My Solo Sessions - Why now?

 I cannot believe it’s the 22^nd of September already!!!! What’s up with this year?!

SOLO SESSION 1

I did my first Solo Session on Sunday, 4 September, at Surplus Books, in Woodstock. It’s a really nice space to hold an event with about 30 people. I love venues that tell stories, so singing in a bookshop was wonderful. It was a stormy day, so the fact that more than 20 people braved the elements to be there, was a pleasant surprise.

As with everything I do, I always reflect and decide what I will and won’t do again. André Manuel did an audio recording, so I could listen back and learn from that Session. This is how I’ve been for as long as I can remember – I want people to give constructive criticism, so that I can do better, in future.  It’s less about perfectionism than it is about constant learning and growing, without which I’d feel there wasn’t much to look forward to.

I want to comment on two things that stood out, for me:

The first is that I was very nervous, and I couldn’t shake it for at least the first half of the show. It was a huge surprise to me, because I’ve sung my own songs many times in public, before – except, usually in a duo. The starkness of doing it solo, for a whole hour, made me feel a lot more vulnerable than I’d expected. There I was, having chosen to sing my songs and tell their stories, to a small audience, and yet it was terrifying to actually do so! I laugh at the memory of it now, because the next point will seem incongruous with what I’ve just written.  

The second thing that took me by surprise was how people enjoyed the humour in my songs. I’ve always had a sense of humour, so of course it would filter into my songs, but I hadn’t realised how people would react. I think it’s because I present as a very serious person, so people expect all my songs to be serious or sad. When you’re the one who wrote the material, you lose touch with how  funny it is. At one moment, my friend, Tina Schouw (one of my music heroes), laughed so explosively, that I couldn’t sing, because she made me laugh, too. 😊   

                   André and I, sound-checking before the first Solo Session. Photo: Faith Sheldon
 

WHAT WOULD’VE BEEN SOLO SESSION 2

I had arranged to have my second one at an art gallery in Muizenberg, on 17 September. I was really excited, as I love the idea of singing in an art gallery. I did so in 2005, in Buitenkant Street, when Dala Flat Music produced a three-concert series where I sang my songs with Hilton Schilder. Art galleries are rich with stories. The Muizenberg gallery owner and I had agreed on all the details. She insisted on doing the flyer, so I sent her the info and artwork, and we were going to start advertising on Monday, 5 Sept. I mentioned it on Facebook, and was expecting to upload the poster later that day, but, from that very day, I was unable to get hold of her on any of the platforms on which we’d been communicating. By the Thursday, I publicly announced the cancellation of the show. Up to today, I don’t know what happened. When I feel up to it, I will drive to the venue and see if I can get any answers. So – that was that. A real-life mystery. Disappointing, threw my plans out, but life goes on.

THE ACTUAL SOLO SESSION 2

My second Session now takes place on Sunday, 2 October, at The Athenaeum, in Newlands. This is a Victorian building, very close to the Newlands Stadium. Many people don’t even know it exists, despite there being a sign visible from the bridge next to it.  I’ve been fascinated by this place for years. In the early 1980s, when I was at Hewat Training College, I took guitar lessons with the late Neefa Van der Schyff, and I actually played a classical duet with another student in that venue! I remember also attending anti-apartheid gatherings there. Not sure if they were meetings or performance-type events. Anyway, I’ve always wanted to go back there and perform my work. I’ve booked the Drawing Room, so it’s a cosier space than the main hall, but what a charming setting! It’s now run as an NPC (Non-Profit Company), so the venue hiring rates are affordable. They have about six different spaces in the building that can be hired for different uses. There's a security entrance and off-street, safe parking right at the venue. I like that. 

SOLO SESSION 3

This time, I’ll be at Café Societi, which is in the foyer of the Fugard Theatre. The date is Saturday, 22 October, three weeks after my 2^nd one. I like that frequency, for now.

PREPPING FOR MY ATHENAEUM SESSION

Playing through the set I did at the bookshop, I decided to pitch out a few of the songs and replace them with others. I like that feeling. It will be mostly the same songs, but with a few significant changes. It’s an extremely personal thing, this entire project. I’m project managing the entire thing, I’m sourcing the venues, I’m doing the marketing, I’m selling the tickets, and I’m the only one performing – and performing my own compositions. It doesn’t get more personal than that. So deciding what to sing has got to be my choice, and no-one else’s. If I ask for input, that’s different.

