Two Things On My Mind Today (Lockdown Day 425)

I want to write about two things, today.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about situations I’ve stayed in long after I should’ve left. One always sees the full picture in hindsight, but there are definitely situations where you know, without a doubt, that you should leave, but you don’t.

There seems to be a pattern, whether it’s a romantic relationship, a platonic friendship, a working relationship, a job or a membership of some kind of club or organisation. The pattern is that you observe or experience something that doesn’t feel quite right, but, because you like everything else about the person, job or group, you dismiss it. Then you experience another thing that you don’t feel you can align yourself with, but again, you brush it off, because there are so many other aspects you really enjoy. As more and more things happen that go against the grain of who you are, you speak out and try to sort things out, so that you can feel the joy you used to. But your attempts at sorting things out are met with a reaction that alienates you, and, depending on where you are on your journey, you decide to either leave or give the situation the benefit of the doubt. Most of us stay, but the problem just gets worse. You keep speaking out, but you never succeed at achieving the clearing of the air or the peace of mind you’re seeking. And still, you stay. You remember how wonderful it was when it all started and cling to a belief that it can be that way again. You know the choices you made at the time, the sacrifices you made, in order to be with this person or in this job, or to become a member of this organisation/club. You vividly recall the excitement of that new beginning, and you stay, believing, despite all indications to the contrary, that somehow this is still right for you.

Over time, as your feeling of discord overwhelms your feeling that all’s well, you start to see things with greater clarity and you know that, by staying, you are settling for the consolation prize and that you owe it to yourself to make a clean break. When the situation is a marriage, it’s a lot more complex, because serious consideration has to be given to the impact on the children and to the financial ramifications of splitting up. Many women say they stayed in their marriages two years after they’d realised there wasn’t a bright future within the marriage. What do they do for those two years? Speaking from experience, I’d say they blame themselves and try everything they can, to make things better. Until they exhaust their possibilities and the ugly truth stares them in the face wherever they look. It’s over. Get the hell out, if you want to salvage your sanity and your happiness.   

At certain times of your life, cutting ties and walking away is harder. Some resign themselves to a life lived at half mast, a life of going through the motions, a life of unfulfilled expectations, potential and dreams. It makes me sad when I encounter people – usually women – who are in this state of hollowness, of dull eyes, of no spark, of abject alienation from their formerly vibrant and powerful selves. In a room full of people, loneliness is still their only companion.   

So, yes – I’ve been thinking about times in my life when I’ve stayed too long, as well as the times I’ve found the courage to leave.

                                                                      May 2021                                               

 ***************

The other thing I want to write about is freedom. More specifically, how I feel when I’m running.  Now that our winter’s here (technically still autumn for another 6 days), it’s dark by the time my fitness training session ends. Because I enjoy running, my coach lets me run on the field for the final part of the session. Others who don’t want to run can end their session doing other exercises. We also run earlier in the hour-long session, just after the warm-up. But my favourite feeling is running alone, in the cool evening air, on a rather dark field. There are other people on the field at the time and enough lights on the perimeter - including a clubhouse/restaurant that’s well-lit – for me to feel safe. Every South African, especially the women, would know what a rare thing this is, in our country. Women do not walk or run alone, especially at night. It’s just too dangerous. It breaks my heart to think of how women have been forced to shrink our lives, in order to stay alive. 

I don’t train every day, but am working towards a long-term, sustainable routine of thrice a week. This feels doable for me. The minute I try for daily sessions, life happens, I have to skip a session and then I feel frustrated. So, three times a week is a realistic goal for me.

But, back to the running. I am very much a beginner, after having stopped running more than ten years ago. In the hour-long sessions, in which we do a variety of strengthening and aerobic exercises, including boxing, I fit in anything from 1,2km (once around the field is 400m) to 3,2km. When I go to the field on my own, over a weekend, I do at least 4,4km. At this stage, there’s still some walking, as I’m steadily building up my running fitness. 

But, I digress. This is not about distance or time. I wanted to write about how I feel. So here goes: no matter how shit my day's been - no matter who’s pissed me off or undermined me, underestimated me, talked down to me, or taken credit for my ideas – when I run, everything’s right with my world. As I said, I’m a beginner, but I remember running for an hour at a time, when I was younger and fitter, and I understand those people who choose to start each day with a run. I get it. I totally get it.

