There are many ways I could approach the writing of this
post, but all I can promise is that, because this is my story, I will speak my
truth.
I have just paid someone to take a bakkie-load of broken
appliances and furniture off my premises. I don’t think many people would
understand how big a deal this is for me. It’s such a seemingly normal thing,
but watching the man drive off the premises, his van loaded with items that had
been a part of my home for so long, triggered a set of powerful memories, and I
find myself awash with emotions I thought I’d worked through long ago. I hadn’t
realised how transparent my emotions were, earlier, until the man asked why I
looked so sad.
This is part of my story, and I share it for the purposes of
gaining release (through writing), as well as breaking the silence on a type of
abuse seldom identified as such.
I’ve been divorced for fourteen years, and furniture has
played a significant role in this aspect of my life. About two years after my
ex-husband and I separated, he informed me that he was fetching all the
furniture items that were his, as he needed to sell them, in order to generate
some cash. These items included the fridge, the lounge suite, the double bed, a
single bed, the kitchen table and chairs, and a wardrobe. I tried to reason
with him, saying that we (the children and I) needed those items. He e-mailed
me a list of everything, including the prices at which he’d sell them to me, assuring
me that he was offering me good bargains.
Even though it was still early in my journey, I saw the
abuse for what it was, and made a conscious decision not to be a victim, and not
to allow anyone to mess with my life in that way. I said he could fetch the
things he wanted. Looking back, and knowing everything else I was going through
at the time, I am super-proud of the strength I showed in that instance,
because it set the tone for the longer, more complex, journey ahead. When I tell people to trust
their instincts, and to walk away when your gut tells you to, I know what I’m
talking about. As they say: been there, done that.
I have a few strong memories surfacing, right now, of that
day. One is of my neighbour coming over to ask me, as I stood next to the huge
truck loaded with my furniture, if we
were moving, and my just shaking my head, unable to speak.
I also vividly recall a meal with my children, that night,
after all our furniture had been taken. We were sitting on telephone
directories, at a small wooden coffee table, eating our supper, like it was the
most natural thing to do. I felt my heart would explode with sadness, but I
forced myself to chat and laugh with them, loving them so intensely, and wanting
to shield them from the severity of what had just happened. Somewhere during
this bizarre meal, I found the courage to say, “Don’t worry – everything’s
going to be alright.” I think that may have been one of the few occasions I
couldn’t hold back a tear.
People who know me and my journey well know that I have a
song called “The Furniture Song”. It’s a song I wrote after this experience.
It’s not a great song, from a musical composition perspective, but it was -and
still is - one of my “I’m-a-survivor” songs. My songwriting helped me though
some of my darkest hours, and I am grateful for that.
I am also deeply grateful to everyone – family and friends –
who helped me, over many years, by giving me items of furniture, and allowing
me to use their fridges and freezers. I have so much love and respect for all
of you. You helped me survive very troubled times, and I am here today because
of your compassion and generosity. My story could have ended very differently. No
words could adequately express how thankful I feel. All I can do is try to live
my life giving to others the love and kindness that was shown to me.
Allow me to share the lyrics of “The
Furniture Song”:
So,
you’re fetching all your things, the things your money bought
If
you think you’re hurting me, perish the thought
I
am not connected to things that you collected
At
all.
In
the past two years, I have learnt so much
I
know myself much better now - I am more in touch
I
look the world right in the eye, I hold
my head up high
And
I stand tall.
'Cause you can take the things I sit on, but not the things I stand on
Like honesty, integrity and love
Take the thing that keeps my food cold, I am cool enough
And
I can hold my arms around the ones I love
Take the lamps, my inner light is strong
enough to shine
On what is mine, to shine for them, to shine
for me
Take the wardrobe so that I can lock the
doors,
Throw out the past
And move into the future easily
Take the lounge suite, I’m still complete
Take the table, I’m still able
Take the chair, I’m still there
Take the bookrack, I’m still on track
Take the pillow, I’m no willow
You can take them all, ‘cause I don’t care
So………you can take them all, they are not my
style
You can take them all, you’ll just make me
smile
If all that I have left is me
Then that means I am free …………. So free!
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