I can’t even begin to tell you how profoundly different this is to what I usually do, which is to sing cover versions, either solo or in a duo. There’s something about singing songs you wrote yourself, and telling the back stories, that feels like pulling the skin off your body and revealing the real you, underneath.

Like I did with prepping for Session 1, I set up my P.A. system, tune my guitar, start the stopwatch, and perform the entire hour set, including the talking bits. Early in my practising, I had to remind myself  to factor in the applause. Weird.   

WHY NOW?

Given the skin-peeling analogy, you may wonder why I’m doing this project at all! There are a few main reasons and probably tens of sub-issues feeding into them. I want to share my original songs with people, because, through them, I tell the story of my life. While my songs don’t dwell on the adversity I’ve faced, as a woman, they do show how my twin passions for words and music combined to become the vehicle in which I travelled through life. My songs are like journalling to music, and in my songwriting, I found the courage I sometimes lacked in real life. Most importantly, I want to sing them while I still can. Two recent things - surviving the Covid-19 pandemic, and turning 60 – gave me a sense of urgency about doing what I’d been putting off for so long.   

But there’s another reason – in a sense, the biggest reason. Because people see me as a strong, empowered woman, they don’t know how fraught my music journey has been with gatekeeping from other musicians, who wouldn’t let me sing my own songs at gigs where mostly covers were being sung. What the actual fuck?! Every cover we do started out as an original that hadn’t been heard yet! And you know what’s even worse? I allowed them to silence me!

And even when I did sing my own songs, I had to put up with arrogance onstage. In an ensemble gig, in 2019, where the others in the band had got the gig through me, we were playing the intro to the next song, when one of the musicians pointed out to another that he was looking at the wrong chart. Instead of just flipping the page, he said “They all sound the same, anyway!” A few seconds later, I had to sing.  I’m a sensitive person and I found that offensive, but I didn’t say anything. I just felt awful for the entire gig. I handed over my power, my agency, and simply believed what he said, because he was so highly regarded in the music world. And, no - my songs don't all sound the same.  

I’M NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE. I’ve grown. It was just a matter of time. I trust my gut and I don't put people on pedestals anymore. As the late Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, do better.” And this is what my project is about. I am finally saying, in no uncertain terms: the ONLY person who can give me permission to sing my own songs is ME.

As I wrote, in one of my songs: “I’m not waiting for your ok – I know when I’m right or wrong.”

Mic drop!   

September 2022 - A New Chapter

My month has finally arrived! No matter how old I get, my birthday month will always feel like an exciting new beginning, to me.  

For us, in the southern hemisphere, it’s the end of winter and the start of spring (only on the 23^rd, as I’ve been reminded all morning, on Facebook), which in itself is a huge relief and cause for celebration. I think our winters are getting colder every year. The uncomfortable part is that our houses weren’t built with that in mind, so we shiver as much indoors as we do out.

So much has happened since I last blogged. I journal every day, so I feel like I’ve already written about it, but of course that’s my private writing.

But before I write about the new energy (and project), I want to briefly write about what was happening in my life one year ago. On 1 September 2021, my daughter and I took a road trip to a coastal town called Onrus (127km away), where we stayed in a self-catering Airbnb for two nights. She had her learner’s license at that stage, but drove both ways – one, inland, and the other, right at the sea. My nerves, as we drove back!! It was one of those winding roads with a sheer drop to the sea. And it was raining! I think I clenched my fists for the entire drive. But she was a confident driver by then, so she handled it calmly, and enjoyed the experience. Two months later, she passed her driver’s test at her first attempt. That whole journey (her learning to drive) merits its own blog post. 😄

Our little getaway came immediately after I’d left a job after five and a half years. When the company informed us of yet another wave of retrenchment, I initially feared I'd be selected, but then decided it was actually a good time to leave – for many reasons – and voluntarily placed my name on the list. I could have taken a plane trip somewhere and indulged in an expensive holiday, but I had to think ahead – I’d left a job without having lined up a new one, and my retrenchment money needed to sustain us for a few months.  The trip we took satisfied my need to be in a fresh location, near the sea, and spending that kind of time with my adult daughter was invaluable. We had fun, and we often talk about doing another one, when the time is right.     

