How does the grapevine know?

Just a quick note before I start my next round of activity for the day. I'm an amateur gardener - extremely amateur; the kind who likes to look at a nice garden, but prefers not to do the work herself. Actually, that's not entirely true; it's just that I'm SO busy, I seldom get time, on a regular basis, to work in the garden. When I do, it's limited to pulling out a couple of weeds and filling up the beds or pots with compost. Every now and then, I really get in the mood for gardening, and then I like to plant new seedlings and play around with the potting soil and compost, finishing it all off with watering. Now that's the part I really enjoy. In fact, anything involving water. I hate housework, especially the tasks that involve dust, because I'm allergic to it.

But one thing about the garden fascinates me more than the pretty colours of the blossoms and the cool shade of the trees - I'm fascinated by the lessons I've learnt from my garden. I've learnt from my garden that there's a natural cycle to things, and that if we wait long enough, there'll be another opportunity to experience something, usually within 12 months.

I've toyed with the concept of "How does the grapevine know?" for a while. The grapevine starts showing signs of life round about July, and by this time of the year, late October, it's full of bunches of ant-sized baby grapes. By December they're recognisable as grapes, with the vine filled with vibrant green leaves, and by January/February,we're picking and eating the fruit.

The thing is, by March/April, the vine looks as dead as can be, with the branches all gnarled and dried, as though it hadn't been part of an amazing life-giving process. And throughout winter I look at it and I wonder,..... is it REALLY dead, this time round, or is it going to start reviving in a few months' time? And when it does, year after year, I ask myself: "How does the grapevine know? "

The garden teaches me that when I plant a seed and nurture it, it will grow. When I neglect it, it won't. If I take good care of it for long enough, it will give me something beautiful in return - sometimes, shades of green that make me stare in disbelief, sometimes edible fruit, and sometimes blossoms so stunning, I can't believe such beauty exists right in my yard!

My garden teaches me that when I plant tomatoes, it will yield tomatoes, and when I plant daisies, it will give me daisies. My garden teaches me to be specific - don't plant daisies if you want roses - then you need to take the necessary steps to plant roses!

My garden teaches me that when I let the weeds grow, uncontrolled, they'll flourish and take over, simply because they've been given the space and time to do so.

My garden teaches me that it's not just what I can see that can calm me and put a smile on my face: when the wind wafts the delicate smell of lavender towards me, or I cut some and put it inside the house, I know, without a doubt, that beauty is to be experienced with all my senses.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, in 1998, a very good friend gave me two pot plants, and they were clivia plants. Five years later, they bloomed for the first time, and have done so every year. We gathered the seeds and nurtured them indoors and now we have a whole lot of clivia. And everytime they bloom, they take my breath away!

I also know that some flowers bloom for a long time, while others lose their petals very quickly, which is another lesson: I try not to take good fortune/blessings for granted; when we have them, we should enjoy them. Carpe diem!

I think the most important lesson I've learnt from my garden is that, when you see that you've messed up, and you make a decision to do something about it, life does give you another chance. If my garden looks terrible, from being neglected, and I consciously set about changing what I don't like, I'm guaranteed to have a beautiful garden within a relatively short space of time. My garden always forgives me and allows me to try again. My garden doesn't judge me.

My garden knows me, and reveals to me its beauty when I need it most.

Do, or don't do

It's been an exciting few months, for me, and I can feel the momentum building. On the 4th of July, this year, I started a duo gig (with Super-Wayne, Wayne Bosch) at The Food Lover's Market, in Claremont, and set myself a series of goals, because that's what I love to do. Some were (and always will be) more private than others, but the fact is, I've had an amazing time! Most of the goals were in the category of pushing personal boundaries and seeing how far I could go. Some were more altruistic, and some were just practical. Crooner, Michael Buble, in a silly moment during a recent interview, quoting a character from Star Wars (I think), said, "There's no such thing as try -there's just do, or don't do."
I like that concept. Over the past few months, I've sung songs I'd never have attempted a year ago - and the fun part is that while I'm singing, I'm checking myself out and thinking, "Ok, so you're doing this now - let's see how you do in the chorus, then the bridge, then the next verse, then the whole form again with some improvisation...." It's like a game, an experiment, but I'm never going to know if I can or not, unless I actually DO!

In many other parts of my life, I apply the same principle. Right now, I've committed to a project with Baran, a really nice person with great integrity, and a restaurant owner (owns Baran's and Mesopotamia, both in the Cape Town CBD), and a lot of what I'm doing is just pure gut feel. I love music, all forms of creativity, I love Cape Town, and I absolutely love Greenmarket Square, where Baran's Theatre Restaurant is located. This Sunday, I realise quite a few dreams, when I perform in my first gig there, alongside Super-Wayne.

