Getting Back on Track

One of life’s unsung pleasures has to be waking up naturally, i.e. without an alarm.

Being on holiday also gives me two of the things I crave most – time and space. What makes it so special is that this is not merely time and space to DO things, but to breathe and BE. I know I’ve written about this many times before – it’s something I feel strongly about. So, with the luxury of waking up when my body has had enough sleep, I also have the opportunity to lie, and, without any time restriction, think. I can’t tell you how much of a pleasure that is, for me.

This is something I’ve been thinking about.  

When you first become single, after having been in a relationship, you go through a period of adjustment. Various factors inform how long that period lasts. What I’ve found is that, after becoming single when an eight-and-a-half-year relationship ended, I have spent the past four years growing into what in modern-speak is called “a single”. In fact,  I’ve taken a 180-degree turn, moving from wondering how on earth I’d cope without my partner, to wondering how I’d ever find the time, were I to meet  a new partner. 

Because I’ve experienced this kind of thing a few times in my adult life (three long-term relationships, as well as quite a few shorter-term ones, when I was younger), I don’t fall apart when a relationship ends, because I know that time is indeed the great healer. In the beginning, you do feel messed up, but my motto, in times of extreme stress, is “Give tomorrow a chance”. After taking it one day at a time, you end up taking it one week and then one month at a time, and afterwards you realise you haven’t thought about the person for a while, and that you have, in fact, moved on with your life.

I also know that I’ve always been someone who needed a lot of space, so finding things to keep me occupied is not difficult for me. In fact, one of the main criteria for anyone ‘aspiring’ to become my partner is that he needs to be able to handle my need for space, not take it personally, and for heaven’s sake, have his own life. Yoh! I can’t handle clinginess, even in platonic friendships.   

When I spend time with certain friends, the topic of my being single crops up, as well as the presence - or lack thereof - of ‘contenders’. :-)   I like the idea of being in a relationship, but I think my mental picture of my ideal partner is actually a morph of all the good aspects of the different partners I’ve had, which is grossly unfair to anyone who might enter my life. Interestingly enough, there is someone I find fascinating, but he’s in a committed relationship, so I won’t even go there. What I don’t want in my life is drama. Been there, done that. Eish! 

If I were to put a percentage to how much time I spend thinking about possibly having a partner, it’s probably moved from 2% to 5%.  What can I say? It’s a winter thing :-)

Having said as much, I know for a fact that solo pursuits will always be a big part of who I am and what makes me feel alive and happy. When I look at the sign on my cupboard door, I know that single-hood affords me room to thrive, and that any partner I were to have would need to be someone who’s also following goals and dreams, or who, at the very least, gives me space and time to pursue mine.

The sign reads:

GETTING BACK ON TRACK:

·        * Play guitar at least 30 minutes a day.

·        * Blog or journal at least 30 minutes a day.

·        * Exercise at least 3 times a week.

And those are just the ones on the sign! :-) I also read every day, and I love social media. Of course, during school terms, I have a lot less free time, so my sign serves as a reminder of what makes me me; it’s the first thing I see when I open my eyes, every day, and it keeps me focussed. 

I’ve spent a lot of my adult life ‘dealing with’ things, ‘surviving’, and ‘finding my feet’ after having had yet another rug pulled out from under me, but I’ve chosen to move beyond that. It’s no longer ‘surviving’ I want to focus on – I’ve proved that I’m a survivor, over and over again;  now I’m focusing on thriving.  And I have to do it my way, because nobody knows me as well as I know myself. I know what makes me get up every morning and face the world with a smile. I also know the difference between wading and soaring.  

I am constantly inspired by the view from my kitchen window. What a gentle gift from the universe yesterday, 7 July 2015. It whispered to me: "Everything is exactly as it's supposed to be."