ready to be unpopular and risk annoying or offending your close people, I don’t recommend it. Families have their own precious ways of showing their disapproval of behaviour that deviates more than a certain degree from the standard. Interesting how these same people would fiercely allege that they support independent thinking and innovation, initiative.

What I also find interesting is how important it seems to be for people to be able to say, “My daughter/son/sister/brother is a teacher/doctor/lawyer (pick one from the approved list)”, and how much personal investment there is in that kind of statement, as though the speaker is sewing on a Girl Guide badge of achievement for having a family member that’s turned out “right”.

Life is full of ironies. I am not as sorry for disappointing my family of origin as I am happy and excited about the choices I’m exercising and the amazing lessons and gifts I’m able to pass on to my new family, my two beautiful children, now aged 12 and 16. What better legacy could I leave them than the lesson that they have the power and freedom to be whatever they want to be in life, and that I’d be okay with their choices as long as they’re living authentic, fulfilled lives? No greater love can we as parents display than to release our grip from our children, and to release them to the wide world as the free spirits they were born to be. I’m by no means negating the importance of guidance in the early years, of formal education and all the rest that goes into the rearing of children – I’m talking about the expectations we have, as parents, and the uncompromising way we have of dealing with choices our children make that don’t fit neatly into our little box of possibilities.

I pray for wisdom as my children continue to grow and to exercise the choices they were to born to make, and I pray for enlightenment, love and peace, humility, tolerance, and, till the day I die, a sense of humour - asseblief!!!

Songwriting weather

Wednesday 23 March 2011

Another day that took me by surprise. Fresh from the exhilaration of yesterday, I had enough residue of warm satisfaction to enable me to deal with some unexpected challenges calmly and flexibly. When shit happens – as it WILL, from time to time – this is my perspective: If it’s not death, just give me a few minutes and I’ll come up with Plan B.

I believe that life is filled with alternatives, if we’re just patient enough time to spot them. I’m trying to hone my skills in the alternative-spotting department. Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly getting there.

Firstly, yesterday was a hugely significant day for me because I sorted out a major issue on which I’d procrastinated for long. I’m talking years. I went to SARS (South African Revenue Services) and filled in all my outstanding income tax returns. Phew!! Not as bad as I’d thought it would be; I had been paying tax all these years - just neglected to send in tax returns. There are penalties, though, which I accept as my due (success story of Calvinistic old-SA socialisation). Even though I got there at 08:30 – which I’d thought was early, I still had a three-hour wait. I must say, though, unlike the pitiful state of affairs at the Home Affairs and UIF offices, this place is super-jacked up: at the reception desk, you’re given a number, and you can sit wherever you like, which means you don’t have to play unmusical chairs.  The place is clean, there are television sets to keep you from dying of boredom (I read and played Sudoku), and the system of announcing the numbers works very well. The clerk who assisted me was efficient, helpful and proactive. You could see she was genuinely interested in helping people, which one seldom encounters at government offices. Too many government employees look miserable, brightening up only when they’re due for a tea or lunch break. Sorry, but this cynicism is based on too many lousy experiences. This lady, however, gave me hope – if she’s anything to go by, things appear to be moving in the right direction.

Secondly, yesterday was extremely significant, because I moved beyond my previous best in the pool, and swam a healthy SIXTY lengths! I can hardly believe it, but I did! And it wasn’t even me pushing myself - it just happened seamlessly and naturally, like I choose to believe all the dreams I have will fall into place, in their own time, smoothly and organically. And why shouldn’t they? It doesn’t mean because my great-grandfather got from A to B by horse and carriage that I can’t aspire to a smooth, sleek ride. (By the way, my current car, Gertie, is once again testing my patience, but that’s another story.)

I now know the factors that predispose me to a good, long swim. One of them is that the gym shouldn’t be too busy. More specifically, the pool shouldn’t be full. If it is, I shouldn’t be asked to share my lane. I don’t have much tolerance for that; it just spoils my fun. So I generally try to go at times when the gym’s less busy. Also, I shouldn’t have to rush off to another appointment, because that forces me to watch the clock. I love going for a swim when I have loads of time to spare. That means I fully immerse myself in the experience. What works for me, and this might sound crazy, is to focus on something else. Once I’ve done twenty lengths, I’m warmed up, I can feel my rhythm’s where it should be, and I’m basically able to go on and on. What I do from that point on, is some form of meditation. I choose a topic and contemplate it for ten lengths. It’s hard to describe, but it fuels me. Basically I combine my physical workout with some of the techniques taught in Mind Power. So for ten lengths at a time, I think about my music goals, my fitness goals, my dream home, my ideal partner, etc. It’s fun. You learn, in Mind Power, not to limit yourself to reality, and that’s really a whole lot of fun. If I’d limited myself to “reality”, I’d still be swimming a maximum of 12 lengths, which was what I was doing when I started swimming seriously in October 2010. If I’d limited myself to “reality”, I wouldn’t be doing a solo gig once a week, because my “reality” (read, “limit”) would be that I needed a second musician to make it happen. Says who?

Different is not always worse – it’s just different. We’re always quantifying and stratifying, always creating hierarchical systems, always seeing things in terms of absolutes, mutually exclusive. I reject that as both limiting and unexciting, closing more doors than it could ever possibly open. I can make music in a duo as well as in a solo situation – because I can. Reality is whatever you make it. It’s also a very personal thing. Sometimes I just don’t bother to explain it to people, especially when I can see they’re not open to new ideas.