Over the years, I've compiled a list of my dream gig venues, and Baran's was one of them: in 5 days' time, I achieve that dream! One that I seriously hope to achieve within the next year (I'll have to just open my mouth and talk to people, won't I?!) is the top of Table Mountain. (And no, playing my guitar in the overnight hut doesn't count!) Watch this space! Some of my others were Kirstenbosch (managed the Silvertree Restaurant, as part of the winter concerts, but not the outside venue), the amphitheatre at the V&A Waterfront (1998), the Table Bay Hotel (2008/9), Spier Wine Farm (did the Spier Village Hotel, but not the outside venue) and Strandloper (did a wedding there, a few years ago). Like a lot of other South Africans, I've also had on my dream gig list performing to Nelson Mandela. Wonder if he eats at Baran's?

And then there's Trevor Manuel......but that's another story!

Revised gig e-mail for this week

Hi

Yes! Yes! Yes! After 4 months of one weekly gig, I have added a second one!

Please spread the word!

Gig 1
Date: Sat 31/10
Time: 7 - 10pm
Venue: The Food Lover's Mkt Restaurant & Sushi Bar (upstairs)
Address: Corner Vineyard & Dreyer Streets, Claremont
Band: TRUDY RUSHIN (voice, guitar) & WAYNE BOSCH (guitar)
Music: Laid-back jazz, swing, pop and originals
Menu: General menu OR Saturday night special: 3-course meal + glass of wine, only R95
Cover charge: None


Gig 2
Date: Sun 01/11
Time: 6 - 9pm
Venue: Baran's Theatre Restaurant (upstairs)
Address: Corner Burg & Shortmarket Streets, Greenmarket Square, Cape Town
Band: TRUDY RUSHIN & Guest Guitarist (as part of "Spirit of Cape Town" Concert Series)
Music: Laid-back jazz, swing, pop, African and originals
Menu: Special "Spirit of Cape Town" menu: Main course (lamb/chicken/vegetarian), only R50
Cover charge: R30
Bookings: 021-426 4466

Baran's Theatre Restaurant launches its "Spirit of Cape Town" Concert Series this Sunday, 1st November, with its resident duo, headed by singer-songwriter, TRUDY RUSHIN, a born and bred Capetonian, to celebrate its re-opening after recent upgrades to both the restaurant and Greenmarket Square.
Over the coming weeks, Trudy will be showcasing talented Capetonians at this delightful venue: musicians, dancers, poets, etc.
Baran has come up with a delicious main course, at a very special price, to accompany the live entertainment, in keeping with the true spirit of the Mother City.

Please pass this e-mail on along your networks.

If you would like to find out more about being a guest in the "Spirit of Cape Town" Series, or you would like to recommend someone, please e-mail me at rushintrudy@yahoo.com or call me at 083 491 3048.

I will be keeping my blog updated, as well: http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com

On Sun. 6 December, I'll be doing a concert of my original music at Baran's Theatre Restaurant, with a very special band. More info to follow.

“We have, at our fingertips, an infinite capacity to light a spark of possibility.”

From “The Art Of Possibility”, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander

Gig e-mail for Sat. 31 Oct.

You deserve a treat! You’ve been working hard all month - why not round up some of your favourite people, and surrender yourself to the pleasure of a well-deserved night out, enjoying excellent food, to the laid-back sounds of live jazz?!

DATE: Sat 31 October 2009
TIME: 7- 10pm
VENUE: (upstairs at) The Food Lover’s Market Restaurant and Sushi Bar
ADDRESS: Cnr Vineyard & Dreyer Streets (opposite MacDonald’s), Claremont
BAND: TRUDY RUSHIN (voice, guitar) & WAYNE BOSCH (guitar)
MUSIC: Jazz, swing, bossanova, folk, blues, pop & original
OTHER:
 Saturday night menu special: 3-course meal + glass of wine, only R95
 No cover charge for live music

Now that the seasons have changed, the restaurant is even lovelier at night – with the balcony accessible, you can enjoy the cool night air and have a bird’s-eye view of buzzing Central Claremont, while enjoying your meal and the live music.

It’s hard to pin-point one thing that makes this place so special – rather, it’s the combination of a few successful elements that makes it stand out: the food, the laid-back ambience, the staff and (of course) the music all blend, somehow, to create the setting for a memorable night.

Interesting? Interested? Please forward this to some of your friends. (Nkos’!)

Thanks to my friends who pitched up, the last two Saturdays – so nice to have you there! Big thanks to Janice De Lilly, our guest artist last week, whose voice is so beautiful, it gives me goosebumps! You’ll be hearing a lot about her, I’m sure.

