Blogging on a Sunday night (Written 29/11/09)

What an interesting weekend! On Friday I had the rest of my tickets printed, completing that phase of the preparation for my concert next Sunday. On Friday night, I stayed home and relaxed, enjoying the lovely change of pace after the busy week. I took the tv into my bedroom, and spread all my planning sheets around me on my bed, going over some last-minute details of the show. I was excited about some chord changes Wayne had made to two of my songs, so I played through the songs. Once again, I fell asleep with the light on, with my guitar, my song file and all my notes around me. I always feel a bit ridiculous when I wake up like that, and it makes me laugh at how flaky I can be – so different to the organised, focused person I have to be in other parts of my life. That’s why it’s called home, and that’s why home is my haven. It wasn’t always my haven. But that’s another story.

On Saturday I dropped some tickets at people’s houses, then developed a huge headache, which I suspect was migraine. I decided to cancel an appointment, and to lie down, so that I could be okay for my gig at The Food Lover’s Market that night. Although it didn’t quite work out that way, I managed to get rid of the headache by the time I got to the gig.

We started at 7:30, because Wayne had an earlier gig. The evening went very well, enhanced by the beautiful voice of our guest artist, Megan Francis, who sang four songs. It’s such a privilege to be hosting these guest slots, because I’m getting to hear and meet really talented young musicians. Like all the other people we’ve had as guests, Megan is not only talented and very musical, but also a lovely person, with such a cool style. She plays the piano, as well, which can only be an asset. This young lady will go very far, if she pursues music with all that passion I saw in her.

If I were to stop working in the industry I’m in right now, I’d love to work in the music world full-time, both as a performer as well as a promoter of young musicians. It’s so exciting to see, in my small part of the world alone, just how many gifted people there are. The fact that there’s so much raw talent around means there’s a need for more experienced people to formally guide, nurture and mentor the next generation. Younger people should benefit from the knowledge of those who’ve been in the industry for a while.

Today I went to town, for my lunch-time gig at Baran’s, but when I got there, the weather was really iffy – I’d had some rain on my way there – and we needed to make a judgement call about the gig, which was supposed to be outside, alongside the actual Greenmarket Square. I left the decision to Baran, who decided we shouldn’t take a chance. I called the musician I was going to do the gig with, and cancelled. I was really disappointed, because it was Errol Dyers, and it would’ve been our first gig together. I’ve always admired his music, and was really looking forward to the gig. Nice guy.

Before I left the restaurant, I met up with DJ and sound engineer, André Manuel, who’ll be recording the concert; he took a look at the sound setup there. It was good to connect up with him again. As all the elements start falling into place, I can feel my excitement growing. Last week, I secured the services of a photographer I haven’t met yet, but whose work speaks for itself: Lavonne Bosman. You can see her exquisite, unusual work on www.lavonne.co.za. She recently photographed the weddings of two of my colleagues, and I was so impressed with her shots. We’ve chatted on the phone, and I’m ecstatic that she’s agreed to photograph the concert.

My children came home at 6 this evening, and I had just a few hours to do all my housework, in my usual attempt to have the house organised by the time they get here. It’s quite crazy living like this (“joint domiciling” is the legal term), but we do. And somehow it works. Each of the four of us lives two distinct lives. I’m not even sure I’d know how to live just one life, given the opportunity! What does disturb me is that the children get the worse deal – the adults live in one place all the time, but the children move, every seven days. I don’t think this is the ideal arrangement, but I honestly don’t know what is. Sometimes I cynically speculate as to the careers they might choose later on – circus performers, maybe? Travel journalists? What I do know is that, because of my own turbulent childhood, where the longest I ever lived in one place was four and a half years, I have a deep need to put my roots down, a very strong need to call some place “home”. I’ve lived in my current house for almost 13 years, the longest I’ve ever lived in one house. But it’s not mine.

When my children are away, my evening meals are usually simple, quick, eat-to-survive kinds of food: seed loaf toast with all kinds of interesting toppings (usually involving smoked snoek paté, avo, cottage cheese, chutney or sweet chilli sauce), baked potatoes (same toppings) and then of course the trusty old 2-minute noodle option. Boring as hell, but does the trick. When they’re away, I work late, come home exhausted and eat something in front of the tv, iron my clothes for the next day, then either work on my music, read or journal, after which I soak in the bath, wake up in it much later (sometimes 1am or even later!), and make my way to bed, vowing that I’ll shower the next night, and not do that to myself again. The alarm wakes me up at 05:45, and it all starts again. Get up, shower, get dressed, eat, leave, work work work, home, etc.