When I run, I feel the freedom of childhood – that sense of running with joy, with arms and legs doing their own thing, without any thought of what you look like. Sometimes children make funny sounds when they run, as they uninhibitedly give in to their bodies. I feel the freedom every woman should feel, wherever she is, at any time of day. I feel the freedom that every human being has a right to feel, regardless of geographic location, "ethnicity", socio-economic situation, religion, sexual preference, etc.

When I run, I feel more switched on and alive than I do at any other time of my life. It's a beautiful meeting of the physical and the spiritual. It's a celebration of life and survival, and a delightful act of rebellion against everything that tries to box us in and cut off our oxygen. Fuck, it's an incredible feeling!

Today was not a training day for me, but tomorrow is. I look forward to running around that field more than anyone could ever understand.   

I cannot wait!

                                                    With coach Grant Cyster, in Jan 2021. 

 

Building Habits (Lockdown Day 418)

 Typed on Monday, 17 May 2021

20h11

LOADSHEDDING

Tonight we have loadshedding from 20h00 – 22h30, so I prepared for the darkness by lining up some creature comforts to make myself feel better. I had a soak in a hot, fragrant bath, got dressed as warmly as I could (Cape Town’s winter is here), made myself a cup of chamomile tea and made sure I had some of my favourite music downloaded on Spotify. Before that, I’d made sure the laptop and the LED lamps were charged.

So here I am, with a lamp providing much-needed light, my tea next to me, and one of my favourite albums playing on my phone – Unydos, by the guitar duo of James Grace and Morgan Szymanski. The track playing now is Bolinhas de Queijo (Imagens do Nordeste), by Celso Machado. 

                                                             Source: Google Images 

JAMES CLEAR: ATOMIC HABITS

For quite a few months (or years?) I’ve been receiving the weekly emails of James Clear, author of the book, Atomic Habits. I’ve just started reading the book, but have been watching Youtube videos of his for a while and been profoundly affected by his teachings - he focuses on how to build good habits and shed bad ones. Fascinating. In essence, what he teaches is largely common sense, but it’s the way he puts things across that makes what he says so jaw-droppingly inspiring.

A few things that really stuck out, for me were (paraphrased):

-          Having goals is not going to make you succeed – it’s the ACTION you take that will get you to where you want to be.

-          After you’ve written your goal down, give it specific space in your life – commit to taking ACTION on a specific DAY, at a specific TIME and in a specific PLACE. (THIS one was life-altering for me.)

-          If you commit to small ACTIONS and DO them consistently, you will steadily improve, see results, be inspired, gain momentum and experience a compounding of all your little successes.

-          Building good habits is not about getting better at DOING something, but about becoming a different person – changing your IDENTITY. 

-          He says that every time you do an action that is a good habit you’re cultivating, you are casting a vote for your future self.  😊

                                                  Source: Google Images

HABIT TRACKER

For the past 12 weeks, I’ve worked with a habit tracker. I draw it up as a table, once a week, and tick off my goals at the end of every day. I actually started 12 weeks earlier, kept it going for 9 weeks, but then stopped for 3 weeks. Then I got more hooked on the James Clear material, did some reflection and analysis of my lifestyle, and started taking the topic of habits a lot more seriously. Basically, if I apply myself half-heartedly, my results will show it. If I apply myself in a focussed, intentional way, my progress will reflect that.

After quite a few weeks, I did another reflection session on my habit tracker results. The truth stared me in the face: the habits I ticked off every single day were the ones I enjoyed or were part of a bigger picture that was very important to me. I needed to find ways to make the other daily goals either more enjoyable or more clearly defined as crucial to the bigger picture of my life (how the daily habits fitted into my long-term goals). 

EXERCISE

One area where I’ve started applying the James Clear teachings is in my exercise life. I started working with a trainer in October last year, but since mid-March, I’ve been taking training a lot more seriously, working out three times a week. I train in a small group, but occasionally do a one-on-one session. Some days, I get into my exercise clothes, drive down to the field and walk-run on my own. The most interesting thing is that, as my body responds and my fitness increases, I’m enjoying training more and more. I can’t believe I’m someone who looks forward to exercising. My goal is no longer to just work out three times a week, but to do a sweat-breaking, capacity-stretching, full-body workout three times a week. I’ve rediscovered my love for running and am seeing exciting progress there, as well. With the seasons changing, the sun sets earlier and we do the latter half of our training session in the dark. I love running in the dark. The cool air is a divine energy boost and I’ve always found night time magical. 

                                              The field where I train - this was taken in April. 
  

