Life Story

I want to write my life story, while I still can remember. :-) It's mainly for my children to know what my life was like, from my perspective. 

I think it's a process I'd enjoy immensely. 

I wonder what I'd call it? 

100-day challenge: Day 71

Yesterday was Day 70, and I did Dance No. 37! I'll say it again - I'm super-proud of myself. After being unfit for so long, for me to stick to any form of exercise for 70 days is highly impressive. 

Anyway, true to form, I've already started thinking ahead - firstly, about how I'll mark Day 100 (8 August 2015), but also about how I'll handle the 2nd 100-day challenge (09/08/15 - 17/11/15). If I've learnt anything, in the course of this first 100-day period, it is that I AM a disciplined person, and that I am more than capable of putting laziness aside and working in a goal-directed way towards a desired outcome. My thoughts, therefore, about the 2nd 100-day period, are about linking a second aspect to  the first - in other words, pairing two goals, and working towards them simultaneously. 

I have 29 days in which to decide what that 2nd goal will be. I have an idea, but I'll let it marinate for a while.  

Of course, nothing stops me from tackling four or five goals at the same time, but you know what? In the past, that's what's made me lose interest - I've been unrealistic in my goal setting, which played a big role in my losing my motivation, forming negative beliefs about myself, and feeling like a failure. But, as I've said before, that's no longer who I am. 

I have learnt a lot about myself, in the past 70 days, and I intend to keep learning about myself, in order to be the best Me I can be, and in order to make a better contribution, wherever life may situate me in the world.   

I go back to work next Wednesday, which means life gets very busy and very pressurised, my free time becomes precious, and my sanity needs a lot of assistance. My part-time job starts up again the following week, so even less free time and even fewer opportunities to work towards different goals - can you see why pairing my goals works for me? 

So, my plan for the next 100-day period, which starts on 9 August (significantly, National Women's Day, in South Africa), is to pair my fitness goal with one other goal. 

Watch this space! 

Oh, by the way, I've started reading "Quiet", by Susan Cain, for the second time, and I'm gripped, just like I was the first time. What an awesome book -  it speaks directly to me and liberates me, like very few books have been able to do. Books are a huge part of my goal setting and how I plot my course through life. You know how, when you find a pair of jeans you like, and you buy  a few pairs, because the fit is perfect? Well, I'm like that with books - when I find a book that hits me in the solar plexus, I have no problem re-reading it many times. 

Virgos!  

                      My neighour's mulberry tree, in June, about two weeks ago. I love this tree. 

Getting Back on Track

One of life’s unsung pleasures has to be waking up naturally, i.e. without an alarm.

Being on holiday also gives me two of the things I crave most – time and space. What makes it so special is that this is not merely time and space to DO things, but to breathe and BE. I know I’ve written about this many times before – it’s something I feel strongly about. So, with the luxury of waking up when my body has had enough sleep, I also have the opportunity to lie, and, without any time restriction, think. I can’t tell you how much of a pleasure that is, for me.

This is something I’ve been thinking about.  

When you first become single, after having been in a relationship, you go through a period of adjustment. Various factors inform how long that period lasts. What I’ve found is that, after becoming single when an eight-and-a-half-year relationship ended, I have spent the past four years growing into what in modern-speak is called “a single”. In fact,  I’ve taken a 180-degree turn, moving from wondering how on earth I’d cope without my partner, to wondering how I’d ever find the time, were I to meet  a new partner. 

Because I’ve experienced this kind of thing a few times in my adult life (three long-term relationships, as well as quite a few shorter-term ones, when I was younger), I don’t fall apart when a relationship ends, because I know that time is indeed the great healer. In the beginning, you do feel messed up, but my motto, in times of extreme stress, is “Give tomorrow a chance”. After taking it one day at a time, you end up taking it one week and then one month at a time, and afterwards you realise you haven’t thought about the person for a while, and that you have, in fact, moved on with your life.

I also know that I’ve always been someone who needed a lot of space, so finding things to keep me occupied is not difficult for me. In fact, one of the main criteria for anyone ‘aspiring’ to become my partner is that he needs to be able to handle my need for space, not take it personally, and for heaven’s sake, have his own life. Yoh! I can’t handle clinginess, even in platonic friendships.   