So where will we go this year? Actually nowhere, for now. In the first week of August this year, I suddenly became unemployed. Again! Very different circumstances, this time. I had been doing part-time work on a project for which I had not signed a contract. I found myself dealing with toxic communication, I kept requesting that it be addressed, and eventually I felt so disrespected that I offered to leave upon submission of my next invoice. I was told I could leave immediately. Many lessons learnt. I let myself down by entering into a verbal agreement, and not insisting on a contract, but I honoured myself by refusing to be silent. I’ve lived through enough - as a person of colour, as a woman, and as an employee in different spaces, both civil and corporate – to recognise abuse of power when I see it, and I refuse to sacrifice my mental and physical health for any entity that does not afford me basic respect.       

A NEW CHAPTER

While I have not found a new “day job” yet (high on the priority list), I am about to start a very exciting phase of my music life. In a few days’ time, I will be doing my first One-Hour Solo Session, in which I will sing a selection of my original songs and share the stories behind the songs. This is something I’ve thought about, on and off, for years, but there’s always been some reason or other that I’ve put it off. Actually, just one reason – complete, numbing fear. This despite all my years of performing, initially as a soloist, then in bands, and then, for the past 19 years, mainly in duos.

In recent months, however, as I’ve found myself dealing with other shifts, I started feeling that the time was right to take this next step in my music life: to do solo performances of my own work, in interesting, intimate venues.

And so I started putting my concept together – first in my journalling sessions, and then talking to my confidantes. Even though the concept was so simple and one of my obvious next steps, I was still tentative when I started putting it into words.

And then I found myself being interviewed at a bookshop, and I found myself having a conversation about performing there, as part of their Women’s Month (August) programme.

At that stage, I became so obsessed with the idea, that I sprang into action like I hadn’t done (for myself) for a long time! I’ve been contacting and visiting venues, and starting to clarify my concept. I’ve had two distinct no’s and one hiring quotation that was above my current budget. My budget, by the way, is exactly what it was for the June concert I put on, with three other musicians – ZERO! I have plans to get funding for future concerts, but for now I am completely dependent on ticket sales to pay all service providers and earn a moderate gig fee.

I am over the moon about doing my first Solo Session at Surplus Books, in Woodstock. It seats 30, which is perfect for what I had in mind. I have André Manuel (Dala Flat Music) doing my sound, which gives me complete peace of mind. André has liked my compositions and believed in me since 2004, when I met up with him and his wife, Chantel Erfort, at Off Moroka, where I had a weekly gig with guitarist, Keith Tabisher and bassist, Donald Gain. Shoo, that was many moons ago! (Even further, as I was Chantel's Grade 1 teacher!) 

So what happened to the August performance? I caught a cold and had to postpone the session! I managed to get a new date for this coming Sunday, 4 September, and I cannot wait!!! Fortunately, most of the people retained their bookings, so I have just a few tickets left.   

                                                  

                        The final sunset of August 2022 - view from my kitchen window.

Today I am giving myself a break, staying in bed for as long as I can, drinking soothing and healing warm drinks, with fresh ginger, lemon and honey, and just resting. With the first Solo Session in just three days, I want to be as calm and focussed as possible.

With a few more Solo Sessions confirmed for this year, I start advertising my second one on Monday. This one is in a completely different type of venue, with a completely different vibe. I'm very excited!

AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE: SING MY OWN SONGS, PLAY MY GUITAR AND TELL MY STORIES, TO LISTENING AUDIENCES, IN INTERESTING & INTIMATE SETTINGS.

Alongside this plan/goal/dream, are a few related projects, on which I’ve already started working. Basically, by 1 September 2023, my WHOLE life will have changed.

I turn 61 in 9 days – I owe it to myself to live the life of my choice, and to do so in a way that allows me to share the songs I’ve spent the past 44 years writing.  

Peace 💜