I find doing affirmations while I swim very empowering and invigorating – I set up a rhythm of movement that coincides with the words of my affirmation, and once I’m into it, that’s when I feel I could go on forever! When I got to 50 lengths yesterday, I was enjoying the Mind Power so much, that I just kept on swimming. Even at 60 lengths I wasn’t exhausted, but I stopped because I didn’t want to overdo it. I can tell you one thing, though – I’ll be doing 70 lengths long before my next birthday, in September. As with most things I’m striving for, all I need are time and space – I can make the magic happen.

Recently someone said to me she was reluctant to start a blog because she didn’t want people reading about her personal stuff. I respect that. For me, there’s personal and then there’s personal. I could write for hours, days, weeks, even months, and you wouldn’t necessarily know about the really personal stuff in my life. I write because I love writing. I love words. I love putting ideas down and expressing what’s inside of me. It’s fun, it’s a game, and I love it.

For example, I could tell you that today’s weather turns me on, that it’s songwriting weather and it’s lovemaking weather, but you wouldn’t know whether I’d be indulging in either of those activities, would you?

Live your truth

Picture: At the end of September last year, this entire plant was as dry as the little sticks showing on the top right hand side of the picture. I refused to give up on it, because I suspected that, with care and patience, it could be restored to its former state of health and beauty. Looking at it thriving now, I'm so glad I did.

01h40

So here I am again – that same intensity that fuels my songwriting, keeping me awake long after my gig. Thursday was one ‘helluva’ day! I can’t believe so many amazing things happened on one day. Well, maybe they’re just amazing to me, but still, what a day! A special day, filled with firsts.

This morning I had my 6th life coaching session, and a few things emerged that promise to guide me towards greater focus and commitment, as well as to take me on a slightly different path towards one of my main goals. I love the way the life coach sifts through everything I’m saying and identifies patterns of behaviour that hold me back, as well as ones that propel me forward. I am particularly amazed at how long it’s taking me to break certain immediately-identifiable self-sabotaging habits. It’s astounding how tenaciously I’ve clung to some of them! The most important thing is to keep using the strategies that work, and to discard the ones that don’t.

Afterwards, I went to an internet café in our area - a clean, pleasant, low-priced place - and sent off an e-mail I’d been trying to send for a few days.

I spent a good part of the day practising for the gig, and put a lot of effort into selecting my songs and writing up my set lists.

Later in the day, an invitation from a surprising source, and one which I’m eagerly anticipating.

And then the gig – wow! Two good friends of mine, Diana and Vangie, each pitched up with a group of friends, and stayed for the evening! Both of them lead very full, busy lives, so I felt humbled and astounded that they’d chosen to spend a whole evening at a place where I was playing! That immediately made my night, and I enjoyed the experience of singing to people who liked my music; in honour of them and their loyalty, I did a few more originals than I’d planned to, which changed the flavour of my night considerably. Songwriters should sing their own songs, period. I feel more alive and authentic when I’m performing my own stuff. Every cell in my body glows and smiles, and I feel like I’m doing what I was born to do.

During the break, I met a musician – percussionist, Daniel Bloem - who played a few songs with me on someone’s djembe, towards the end of my second set, and it was really exciting. Interesting chatting to him and finding him to be a very cool person, different, anything but shallow and materialistic, a breath of fresh air.

After my second set, one of South Africa’s guitar greats, Steve Newman, took to the stage and played like the wizard he is. Oh my goodness – his dexterity and intensity took my breath away! It was like being enveloped in a cloud of sound, sitting about two metres from him while he played. He used a few different guitars, one of them really tiny, called a soprano guitar, which he said he tunes to C sharp, so it’s a really high-pitched range of sound.

Later the same morning – after a deliciously restorative sleep:
As I reflect on this and so many other things happening in my life, I am more excited than I could possibly put into words about the direction in which my life is heading, with increasing inexorability. There’s obviously still an element of ‘insecurity’ - for want of a better word - because my employment situation is not settled, but at the same time, a whole new realm of existence is emerging, and I’m discovering that there are strongly viable alternatives to the 9-to-5 scenario. In fact, I sincerely hope never to need that kind of employment again. As time goes by, I’m becoming clearer as to what and whom I want to proceed into the rest of my life with. Stale aspects of my life, the ones that have been holding me back - and holding me hostage – are suddenly glaringly dysfunctional (as I suppose they’ve always been), and I’m finally able to look critically at them and be absolutely okay about leaving them behind. It’s so liberating! Shoo!

What works for me is to replace things I’m discarding with healthier alternatives. I find physical exercise helps put a lot into perspective. Whichever way you go about it, the best investment you can make is in your health, because what’s the use of being part of a generation that’s likely to live beyond 90, yet you’re facing your last 30 years being lived with ill-health? It doesn’t make any sense to me. I fully subscribe to the “healthy mind in a healthy body” tenet.

So, exercise has become firmly established as one of my non-negotiables. A second priority for me is regular, serious music practice. Tomorrow I go back to working with my tutor, which I'll do once a month, and that’s something I’ve really missed for the past few months. The discipline of working on my own, though, is something that arose from my having to stop lessons when I was retrenched. That alone has been an amazing journey, where I now find myself exploring material to perform that previously I might have shied away from, or might have tackled in a more conventional way. I can feel myself slowly becoming more courageous, less worried about what people think, and a whole lot truer to myself.

Many years ago, an astrologer I hold in high esteem said to me:
“Live your truth, and the universe will support you.”

I can’t believe I had to walk such a long, convoluted path before I fully understood the emancipatory power of those words.