Carpe diem

There's something SO weird about how I live my life - there are two things that I absolutely love that I just keep putting off: playing my guitar, and blogging. I don't understand it at all. 

There's so much to write about, but I'll mention just a few. It's past 11pm, and I'm really tired. 

Towards the end of August, our school had a Wellness programme for the staff, and I was shocked to discover that my blood pressure was really high. Accustomed to having normal readings, I was quite alarmed. About a week later, I checked it again at a local pharmacy, and it was roughly the same. Then I had an experience one night, where I thought I was having a heart attack. The next day, I went to the doctor, who found my BP was still high, and that my heart rate was also elevated. I had a few tests, and nothing was apparent regarding the heart rate, but I was put on a tablet to bring down the BP. I also had to buy a monitor, to do daily readings. I'm just finishing my tenth week of that. This is all very new to me.  The BP is a lot better, mostly within the normal range, but the heart rate is still alarming.  

Thinking about my health and what could've contributed to my concerning readings, I'm convinced my job is at the heart of it (no pun intended). When I'm not at school, I sit for hours, doing schoolwork. And I know I've been comfort eating since I started living in this flatlet. So it's the stress of my job, my sedentary lifestyle, and my undisciplined eating. There's probably some hormonal stuff, as well as genetics,  and not forgetting ageing. 

So, as part of improving my health, I've become more mindful. I'm consciously trying not to stress as much at work (NOT easy), and I'm proud to say that I've started a weekly routine of taking a walk in nature. Every Sunday morning, for the past 5 weeks, I've done so. I would love to do it daily, but right now that's not possible.  

I'm also working on having better boundaries (linked to stress levels), and - another BIG thing in my life - getting enough sleep.  I've been doing the too-little-sleep thing for so many years, it's a real struggle to get to bed at a healthy time.  

Needless to say, I've become very aware of my mortality, and am trying to live my life with a healthy sense of carpe diem. Maybe my heart's beating so fast for a reason.

I had to take a big decision, recently, on a matter of principle, and even that was about wanting to live without ambiguity, and staying true to my values. 

I have two more days before my November exam marks are due, which means HOURS and HOURS of marking, both tomorrow and Monday. There's so much about our education system I just don't understand. Our school was denied permission to start our final exams on the same date that  neighbouring schools started theirs; as a result, we are really pressed for time, regarding submission of marks. With a fairly large contingent of our staff involved in marking matric exams, our window of time between the end of exams and the date they report to the marking centre is painfully small. This kind of man-made pressure is something I will never understand. It feels arbitrary and avoidable. So we're killing ourselves, trying to meet the deadline, and then when the others leave for external marking, a day or two later, we have way too many days to clean classroom cupboards.

I've been involved in a project called Quilting for Palestine, along with lots of other women. We knitted and crocheted squares in the colours of the Palestinian flag, and are now in the process of sewing them together. Next Saturday, on International Palestine Solidarity Day, we'll be showing the huge blanket in public.  It's been a deeply moving experience, so far, and I think next Saturday is going to feel a lot more so.         

I think I should end off now. This hasn't been an award-winning post, but maybe that's my problem - I don't want to do lukewarm, so I end up not doing anything.

Ok, I promise I will play my guitar and blog more frequently.

And life, while we have it, goes on.