When I spend time with certain friends, the topic of my being single crops up, as well as the presence - or lack thereof - of ‘contenders’. :-)   I like the idea of being in a relationship, but I think my mental picture of my ideal partner is actually a morph of all the good aspects of the different partners I’ve had, which is grossly unfair to anyone who might enter my life. Interestingly enough, there is someone I find fascinating, but he’s in a committed relationship, so I won’t even go there. What I don’t want in my life is drama. Been there, done that. Eish! 

If I were to put a percentage to how much time I spend thinking about possibly having a partner, it’s probably moved from 2% to 5%.  What can I say? It’s a winter thing :-)

Having said as much, I know for a fact that solo pursuits will always be a big part of who I am and what makes me feel alive and happy. When I look at the sign on my cupboard door, I know that single-hood affords me room to thrive, and that any partner I were to have would need to be someone who’s also following goals and dreams, or who, at the very least, gives me space and time to pursue mine.

The sign reads:

GETTING BACK ON TRACK:

·        * Play guitar at least 30 minutes a day.

·        * Blog or journal at least 30 minutes a day.

·        * Exercise at least 3 times a week.

And those are just the ones on the sign! :-) I also read every day, and I love social media. Of course, during school terms, I have a lot less free time, so my sign serves as a reminder of what makes me me; it’s the first thing I see when I open my eyes, every day, and it keeps me focussed. 

I’ve spent a lot of my adult life ‘dealing with’ things, ‘surviving’, and ‘finding my feet’ after having had yet another rug pulled out from under me, but I’ve chosen to move beyond that. It’s no longer ‘surviving’ I want to focus on – I’ve proved that I’m a survivor, over and over again;  now I’m focusing on thriving.  And I have to do it my way, because nobody knows me as well as I know myself. I know what makes me get up every morning and face the world with a smile. I also know the difference between wading and soaring.  

I am constantly inspired by the view from my kitchen window. What a gentle gift from the universe yesterday, 7 July 2015. It whispered to me: "Everything is exactly as it's supposed to be." 

100-day exercise challenge: Day 64

Tonight I did my 34th dance workout, on Day 64 of 100, and I feel fantastic!

Dancing every second night has become a routine for me, and I’m happier than anyone could imagine, because I’m getting myself back, slowly but surely. I’ve probably been saying the same things in all my posts about my 100-day challenge, but what can I say, other than that it’s one of the best challenges I’ve ever set myself. 

In 1985, I set myself a challenge to give up red meat for a year. After that year, I never went back to eating red meat. I even gave up chicken for a good few years, until I had children, and cooking special meals became a hassle. Now I eat white meat, but prefer fish to chicken.  

But, I digress (yet again).

What do I like most about dancing? That wonderful feeling of freedom that comes from moving spontaneously to music. I like to feel the music inside me, so I wear earphones when I dance, allowing the music to bounce around in my head, without disturbing the household.

At the moment, this is my playlist:

Warm up:

Are you sure? -  Randy Crawford

Lilly – Pink Martini

Workout:

The Fez – Steely Dan

Corazon Espinado – Santana

Lady Marmalade – Shakira, etc

Uptown Funk – Mark Ronson, Bruno Mars

Play that funky music – James Brown

Slowing it down a bit:

Am I the same girl? – Swing Out Sister

Cool down/ Stretch / Breathe:

Some other time – Keith Jarrett

This last tune is one of my favourite pieces of music – it’s Keith Jarrett, with a drummer and a bassist (whose names I don’t know!). The sounds this bassist makes are so beautiful, they touch my soul. As I stretch and breathe to this tune, I let go of any remaining tension, and any negative thoughts, I free my mind and flood my being with gratitude, love, and peace. As I stretch and breathe, I become the best me I can be, and I feel a deep sense of conviction that all the joy, serenity and confidence I experience while I’m dancing are preparing me for whatever lies ahead. 

I sincerely believe that all the changes I'm inviting into my life are just a few heartbeats away.

Day 64 of 100 – who’d’ve thought I could keep it going for so long?

“Don’t believe me, just watch.”  :-) 

(By the way, my sense of drama is satisfied as I share the applause at the end of the live Jarrett piece, right at the end of my dance session.)

100-day challenge: Day 50

If anyone had told me the first 50 days would pass by this fast, I wouldn’t have believed them. (Much like the years of my life - I blinked, and I was in my 50s.)