One of the things I get used to when they’re away is silence. But all of that changes once they’re back. Especially in the first few hours that they’re back, I can’t believe anyone can talk that much, have that much to say! My daughter (11) has a need to narrate (now where could she get that from?!), and my son (14) is my resident stand-up comedian. He turns everything into an opportunity to ham it up. He’s so funny, I sometimes cry with laughter! God, he’s funny! And when I succeed at making him laugh, his laugh is so crazy and infectious, he has us laughing at him! And so together they fill the house with their energy and their wonderful spirits. My mom, who’s lived on the premises for just two and a half years, always tells them how she’s missed them, but I seldom do. It’s understood that we miss each other, but it’s a coping mechanism that we don’t say it too often. My daughter says it a lot, though. That’s just her personality – she says what she wants to say. I hope she never loses that quality.

And now, with these two fast asleep in their rooms down the passage, it’s time for me to call it a night. At 11:10pm, this is an early night for me. I wonder if I should play my guitar for a while?

You see? It starts!

Books find us

Picture: A street in Pelourinho, a historic part of the city of Salvador, in Brazil. I stayed there for two nights, and fell in love with the place! Exotic, steeped in history (built in 15th, 16th and 17th centuries!), oozing slave stories, moody, sultry....


New topic:
I've had a theory for a while, like others I've spoken to, that books work their way into our lives when the time is right. If someone highly recommends a book, and you start reading it but it doesn't grab you, it's not the right time for you to be engaging with it. You have to put it aside and pick it up at another stage of your life.

Just before I went to Brazil, my dream country, in March this year (business trip for the English school I work at), I went to a bookshop to buy myself something substantial for the trip. I was going to be taking 8 flights in total, so I wanted something gripping to read. I ended up buying Barack Obama's "Dreams From My Father", and it was exactly right for me. We were born in the same year, he explores issues of mixed 'race'/ethnicity, and he deals very explicitly with lots of issues linked to coming into one's own, walking one's own path, and gaining the confidence to express publicly that one's views have moved away from those of one's family and childhood friends. I enjoyed his use of English, his graphic, lyrical descriptions and his quirky sense of humour. He had just become the USA's first black president, and I think I was, like the rest of the world, simply fascinated by him. I still am.

Yes, I read on the flights, but I also devoured my Brazilian Portuguese phrasebook, did Soduko till it came out of my ears, watched movies, listened to Brazilian music, and - my favourite - journalled.

And now another book has found me, called "Women Who Love Too Much", by Robin Norwood. I want to take my time with this one, because it's found me at a time that I need to address certain things and put closure on others. But most importantly, I need to break counter-productive patterns in my life. In the 1980's, I had an 8-year relationship that almost destroyed me. But it didn't: I survived, and emerged thinking I knew what I wanted and what I didn't. And life moved on. And then in 1992 I met someone who seemed exactly what I needed, we got married in 1994 and divorced in 2000. As with all relationships, there were important lessons I'd needed to learn. And life moved on. And then in 2003, I entered into a relationship which was to prove just as much a learning experience as the other two. And life moves on.

As no woman is an island, I realise that we learn most of our lessons about ourselves through our interactions with others. Had I been confined to a solitary life, without a social context, I would've stayed the same. I would've thought I knew all the answers. I would have stagnated, closing my mind to the many possibilities around.

A few years ago, I excitedly shared a book that had had a profound impact on me with a close friend. It was "Women Who Run With The Wolves", and it had been given to me by a good friend and strong woman, Nisa. To my dismay, the person returned it shortly afterwards, saying she'd not gone beyond a certain point, because it had been boring. I took it personally, because that's what I did back then. Now I understand that books have to find us. I also know that if someone doesn't like what I do, it's no reflection on me.

When I read "The Alchemist" (Paulo Coelho)for the first time, it also felt like the perfect book for me at that time of my life. More recently, I've had that experience with "The Art Of Possibility" (Ben Zander and his wife, Rosamund Stone Zander), which I must have read about 8 times by now, and of course, one of my 'bibles', "Mind Power Into The Twenty-First Century" (John Kehoe).

