Waning Wednesdays

Today I had my guitar lesson, and once again I felt both the discipline and the success of the process I'm going through. Wayne (Bosch) is an excellent teacher, and I'd recommend him highly to anyone wanting guitar lessons, especially if you're prepared to work hard. Today I also informed the admin staff there that I'm finishing lessons at the end of October. Sad, but unavoidable, considering I'm now unemployed.

I'm one of those people who, I'd imagine to the annoyance of others in my close circle, cherish every experience, because my view is that there's no guarantee it will go on for ever, which is how we tend to live our lives.

This came about when I started having to live away from my children, for a few days at a time, after my marriage ended 10 years ago. Every moment I got to spend with them was precious, and I learnt to live IN the moment and to experience things FULLY, intent on making happy memories, intent on living a life with as few regrets as possible.

My point? I have looked forward to and enjoyed every guitar lesson, and I've achieved most of my goals possible for this length of time. I fully believe that Wayne is destined for the international stage, and so I plunged myself into the process, consciously learning as much as I could, because at any time his journey could take him out of Cape Town, out of South Africa. What will I do after October? I'll figure it out. If I get a job in the city centre, I'll try to get my lesson slot back, but if not, I have lots of lessons I could go over and work on until I've mastered what I've learnt in the past two years. Improving at anything we do is not totally dependent on having a teacher all of the time - sometimes what's learnt in lessons takes a while to sink in, to become part of us, and I think the next part of my guitar journey is going to require discipline from me, as I set aside time every day to practise and continue to grow as a musician.

Four Wednesday lessons left. The only constant in life ...

Picture of Wayne and me at Food Lover's Market, taken on 22/05/10 by Bienvenue Mambote, who performed as our guest artist that night.

Changing templates

There's something I like about change - when you change one thing in your life, it opens up possibilities for other changes. You end up looking at your whole life differently, with fresh eyes, and it enables you to address areas of your life where you've been stuck for a while. That's what's happening to me at the moment. Yesterday was my first work day at home, and I ambled my way through it by tackling the laundry and playing my guitar. Later in the day, I found some sheet music I hadn't looked at for ages and transposed some of the songs, writing out the charts for our duo. I couldn't escape the fact, however, that underneath all the activity, I felt sad; I missed my colleagues, the students and the role I played there.

Today, to my relief, my energy was very different. I woke up feeling lighter in spirit, and that set the tone for the day. The sun shone gloriously and I did more laundry. My washing machine was fixed over the weekend, so life is a lot easier in that department. I had my daughter with me for the day, so we hung out and played games: our two-player versions of Cluedo and Thirty Seconds. Later, we fiddled around with some things on the internet, ending with changing the template for this blog.

I finally figured out how to check the stats (always fascinated me) of the viewership of my blog. Interesting - I can see where in the world the viewers are (countries), which search engines and keywords are used, as well as the breakdown as per today, this week, this month, the past year, as well as "all time". Cool!

I really do have a lot on my mind. When I'm a little less scattered, I'll blog about it.

One thing I know for sure, this IS an incredible time for me. Whatever lies ahead .....bring it on!

Picture taken last week, at home, by Summer.

It's official

With our staff having been informed today, I can finally say what's been on my mind since Thursday - I'm leaving my job at the end of September, as the company implements the next part of its restructuring plan.

The past two blog posts were written while I couldn't be more specific, as the correct protocol had to be observed.

I've been working here since December 2007, and I feel like it has been the most significant job I've ever had. I've encountered interesting students from all over the world and befriended some amazing colleagues. I've expanded my knowledge base and my range of skills. I've had to overcome quite personal reservations and step outside of my natural shyness, to play a leadership role in an exciting, never-a-dull-moment, multi-cultural environment. I've learnt so much and changed so much. I like the Trudy I've become while working here. And that's what makes this change so exciting - I'm looking forward to the next part of my professional life, because it can only be yet another fascinating journey for me.

One of the most significant things that happened to me while working here, was getting the opportunity to travel to Brazil, in March 2009, to exhibit at the BELTA Fair in Sao Paulo and to meet agents in three other cities, where I did presentations on Cape Town and our school. I will never forget what a wow that was! I fully intend to fly to Brazil again, one day, and experience the country as a tourist, preferably with my children.

I've been privileged to work under the leadership of someone who gave me a lot of freedom to put my own stamp on my portfolio in his company, someone who seldom questioned my judgement and who entrusted the day-to-day running of his company to me. That trust enabled me to flex my mind and implement my ideas, and gave me the
opportunity to see in which areas of leadership I succeeded naturally, and where I needed to learn a lot.