On 1 May 2015, I set myself a 100-day challenge: to dance for 20 minutes a day, for 100 (consecutive) days.  A bout of flu saw me stopping for about 12 days. When I resumed, I decided to approach it differently, for a number of reasons.

This was my thinking: I LOVE dancing, it makes me feel fabulous, I’m getting steadily fitter, and I want to keep doing this for as long as I’m able to. However, my life gets really busy, and it’s not always possible to fit in a workout. There’s so much to do, that I often get to 10pm and realise I still have another hour of responsibilities. In order to get enough sleep before the next hectic day, it doesn’t make sense to force myself to dance, especially when it means I’d get even less sleep. If life has taught me anything, it's that sleep is very important. 

After thinking it through, I committed to dancing every second day, which turned out to be a lot more realistic. I promised myself I would not skip more than one day between workouts, and…. so far, so good (for the past 9 days). I also told myself I’d dance on consecutive days, whenever possible. School holidays are ahead, my life will assume a more relaxed pace, and I’ll fit in as many dance sessions as possible.   

Yesterday was Day 49, and I did my 27^th workout. It’s the weekend, I have some Trudy-time coming my way, so I look forward to dancing. I used to do just 20 minutes, but now I can last for 35. It’s a wonderful feeling, moving freely to music and feeling myself going from being cold to getting so warm that I feel I could dance forever.

The truth is, it’s been only 7 weeks. I’m working through unfitness that took years to settle in. I need to stick to my resolve, and not give up. I can feel my body changing. I can even feel my spirit changing. I feel good, doing regular exercise. I feel younger. I’m starting to feel stirrings of a past time, a time when I used to run and do aerobics. A long time ago. J The point is, I need to be patient, and just ‘keep on keeping on’. External results always appear after the internal ones.

I knew the 100 days would teach me something, and that’s exactly what’s happening. In 2003, I did the Mind Power course, with Robin Banks, Early in the course, we discussed why people don’t reach their goals. Personally, I’ve found that my main reason for not achieving some of my goals is that, often, I’m just too unrealistic. For me, to think that I could add anything to my daily routine is unrealistic. Maybe I’ll get it right someday, but, right now, it’s not sustainable.

In the past, I’d set a goal, fail to stick to it, become demotivated, feel like a failure, and give up. I’m no longer that person.

This is my reality: I have a day job that takes up 7 and a half hours per day (excluding the extra time teachers work at home!). Travelling takes up about one and a half hours per day. Those two alone take up 10 hours of my day. Then there are all my domestic responsibilities – maybe another 3 hours? 13 hours. Being so active makes me tired, physically and emotionally, so I have to do downtime things, to restore some sense of balance. Before I know it, it’s late at night. In order to fit in regular dancing, I’ve got to arrange my whole week a certain way. In addition, for the past four and a half months I’ve had a bi-weekly gig at a restaurant, so that kept me even busier. It took trial and error to get me to the solution of dancing every second day.

I’m grateful for this lesson in setting realistic goals. Someone else helped me understand more about goal setting – my friend, Patricia Manshon, founder and head of the Academy of Life Coaching. She adapted the goal-setting acronym “SMART” (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound) to “SMARTIE”, adding the words “Inspirational” and “Emotional”. If my goals aren’t inspirational and don’t have an effect on my emotions, I feel too disconnected, and there’s very little chance of my sticking to them.  

Interestingly enough, one of the quotations in my appointment diary, this week, was:

"To be all that you can be, you must dream of being more. To achieve the possible, you must attempt the impossible."  Karen Ravn

After quite a few years of becoming increasingly unfit, I have just lived through 50 days during which I danced 27 times. That’s a huge achievement for me, and I’m super-proud of myself!

Wish me luck for the next 50 days.   

    

About Blogging

As an English lecturer, I have to teach students “how to write a blog”. Firstly, I think the textbook writers fail to make a clear distinction between a “blog” – which is your own, free website, which you can personalise and use like a journal, to write about anything you like - and a “blog post”, which is an article you post/upload onto your blog/website. 

It’s quite a technical approach, in the textbook, and of course I have to make sure every student knows s/he has to include a title, name and surname, and the date. Other technical aspects to be reminded of are paragraphing, the ‘Big 3’ – introduction, body and conclusion - and sticking to the word count.  

