May Day. Labour Day. Now known, in post-apartheid South Africa, as Workers' Day - although the apostrophe is commonly placed before the 's', making it singular. Weird. Anyway, it ends up being a much-appreciated day off from school. I'm relaxing this morning, then seeing both of my kids today - a real treat! (I'll have to do some schoolwork at some stage.)
May - the fifth month of the year, and the second in the second quarter.
May - a modal auxiliary verb, signifying permission: You may begin.
May - a modal auxiliary verb, signifying possibility: It may rain tomorrow.
May - My mother's birth month, as well as her name. She was the single biggest influence in my life and on who I am today. Our relationship has changed, since her Alzheimer's diagnosis, twelve years ago, and that's the saddest part of my life. My mom turns 94 on 6 May ("God sparing", as she would say) and I miss the way we used to laugh together and talk about everything under the sun. For most of my life, she was my go-to person, my role model, and my anchor. She understood me like no-one else could. You miss that when you don't have it anymore. You're constantly having to justify yourself to others. So I keep my circle small, because she taught me that I was enough.
🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕🎕
Looking at my 2024 blogging history, it looks like I might just get around to blogging once a month. My March post is still in draft form, though. That means I either ran out of time or had second thoughts about posting on a particular topic. When a colleague in my current job heard that I blogged, she cautioned me about my content, alerting me to the fact that the broader school community, including the children (high school students) might access it. I think about it every now and then, and yes, I have become more circumspect - but the blogging I've done since 2009 stands as is. I've always written with the awareness that my blog would outlive me and that it could end up being the autobiography I'd never got around to writing. Society already censors me - the patriarchy tries to mute me 😂- and my natural discretion ensures I don't spill my guts on things that should ideally not be made public. But I do enjoy writing on this platform. Is it self-indulgent? Of course - unashamedly so! :-) It's my blog. In every other part of my life, I have to engage in some measure of restraint, colouring between the lines, so as not to be seen as too different, not standing out too much.
Despite the self-censorship I referred to earlier, I give myself permission, in my blogging, to do the stream-of-consciousness stuff that my daily life squeezes out of me. Needless to say, I do so without restraint in my personal journalling. I also draw flowers, in colour, on every journal page. In a previous post, I shared pics of my daily appointment diary, of how I'd started drawing flowers on every page there, as well. In essence, I operate in an often-monochromatic world that needs me to fill in numbers on Excel sheets, while my soul craves music and colour - so I insert the music and colour wherever and whenever I can.
CRAFTING - STARTING A CLUB AT SCHOOL
As you know, crocheting is one of my hobbies, and I'm always in the process of making something or other. In my previous post, written early in April, I mentioned wanting to teach children to crochet. Well, guess what? I got the opportunity to start a Stitch Club at our school, last month, and we're on our way! I have a colleague who's teaching the knitting, and I'm overseeing the crocheting. But the most exciting part is seeing the students who can already knit and crochet teaching the newbies. I want to make sure, though, that they also learn and grow in the group, and experience the satisfaction of making something they've never made before. So, yes - that's a new and exciting energy in my life, and I'm over the moon about it. I love the timing, because exams start in a few weeks, and children need as many creative outlets as possible, when studying. Taking a study break shouldn't be just scrolling through social media. It's good to stimulate your brain in different ways, with texture, colour and repetitive movement. I believe this club will grow in beautiful ways. I want to wear handmade items to school, to be a walking example of what's possible.
CRAFTING - KNIT AND NATTER
In our adult craft club, Knit and Natter, I'm almost done with the joining of granny squares of different sizes, as part of our current group project. I'm doing half a blanket, my cousin's doing the other half in the same style but with a different palette, and we'll be joining the two halves soon. This is the first time I've done this type of collaboration. Last year, our very first project was similar, but a lot less detailed - each one in the group made as many squares as possible, the same size, but different colours and patterns, and some were knitted and others crocheted. We stitched them together to make two cosy blankets, and donated them to the 67 Blankets for Mandela annual blanket drive. I've learnt a few new techniques, in the course of this project, which is always fun. I've also realised that everytime I learn a new technique in crocheting, that's all I want to do. It happened with the corner-to-corner blanket, as well as with the teddies. Now I'm hooked (so to speak) on granny squares.
MUSIC
My public music life has had to take a backseat for a while, but this is how life goes. It ebbs and flows. One of the most important lessons I've learnt is to be mindful of my energy and how I expend it. Performing in public takes a lot of energy. And it's not just when you're on stage - it's for the rehearsal phase, as well. Ideally, performers should always be in rehearsal phase, in one form or another, and always as close to performance-ready as possible. When you're gigging regularly, you build up a gig-fitness that you take for granted. When you're performing infrequently, as I am now, you need the discipline to stay well-rehearsed, or you lose your edge. I've been struggling with that, since I started this job (at the end of August last year).
About two weeks ago, I set up my P.A. system, and whenever I have a few minutes (at least 30!), I plug in my guitar and sing a few songs. I try to do a combo of originals and covers, because a gig could crop up at short notice and I want to be ready. Besides the gig-readiness, it's my favourite thing to do - play my guitar and sing. I could lose myself in it for a long time, but with my current teaching workload, which consumes most of my private time, I'm constantly aware of how little time I can actually spend making music. One day the scales will tip again, and I'll restore the balance I crave.
But for now ~ I'll do what I can, when I can, with what I have, and bear the bigger picture in mind. In many ways, I am very lucky.
I still do the many affirmations that have got me through difficult times, at different stages of my life, including this one: When I live my truth, the universe supports me.
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