Today, while driving to school, I started feeling queasy, and had to pull off to get out of my car and breathe! Not sure if it was the medication for my sore foot or some kind of anxiety about the staff being told today, but it passed soon enough. Drove to school and survived the announcement, feeling remarkably at peace. Life goes on, hey, whether we handle surprises calmly and philosophically or fall apart, so I choose to do the former.

Elizabeth Taylor is reputed to have said that she'd had no problems showing anger towards any of her husbands, as she believed they needed to know the full extent of who she was, including the full range of emotions she was capable of. I feel like that about how I want to journey through life - I want to feel and experience many different things, because the alternative is a grey, blah, nondescript existence ..... and if you knew even a little bit about me, you'd know that I would die of boredom if that were my lot.

And so, once again, I choose life, and life abundantly.

Picture: me at the staff party in Dec 2007; Revolving Restaurant, Ritz Plaza Hotel, Sea Point.

Beautiful curve-ball

Unashamedly lazing in bed on another chilly, cloudy Saturday morning, this time listening to the mesmerising sounds of Djavan, my favourtie Brazilian singer. His song, Alibi, is so soulful, so intoxicating, it slips under my skin, slowly seeping into every cell of my body, inhabiting and overwhelming me in such a welcome way. A short song that I end up playing on repeat mode until my whole being is the song. The next one and the next one and the next one on the album..... they're all equally hypnotic. Such a personal thing, which music affects us, and how it affects us.

Consciously spending time exploring the labyrinth of ramifications of the news I received two days ago, a beautiful curve-ball sent my way. I've spent the past 7yrs doing Mind Power (John Kehoe's book)and the past 2yrs reading and internalising the book "The Art of Possibility" (by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander), and both of these have helped shape my attitudes and choices, forming the basis of the philosphy with which I journey through life. I can't but view this change as anything other than divine intervention. Once I'm able to be more public about it, I'll write more specifically, but for now I just want to say..... I'm ok. I've never felt better about who I am and what my capabilities are or the value I add to wherever I am. I wear my age as a badge of achievement, not for once seeing it as anything other than just another statistic about me, like my address or my ID number.

Change seems to be a theme in my life, right now, with the weekly gig I had for 14 months having come to an end last week. In my close family, there's a health matter causing concern and stress, and that alone makes one look at everything else and appreciate that there are many more things that come our way that we can work through than we might normally realise.

As someone who grew up in the apartheid era, where I wasn't allowed to vote in the country of my birth, until the age of 32, when we achieved democracy, CHOICE is one of the things I prize most highly, and I exercise it boldly, unapologetically, whenever and wherever I can, because I can. It's my choice to regard this period as a beautiful opportunity, a long-awaited parting of the clouds allowing the warm rays of the sun to beam down and fill me with energy, rejuvenating me.

I fully endorse the philosphy that the way we view or approach anything, the heading we assign to it, the category we slot it into, creates the framework for how we'll experience it.

It reminds me of an anecdote I read once, where children with developmental problems were at a sports event; the outcome of one of the matches was a draw, and just as this kid's mom was thinking how unfortunate it was that her child's team hadn't won, worrying that the result might sadden him, he ran over to her, with all the excitement of a champion, shouting, "We all won! We all won!"

If you know Djavan's music, you'd know how profound it is to be ending this post with the sounds of Faltando Um Pedaco swirling round my head!

"...endings are beginnings..... beautiful things"

So goes the Randy Crawford song, "One Hello". I need to include it in my repertoire, now more than ever. Today was a life-altering day for me, and of course there's always more than one way to deal with these things - the perspective one chooses, colours everything that lies ahead, and so I choose to view this as a beautiful opportunity, 8 days before my 49th birthday, to reinvent myself.

And reinvent myself I will. I told a friend I was like that baby bird, just needing a nudge from its mother, so that it could finally fly out of the nest - the mother bird knows it all along and the baby bird has a suspicion it can, but until that actual moment, that point of no return, there's always some doubt in the fledgeling's mind - Can I really do this? Am I ready? What would happen if I failed?

For a long time, my Mind Power affirmation has been, "I'M LIVING THROUGH RADICAL, POSITIVE CHANGE". This is RADICAL, for sure, and I know that, as the days and weeks unfold and life peels back the layers of uncertainty and reveals to me what lies ahead, I will see just how POSITIVE this change is.

But, for right now, please allow me my time to go through the usual phases, in whatever order they may come: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, and then finally, acceptance.

Last night, just before I fell asleep, I had a strange feeling, a feeling of pending change of a major kind - a change I had been inviting into my life for a long time - so I posted this sentence on my Facebook status: I firmly BELIEVE the best is yet to come.