FACEBOOK MUSICIAN PAGE

At the beginning of May, I decided that another area of my life that required more effort from me was my Facebook musician page. I brainstormed different types of posts I could do and drew up a one-month plan, committing to posting twice every week – on Mondays and Thursdays. So far, so good. Another example of small, consistent steps. Fascinating to watch the response. Basically – no effort on my part, no response from the public. However, I’ve seen that small, consistent steps on my part have yielded quite a lot of interest from the public. Interesting.

Check it out: https://www.facebook.com/Trudy-Rushin-Singer-Songwriter-345091698939418 

                                            Trudy - Feb 2019, by Jeffrey Abrahams

CROCHETING

I’ve continued crocheting and am currently busy on my 9^th blanket since March 2020. I’ve completed two that were commissioned, where I was able to earn a bit for creating them, and this is my third. Crocheting has become part of my daily routine. Making blankets is a good metaphor for life and all the other habits I’m cultivating: I crochet one stitch at a time and before I know it, I’ve completed a row. I keep focussing on completing one row at a time, and before I know it, I’ve created a whole blanket. I love every aspect of making blankets:  the conversation about the colours, buying the wool, starting, working on it for weeks and weeks, finishing it off with the border, then getting it to its owner. Before I hand over the blanket, I wash it, which brings out the texture and warmth of the wool. I love this hobby of mine! I love the fact that something I find so enjoyable results in an attractive and functional item that can add comfort to someone’s life for years and years. I love it!

                                            Blanket No.8 has been delivered to its owner. 

21h25

I’m cold. I wish the lights would go on now. Yes, I could get under the covers and fall asleep, but there are a few more things I want to do tonight.

Isn’t life fascinating?!   

                                                          Sunset sky - May 2021

Almost a year into lockdown (Day 355)

Thinking back to a year ago - I was a few days away from my first-ever solo getaway, a three-day stay in Melkbosstrand, a seaside town up the west coast.

A number of things had prompted me to make the decision to give myself that unprecedented treat: a colleague had been talking to me about her family’s holiday plans, introducing me to the accessible and affordable world of Airbnb accommodation, I had a looming writing deadline, I’d been feeling really bogged down and in need of time to myself and some kind of newness, and I’d been walking on the beach regularly with a friend and dreaming about being close to the ocean every day.  I had a bit of money to spare (a rare thing, believe me), so I made up my mind to do it.

A week before I went away, the World Health Organisation declared COVID-19 a global pandemic and South Africa had just announced its first confirmed case. There was a general awareness of the disease and the only public sign that anything was different was that, at some shop entrances, someone sprayed your hands with sanitiser before allowing you to enter. In SA, masks were not a thing, yet, nor had a lockdown been announced.

We all had a sense that things were going to change, but I went on my little trip blissfully unaware of how precious the timing was. I checked into the Airbnb place at 2pm on the 18^th of March, slept there for three nights, and checked out again at 10am on the 21^st. For a few magical days, I thoroughly enjoyed my daily walks on the beach and eating at restaurants with spectacular sea views. The day I arrived home, my daughter left for a few days away with her friends. They’d also opted for Airbnb, but ventured out much further than I had. My place was a 45-minute drive away, but theirs was about 2 hours away. I was at peace with my chosen destination, especially as I was alone.  In South Africa, it’s not just rare but extremely inadvisable for a woman to travel long distances alone. It’s way too dangerous. (South Africa went into hard lockdown on 27 March 2020.)

One year later, I can’t even begin to explain how much life has changed. There are the obvious things, like having to get used to being placed under lockdown, wearing masks, sanitising and practising social distance, as well as working from home – for those lucky enough to remain employed. But there are so many other unspoken things that are going to be felt for a long time – the emotional and psychological effects of this pandemic. For people who have lost loved ones to COVID, there’s the sometimes-unbearable burden of grief, along with the shock and anger that, while so many others survived, their loved ones had not.  

I could write volumes about how different I feel, but some of the changes/awarenesses are too personal to blog about. There are many shifts in consciousness that I’m aware of and so many more that I’ve yet to discover. One thing’s indisputable – I have changed. I think it’s almost impossible to live through a global pandemic and remain unchanged. For people who survive, this pandemic will always form part of their life story. In simple terms, there’ll always be life before and after COVID-19.

