And life goes on

It’s the end of the first term. After an eleven-week period, most of which was fraught with strange, frustrating and deeply disappointing dynamics, today could not come soon enough.

I came home, played my guitar for a bit, then lay down on the couch, and fell fast asleep. When my phone rang, it drew me from a faraway place, and it took a while to become clear-headed. I realised that my tiredness was, in fact, fatigue that had accumulated over the past three months. You know that feeling where you’re so tired that you feel there’s a powerful magnet holding you down, and you just don’t have the energy to fight it? That was how I felt, this afternoon. As luck would have it, I actually find myself with a night alone at home, which means I can just relax. God, what a lovely, lovely prospect!

As I expected, meeting my new students was the highlight of the term. No matter what else drove me crazy, I could always look forward to being in class, and doing what I love so much – being with these fascinating young people, and teaching them a subject I have always loved – English. By the end of the term, when I’ve marked a few assessment pieces, I’ve got an idea of how each one has fared, and it’s always a wake-up call. Let’s just say it gives me clarity about what lies ahead.  Our syllabus has to be covered by the end of August, which means we have five months left of actual teaching, before our students have to face their end-of-year exams. Take away the March and June holidays, and we’re left with just four months. Since some of that time is taken up with assessments and other distractions, like public holidays and various college activities, we’re left with even less time.

I talk to my students about how fast the year goes, right from the first time I meet them, but most of them  cruise until it’s too late, and sadly don’t achieve the results they might have, had they heeded my words. 

In my personal life, I’m facing a challenge I never thought I’d ever be facing again, but that’s because I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and somehow assume they possess integrity. I suppose, even at this age, I’m naïve when it comes to how vindictive people can be. It drains me, drags me down. I feel like, with each successive bout of this kind of onslaught, the strong, resilient part of me has the potential to be corroded, destroyed. ONE thing keeps me from giving up – my children. I raised them to stand up against injustice, and to believe that truth would always win the day. There’s no way I could ever let them down.  I have to live my truth.  

I’m ready for a big change in my life. Maybe the universe has sent me this challenge to remind me just how strong I am. I think I’m not the only one who needs reminding.

And life goes on.