As usual, my thoughts are all over.
Today I'm thinking about how people behave when they are in positions of power. The pattern seems to be the same, no matter if they're positions in a sports club, at a school, in a band, in a company or in government. The same goes for religious groupings and families. Some people seem to wield their power as though they're untouchable, like it's something they'll always have; they take decisions that have serious implications for people, not thinking beyond the immediate goal or how they can advance themselves. They go back on their previous statements and lie about what was originally said, manipulating narratives as a matter of course. In fact, they operate as though whoever they're addressing is stupid. They destroy any remaining vestiges of trust and credibility. They're secure within their power-hungry milieu and wield their authority with cut-throat impassivity. Most of them leave no space for you to ask questions or make a counter statement. You're expected to know that your opinion is of no consequence.
Someone once explained to me the difference between power and authority. One was where only the person believed he had it and the other was about consensus, where everyone around the person viewed the person that way. I wish I could remember which was which - they seem interchangeable to me.
And then there is the other extreme, where someone who has the power to make decisions that have huge implications for others' lives does so with compassion. This is a style with which I work well and which I have tried to emulate, whenever I've found myself in a leadership position. It speaks of a level of respect for everyone around you and a perspective that you are part of a collective, even though you're a leader. You confer, you listen to others' input, you consider different perspectives. Yes, you still have to take the final decision, but your way of arriving at it is inclusive and with long-term sustainability in mind. Whenever I see someone shouting at someone else, especially in the workplace, I wonder, "Where do they go from there? How can that lapse in judgement, that disrespect, ever be undone?"
People often assume that a compassionate leadership style is weaker and more likely to be found in women, but that's not necessarily true. In our society, women are encouraged to be more compassionate and caring, but there definitely are enlightened men who are capable of this style of interaction. And, believe me, there are women leaders who fall into the first category.
What I've discovered is that people whose sole focus is on pleasing their superiors, on scoring points, on being promoted or welcomed into the in-crowd, are often incapable of showing empathy towards people on the lower rungs. I think that, somewhere along the line, they develop both tunnel vision and a thick skin, and it is this combination, as well as an infatuation with the trappings of success, that blinds them to the importance of keeping things real and of treating people like the precious beings they are.
Ever since I was a child, I've found myself in leadership positions. In recent years, my job has put me in a position of having to take difficult decisions and to communicate them to the people affected. People who were my superiors often accused me of being too soft, but the alternatives suggested, in most cases, were not what I could align myself with. I'd even request that my name be removed from a document, if I could not defend what was written in it.
I come from a family of people who are good at language - that's a gift you have to use, whenever you can, to resolve things peacefully. I've raised my kids with this view, as well: "You know enough language to say anything to anyone, without humiliating them or losing your dignity." Obviously, it's about a lot more than just language, but even so, it's a good place to start.
And so, as I prepare to take my leave of my current place of employment and contemplate what lies ahead, I'm grateful for everything I've learnt in this company and excited about the next chapter of my life.
If I have authorship of my life, as I believe I do, may I use my thoughts, words and actions to continue living a gentler alternative. Unapologetically.
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