Finding balance

I’ve been thinking about compiling a list for my kids, as a sort of legacy, of pieces of advice, bits of wisdom I’ve arrived at over the years. I want to give it more thought, before committing the words to paper. Quite an interesting exercise, I’m finding. 

One of the main messages I want to pass on to them is that life can sometimes be demanding and stressful, even veering towards chaos. Often, no matter organized you may be, this is what you find yourself in the midst of, mainly because you don’t live in isolation – you share your space with people who may be very different to you. You need to have a coping strategy, a space you can go to, whether physical or psychological, where you can restore your balance. 

I operate with common sense, so I don’t believe that balance can be found only in overseas holidays or retreats into expensive game reserves. If you’re lucky enough to be able to afford that kind of lifestyle, good for you. For most people, however, it’s more likely that your peaceful place or space will be in or around your home, or somewhere in your city, at least. 

For many people, the thing that restores balance is not so much a place as an activity. For me, music has long been my haven, my refuge, whether it be playing it, listening to recordings or watching it being performed live. 

Right now, I’m staying up way too late, because I’m watching a DVD I‘ve wanted to buy for years: Jamie Cullum Live at Blenheim Palace. 

So, in the midst of all the chaos that somehow seems to keep seeking me out, I have my constant source of peace – music. I could write volumes about how music has helped me keep a sense of perspective.

I’ll write some more at another time. If I don’t go’n sleep now, I’ll be wiped out in the morning. I get up at 05:30, these days, and leave by 07:00. I need to shower now, then read a few pages of a book, before losing myself in dreamland.

And life goes on. 

                         A recent sunset - August 2015 - view from my kitchen window. 

“Alone again, naturally”

A night to myself, and I started it in the best possible way – by doing a dance workout. Happy me! When I started dancing, on 1 May this year, I had to work really hard, to get to 20 minutes. Now, three and a half months later, my dance sessions last at least 40 minutes.  I am slowly building up my fitness and endurance, my goal being to get to 60 minutes. 

As anyone who’s ever embarked on an exercise programme, starting from a state of extreme unfitness, would attest, the effects are exponential. Indeed. I think that anyone who’s trying to lose weight through eating differently alone is missing out on a very exciting journey – a journey of self-discovery.

As my body attunes itself to these new rhythms, I feel the ripples pulsing throughout my being. I feel myself growing more restless by the day. And I like it. I remember this feeling. And I remember the energy it releases in me.  It’s a wonderful energy, full of hope and excitement. Excitement at the prospect of change. I’m sooooo ready for that change!

This is how I view my life, right now: I could’ve stayed unfit and not started exercising, and my life would’ve stayed the same. But I made a conscious decision to commit to a new experience, to challenge myself and to feel alive in a whole new way. And I do. And I plan to take it further, inviting change into other parts of my life that have become stale, repetitive and unfulfilling. 

Just like my fitness is growing incrementally, so will my other changes not happen overnight – they, too, will evolve.  

What I’ve learnt, through my first challenge, is that, if I waited for others to make my life happen, I would wait forever. I have to initiate the change. I have to think it through carefully, make a decision, and then take that first step. I might be awkward in the beginning, but if I believe in myself and how right my goal is for me, I’ll take the next step, and the next, until I’m on a whole new path – one that makes me smile. And one that turns my heartbeat into a bossa nova.  

One day after my first 100-day challenge

Yesterday morning, life presented me with exactly what I needed - a bright, sunny sky, not a cloud in sight, and, best of all, those rare and precious gems, space and time.

Whenever I’m faced with free time, with nobody expecting anything of me, I feel like a child in a sweet shop, wondering which of the treats I should go for first; except, for me, it’s wondering which of my favourite pastimes to indulge in - journalling, blogging, or playing my guitar.

I always know when I have to write - it’s a feeling of being so full of thoughts and words, that, if I don’t write, I might explode.

I decided that, because I was so full of emotion, having completed my first 100-day challenge, I would journal, and not blog. I needed to write, write, write and keep writing, to get all my thoughts and feelings out. Blogging is different, very public, and requires a more restrained, deliberate approach.

I will, however, share some of my thoughts now, for the same reason I shared the whole challenge – to let you know what’s possible, and that, if I could do it, so could you.

1.   I set out to dance for 20 minutes every day for 100 days. After being forced to stop for a while (a bout of flu), I made a conscious decision to continue with the challenge, but to change the specifics. In order to do make my exercise routine sustainable, something I could stick to for the rest of my life, I made a commitment to myself to dance every second day.

2.   I took the promise very seriously, talking my way out of all kinds of excuses. Self-dialogue became a regular part of my life, as I spoke my way into my dancing shoes. (I ended up dancing 50 times in 100 days.)

3.    I’ve proved quite a few things to myself, things I’d almost forgotten:

-      I can stick to an exercise routine

-      I am a dedicated, goal-driven person   

-      I am capable of keeping myself disciplined

-      When I am true to myself, I make things happen

-      I actually do know myself best

-    Only I can change my life, to make it more fulfilling – by identifying what needs changing, working at changing it, and replacing it with my preferred alternative.

-      Music is indeed the magical ingredient in my life

So, yesterday my first 100-day challenge came to a close. I’ve renamed it 'Phase One'. Today is the start of 'Phase Two', which will also last 100 days, ending on 16 November 2015. I will continue to exercise every second day, but I am also adding two new challenges, each one extremely important to me.

This time, however, I will not be making them public.

And so I move into Days 101 – 200, with all the good energy I've gained from the first 100 days.

The gains of the first 100 days are far more than I can enumerate, but I can safely encapsulate them in one statement: I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AGAIN.  

You know what? I'll be 54 next month, and I feel like a whole new life has begun for me. 

S                        Saturday 8 August 2015 -  the clear, bright morning sky on Day 100.