And now I have three books waiting for me: 2 I got as birthday presents this year: "Shantaram", by Gregory David Roberts (from Juan - reading it at the moment), "In the Land Of Invisible Women" (from Jacques - waiting for me to read!), and now today's arrival, "Women Who Love Too Much".

When my friend who lent it to me pointed out that one of the central characters was "Trudi", a woman on a personal journey to break old, destructive patterns in her life, I knew that this book had indeed found me.

More Than Words

A few weeks ago, Rafiek Mammon (journalist, editor of The Next 48 Hours, playwright, radio presenter, etc.) came to the Food Lover's Market to review our duo, and today it's finally in the paper (Cape Times supplement, Top Of The Times). Yay! I've attached the pic they used for the article. I'm sorry Rafiek's camera lost all the really cool pics of the duo, but this one was taken at home by my 10-yr-old daughter, Summer. This is a child with a great eye for photography, and she definitely needs her own camera.

Just because I'm feeling so proud of both my rooikoppies today, I've also attached one of the three of us, taken at home in June this year. First time I've put them on my blog. Nick is 14, and Summer is 10 (11 in 3 sleeps!). I know it's redundant for a parent to say this, but I love these two more than I can put into words.

Incremental

Ha! Just noticed my followership has grown by 50%! hahahaha! Thanks, Tamzin! Welcome to the inner workings of the brain of a fellow-Virgoan. I can't believe you're leaving in a month's time! This is no laughing matter - you will be missed!

I've now got orders for 53 tickets for my show on the 6th of December. Heading inexorably towards 100, my goal. Watch this space! I anticipate a repeat of the show.

Music, the great healer and bringer together of people. Indeed.

Working the networks

Written Tues 17/11/09



Picture: Renae Barker and I, Sat. 14/11/09, at her Charity Tea (ingenious fundraiser for three charities, held at her home!)





Watching the last episode of one of the seasons of Lipstick Jungle. What is it about the show I like so much? I think it’s the fact that the three central characters are empowered career women and that, just like the rest of us, their private lives don’t always echo the symmetry and clarity of their professional lives. I also really like stories about strong friendships. And yes, I’m a sucker for a good love story! Can’t deny that!

My love-hate relationship with Facebook continues. The jury’s still not out as to how much longer I’ll stay on it, but a few things have happened that have made me see the value of this social networking system: I made contact with a high school friend, after 30 years, I heard from an ex-student from Russia, one from Japan and two from Switzerland, a writer friend whose work I love, and made an interesting connection with a musician I’ve admired for a long time.

As strange as it may seem, since I love blogging so much, I’m actually quite a private person, so the part of Facebook I like is the message writing between people, which happens privately. I really don’t care about all the frivolous stuff people write about all the time - and I actually don’t quite understand why some people have to say absolutely everything about everything – but I like the networking aspect. Basically, having been raised in apartheid South Africa, where I had so few choices, until the age of 32, when we gained political freedom, I prize very highly my right to choose, my right to set boundaries, and my right to do what feels right to me, without having to justify it to the world.

One of the off-putting things about Facebook (and here I know I need to learn how to install certain facilities) is the fact that I get to view all the little bits of mindless chitchat between my “friends” and their “friends”. When I realised that this sometimes entailed my being involuntarily exposed to gratuitous profanity and vulgarity, I wanted to ‘un-join’ immediately. And then I got six really interesting messages from people I’m so happy to have connected with, and I thought, “You know, there’s definitely something about this technology that I like - a lot!”

To be honest, this ambivalence is more about me and my pattern of behaviour when faced with change, than about anything else. But that’s another story!

Today was a day I wouldn’t want to repeat in a hurry, and yet it was a very good day, in many respects. It was filled with a variety of things that I’m sure many people don’t get to experience in a month! Bottom line – I love my job, and I’m happy working where I do. I put a lot of energy into whatever I do, and my day job is no exception. Tomorrow night I accompany, along with a group of other South Africans in the language teaching industry, a group of Italian agents and journalists to supper at an authentic African restaurant. I love the place – the décor is pretty and indigenous, the food’s unusual and exciting, from all over Africa, and a highlight for me, is that I get my face painted in African style, during the evening. The cherry on top of all of that, though, is that, towards the end of the evening, the waitresses sing. I don’t even want to describe what that feels like. I am profoundly moved and affected by that kind of singing, and I feel my skin tingling with excitement. Even though I always say I strongly suspect my roots lie on some island, or some Latin country, I am undeniably African, and my heart soars with pride when I hear those strong voices blending, rich in harmony, and I feel the sensations inside my own body when I watch them swaying rhythmically as they sing.

