Permutations

In Oct 2011, I did what was the biggest original concert of my career thus far. Original, as in, we performed only my originals.

It was a night that will always stand out in my memory, for two reasons: one, professional, and one, personal. Professionally, I had managed to bring together four musicians I had admired for a long time, and done a concert of originals with them. Personally, I had the most bizarre experience, that night. I’ve never put this out in the public arena yet, but here goes - it’s my blog, and I write about my life. 

That night, I could see, from the stage, the faces of everyone in the audience. Everyone was smiling and ínto’ the music, looking supportive and appreciative, except two people, whose expressions were so unlike everyone else’s, that they came across as almost hostile towards me.  They were not sitting together – in fact, they were a few rows apart. It was a really weird thing to observe, and I tried hard not to be bothered by it. But it was particularly weird, because one of them was my boyfriend at the time, and the other was a woman I barely knew (I wondered who had sold her a ticket, as I had managed the ticket sales). Now here’s the twist in the tale – a few days later, I learnt that those two people, with their hostile-towards-Trudy eyes were, in fact, in a relationship.  Yup!!!

And life goes on. As an adult, some of the most awesome experiences in my life have happened around the same time as some of the saddest moments in my life. 

So here’s a little bit more about the concert itself. It was held at the Nassau Centre, in Newlands, Cape Town, in October 2011. The concept was a series of duo combinations within one concert, and then some songs with different permutations of the band. Because of the way they regarded my original music, I chose to work with Errol Dyers (acoustic guitar), Wayne Bosch (electric guitar) and Hilton Schilder (piano, khoi bow and percussion). Adding the bass was Alistair Andrews, who had been my first guitar teacher at Jazz Workshop, many years ago.

      Nassau, Oct 2011: Hilton, Trudy, Wayne, Errol & Alistair // Photo - Gregory Franz

A few weeks ago, I found the CDs of the concert, and listened, after more than 6 years!!! And you know what? I was shocked at how badly some of it had gone! Not only did we make loads of avoidable mistakes, but the volume balance on stage was so bad, that I could hardly hear myself. 

The most painful thing to me, though, is hearing that I did not sing well that night. I can hear, by how I sang, that I had not owned the experience – I had not owned the stage, and I had spent the whole night feeling overwhelmed by the people on stage. There are only a few songs on the recording that I really like. I can also hear that the person I was most comfortable with, and who knew my songs best, was Wayne. No surprise, as by then we’d been working consistently as a duo for almost three years.  

But here’s the thing – I’ve made peace with the fact that it was not a perfect concert. It’s art. Art is full of bumps along the road. I’ve done many performances with Wayne since then, which I’ve thoroughly enjoyed, and I look forward to doing a whole lot more. Also, in April 2014, I did a duo concert with Errol, at the District Six Homecoming Centre, which was one of the most enjoyable concerts I’ve ever done.  Firstly, it was a dream come true, to be playing a concert of my originals (with a mini-set of him playing and singing his originals) with one of my heroes, and to find him such a cool person to spend time with. Despite his massive reputation and being a local icon, he was warm, with a generous, sharing spirit, eager to help the next person.  His sincerity and the fun he had while making music made him an absolute delight to be around. I had only met him in 2011, but he became someone I respected and valued, and I will always miss him.

                                District Six Homecoming Centre, 2014 // Photo - Gregory Franz

So what’s the point? I can hear, from what I sounded like on stage, singing my originals, way back in 2011, that I was a very different Trudy then. I had been in a relationship for eight and a half years with a commitment-phobe – which was to end soon – which I hadn’t realised had affected everything else in my life.  I was clearly not as comfortable with myself then – both as a woman and as an artist -  as I am now.  When you’re secure and comfortable with who you are, you don’t let people mess you around. You honour yourself at all times.

I’ve always found my outlet in songwriting. Here are a few lines from my song,  ‘’Delighted’’:

‘’It was not until I went solo that I found out life needn’t be so

Very complicated and I needn’t be so blue

Found out that my heart beat to a samba beat

Not for me the drab and the morbid

Feel my passion moving me forward

Never will be caught up in that negativity

Gave it up sometime ago and now I am delighted to be free’’

                                      Erin Hall, 2013 // Photo - Gregory Franz