The next question is – how do we re-enter the world, after lockdown? Most of us look different, we feel different and our priorities have changed. After successfully working from home, using wifi at my own expense, avoiding the insanity and expense of peak-hour traffic twice a day, and continuing to attend all the required meetings, remain in contact with clients and manage my team, I can’t quite wrap my head around returning to an office from 9 - 5, five days a week. The only reason people would insist on that is that they haven’t yet figured out other ways to hold staff accountable.  Surely the decision-makers know that things can’t return to how they were before. More importantly, they shouldn’t have to.  If leaders aren’t comfortable with a home-based workforce, then a mixed model should be considered. In fact, you’d probably have a much happier, more productive workforce. Here I’m referring to those who’d choose that, if given the choice. I know many people who’d prefer to go to an office every day and not stay home. 

The thing is, the world has changed. A lot more is possible through remote work than was realised. We adapted because we had to. And now we need to keep adapting, at all levels. 

When we started working from home, we asked a manager if the company was going to assist us with data. We were told that, since we weren’t going to be spending on transport, we should use that money to cover our data. For most of us, the most natural route was to equip our homes with wifi/fibre, in order to have the entire household connected, for work and school purposes. One year later, giving up that fibre installation is not an option. Travelling to and from work will incur expense that we’ve partially allocated to connectivity. Tricky.  I wonder how much leeway there’ll be.

For now, I’ll continue working from home and enjoying this particular pace. I love not sitting in stressful, slow-moving, bumper-to-bumper traffic twice a day and I love working in the cosy familiarity of my home, my haven. Is that selfish, or is that just self-aware? I’m 59 and I can safely say I know what does and doesn’t work for me. I’ve known for a while that I prefer solitude, and I’ve always worked at my best when left to my own devices.

Until I’m obliged to do things differently, this is where I’ll be.

Woman Zone - Finding Herself - Podcast Interview - Part 4 of 4

 TRANSCRIPT OF WOMAN ZONE INTERVIEW WITH TRUDY RUSHIN, PART OF ‘FINDING HERSELF’ PODCAST SERIES (DEC. 2020)

INTERVIEWER: THERESA SMITH

·         So if I think about what I remember you were like, 20, 30 years ago, and how I know you now, it does feel to me like you’re so much more sure of yourself. And this particular podcast series is called Finding Herself and it is kind of partly why I thought you’d be really good at it, because, for me, it does feel like you have found and are quite comfortable and happy with who you are.  That’s a rare thing. People don’t always get that right or recognise that about themselves.

TRUDY: There are so many things I could say about that, but I think … you know, I work with younger people and I can see how they still have to experience more things, in order to arrive at the conclusions I’ve arrived at. But the important thing is that you actually experience the things, because I can give a talk to college students – which I sometimes do – but it’s the adults there, it’s the lecturers, who are sitting there nodding and like , “Ja!”  - you know, it makes sense to them. But it’s like the youngsters still have to live through some of the things that I struggled with in order to arrive at their own conclusions about what does and doesn’t work for them.

One of the mottos I have in life is that we write our life stories by the things we say yes and no to. And I wouldn’t have known that when I was 20. I know it now that I’m 59. (Laughs.)

 ·         Just going back to what you were saying about Summer and Nick. What’s the lesson that you would like to pass on? If there’s one thing they gotta just remember, that’s the thing you hope they remember.

TRUDY: I’ve a long list of those things. (Laughs) If I say one of the things, it’s going to sound out of context, but I think… you know, stay open. First of all: “know who you are”. And the other side of the coin is: “ know who you are not”.  And then, remain open to what life sends your way.

I have a long list – I can tell you all my others. (Laughs)

 ·         That was the first thing that kind of came to mind, for you, so I guess that’s a really important point to you, then.

TRUDY: Ja. ‘Cos you know, for example, like when they were teenagers, and now they go to parties or whatever. It’s so scary, as a parent, to think of what they’re going to be exposed to.  You want your children, even then, to know that they don’t have to do what everyone else says is cool. But you can tell them that, but only when they’re in the situation will they actually figure out how much they do want to experiment and how much they actually feel, “Naaah, it doesn’t make any difference to me.” You know? So there’s a lot of trust that goes with that and a lot of stepping back and hoping it’s gonna turn out okay.  But even then, I was saying to them, “Know who you are. Know what interests you and what doesn’t. If you’ve never wanted to smoke, don’t try it. Or try it and then, you know, you’ll see that it’s actually not for you. “ Ja… so.. that kind of thing.

 ·         Do you have any regrets about how you live your life ….  About how you’ve done things?

