Notice also, how song lyrics echo the media message of what love's all about. Listen carefully to how many singers sing of the pain and the anguish, about how love hurts "so bad", and all the unfortunate sentiments about women not being able to live without men. A lot more frequent than the other way round! Haha! Check out a song like "Never Never Never", by Shirley Bassey! How many of us haven't sung that song over and over in our lives, with tears streaming down our faces! "Impossible to live with you, but I know I could never live without you..." Eish!
Look out for the songs that portray healthier relationship dynamics, like "I Will Survive", "It's My Turn", "I Am Woman" and that one by Whitney Houston where she sings about entering a phase of her life where she's going to focus on herself. There are not that many around. Keep listening!
Maybe the real challenge is for thinking, empowered songwriters to come up with some alternatives.
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
Almost finished reading "Women Who Love Too Much"
Still reading “Women Who Love Too Much”, by psychologist Robin Norwood, and finding it fascinating.
This is my take on the book, right now. I’ve tried to be clear as to when I’m discussing the writer’s own points and when I’m adding my own thoughts.
Robin Norwood’s point of departure is that girls who grow up in families that are dysfunctional in any way end up being adults who make poor choices of partners, with seriously unhappy consequences, and that there’s a direct causal link between the childhood experiences and the adult choices.
She expands on what she means by “dysfunctional”, saying it includes things as obvious as any form of abuse (substance, physical, emotional, sexual), divorce, to things as seemingly innocuous as perfectionism, religious fundamentalism or any kind of excessive behaviour by one of the parents, including workaholism. (She purports that the male equivalent of ‘women who love too much’ is workaholism.)
Another of her theories is that we unconsciously revert to forms of behaviour, as adults, that we engaged in as children, simply because they’re familiar. She likens it to a dance, saying we do a form of dance with the parent of the opposite sex, and that whatever that dance (relationship) was like, regardless of whether it made us happy or not, we generally resort to that same set of ‘moves’ in our adult relationships with the opposite sex. Which means that, when we meet someone and the “fit” feels completely right, or the feeling of being with the person is so “comfortable” or familiar, that’s because it’s reminiscent of our childhood experiences. Scary already? Imagine how the whole book makes you feel! Especially if you started reading it because, like me, you see a pattern in your adult relationships with men that does not lead to fulfillment or happiness, but rather to disappointment and disillusionment.
So here’s an even more scary fact: you can actually go from one man to another, each seemingly different, and yet, because you’re carrying your same unresolved issues around inside, you’ll keep reaching the same unhappy conclusion!
She deals with the fact that in many families, children end up taking on adult responsibilities way too young, and that this tends to surface in situations where one parent is absent, either temporarily, sporadically or permanently. The child in the house starts to “take care” of the adult in the house, as a way of demonstrating love and gratitude, perceiving and trying to compensate for the lack of those things in that parent’s life. Sometimes this relationship becomes so complex, that it gets in the way of healthy adult relationships later on. The potential for the parent to engage in emotional blackmail in order to maintain the status quo, could also present problems. (This is where the stereotype of the jealous, manipulative mother-in-law finds its roots, I’d imagine.)
One of the most fascinating theories in the book is on the topics of denial and control, which she says are typically experienced by people in dysfunctional families. She says that children in unhappy homes often resort to denial, as a way of coping with what’s happening. This is usually accompanied by a strong need to control whatever can be controlled, since everything else feels so out of control. The issues of denial and control follow these children into adulthood, as they become the main way of coping and getting along in life. What’s particularly fascinating is how the denial and control manifest, which is usually in forms of behaviour that at face value come across as nurturing, caring, helping. The more extreme the need is to control (the environment, hence the people), the more extreme the “helping” ends up being. And so people get accolades for their humanitarian work, etc. or their successful careers in the helping professions, but what they’re actually doing is acting out old coping mechanisms that became a way of life.
