"If there's music inside of you, you've got to let it out." (From my song, Music Inside of Me)

Hi! I'm Trudy Rushin, and this is my blog, created in June 2009. I am a singer-songwriter-composer who plays guitar. Born and bred in Cape Town, South Africa, I blog about whatever captures my imagination or moves me. Sometimes I even come up with what I like to call 'the Rushin Solution'. Enjoy my random rantings. Comment, if you like,
or find me on Facebook: Trudy Rushin, Singer-Songwriter.

I also do gigs - solo, duo or trio - so if you're looking for vocal-guitar jazz music to add a sprinkle of magic to your event, send me an e-mail to guitartrudy@gmail.com.

To listen to me singing one or two of my original songs, type my name on www.soundcloud.com or www.youtube.com


















Tuesday 2 June 2020

Lockdown Day 68

Yesterday, on 1 June, South Africa moved to Level 3 of lockdown, which allowed for a lot more movement. The virus is no less contagious or present in our country. No - this is about “opening up the economy”. More like playing Russian Roulette with citizens’ lives.

To call the level-related guidelines confusing would be the understatement of the year. Especially around the reopening of schools – needless to say, an extremely controversial issue.

First we heard schools were reopening, then we heard they weren't. This went on for a while - back and forth. Then it’s the 1st of June, then it’s a week later. Then it’s only certain grades, then it’s no-one. Then there’s a nation-wide rule, and then the Western Cape is declaring a provincial back-to-school order, declaring (inaccurately) that all WC schools were ready. I don’t think so.   Confusing, as well as stressful for everyone involved - managers of schools, teachers, support staff, after-school-care staff, school transport providers, and of course, pupils and their parents/guardians. Some people who were due to return to work on 1 June were expecting their children to go to school that same day. 

Imagine the dilemma: Do I send my child to school, knowing he/she could become infected with the virus, or do I leave him/her at home, unsupervised? And we all know that across the population of South Africa there are extremes of wealth and poverty, making the situation in the leafy suburbs very different to that in rural areas or impoverished townships. I was interested to see a new hashtag emerging: “EducationForAllOrEducationForNone”. I'm sad to say that, like all other hashtags, it will not have 100% buy-in. South Africa has one of the biggest gaps between the rich and poor in the world, with the gap in empathy even bigger.  

Last night, I was overcome with sadness. Its source lay in a few areas of concern and consternation, for me – some personal, but most related to other people and what they’re going through.  I struggled to fall asleep. I was just dozing, when a series of WhatsApp messages roused me. It was a work-related situation that needed an urgent conversation, so I chatted with the person who’d messaged me. The conversation lasted quite long, after which I was wide awake, with one more thing to worry about. Even now, hours after having got up, I’m exhausted. I know for a fact that expending emotional energy can be as draining as - if not more so than - expending physical energy.
I struggled to work, today. I struggled to focus on my office work, which required me to sit still and concentrate for a long time, on a relatively uncomfortable chair, in a cold kitchen. On days that I do sit for hours at the laptop, I have such sore back muscles, that I have to go to bed with a warm beanbag, to ease my muscles.

But it’s so much more than physical. I think we carry a lot of tension in our necks, shoulders and backs. My shoulders are like rocks, they’re so tense. What we expose ourselves to, during lockdown, affects us deeply. Every time I read about the dramatic rise in COVID-positive cases in our country, it affects me. Every time I read about another death, I feel sadder than I thought possible for people I didn’t even know. But that’s the scariest part – soon they will be people we know. And, by implication, soon it could be us.

It’s a lot to deal with. And some people are dealing with all of that sadness and anxiety, on top of a myriad of pre-COVID challenges, like caring for an aged relative or a baby, without support, or  unemployment, hunger, domestic abuse. Even loneliness, or mental illness. It’s hard for me not to think about all of that.

About a week ago, our winter season suddenly arrived, bringing the cold, the wind, the rain, the hail, the darkness. For people who are vulnerably housed, there’s the draughtiness, the damp, the leaks, the discomfort, the insecurity. In some areas with poor drainage, there’s the flooding that takes place every winter. In many informal settlements, winter brings an increase in the number of domestic fires, which often result in loss of life.

Poverty is not just having little to no money – it’s so much more. It’s being kicked while you’re down; it’s being sentenced to the worst struggles imaginable, every day of your life. And when a crisis (like this pandemic) hits, you have nothing to fall back on - no rainy-day savings, no overdraft, no access to a bank loan that you can pay off from your monthly salary and no wealthy relatives to help you through your rough patch. Life is one endless, relentless, humiliating rough patch.  I firmly believe that, without the refuge and sense of hope (of a problem-free, perfect life after death) that religion brings, poor people would be a lot more ready to rise up against the system keeping them poor and voiceless. No surprise, then, that places of worship were also given permission to hold services with up to 50 people, under Level 3. It’s like giving a crying baby a dummy. To my relief, many religious groups stated publicly that they would not risk people’s lives by resuming gatherings yet.   

Yes, I am capable of immersing myself in activities that take my mind off those things, but for only a little while.  And then the chaos and the feeling of helplessness start again. 

I know I’m not the only one going through this, but I’m obviously writing from my personal perspective.

All I can do is control what I can, and do my best with what I can’t; I go to bed every night believing that tomorrow could be a better day, and hoping that people who have expectations of me realise that what we’re living through demands a lot more flexibility than ever before. 

                                                Signs of new life, after recent rains. 
   

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