TRUDY: Em…… I actually do. And there’s obviously a long list, but I’m just gonna say one broad one, which is  - this is my adult life, right, not my childhood – I’ve spent so much time in survival mode, that I didn’t prioritise financial planning, like other people did, for my retirement. So, for me, that is a regret. Partly, because I’ve been so open to what life has sent my way that I’ve made so many changes and seriously a lot of it was about getting through the present, you know. Dealing with whatever. But as I said, we write our stories by what we say yes and no to. And you just have to not limit yourself, even in terms of age and what lies ahead. So, ja -I would just say I wish I had been more …. again, I wish I’d had an older and wiser person who had that kind of knowledge or that kind of perspective. Because I come from a working class background, like most of us, and our parents may not necessarily… my parents didn’t finish high school. They went into jobs, to earn money, you know? And I think they were very much in survival mode, a lot of the time. 

But ja … I … that is one regret I have. But even then, you know, I never give up. So, I’m still working on that. (Laughs)

·         The other side of it is like what are you really proud of?

TRUDY: Ok, so here’s my list. (Giggles) I’m proud that I now do not accept abuse in any form, from anyone. And that, I think, has been a big part of my journey. Typical naïve person, getting involved with very different types of personalities that don’t always put you first, and putting up with things for a long time, because you don’t even know that that’s emotional abuse. So, I don’t accept abuse from anyone. And I’m a lot clearer about boundaries. I’m a lot clearer about … if I don’t want something or someone in my life anymore, the earth is not going to stop rotating if I put that boundary in place. Life goes on, you know?

I can say that I’ve learnt that … I’m proud of the fact that no matter how hard something is to talk about, if I spend enough time thinking about it and planning and tapping into good energy, I will find the right words at the right time. I’ve learnt to like myself and I think, as a woman, that’s a big thing to say, because society keeps telling us you need to be a little more this, a little less that, stop being so loud, stop talking so much, why aren’t you in a relationship? Etcetera. So I like myself now, and I don’t feel the need to prove myself to anybody.

I’ve learnt to trust my instincts and my judgement and I get very frustrated when other people underestimate me, because I know that I have a good track record of good instincts, now in the latter part of my life.  Ja, I think I’ve learnt better boundaries. I’ve learnt that honouring yourself ... it’s not arrogant or selfish, you know? And I think I was raised with a bit of a martyr mentality. We always joke, my kids and I, about who inherited the martyr gene. And I think I’ve had to chip away at that, because martyrdom doesn’t suit anybody ... doesn’t work for anyone.

And I like the fact that I’m open to life and that I can’t tell you now what I’ll be doing next year this time, in different parts of my life. Because life might send me something amazing that I would go for, and I like that.

                                                      Wise words of the late Maya Angelou.

 ·         Just to bring this back full circle again: I know it’s a bit weird to ask you this, but like are you what you hoped to be?

TRUDY: In answering that, I’d like to share a little incident with you. When I was married… I think it was … I got married in ‘94, and in ’97, towards the end of the year, I recorded my first little demo of four original songs. And the first time that my … one of my songs was played on  radio, I had been told by the presenter that he would play it – that was Eric Alan, who also opened doors for me – and I was waiting for the song to be played and when it played I was like jumping out of my skin with excitement, jumping up and down and like, “Jaaaa!!!”, you know? And my husband, who’s now my ex-husband, stood there with his arms folded and said, “Don’t think you’ve arrived.” And – two things: obviously, I felt devastated at the response, but the irony was I never think I’ve arrived! 

And so: am I what I hoped to be? I feel like I’m still becoming, you know? That … that life is still unfolding and there’s no end point, while you’re still alive, you know. And even after that, I think whatever seeds you’ve planted live on, you know, in people and so on.

So – am I what I hoped to be? I’m free – I wasn’t always free. I was in oppressive relationships, more than once. I’m independent – I like that. And I’m not limited by other people’s insecurities. So… I think I hoped to be that when I was not that.  But in terms of, like, as I said, being ambitious, career-wise and so on, I believe I want to always be making a difference in the world, and that will inform everything that I do.     

But ja…. I don’t actually know how to answer that, beyond what I’ve said, you know? Are you what you hoped to be. I hoped to be respectful of people, to treat them with dignity, regardless of what their jobs are or where they live, etc. And that again, I think, comes back to how we were raised, which is everybody’s equal. So, ja…  in a sense, I am what I hoped to be. 

                                                  Feb 2019 // Photo: Jeffrey Abrahams

 

Woman Zone - Finding Herself - Podcast Interview - Part 3 of 4

 TRANSCRIPT OF WOMAN ZONE INTERVIEW WITH TRUDY RUSHIN, PART OF ‘FINDING HERSELF’ PODCAST SERIES (DEC. 2020)

INTERVIEWER: THERESA SMITH

·         I was going to ask you this question about would you give a shoutout to anyone who has helped you along the way, so let’s talk about that. 