But the part of my life that ensures everything balances out nicely is the time I spend alone, journalling, blogging, practising my music. Earlier, I spent some time playing scales on my guitar. Tonight I won’t sing, because I wanted to blog, but I’ll have to start doing serious practising for my concert on 6 December, at Baran’s. I’ve already taken orders for 41 tickets, and that’s just from my own friendship circle (real friends, not FBFs) – I want to sell 100, which means I need to get 59 people from my broader circle and the public. Have to step up the marketing.

I think I’ve found someone to do the official photography on the night, and I might actually have the show recorded! Lots to put in place before then. I’ve always liked the idea of a live recording, and maybe this time it will all come together.

In conclusion, I want to talk about an excellent way in which I saw a network being used, over the weekend: I sang at a beautiful house where the owner,a really lovely woman, Renae Barker, had arranged a Charity Tea fundraising afternoon. She’d got a lot of women to buy tickets, treated them to delicious refreshments and live music (moi!), handed out great prizes (generous donations), and made some money, which she donated to three charities. One was Ons Plek, a shelter for homeless/abused girls, another was Building Blocks, a house where babies waiting for foster/adoptive parents are looked after, and the third was a new home-church in Lavender Hill. I admire the organizer and her team who did the tables, and I also applaud all the ladies who came to support. I was moved and inspired, and it was a privilege to do my bit for those organizations.

I am so tired, I shouldn’t bath – I should just shower! If I were to do my usual soak in the bath, I’d probably wake up in it tomorrow!

Tomorrow’s Wednesday, the day I have my guitar lesson. Another reason to smile.

Right now, my daily fantasy of getting to bed before midnight seems to be fading. 23h20. Can still make it.

And now I know

Picture: Janice De Lilly

On Sunday 15th November, I do the lunchtime gig at Baran's Theatre Restaurant, from 12 - 3, featuring Janice De Lilly (singer-guitarist) as my guest. She has a voice like silk, and needs to be heard by the whole world! This gig is part of the "Spirit Of Cape Town" cultural series I'm hosting at this delightful, exotic spot on Greenmarket Square. It's a Turkish/Khurdish restaurant, set up for dinner theatre, and the ambience is magical! Sunday lunch costs R50 for a main course (lamb/chicken/vegetarian) and the cover charge for the live music is R30. Drop by, if you're in the mood.

And so.... I've finally joined Facebook! Mixed feelings. I must admit, until I start achieving my main aim, i.e. getting my music out there, I'll feel like I've somehow cheated on my blog! I really like blogging, enjoying the fact that I can do it in my own time and ignore it when I get too busy. I honestly find Facebook too time-consuming (says she who's been a member for one whole day!), and part of me resents the fact that I'm expected to answer so many people. I think I have about 26 "friends". Now there's a label I find curious. When I call someone my friend, it encompasses all kinds of elements, like trust, honesty, loyalty and discretion, to name a few. A Facebook friend is just someone you're linked to electronically. Hectic!

And back to blogging:

This weekend, I have THREE gigs. Tomorrow afternoon, I'm singing at someone's house in Constantia/Kreupelbosch. It's a fundraiser for three different charities, including Ons Plek, hosted by Renae Barker. I'm doing it as a solo gig, and it's a "marketing opportunity", i.e. I'm not charging. I believe, like Stevie Wonder says in his incredibly beautiful song, If It's Magic: "there's enough for everyone".

Not everyone has money to give to charity, so you need to give what you can. In my case, I give my music. I've learnt, however, that it's not just enough to appear at these events, and to mention your name at the beginning and end of the gig - you have to leave printed material behind, marketing yourself, because at those occasions, people are relaxed, they're listening to you in an unstressed environment, and they're taking in what you're doing, consciously or not. Somewhere along the line, they might have a need for live music, and you'll pop back into their minds. That's how it works. If I've distributed my contact details, even better. Now that I'm blogging (and collecting friends on Facebook!), even better.