A quotation, in conclusion:
“We have, at our fingertips, an infinite capacity to light a spark of possibility.”
From “The Art Of Possibility”, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander

Have a good week!
Trudy
Check out my blog, at http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com

2009 Prize-giving at Westerford High School, Newlands, Cape Town

Written Thursday 22/10/09

Last night I went to the annual prize-giving celebration at Westerford High, where my son is about to finish his first year (Grade 8). The Noel Taylor Hall (named after the school's first Principal) was crammed with pupils from all the grades, as well as parents. The seating was demarcated, so everyone knew where they were supposed to sit. (That already impressed me!) Extra seating had been created in a temporary annex, giving the hall more capacity, and that was where the younger pupils sat.

It was clear that careful planning had also gone into the layout and decoration of the stage, as well as the seating for the orchestra, at the foot of the stage. Every pupil was dressed in full winter uniform (smarter than the summer one), as per the instructions in the notice to parents.

The evening was an interesting mixture of formality and informality, with the various pupils tasked with addressing the huge gathering speaking eloquently, with just the right amount of humour. It was good to hear the prefects giving reports on the many aspects of life at Westerford, from the sporting and cultural activities to the part that fascinates me a lot - the service organisations. It's clear that the ethos of the school is deliberately values-driven and aimed at promoting well-rounded citizens. I'm actually fascinated by the school and how it manages to get so many elements essential to education so right. Yes, their fees are relatively high (+- R17000 p.a.), but that's not the only reason they're able to deliver and produce such excellence. The people who run the school are the secret ingredient. Of that I'm 100% sure.

Not only are they people of vision, themselves, but their focus is squarely on developing people; their acknowledgement of everyone, no matter how menial their rank, is evidence of that. Something special, for me, was the way both the Principal (Rob Le Roux)and the MC mentioned all the pupils present who were not going to be receiving prizes, and acknowledged their hard work. What a nice gesture! I'm sure it went a long way towards soothing a few egos in the audience (of both pupils and parents!).

The orchestra played a few items before, during and after the event, adding another dimension to the evening. The odd mistake did nothing to detract from the overall beauty and significance of the music - played by pupils (and a teacher) from the school, conducted by one of their teachers - all proudly Westerfordian.

Once again, I want to mention the interesting balance between the formal and the informal, on the night. The staff entered the hall as a procession, and all or most of them wore academic robes. The staff member who read out the names of the prize winners was extremely formal - his voice, his register, his choice of words: everything about him suggested someone who'd been in academia for many years and who clearly loved what he did. The printed programme set everything out clearly, and I was impressed to see that the lyrics of Gaudeamus Igitur, their school song and our national anthem were all printed in the programme - all of us were included in the singing of all three! (I was, once again, impressed at the attention to detail, as well as the spirit of inclusiveness!).

Juxtaposed with that formality, were the many pupils who came up onto the stage to address the audience. They were definitely the highlight of the event, because they were essentially living proof of the success of the school: all of them were well-spoken, articulate, interesting, caring, engaging and funny. The sight of the principal having a good laugh at some of the whacky things said by the various pupils also gave an indication of the spirit at the school. One doesn't feel that old-style, draconian ethos that many of us suffered through, all those years ago, but rather a refreshing alternative - a truly empowering atmosphere, where young people are nurtured and moulded, encouraged and applauded, but most of all, respected for the individuals they are.

Before ending, I want to mention two other things: firstly, that the guest of honour was the Premier of the Western Cape, Helen Zille, who (I was relieved to find!) was not there to make a speech, but merely to grace the event with her presence, and secondly, that a few days before the event, The Sunday Times had published the top 100 public schools in South Africa, and Westerford had emerged as No. 1! Needless to say, everything about the evening had had, as a backdrop, that wonderful accolade.

I suppose the comment my son made afterwards (he'd been at school since the morning, and it was after 10pm that the event ended) was the perfect conclusion for me, given the emotions I had experienced during the evening: I had one of those lump-in-the-throat moments, as we were walking to the car - it was a beautiful night, we were walking on the pathway approaching the swimming pool, Devil's Peak towering majestically before us,when my son said,with all the innocence and enthusiasm of a 14-year-old: "I love this place!".

To read more about this innovative, ground-breaking school, go to www.westerford.co.za

This week's gig e-mail (for Sat. 24/10/09)

Picture: Janice De Lilly (accompanied by Wayne Bosch)

Hi!

Please pass this e-mail on to friends who enjoy live music. (Thanks!)

This Saturday, 24th October, I have the pleasure of performing with guitar legend, Alvin Dyers, with whom I’ve had a long association. Alvin was my guitar teacher in the early 1990’s, and again in 2008, at Jazz Workshop Music School. He also played on my first demo CD (At Last!) in 1997, and was the guitarist in the band that I performed with at the Jazzathon at the Waterfront in January 1998. He’s so cool to work with!