TRUDY:  Ok, so I would definitely say the biggest influence in my life was my mother. She is now 90 years old and has Alzheimer’s, so our relationship has changed, because she doesn’t communicate like she used to, etc. but watching her, when I was growing up – at home, she was just Mommy and she wore like huisklere and cleaned the floors herself and cooked and did everything, but when she went on stage, she transformed, you know – she dressed  and she wore jewelry and I remember always being blown away by her singing. Whether it was in a community concert or in an opera, but she was always this like unbelievable goddess. And... then at home she was Mommy – warm, loving, nurturing. Ja, you know, just such a strange combination and yet I think that ended up paving the way for sort of how I live my life – not that I’m a goddess! (giggles) Ja! I hope I’m raising one!

                                           My daughter, my mom and I - 29 Dec 2020

I have one sibling and that’s my sister, Wendy, and she’s always had my back, so shoutout to her. I have family members – cousins – who are fairly close and we, at different stages of my life, we lived with different family members, so my mother, my sister and I, we lived at different … with family… and then, in the music part of my world: Eddie Petersen, Keith Tabisher, Wayne Bosch.

The late Errol Dyers – I met him only in 2011, but in the short time that I knew him, until his death, he made a huge impact on me. I loved the fact that he seemed devoid of ego – in terms of “I’m the great Errol Dyers” – he was very humble and it showed in how he made space for me, when we made music together. And I just liked him a lot - his value system, his no-nonsense approach. He refused to play cover versions. And I regret to say that at one gig, I mean I got him to play a wedding with me, where we did cover versions. But, you know, it was a job and, at different stages of musicians’ lives, they do that kind of thing. But in general, he didn’t like playing cover versions – he liked playing either his originals or the originals of the person he was playing with, so he liked my songs. Or he wanted to play South African music.

                                         Errol Dyers and I, 2014 // Photo: Gregory Franz

And then, more recently, a musician I’ve worked with is Rudy Burns. He’s more than ten years my senior, also a guitarist, beautiful musician and I really … I’m very lucky to have these accomplished musicians who are happy to play my music and play along with me, you know.

                                                            Rudy Burns and I, 2018

And then, three people I want to mention who are in the music world but not musicians, who’ve really made a difference to me: two of them are Chantel Erfort and her husband, André Manuel, who have Dala Flat Music. 

And in 2004 they came to a gig where Keith and I were playing, and Chantel heard some of my originals and gave me an opportunity to perform my originals to a poetry audience.  At that time, she was organising  monthly poetry nights at this restaurant in Adderley Street, called Off Moroka, which is no longer there.  And that was the first time I’d played in that kind of setting, where people were just sitting in a fairly intimate space and I think for thirty minutes I just played my original songs. And it really felt like baring my soul and it felt like such a  … it was such a difficult thing for me, for many reasons.

I just want to take a step back. I had been married for six years, and even though I married a musician, it was not a harmonious marriage, most of the time. And one of the things he said to me, that informed me for a while, until I broke free of that, was “Don’t sing your songs in public – they’re too personal. “ And the first night that I played at Chantel’s poetry evening, when I sang my originals… only originals … just myself, nobody else playing with me – at the end of that set, women came up to me and said, “You’ve sung my story. You’ve put into words, into songs, what I could never turn into a piece of art – but you’ve sung my story.“ And that … that was a big, big change in my life. And another interesting part of the Chantel-André dynamic is that I taught Chantel when she was in Sub A! (Giggles) So that was amazing - that someone on whose life I had impacted, when she was so young, then impacted on mine, all those years later.  

And then another person who has done a lot for me, musically, is Lisba Vosloo. She is a documentary filmmaker and I met her when she was filming my mom for a documentary on the Eoan Group. And she then came to one of my gigs and filmed me and then it turned into filming two videos that are now on YouTube. So, Lisba has done a whole lot for me and … ja… and we continue to be in each other’s lives, all these people, so it’s… and there are many others … I just … you know, there are so many people who impact on one, in small and big ways,  and we really are who we are because of other people – what they bring out in us and what they see in us.