As a blogger, myself, there’s so much else I want to teach them, and I just hope that those who do enjoy writing, actually go on to start their own blogs and enjoy the journey.

I’ve come to the conclusion that most things that we end up doing well, later in life, are things we’ve loved all our lives, and usually have been doing for most of our lives. For me, writing is one of those things. I started blogging in 2009, but I’ve been journalling since 1977 – 38 years ago. Before that, I was always writing letters, and I know I had a few pen-friends, as a child.  

Over the years, my journalling has played an increasingly significant role in my life, but one truth that I’ve been living with for many years is that, in order for me to feel right, I have to write. If I go for a few days without writing (especially journalling), I feel like something’s missing. I would actually call myself a compulsive writer. When I sit at the hairdresser, I’m given magazines to read, but what I’d really rather be doing, is writing! Yes! Maybe I should buy myself a tablet, something nice and portable, then I could do just that.

My cellphone? Well, now there’s a story. I’m one of those people who use my phone for just a few things – mainly texting, making calls and taking photos -  so if my current phone, which I’ve had for about four years can do those, I don’t see the need to buy a new phone. I actually have a phone which pre-dates the Smart phone, so I suppose an upgrade is overdue. I annoy everyone because I’m not on WhatsApp. :-)

So why do I blog? Quite simply - I love writing. I love writing to express my thoughts, my views, my questions, my frustrations and my observations. Doing so on the internet, on my own blog, was suggested to me by two people, a few years apart. Once I’d started, I was hooked. In my first two years, I think I wrote 50+ posts each year. Now, six years later, I don’t blog anywhere near as often as that, but the truth is, I think about writing every single day. I would love my daily routine to include blogging. Because we share one laptop at the moment, I can’t always access it when I have the time to blog. So, for now, I’ll just do it whenever I can.

I learnt, a long ago, that, when you’re a busy person who takes on extra projects and challenges, you aren’t always able to find time, on a daily basis, to do the things you’re passionate about. However, you always have a choice: would you rather follow your passion some of the time, or give it up completely?  For me, the choice was clear – even though my life is laden with responsibility and duty, I find the time to fit in what I love.

At this point in my life, my loves are playing my guitar and singing, writing, and dancing. I’ve also loved swimming ever since I was a child, but right now, it’s not logistically possible for me to swim. Once I have a car again, and I’ve regained my independence, a lot more will become possible.

So - what are you passionate about? And why aren’t you making time to do it?  

What are you waiting for? 

100-day exercise challenge: Day 33

Day 33. I've just started the second month of my 100-day challenge, and it's certainly been different to what I'd planned. But, as I keep telling myself, the most important thing is that I see the 100 days through, without quitting. 

After 14 consecutive days of dancing, I had to interrupt my exercise routine, because I'd caught the flu. At first I danced even though I was sick, hoping it would pass, but I could feel myself getting weaker, as my condition worsened. People (on Facebook) cautioned me against exercising while sick, as it would strain my heart. I didn't want to complicate my life, and I looked forward to continuing my programme after the flu, so I stopped. At first I stopped for just  three days, then danced for two, but felt so bad, that I had to give myself a good talking to. Sometimes I'm so keen to achieve a goal, that I get tunnel vision. 

I then stopped for ten days, while I took meds and gave my body a chance to rest and recover.  Getting back into the routine was not straight forward; I danced on Day 30, but not the next day. Last night, however, I did my 18th dance workout - I've discovered it's called freestyle dancing -  and I felt that wonderful buzz of being back on track. 

It was a very cold day yesterday, and when it was time for me to dance (I dance at night), I had to fight the urge to skip exercising and lie in a hot bath, instead. Brrrrrr! However, once I'd put on my exercise clothes, I started feeling that familiar excitement. Once  I heard the first few notes of the music, I was hooked. After the first song, I was quite warm, and after the second, I needed to remove my long-sleeved top. 

From then on - and this happens every time - I'm in the zone, as they say, and I just have fun. Dancing makes me smile, it makes me forget my stresses, and allows me to believe that anything's possible. 

I plan to stick to my 100-day challenge, as far as is humanly possible. Day 33 - only 67 to go.  And then? Can't see myself stopping after 100 days.