Gig details:

Date: Saturday 24th October

Time: 7-10pm

Band: Trudy Rushin (voice, guitar) and Alvin Dyers (guitar)

Venue: The Food Lover’s Market (restaurant and sushi bar)

Address: Corner Vineyard and Dreyer Streets, Claremont (opposite MacDonald’s)

Parking: Either on the street (tip the parking attendants) or inside Cavendish Square (pay per hour)

Type of music: Laid-back jazz, swing, Brazilian, pop and originals
(basically: toe-tapping, stress-busting, smile-inducing)

Cover charge: None

Menu special: 3-course meal + glass of wine, only R95
(huge helpings and utterly divine!)

Guest spot:
This week, we’ll have a special guest appearance by Janice De Lilly, a talented young singer-guitarist who performed with us a few weeks ago. Her voice has a soulfulness that will take your breath away. Fairly new to the world of gigs, she certainly has a bright future ahead as a performer.

Last week, we had “MJ” (Martin John Abrahams), another gifted young singer-songwriter, who blew us away with his renditions of “Sunday Morning” and “More Than Words”, amongst others. From a gospel background, his voice is shown off beautifully when he does rock, blues and folk/pop songs.

Couldn’t resist this quotation, by one of my all-time Superwomen:
Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
Ella Fitzgerald

There’s something new and exciting that I’ll be involved in, as from November. I’ll keep you posted via e-mail, but will also be updating my blog. You’ll find my random Rushin ramblings at http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com

Written Sunday 18/10/09

I think I’ve become addicted to blogging! Trying to decide if it’s necessarily a bad thing. I’ve always loved writing, and I’ve always been fascinated by technology, so I suppose the meeting was inevitable. My personal journaling has changed, since I started blogging, which was also probably inevitable.

I’ve had an interesting weekend, with Saturday night’s gig one of the undeniable highlights. I used the new sound equipment for the first time in public, and was very pleased with the sound. Our guest artist was “MJ”, a guitarist and vocalist, who sang four songs during our second set and then another one at the end of the gig, when some late diners requested to hear him. What a lovely young man – a gentle personality, unassuming, modest yet aware of his talent and the fact that music is his passion. Later, I heard his professionally recorded 5-song demo CD, and I was blown away! He has a beautiful voice, one I could listen to for hours. From a gospel background, his style is a blend of rock, blues, folk and pop. His choice of repertoire showed off his voice, but when I heard his original songs (demo), I could feel the magic! The lesson for me, yet again, was that songwriters need to sing their songs!

Another really cool thing happened this weekend, on Saturday morning: I saw an infomercial that sparked off an idea for a fun workout – I got out some of my Latin music, put on some exercise clothes, and decided I’d do a 20-to-30-minute dance workout. It was such fun, I ended up dancing for 65 minutes! Rediscovered how much I love dancing, and am looking forward to doing this regularly. One of the special things about dancing to that kind of music, is that I can’t seem to stop smiling! Great stress-buster! Brazilian music, especially, has that effect on me. I also played some Carlos Santana, which also just makes me want to move. I figured out a couple of things, during the session: one, that I could use some of the beautiful slow songs to do slower, yoga-like stretches, and two, that when I felt my energy flagging, I could just play one of my favourite songs, and that would set me off again, dancing like there was no tomorrow. In fact, I highly recommend it.
There’s a saying that comes to mind: People say we stop playing because we get old, but actually we get old because we stop playing.

I’m once again contemplating the issue of commitment, a topic that rears its head periodically.
In his book, The Seat of the Soul, Gary Zukav says, at the beginning of his chapter called ‘Relationships’:
“There are certain growing dynamics that can occur only within the dynamic of commitment.” I concur. If you’re not going to risk sacrificing your single status, you’re only ever going to experience your partner in snatches, and you’re never going to know the full extent of what’s possible. I’m talking about the difference between dipping into someone’s world every now and then, and walking the journey of life with them, exploring the full power possible when two adults who love each other join forces, share resources and channel their merged energies into bringing individual and joint goals to fruition. There’s something quite tragic about two people in a relationship, with the potential, if they were to commit to each other, to make huge waves in society, as well as in each other’s lives, sitting with a situation where only one is willing to make such a commitment.

Which reminds me of another piece of wisdom: in every situation we find ourselves in, we always have a choice.

Another highlight of my weekend was my children’s return home after their week away, at their dad’s house. I will never get used to their absence, even after all these years. When they’re here, all’s right with my world. This is one aspect of divorce that sucks – not only does it force children to live disjointed lives, but it forces the parents into some kind of part-time status. But that’s another story!