Oh, and then lastly, how can I forget! I want to do a shoutout to my children. My son, Nick, is 25 and my daughter, Summer, is 21. And they really know and understand me better than anybody else and they are so supportive. Ja, they just…. I’m really in a very, very good space with my children and it’s wonderful to see how they have internalised some of the messages that I’ve tried to live my life with… you know, like authenticity and speaking your truth, etc. So, big shoutout to them as well.  

                                            
                                                                     Nick & Summer, March 2020

 

Woman Zone - Finding Herself - Podcast interview - Part 2 of 4

TRANSCRIPT OF WOMAN ZONE INTERVIEW WITH TRUDY RUSHIN, PART OF ‘FINDING HERSELF’ PODCAST SERIES (DEC. 2020)

INTERVIEWER: THERESA SMITH

·         So – who or what has stood in your way, on this journey?

TRUDY: You know, I’m hesitant to blame anybody. I would say the things that hold me back, typically, are linked to my socialisation.  So I would say it’s myself – it’s all inside of me. Where… we weren’t raised to shine, as weird as that sounds – even though your parents always wanted the best for you. You sort of got the idea that other people excelled and you did what you had to do. And there was a bit of “hou jouself plat” … you know…. “hou vir jou plat”, in the socialisation. And I’m not saying this to blame, you know, parents. Parents do they best that they can. Those messages, man, of like, “Who do you think you are? “ You know? Which was completely different to how my mother lived her life, you know, as this opera singer on stage. 

So, who stood in my way? I would say a lot of those messages of “be a good girl”, “follow the rules”, “do the right thing”, made me focus so much on being compliant. Ja, I often didn’t see the bigger picture that other people may have seen. And I … I would say I plodded along and I also think things that stood in my way, along the same lines, like my socialisation, made me blind to the darker side of life. So I was often quite unsuspecting when weird people came into my life.  Er… I wasn’t prepared for people who were not ... like… nice and wanting the best for everyone one else, you know.

 ·         I have to wonder, though, how much of that is broader society and like kind of, you know, how our world works and how much of that is family, because we are related, so I know that a lot of  that is how our family actually works. We have these people who are talented and amazing, and yet the general feeling and way of behaving in the family is to sort of like, you know, “hou jouself in”. This thing of us shining or trying to overshine  someone is like, No, that’s rude!

TRUDY: And in fact the converse ends up happening. And I think – and I don’t know if it’s because you and I are both Virgo – but I find that a lot of what I do in my life is provide a platform for others … to shine.  And somehow that brings me joy – enabling people to reach their potential.

·         Well, that explains why there are so many teachers in our family.

TRUDY: Ja! (Laughs) Exactly!  And really, it’s… it is a calling and it is something that, whether you are in a classroom or not, that ability or that love for showing people the way, showing them how to maximise what’s inside of them, I think it’s … it’s a gift. And it’s a calling… you know you can’t run away from it; you can’t switch it off.

 ·         So, then conversely – who opened doors for you? What opened those doors for you?

TRUDY:  So there’s a theme, a thread throughout all of this, which is: I often don’t see – and maybe again it’s a universal thing, and maybe it’s very much a woman thing – I often don’t see what other people see in me. And you know that, when you asked me about the interview, my first thought was like, “Whaaaat?” Like, you know, maybe I should recommend somebody else. But it’s always that kind of… we don’t see it ... you know, we don’t see ourselves the way others do, so who or what opened doors for me -  it was always someone else giving me an opportunity. When I taught at primary school, I was given an opportunity to become Head of Department.  I would never have gone for that, because I didn’t see myself in that way. When I moved out of teaching in the state system, I taught TEFL – Teaching English As A Foreign Language. The owner of one of the schools I taught at gave me so many opportunities, you know, so that I could go up in the ranks and move into management. They spotted leadership qualities in me which I just took for granted. You know, you always think that everyone is capable in the way that you are, but more so.

And then I would say, musically - definitely the musicians I’ve worked with. Ja, the first person I worked with professionally in music was Eddie Petersen.  He now lives abroad, in Australia, I think, or New Zealand.  We worked together for… I don’t know if it was two years… but that was the first time I actually played on a regular basis with someone, went to rehearsals, etc. And we got gigs where we got paid and were hired for a long stint at different places … and that was fun, it was new, it was interesting. And at that stage, I wasn’t playing my guitar at the gigs. I was the vocalist, so I was the … you know how these typical band things are, where the men play the instruments and the woman stands in front and sings. (Theresa: The eye candy, ja!)

