TRANSCRIPT OF WOMAN ZONE INTERVIEW WITH TRUDY RUSHIN, PART OF ‘FINDING HERSELF’ PODCAST SERIES (DEC. 2020)
INTERVIEWER: THERESA SMITH
·
So if I think about what I remember you were
like, 20, 30 years ago, and how I know you now, it does feel to me like you’re
so much more sure of yourself. And this particular podcast series is called
Finding Herself and it is kind of partly why I thought you’d be really good at it,
because, for me, it does feel like you have found and are quite comfortable and
happy with who you are. That’s a rare
thing. People don’t always get that right or recognise that about themselves.
TRUDY: There are so many things I
could say about that, but I think … you know, I work with younger people and I
can see how they still have to experience more things, in order to arrive at
the conclusions I’ve arrived at. But the important thing is that you actually
experience the things, because I can give a talk to college students – which I
sometimes do – but it’s the adults there, it’s the lecturers, who are sitting
there nodding and like , “Ja!” - you
know, it makes sense to them. But it’s like the youngsters still have to live
through some of the things that I struggled with in order to arrive at their
own conclusions about what does and doesn’t work for them.
One of the mottos I have in life
is that we write our life stories by the things we say yes and no to. And I
wouldn’t have known that when I was 20. I know it now that I’m 59. (Laughs.)
TRUDY: I’ve a
long list of those things. (Laughs) If I say one of the things, it’s going to
sound out of context, but I think… you know, stay open. First of all: “know who
you are”. And the other side of the coin is: “ know who you are not”. And then, remain open to what life sends your
way.
I have a long
list – I can tell you all my others. (Laughs)
TRUDY: Ja.
‘Cos you know, for example, like when they were teenagers, and now they go to
parties or whatever. It’s so scary, as a parent, to think of what they’re going
to be exposed to. You want your
children, even then, to know that they don’t have to do what everyone else says
is cool. But you can tell them that, but only when they’re in the situation
will they actually figure out how much they do want to experiment and how much
they actually feel, “Naaah, it doesn’t make any difference to me.” You know? So
there’s a lot of trust that goes with that and a lot of stepping back and
hoping it’s gonna turn out okay. But
even then, I was saying to them, “Know who you are. Know what interests you and
what doesn’t. If you’ve never wanted to smoke, don’t try it. Or try it and
then, you know, you’ll see that it’s actually not for you. “ Ja… so.. that kind
of thing.
TRUDY: Em…… I actually do. And
there’s obviously a long list, but I’m just gonna say one broad one, which
is - this is my adult life, right, not
my childhood – I’ve spent so much time in survival mode, that I didn’t
prioritise financial planning, like other people did, for my retirement. So,
for me, that is a regret. Partly, because I’ve been so open to what life has
sent my way that I’ve made so many changes and seriously a lot of it was about
getting through the present, you know. Dealing with whatever. But as I said, we
write our stories by what we say yes and no to. And you just have to not limit
yourself, even in terms of age and what lies ahead. So, ja -I would just say I
wish I had been more …. again, I wish I’d had an older and wiser person who had
that kind of knowledge or that kind of perspective. Because I come from a
working class background, like most of us, and our parents may not necessarily…
my parents didn’t finish high school. They went into jobs, to earn money, you
know? And I think they were very much in survival mode, a lot of the time.
But ja … I … that is one regret I
have. But even then, you know, I never give up. So, I’m still working on that.
(Laughs)
· The other side of it is like what are you really proud of?
TRUDY: Ok, so here’s my list.
(Giggles) I’m proud that I now do not accept abuse in any form, from anyone.
And that, I think, has been a big part of my journey. Typical naïve person,
getting involved with very different types of personalities that don’t always
put you first, and putting up with things for a long time, because you don’t
even know that that’s emotional abuse. So, I don’t accept abuse from anyone.
And I’m a lot clearer about boundaries. I’m a lot clearer about … if I don’t
want something or someone in my life anymore, the earth is not going to stop
rotating if I put that boundary in place. Life goes on, you know?
I can say that I’ve learnt that …
I’m proud of the fact that no matter how hard something is to talk about, if I
spend enough time thinking about it and planning and tapping into good energy,
I will find the right words at the right time. I’ve learnt to like myself and I
think, as a woman, that’s a big thing to say, because society keeps telling us
you need to be a little more this, a little less that, stop being so loud, stop
talking so much, why aren’t you in a relationship? Etcetera. So I like myself
now, and I don’t feel the need to prove myself to anybody.
I’ve learnt to trust my instincts
and my judgement and I get very frustrated when other people underestimate me, because I know that I have a good track record of good instincts, now in the
latter part of my life. Ja, I think I’ve
learnt better boundaries. I’ve learnt that honouring yourself ... it’s not arrogant
or selfish, you know? And I think I was raised with a bit of a martyr
mentality. We always joke, my kids and I, about who inherited the martyr gene.
And I think I’ve had to chip away at that, because martyrdom doesn’t suit
anybody ... doesn’t work for anyone.
And I like the fact that I’m open
to life and that I can’t tell you now what I’ll be doing next year this time,
in different parts of my life. Because life might send me something amazing
that I would go for, and I like that.
TRUDY: In answering that, I’d
like to share a little incident with you. When I was married… I think it was …
I got married in ‘94, and in ’97, towards the end of the year, I recorded my
first little demo of four original songs. And the first time that my … one of
my songs was played on radio, I had been
told by the presenter that he would play it – that was Eric Alan, who also
opened doors for me – and I was waiting for the song to be played and when it
played I was like jumping out of my skin with excitement, jumping up and down
and like, “Jaaaa!!!”, you know? And my husband, who’s now my ex-husband, stood
there with his arms folded and said, “Don’t think you’ve arrived.” And – two
things: obviously, I felt devastated at the response, but the irony was I never
think I’ve arrived!
And so: am I what I hoped to be?
I feel like I’m still becoming, you know? That … that life is still unfolding
and there’s no end point, while you’re still alive, you know. And even after
that, I think whatever seeds you’ve planted live on, you know, in people and so
on.
So – am I what I hoped to be? I’m
free – I wasn’t always free. I was in oppressive relationships, more than once.
I’m independent – I like that. And I’m not limited by other people’s
insecurities. So… I think I hoped to be that when I was not that. But in terms of, like, as I said, being
ambitious, career-wise and so on, I believe I want to always be making a
difference in the world, and that will inform everything that I do.
But ja…. I don’t actually know
how to answer that, beyond what I’ve said, you know? Are you what you hoped to
be. I hoped to be respectful of people, to treat them with dignity, regardless
of what their jobs are or where they live, etc. And that again, I think, comes
back to how we were raised, which is everybody’s equal. So, ja… in a sense, I am what I hoped to be.
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