It’s midnight, and I have to be up at 05:30. Time to commit to a good night’s sleep.

It starts!

Yesterday I went down to the venue where I'm planning to have my concert, and had Meeting No. 1 with the owner. Went very well - agreed in principle, with details to be looked at next. It starts!

Since then, I've typed up a detailed proposal, and will take it to him next week, for Meeting No. 2. Very exciting!!! I'm thinking of doing the show on Sunday 6 December, which is in 7 weeks' time. I'm going to plot a detailed marketing strategy, with time frames, and start as soon as we've finalised the important bits.

Technically, the last time I did a concert was on 1 February, this year, when I did a trio gig at the Nassau Hall, in Newlands, with Wayne Bosch (guitar) and Shaun Johannes (double bass); but that was one set, so it wasn't a whole concert. The similarity between that one and this one is that original material will form the core of the repertoire. I'm thinking of once again adding a double bassist to the duo, but possibly also a percussionist.

So much to think about! I've just been jotting down some thoughts, and am getting more and more excited. Will write more as I go along.


My partner and I often discuss the way the concepts of scarcity and prosperity consciousness play out in our respective lives. With that as a backdrop, I'd like to share these wise words with you, by Oprah Winfrey:

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.

Something old, something new....

This week, I was given a gift that I still don't know how to respond to, other than to keep saying "Thank you" until I'm told not to. Seriously, though, this is a gift that has the potential to make a huge difference in my life - a set of new sound equipment, including a new mic!

Now, let me put this into perspective. In December 1996, when I left my permanent job with the Western Cape Education Department, I invested in a brand new, bottom-of-the-range set of sound equipment, in order to give myself the freedom to do my own thing. Having my own P.A. top, speakers and mic meant I would not have to depend on others to provide me with sound whenever I wanted to perform. It was a 100W system (ja, ja!) and the only part that I had to replace was the P.A top, when it was stolen during a burglary. At that time, the replacement was bought by the same person who's just bought me the new stuff.

But my mic has an even more interesting story - I must've bought it in about 1990! About two years ago, I broke my own rule and lent it to someone for his gig, and when it came back, it was broken. It still worked, but something in the head had cracked, and part of the inside was now visible. I continued to use it as my only mic (pawned previous spare many years ago, during low patch after divorce), and it's been an important ally in my pursuit of my goals. That old mic has actually travelled a long journey with me, and as you can guess, I have no intention of parting with it! It's a Roland D-45! (!) Something like the Morris 1100 of microphones. By the way, I used to drive one of those! Her name was Dweezle. Some of my older friends and acquaintances would remember her. (Think mid-1980s)

I remember, I used to drive to UWC for my part-time lectures, and every now and then, Dweezle would get stuck along that last stretch of road before campus, and as my friends would come into the lecture hall, they'd say, "I saw your car stuck on the bridge" or "That was YOUR car I saw, right?". It became a standard greeting, with the second part of the sentence eventually becoming superfluous, so I'd be greeted with, "I saw ..." (I'd smile and nod), or "That was...?" (smile and nod).

I had two friends, Pam and Yusuf, who because they were always together, I ended up calling "Pamnyusuf", and the three of us would take turns, each using our car for a week at a time, fetching the others and generally sharing the load. The funny thing was that I think we must've got stuck in each of our cars, at some stage or the other! In those days you could still hitch-hike, which we would end up doing, just to get to campus, then we'd figure out how to: a) get home and b) get the car towed home safely. I think my brother-in-law must've bailed me out many times. In fact, I think he's actually towed me home in EVERY car I've owned. It actually took me a while to get a car that wasn't manufactured in the same decade I was born in! But that's another story! The plan now is to buy one that was made in this century, sometime in 2010.

And so, this Saturday I step out into my magical musical world with my new sound. We've been trying all kinds of combinations and permutations (lots of knobs to fiddle with), and we'll give it a go in public. Scary, but exciting. I generally live my life according to the "less is more" principle, and that usually works for me (hence the almost 20-yr-old mic and car!), so when I find myself having to operate at a more sophisticated level, in any area of my life that's stood still for a while, I do get a bit anxious, with half of me excited as hell and the other half wishing I could just hide behind the familiar, the comfortable, the same ol' same ol', the safe.

There's a saying that goes something like this: How can you keep doing the same thing, in the same way, and expect different results?

As commonplace as change is, it's still something I have a love-hate relationship with. I allege that I want it (my big affirmation being, "I'm living through radical, positive change"), and that I'm doing everything in my power to attract it, but when it comes, I can feel myself trembling inside, that scared child of long ago wondering, "Can I really do this? Am I actually good enough? What if I'm not as good as they think I am?"