At that stage, I was … I fitted into that category. And then later on, I …. I took a break from gigging when I got married. And when I came back into performing, I decided that I needed to do it on my own terms. I think I’d grown up a bit. And when I came back into performing, I wanted to be part of a duo, and I formed a duo with Keith Tabisher, a friend of mine from high school. And that was in 2003 and we still play together – we still work together. And Keith comes from a classical music background, as well as jazz. And he is extremely versatile - he’s an educator, he’s a youth developer in his community. I’ve learnt so much from him. I love making music with him, and we hope that’s going to carry on for a long time.

                                 Keith Tabisher and I, at a wedding in 2013/ Photo: Shireen Louw 

A few years later, I met another guitarist who made a big impression on me, and that was Wayne Bosch. But Eddie, Keith Tabisher, Wayne Bosch – ja, those are three of the main people who opened doors for me, musically. And I will talk about others later.

                                             Wayne Bosch & I at St George's Cathedral, 2018

                                                                 Photo: Gregory Franz              

  

Woman Zone - Finding Herself - Podcast Interview - Part 1 of 4

 TRANSCRIPT OF WOMAN ZONE INTERVIEW WITH TRUDY RUSHIN, PART OF ‘FINDING HERSELF’ PODCAST SERIES (DEC. 2020)

INTERVIEWER: THERESA SMITH

GENERAL INTRODUCTION BY NANCY RICHARDS:

Finding Herself- sharing the journey. With music by Trudy Rushin and technical support by Wayne Van de Bergh.  This episode has been kindly sponsored by Cape Midwife Natural Birth – believe in yourself.

INTRODUCTION OF GUEST, BY THERESA SMITH

That lovely voice you just heard, that provides the introduction to this Woman Zone Finding Herself series, is that of Trudy Rushin – singer, songwriter, philanthropist, teacher, feminist.  The daughter of Eoan Group opera singer, May Abrahamse, never set out to follow in her mother’s footsteps, but as relationships, children and basically life happened, she learnt to love the process and became more confident in her own musical abilities.

·         I am Theresa Smith of Woman Zone and I asked Trudy what is the difference between how she defines who she is and what she does.

TRUDY: There’s definitely a difference, because I think who you are is always true – is true for all time – but what you do is … circumstantial? Or it can be related to a job you have at a particular time.  So, how I define who I am – I would say I’m a South African woman, a feminist, a mother, a musician, a writer, an educator and a communicator. And if I were to place myself anywhere politically, I would say I’m a socialist.

What I do, as I said that … that’s often linked to one’s job. Ja, so that changes. So who I am is sort of like the foundation of everything that I do, you know?

 ·         What did you hope or plan to be when people first started asking you that question? You know - like, “What you gonna be when you grow up?”

TRUDY: My mother says that when I was a little child and they asked me that, I would say I wanted to be a mother – or a “mommy”- and a teacher. And I suppose you could say I have achieved my goal (giggles) – goals.

You know, I actually, I’ve been looking through … you, know, thinking about these things, and so on – I don’t think I’m ambitious, in the normal use of the word. It’s partly my personality – mainly my personality – and partly circumstantial. Having said as much, I definitely am a goal setter: I set goals, but I think I’m one of those people who love the process as much as I love achieving the goal, so … but I’m not ambitious in a way where I can say, “I plotted my career.” It was more like, I was open to what life sent my way.   

 ·         But you … you had this idea of becoming a teacher, which I know you did end up doing, but you never ever set the goal for yourself: I’m going to be a musician, like my mother. And yet you are a musician now.

TRUDY: Ja ….. that is one of the ways in which that like being open to what life sent my way manifested. When I look back now, music has been my parallel career, no matter what I’ve done. You know it… the music has always been there. And I’ve tended to not see myself as a musician, because people define you according to your day job, but that’s been the constant, you know.

 ·         How did that journey - that musical journey – how did that actually start?

TRUDY: Well when I was six years old, apparently I loved singing then already, because my teacher made me stand on a table and sing for the School Inspectress.  I was at Laerskool Heideveld, for the first six months of my primary school life, and the song was “Ek Doen Dit Als Vir Jesus”. Singing, at age six, standing on the table, for this teacher who wanted to show you off to the Inspectress, and then singing in Afrikaans, which was not my mother tongue – it must’ve been cute, but I think I was terrified.

You know, as children, we took piano lessons, like most people - you know … from our community -  did, but in my teens I started playing the guitar and that started the real journey for me. Ja, the guitar is my instrument of choice and that’s been my… like my baby, all these years. 

 

Nassau Hall, Newlands, Cape Town

Photo: Gregory Franz