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO PUT SOME AUDIO OUT IN CYBERSPACE!

After that, I head straight for my evening gig at The Food Lover's Market, where I'll be working as half of The Rushin-Bosch Jazz Duo (with Wayne Bosch), from 7 to 10pm. This is undeniably one of the things I'm proudest of, right now. I put a lot of hard work into it, and not just musically - I do the marketing, which never stops, and I also do lots of admin related to the gigs. My personal development is also a big part of what's happening in my music career, because success at anything we do in life can be attributed largely to belief and attitude, skill aside. If I didn't believe in this journey, I'd find one closed door after the other. What's happening is the complete opposite, in fact!

Another fantastic piece of news reached me this week: that our duo has been hired to do New Year's Eve supper at Myoga, a restaurant at the Vineyard Hotel - another of my dream venues! I am so excited! I've been wanting to play at the Vineyard for years, and to get the NY's Eve gig is a major coup! I'm jumping out of my skin with excitement. As soon as I've established details like the cost of the dinner, I'll advertise it on my blog.

I started writing a song, last night, and I'm like the musical version of a nutty professor, when I'm in the process of writing. I feel like I want to drop everything for a few hours/days and just work on the song! This morning I was driving to work, and some new lyrics came into my head. I grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen, and for once, every robot I got to was green, so I was really frustrated because I wanted to write down the words as they came. It's actually one of those songs that I feel so intense about, it's like I'm giving birth to it. I was so caught up in the lyrics and their implications, that I started to cry. This has happened to me a few times before, but not for a while. When I write these kinds of songs, so close to my heart, I panic about performing them, because I'm so scared I'll be too emotional to sing.

I'm hoping to complete it before my concert on 6 December, so that I can include it. That would be something! It contains a message I need to say at this stage of my life, and it's a wonderful mixture of very necessary words and the new slant to my musical style.

I recently experienced something that reminded me to simply trust my instincts and NEVER to stop trusting them. I got involved with something I had decided, for many many reasons, to walk away from, and I knew I'd learn one of three things: that I'd been wrong to walk away from it; that I could dip into that world occasionally, when expedient; or, that I'd been right to walk away. Sometimes I can only establish by actually doing something how I really feel about it, and this was one of those situations.

And now I know.

Imagine

Saturday night's gig at The Food Lover's Market was special in quite a few ways. Firstly, I had to drop my teenaged son in Claremont an hour before I needed to be at my gig, so I had a very early start. Usually I get there between 6 and 6:30pm, but this time I got there just after 5. What was already special about the day was that it had rained all day! And not soft, gentle rain (jazz standard, Gentle Rain -beautiful piece!), but quite a heavy downpour. Superb for the garden, but not for my instruments as I was loading my car, nor for my hair! So I got to my gig looking like a wet dog, and sought (unsuccessfully) to find a "cool" attitude that would make the look seem intentional. On the best of days, my hair does its own thing, so I wondered, after the rain had put paid to the efforts of the shampoo and conditioner, what exactly my hair would decide to do that night, when it dried! See above photos! Haha! There are some things in life I can control, and then there's my hair!

So I carted my equipment upstairs, with the help of the doorman, and saw, to my delight, the high chairs we'd asked the owner for, a few weeks ago. The entire bandstand looked better, because we now also have our speakers on stands. I've always had a funny relationship with high chairs, at gigs! I hate chairs that are slippery and ones that don't accommodate my....em.... let's say, "girth", but I particularly don't get along with chairs that swivel! And the new chairs at FLM do exactly that, so now Wayne and I are a swinging duo. You dare not sneeze, because when you open your eyes, you might just have your back towards the audience!

After I'd set up, I ordered a cup of coffee, and sat down to do some planning for my 6 December show. That was a valuable timeslot, for me. It also gave me time to dry, to unwind and to prepare mentally for the gig. As a mom, it's hard to find a whole lot of time to sit and write. Of course, being a "part-time" mom, I get every second week to myself, so I try to regulate my space craving to coincide with that schedule, but, as you can imagine, it doesn't quite work that way. There's nothing organic about this way of living. After 9 years of it, I should know.