So there, I've said it. Now I feel much better. Yes, I do have moments of self-doubt, but I'm unlearning those self-defeating beliefs/patterns, and consciously embracing new ones:

I CAN do this!
I AM good enough!
I AM as good as they think I am, AND I'm getting better all the time!

Crossing The Line

On Sunday morning, I woke up an hour earlier than I'd planned to, and lay there wondering if I should spend that hour in bed or go for a walk, running through a mental list of all the advantages the walk had over the rest. You'll be surprised to hear that I went for the walk! I went to my kitchen and looked out of the window at the spectacular view of the Constantia mountains and saw that the weather was perfect for walking - overcast, silver-grey, pending, and very, very still..... moody, mystical, magical.

I walked for just over an hour, in perfect tranquility, using the time to do some uninterrupted thinking, but also to breathe in the fresh air and feel part of the universe and the wonderfully unfolding spring season.

So where does someone like me take a walk, without having to drive a few kilometres first? The answer is simple: while I don't exactly live in a leafy suburb, thanks to the old apartheid system, I live across the road from one. Or, to be more specific, across the line. The grand plan of the apartheid government entailed grouping people geographically, to confine their activities and interactions to 'people of their own kind'. The railway line in Cape Town's southern suburbs divided the city along 'racial' lines, and to this day, these areas are still populaced predominantly by the original groups.

So, when we debate on the topic of how many generations it will take before South Africans start ignoring "race" or ethnicity, we need to bear in mind that many physical structures that were designed to separate, alienate and subjugate still exist, and serve as reminders, every day of our lives, of that part of our country's history. And even to call it "our country's" history is slanted, and serves to dilute the truth, because it's OUR history. It was about people. And we are those people.

And so, while I was walking in leafy suburbia, which is accessible but still inaccessible - because we are now at that stage of "our country's history" where access to and ownership of everything beautiful is determined by socio-economic class and not by colour - I thought about the fact that I had "crossed the line", in order to walk amongst fragrant pine trees. I thought about other ways in which I had crossed the line, that morning and throughout my life. I thought about decisions I had made that had been unpopular with my close circle, some of which I'd later regretted. I smiled as I thought about the ones I would never regret, as controversial as they may have been.

In the old South Africa, when people spoke about someone coming from "the other side of the line", it usually referred to someone from a different "race", but of course the loud, grimy railway line also presented a strong reinforcement of that divide. In the 1950s, when my mother was in her twenties, she and her friends were caught up in the National Party's "reclassification" of people, along so-called racial lines. She tells me how families were split in two, as the fairer-skinned ones, who could "pass" for White, accepted the label and all that went with it. Now THAT is something I will NEVER understand! You are born into a family, you have your parents and your siblings, and you are their close blood relative. A savage, dehumanising political system affords you, based on genetically-determined variables like the number of pigmentation cells in your skin and the texture of your hair, the opportunity to denounce them and your entire personal and social history, and live a lie,...... and you go for it! Huh?!!!

Now, to those people who crossed the line in that short-sighted, unfortunate way, I have a few questions that I've been wanting to ask for many years: how do you feel today? And what did you say when you were asked about which schools you'd attended, or where you'd grown up? And if everyone knew that you were from a "non-white" family anyway, who exactly were you fooling by living as an imposter? And how did you justify to yourself the conscious choice to live as part of the privileged minority, which thrived at the expense of the underprivileged masses, knowing that your own mother, father, sisters and brothers were on the receiving end of the bigotry of that very minority you had insinuated yourself into?

And so I concluded my walk, crossing the line once again, turning my back on the tranquil, leafy suburb (where, by the way, I'm quite ok with saying I would love to live, because my theory is: everyone deserves to live in such tranquil surroundings!) and walking the few blocks home.

I had achieved a lot: I had had some much-needed exercise, I had breathed in lots of fresh air, I had had some solo time, I had tossed about quite a few ideas, and I had crossed the line, in more ways than one.

The Number

So I decided to fiddle around and give my blog a facelift. This is fun - I'm sure I'll do it many more times, now that I've discovered how.

Scary reality-check moment today - fraught with images of my body being coerced into untold torment, in pursuit of a physical ideal I'd not only never had, but had just about lost all intentions of aspiring to - when I stepped onto the scale, after years, and saw..... THE NUMBER!!!!! (Blood draining from face!). Without supplying too much detail, let’s just say it was ….. um …. a round figure!

This is how I choose to address this challenge: it took me many months (actually, years) of dedicated overeating and lack of exercise to achieve my current shape, and so I grant myself many months in which to achieve the reverse effect. Wish me luck.

