Oh, for a castle of my own!

On Saturday 12/09/09, I had about an hour to kill(hate that phrase!), so I went to sit on a bench in Mouille Point, halfway between where my kids were busy with their respective music sessions. After an extremely hectic week, I sat on this bench and simply watched the sea. (Actually, workaholic, task-driven Virgo that I am, I whipped out my stucktogetherwithsellotape camera, and took photos, with the intention of sharing them on this blogsite!)

So the photos above were taken three days ago, by me, at a time that my restlessness was at an all-time high. Restless, that's another word that seems to be a constant adjective for me - it peaks and dips, but it's always there, lurking just below my seemingly calm exterior.

Right now, I'm so restless, I feel I want to climb to the top of Table Mountain, move into one of those huts (the one with hot water and electricity!) and stay there for a month, taking stock of myself and making life-altering decisions. My best friend told me she needs a change in her life, and I feel exactly the same. There are certain givens, constants, that I'm happy with, and I celebrate those blessings on a daily basis, like my children, my Mom, my musical activity, and a few wonderfully supportive friends. But I'm tired of being on the go all the time, doing, doing, doing,....., instead of being, being , being. This IS a recurring theme, and I've probably gone down this road in another blog.

I crave space, time out for reflection, solitude. One of my music heroes, Sting, lives in a castle, and has a wing that he sometimes retreats into, for periods of time, to create new music. I love that concept. I want to find a way to find the balance between my need for togetherness and my need for solitude. What I know for sure is that they actually co-exist happily inside of me. The tricky bit is making it all work within a social context.

Life threw an interesting curve-ball at me, 9 years ago, when my marriage ended, and I found myself having to live away from my children for days at a time. In the beginning, it was so hard to deal with, that I'd spend an entire weekend cleaning my house, just so as not to have to deal with the turmoil and emotions of living that way. It was a painful time for me, and I dealt with it in the only way I knew: I'd do housework, and then I'd play my guitar. A well-meaning friend at the time told me I was using my guitar as a crutch. Perception/interpretation?.... whatever! The point is, I channelled my energy into a creative outlet, and I wrote so many songs at that time! When I listen to them now, I can see how cathartic the whole process was. In the seven years that I was married, I wrote 6 songs. In the two years after my divorce, I wrote 22! Different things fuel our creative engines.

I suppose the fact that my house now looks like two hurricanes hit it means I'm SO over those issues! Hahahahaha!

Seereeyuss - if you know how I can go about finding more hours in a day and more days in a week, please let me know!