More thoughts on 2018

I think the biggest lessons I've learnt, this year, have come as a result of new experiences, including new challenges I set myself, new tasks I was assigned at work, and new people I encountered, in both my personal and professional spheres.

I've learnt to trust people less, which is more of a self-preservation strategy than anything else, but most decidedly a function of having been let down far too often. I'm like that while driving, as well - if a vehicle is approaching an intersection, and the driver is indicating, I don't assume that the vehicle is turning, until I see it doing so. At work,  I had to learn - the hard way - that just because you've given someone an instruction with a deadline, it doesn't mean the task will be done, let alone by the deadline. 

In March, I took on the responsibility of managing a small team at work, and it taught me a lot about people, but especially about myself. In fact, I learn something every day. I've learnt that you can't have an inflexible management style; your team members are different, so you have to handle them differently.  As an introvert, I am pulled out of my comfort zone by a lot of the typical expectations of managers, but I'm figuring it out as I go along, consciously exploring what leadership means, and making sure I stay true to myself and my value system. I started the year choosing "LEAD"', as my word for 2018. I told myself that, before I could lead others, I'd need to lead myself.  In order to lead myself, I needed to set myself a measurable challenge.

On 8 January 2018, I started a health challenge (Sleekgeek 30-Day Reboot Challenge), aimed at losing weight. I started out weighing 84,7kg, and by 22 July, I'd lost 12,9kg, with the scale at 71,8kg, my lowest weight in years. For some reason or other (extra stress at work?), I lost the focus I'd had, hit a plateau, and then started regaining some of the weight. I have now lost a total of 10kg, which is still a significant weight loss for me. I firmly believe it has set me on a path of healthier choices in different areas of my life. I want to lose another 5,7kg, to get to my goal weight of 69kg. I know how to do it, I know what works for me, and all I have to do is be as stubborn about my choices as I was from Jan to July this year. It's important to grow my lifestyle around healthy choices, and live that lifestyle with joy and celebration - it's not a hardship; it's a gift I'm giving myself. By December 2019, I want to look radically different to what I looked like in Jan 2018. I'm excited about the journey.

Very recently, a truth I'd started losing sight of struck me anew: I am much happier singing my original songs than covers, and I need to single-mindedly pursue avenues that provide me with opportunities to perform original material. I need to focus on what I want, and stop being distracted. What am I waiting for? 

I realised that my default mode is to invest a lot of time and effort (and even money) on making other people shine. I'm so good at it - I do it at work and in my personal life. I need to use those same skills and turn the spotlight onto myself. It's the opposite of what we were taught as children, but let's face it: how are you ever going to succeed at your own goals, if you're so busy helping others achieve theirs? And it's not an either-or situation - I can still facilitate the journeys of others, but I need to put myself on my list of priorities, and not feel guilty about doing so.  

A few days ago, I decided on my word for 2019: RHYTHM. I will explore various aspects of it, and I am particularly interested in musical rhythms, but also the rhythms of life, of nature, of sleep, of energy, etc etc. I'm sure I'll write a lot about it throughout 2019.

I think I'm ready for 2019. 

Tonight was my last gig at Sabria's Restaurant for 2018. Here's a photo of Shabnum, the manager of the restaurant, with me.