This is one of the three hardest things for me to assimilate/deal with/understand/conquer, but I am committing to something or other - I'll figure it out (so to speak) in the bath tonight. Actually all three challenges start with an "M" - we're talking Mass, Men and Money, and not necessarily in that order!

Thirsty

I had a very interesting (there's that word, again!) gig on Saturday. Wayne and I did a whole bunch of songs we hadn't done before as a duo, and once again, I did a few that I'd never sung before. I've started recording the gigs (on cassette, until I can find affordable, new technology) and it's actually cool to listen to the recordings afterwards. I listened on my way to work, this morning, and there were some that came out really well. I'm going to have the recording put onto CD, and see if I can use it for marketing. We've been upstairs at The Food Lover's Market in Claremont for 15 consecutive Saturdays, and we've covered a lot of ground in that time. I've put together two entirely new files of songs since we started this gig. Now THAT excites me!

I'm also very proud of the fact that I did a whole song playing lead guitar, and even more exciting is that it was one of my own compositions, Cobwebs in Unusual Places. Yes, I played the melody and did a solo - a major breakthrough for me! I wrote it about two years ago, and it's actually a very serious song, dealing with different issues that women suppress, but it's a really nice blues piece, and it sounds very good as an instrumental, too. It's actually the first time I've ever done one of my songs that way. I still have lots to learn, but I'm oh so happy to have broken through that barrier with my playing.

The restaurant was a bit quiet in our last set, but I loved it, because I could hear every note we played and every note I sang. That time of the evening, depending on the crowd, we slow it down a bit, and get a bit more interactive. Earlier, it's just too noisy, so we tend to play with the awareness that people are busy eating and talking, and not really listening. The staff are very cool, though, and they always request a special song, which we did once again for them, with pleasure.

So, this coming Saturday, 17th October, we'll be back there, from 7 to 10pm, playing music to make you smile. Our repertoire has sort of settled into a 50-50 combination of jazz standards and music from other genres, and it feels like a good spread. Next week I want to do more of my own compositions, because I've been neglecting them a bit. Surely one of the points of having a regular gig is to expose your work to the public?

To be honest, I've got a huge thirst building up that needs to be quenched: to do a concert - to perform my original songs, old and new, to a new audience, putting my new energy (and of course the new duo) out there. I've been thinking about adding a bassist for the concert and possibly a percussionist. I have a fabulous venue in mind, and I think today would be a good day to start the ball rolling. Yes, why not?!

Watch this space!

For a reason, for a season

There is a saying (yet another!) about people coming into each other's life for a season, for a reason, or.... can't remember the third part! Today I am missing my ex-colleague, who moved to Dubai a month ago. My daily experiences at school, in the nineteen months we worked together, were usually punctuated and spiced up by witty comments from him. I was amused/delighted to hear, recently, that he'd told someone, "I like Trudy - she's also a Word Nerd!". (Broad, freckled grin!)

So, Mr. Juan, I see you've now become a 'Follower' of my blog. Someone told me she's been trying to become a Follower, but keeps hitting obstacles when she tries. If you can, please let me know if this is complicated or not. Maybe I should just try becoming an official 'Follower' of someone else's. I started blogging in June, this year, and I have TWO Followers!!!! It's a good thing I have a healthy self-esteem!

So, to my brilliant, very witty friend on the other side of the world, I REALLY REALLY miss you! And yes, the students still call me Mr. Trudy!

Trudy & Wayne gig, Sat. 10th October, 7pm

This was the e-mail I sent out to my network, advertising my gig for this coming Saturday. If you'd like to get onto my constantly-expanding mailing list, e-mail me at rushintrudy@yahoo.com.


Hi!

NEWSFLASH!!!!
TUNE IN TO HEART RADIO 104.9FM ON WED. 7 OCT. AT 11h30, FOR MY LIVE INTERVIEW WITH RAFIEK MAMMON.

Here's this week's update of my gig with guitarist, WAYNE BOSCH, at THE FOOD LOVER'S MARKET, CLAREMONT.

We'll be back there this Saturday, 10th October, from 7 - 10pm, doing our usual gig, three sets of live guitar and vocal arrangements of jazz, swing, Brazilian, pop and originals. There's no cover charge for the live music. There is, however, a great Saturday special, a 3-course meal + a glass of wine, for only R95. What's really nice about this is that there are a few yummy options within each course, so you're not stuck with dishes that you don't actually like.

Warning - the servings are huge, so pace yourself!

Ok, let me tell you about last Saturday: Rafiek Mammon, editor of The Next 48 Hours, came to review the restaurant and the music. He also works with The Cape Times, so the review will appear there one day this week. It will also be published in The Next 48 Hours at some stage. So, check out The Cape Times this week, for Rafiek's review.