But, back to the gig.
I did three of my own compositions, and that always makes the gig more special for me. More than that, Wayne's playing adds a whole new dimension to my compositions. It's such a personal thing, such a risk, in a way, performing songs you've written: you can't help but be very invested in the moment. At restaurants, people talk all the time while you're singing, and you sort of end up singing for yourself and your friends who're actually listening. Which is why some musicians take stupid chances at gigs, settling for the path of least resistance, playing the same old material for years, not rehearsing, not freshening up their acts, allowing stupid mistakes to remain uncorrected, week after week. I don't subscribe to such mediocrity - I'm there to do a job, a job I love, so I'm going to work hard before, during and after the gig, always putting my best out there. That's one of the reasons I enjoy working with Wayne - he's a total perfectionist, and a consummate professional. I'm learning so much from him.

My partner was there, and that's always super-cool for me. He's such a supportive guy. I often wonder if he doesn't get sick and tired of coming to the gigs, but when I look up at a certain time of the night, there he is, and the little spark inside of me grows into a flame. What can I say...... he's my Achilles heel.

There was a big group of people who insisted on sitting up close to the bandstand, who spoke and laughed loudly all night, and took no notice of the music. After our very last song, our own version of John Lennon's "Imagine", they applauded like we were superstars. Imagine!

Fortaleza

I could look at this picture for hours. I took it in Fortaleza, in the north-east of Brazil. It's my current desktop wallpaper. I love walking in the shallow part of the sea, where the water occasionally rushes up to cover my feet. In Cape Town, I love walking on Muizenberg Beach. Another fabulous beach to walk on is Noordhoek, and of course, the divine beach at Wilderness, on the Garden Route.

Music Inside Of Me

Tonight I do my next duo gig with Wayne at The Food Lover's Market, my 19th consecutive Saturday there, and the start of our fifth month. A few years ago, I had a 5-month resident gig at Off Moroka, in Adderley Street. I worked there with guitarist Keith Tabisher, and our duo grew into a trio when Donald Gain, a double bassist, joined us. The restaurant has since closed, and unfortunately the enigmatic guy who ran it, Richard Ishmail, has since died. I have many fond memories of that place, and one of them is doing my first guest appearance as a songwriter at one of the Poetry Sessions organised by Richard. That was in 2004, the day that South Africa heard the shocking news of Brenda Fassie's death. I remember a fairly inebriated guy in the audience asking me my opinion of her (music), and there was something so threatening about his demeanour, that I needed to draw on all my diplomatic vocabulary, to get through the experience intact, and to get to my performance in a focussed way!

I did a half-hour slot of my own compositions, accompanying myself on guitar.
The audience was filled with poets and others who had come to listen to poetry, so my inclusion, a departure from the usual programme, may easily not have been welcomed. To my delight (and relief!), the response was not only tolerant, but extremely positive, with people asking me all kinds of questions afterwards. It gave me an idea, for the first time ever, of how my songs mght be received by the public, were I to expose them more.

I sang my songs at a few other poetry sessions, organised by Dala Flat Music, and there again I realised that:
1. I needed a listening audience, like the ones that attend poetry sessions
2. people enjoyed my songs

What astounded me was how many women would come up to me after a performance and say they'd had similar experiences to what I'd sung about, but that they could never have articulated their feelings like I had done in my lyrics. That was interesting.

There was a time in my life that I thought I'd never sing my songs in public, because I was constantly told that they were "too personal". I've come a long way since then: I trust my own judgement about what's right or wrong for me.

In four weeks' time, I do a concert of original compositions, called "Music Inside Of Me", one of my song titles. I had been married for six years when we split up, and it was while I was going through a year-long divorce, that I wrote the song. I remember a friend commenting, when I told her I'd just written my first song since the split, " I suppose it's a sad song". I looked at her, smiled and shook my head. It was anything but a sad song! I realised how different people's perceptions of us can be to what we're actually feeling.

The gist of the song is, "If there's music inside of you, you've got to let it out."
I had had a period of years of viewing myself through someone else's eyes, of allowing someone else's perception of me to cloud my own, and I had emerged with the clarity I'd lacked before - that there's only thing you HAVE to do in life, and that's to be exactly who you are. (In one of her books, Maya Angelou says there are only two things she has to do in life: stay black, and die!). I'd tried to be what I wasn't, suppressing the confident, spontaneous, goofy side of me, and after too many years of failing myself in that way, I made a choice to free myself, and to live a more authentic life. The best way I could process that experience was to write about it, and because music and words course through my veins as naturally as my heart beats, I wrote a song about it.