The gig went very well; we set up in a different spot in the restaurant, which added some novelty. But even more exciting was the fact that we were serenaded by Cape Town's very own Stevie Wonder, Gary Naidoo, who appeared as our guest artist for the night. What a treat! Every couple of weeks, we'll be inviting someone to do a guest spot.

On a more personal note, it was heart-warming to see five tables of my friends spending the evening there. What can I say? Thanks to everyone for responding to my e-mails by either pitching up or forwarding them to your friends.

There's something about this quotation, attributed to the controversial Marilyn Monroe, that I both like and dislike:
"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it."

Live your truth!

Trudy

http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com

Affirmation

Today I just want to say that, as per my affirmation of the past year, "I'M LIVING THROUGH RADICAL, POSITIVE CHANGE!"

Heal thyself

Written Sunday 04/10/09

As usual, so much on my mind.

I read somewhere that you get a certain type of Virgoan, a personality type characterized by a strong need to record everything, and with a tendency to regard this record keeping as so important, that no event feels complete unless it’s been meticulously recorded. I seem to fall into this category, having been a keen ‘journaller’ since 1977. Initially, I’d just write keywords to record what I’d done on those days (I was a teenager then), but over the years it’s grown to be one of my main coping mechanisms, a vehicle for processing my thoughts and plans, my frustrations, my aspirations. Journals allow us to show the less socially-acceptable sides of ourselves. Yes, indeed. I have an irreverent sense of humour, and some of my notorious homemade jokes that never make it into the public ambit reside “un-ignominiously” within the pages of my many journals. There are two people I can tell my stupid jokes to, without ever being sanctioned, and they are my sister, whom I’ve known all my life, and who definitely shares this whackball side of me, and the other is my cousin and best friend. Both of them have the capacity to make me laugh from my insides out, you know that laugh where you can feel your face distorting, and absolutely nothing can make you stop, and long after you’ve left their company, you think about the joke and you start laughing all over again? Like when we were children and we used to go to church every Sunday – my sister and I would see something that would start us off, and then everything would just seem very funny. We’d be shaking and crying and sniffing, practically rocking the pew with our badly-concealed laughter, and my mother’s stern, disapproving glare would only make things worse.
I’m blessed to have two children who are both excruciatingly funny, which makes me wonder about genetics! My children’s dad is also hilariously funny, and my son, when in comedy mode, is uncannily like him, right down to facial expressions and body movement. He’s got that whole body thing that comedians have – Robin Williams and Steve Martin being prime examples.

On Friday I felt like I was going to have some kind of breakdown, after going through an immensely stressful period at work. I always say the systems and tasks are easy, but the people issues are the challenging part. Long, hectic story. I try not to, but I do internalize a lot of the stress I encounter, and it inevitably presents in physical symptoms like mouth ulcers and some stomach stuff. By Friday, I was badly in need of time out, and I let a good friend down, deciding to skip his birthday party because I desperately needed to take care of myself, slow down, be alone, process all the stuff I’ve had to deal with recently. It’s hard for me to juggle all my responsibilities, and my dilemma on Friday was: should I go to the party, so as not to let my friend down, and then sit with the unresolved emotions even longer, or should I look after myself, and trust that my friend would eventually understand? The most important thing is to actually commit to a choice that’s made for all the right reasons. No regrets.

I’m so glad I stayed home. I actually fell asleep with my pen in my hand, and my journal next to me! The point was, I’d had one of my long soaks in the bath, and then got straight into bed, and I ended up having a great night’s sleep, peaceful, restorative. I woke up the next morning feeling much lighter in spirit, and when I saw the fabulous weather, I felt the relief of having passed through a dark patch. (I haven’t blogged about it, for many reasons.) I decided to spend the rest of the day being good to myself, knowing that ahead of me lay the evening’s exciting gig. I went to my early morning hairdressing appointment, and then I drove to Kalk Bay, where I went shopping at some of the funky shops in Main Road, considerably rejuvenated by my new hairdo, not to mention the stunningly beautiful day. After shopping, I went to a quaint little restaurant and had a light lunch, an unlikely, motley trio permeating my reverie with guitar, sax and maraca renditions of even unlikelier tunes. I had to smile. The overall feeling was as if I had stepped right out of my normal life, and was on holiday in some exotic, foreign seaside village. I consciously gave myself permission to stop analyzing everything, and to simply enjoy the experience.

It is SO late. I’ll have to continue this at another sitting. Tomorrow my kids go back to school for the fourth term, and I cannot believe how this year has flown!!! My son’s almost finished his first year at high school, and my daughter’s almost done with Grade 5. Tomorrow the whole of Cape Town is on the road at the same time as me.

I’m glad I listened to my heart, this weekend. I should do it more often.