An astrologer told me, once, that my relationship with someone had been karmic, and I asked what that meant. She explained that certain people were sent our way to teach us valuable lessons. It had nothing to do with how long the relationship lasted, or what the nature of the relationship was - it just meant that through that person's influence, positive or negative, you would learn certain important lessons. I now know that some of my most valuable lessons have been learnt through what seemed like extremely adverse circumstances. Which is also why I'm as patient as I am, because my Great Teacher, my garden, has shown me that sometimes you can't avoid handling some fertiliser before the true beauty of the garden can emerge.

But, I digress!

I need one more musician to complete my band for the 2-set concert on the 6th of December. This week, I'll choose the songs I'll be doing, and start working on them. I'm so excited, because I feel like my music has come alive in the past year, since I started taking lessons with Wayne, and I'm looking forward to performing my original songs to an audience, with my new approach, some new chords, and of course some new songs. I'm putting a fresh spin on all the songs, whether by changing the arrangements, the chords, the rhythms or the tempos. This concert will be different to any other I've done, where I've performed my compositions. The most important shift, with the whole show, will be the shift that's happened (and continues to happen)inside of me. Which is why I chose that title for the show. I'm way past the time of wondering how people will receive my songs - these are my creations, my inner processes, and all I'm doing is sharing them with the public. I don't care who likes them and who doesn't, who thinks they're too personal, or not African enough - seriously, I don't care.

Like recently, I had my hair cut, and had to deal with all the comments that people always feel they need to make. A young colleague (with the most amazing hair - long, funky, super-curly!), when I shared some of the comments with her, said, "People ask me why I don't wear my hair this way or that, and I always reply: Why would I want to look like everyone else?!". Oh, to have been that wise that young!

And so, with just a few weeks to go, I have a lot of organising to do. This week, I'm getting the tickes printed and starting with my 4-week marketing programme. I need to contact the media, and get some photos out there, as well as an article or two. I need to spend time on the overall concept, and work on how it translates into the details, the little extras one adds, to make the show memorable. If I can, I'll have it recorded, but I want it done properly or not at all. I have to think about the stage, the printed programme, etc. etc.

This is what makes me tick!

Candlelight

There's something about this time of year, starting from September, that makes me feel that absolutely anything is possible! On Saturday I had my hair cut (a sure sign that a woman is welcoming change into her life) AND blow-dried (really not my thang!), which felt like some kind of new beginning. (The picture above was taken on Saturday night, at my gig at Food Lover's Market.)

It really was a 'new beginning' kind of weekend, because on Sunday night, Wayne and I played our first-ever gig at Baran's Theatre Restaurant, on Greenmarket Square, and it was so cool. We worked with a well-known electric bass player, Bernie Lawrence, and it gave our duo a whole new sound. I learnt many valuable lessons in the process. Yup! The acoustics are very flattering, so the sound was lovely! Four of our foreign students (I work at an English school) pitched up, and one of them, Jacob, from Angola, came up to sing a song with us. He has a great voice - so, so beautiful - deep, smoky, magical! I'd love to sing a duet with him, because our voices contrast so strongly.

And then it was Monday, and a whole new week. My children are back home and all's right with my world. My guitar lesson is tomorrow, and that's my mid-week highlight. Tonight I'll cram in all my homework that I should've been doing all week (heehee! Sorry, Wayne!) and take the journey a few steps further tomorrow.

Last week, in my lesson, I found the courage to play an instrumental piece I'd composed a few months ago, and it was well received. (phew!) It's interesting to me how many ultra-laid-back, subdued-seeming people I have in my close circle, being the chatterbox I am; when praise is forthcoming from one of them, firstly I have to be alert to the fact that it is indeed praise, and secondly I have to receive it and enjoy it. It's a breakthrough for me to have written such a piece, and I've decided to call it "Candlelight".

Some amazing gig offers have come my way, but no details on the blog until confirmed. I need to start marketing my next gig at Baran's, which will be on Sunday 15 November, at lunchtime, 12 - 3pm. Need to find a guitarist, because Wayne's got a regular Sunday lunch gig. Also need to start getting my act together for my concert on Sunday 6 December, which will be all original material.

Time to go. More when I have time.