In daily interactions, there is a point at which these offers of help become excessive and annoying, since the complexity of the issues at hand means lots of little games are being played all of the time: reject my offer of help and you’re obviously rejecting me as a person. Then I’ll sulk until you feel so bad, you’ll do anything I ask you to, in order to make me feel better. Some people live by these games – they actually don’t know how to engage in healthy daily encounters, free of the guilt and manipulative strategies. When they eventually do encounter people with healthier ways of communicating, who confidently articulate their boundaries, it’s easier to gang up against that person than to look at their own patterns and see the shortcomings that lie therein.
She talks about how children in troubled families typically resort to one of three forms of behaviour: being good, being bad (to distract the family from its real problems, and to provide a scapegoat for what’s going wrong), or being invisible, not drawing any attention to themselves.
The more I read the book and think about the people in my life, starting with myself, I can see how spot-on she is with her theories. Denial is such a strong coping mechanism – it can shape the way we use language, in our unconscious attempts to avoid dealing with the ugliness of the reality of our lives. When someone is passed out in a drunken stupor every single time his guests leave after a party, the sentence used to articulate the alcoholism is, “Tommy likes to take a drink now and then.” I don’t think so. Undiagnosed he may be, but Tommy is an alcoholic. His children learn the patterns modeled by the mom, and they go on, in turn, to hide ugly realities with euphemisms, denying the sadness in their own lives, years later, because that’s what nice girls do. Nice girls don’t make a fuss. “Never let yourself be called a nagging wife.” Why the hell not? The unspoken threat is, “He’ll leave you.” And you know how terrible it felt when your original family broke up; in fact you probably felt guilty in part, although you never quite knew why, but you silently make a mental note to yourself, that you’ll never cause a man to leave you. Whether that ends up making you choose someone you feel you can dominate, or turns you into the one who always has to do the breaking up, the scars remain.
And one doesn’t become wiser with age, with this kind of thing. I know people a generation older than me who are still living their lives trying to be invisible, trying not to draw attention to themselves, putting themselves at risk because they don’t want to ask anyone for help. So afraid to put a step wrong in the eyes of the world, in case people think they’re bad in any way. So scared to disappoint anyone, because “what will the people think/say”? Denial. Denial.
Flipside of the coin = control.
A: “I’ll do X or Y for you, so that you can take a break.”
B: “But I’m happy to do it myself; I really don’t mind.”
A: “I said I’d do it for you ok? Can’t you see I’m trying to help? Don’t you appreciate my offer to help? One day I won’t be around, and you’ll regret it.”
B: “Seriously, I really don’t mind doing it myself.”
A: “No, you’ve had a busy day, and I WANT to do it for you! I’m just trying to make life a little easier for you.”
After years of the same battle, person B has to decide if in this instance it’s worth anyone’s while to tackle the controlling attempts of person A, or not.
And then you have whole families of people caught up after years of doing the same dance in the unhealthy patterns of I’ll-manipulate-you-and-you’ll-do-what-I-say. Enter the outsider, the person marrying into that family, and then the sparks potentially fly. Unless you’re wary (or cowardly?) enough and you conveniently marry someone who fits right in.
Another very interesting dynamic she refers to is the way families react when someone from within the ranks calls the dysfunctionalism for what it is, and declares that he/she is no longer going along with the game. Families close ranks, and the member who dares to go against the established order becomes the outcast. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes overt. In extreme cases that reach the media, you hear of one person alleging publicly that she was a victim of incest as a child. Because this revelation threatens the carefully guarded family secret, and the implications for others in the family are huge, families often shun the one who went public, refusing to corroborate her claims.
One of the most fascinating things she points out in the book, which has opened my eyes yet again to the messages given to us by the media – movies, advertisements, talk shows, soap operas, magazines, etc. – is how the perceptions that love has to hurt and being in love is dramatic, even painful, are perpetuated. Women wonder why they’re attracted to “bad boys”, but it’s taught to us from an early age: love hurts! When we meet a nice, loving man, who appreciates us and is prepared to accept us as we are, we feel deprived of the angst, the heartache, the swooning, yearning, the pain that we read about in all those romantic novels as teenagers! And we reject said “normal” man in favour of the one with the dark brooding looks, the one who makes our pulses race, the emotionally unavailable one. Hell, he’s the one we want to marry! In fact, most of us do, and then we do the other thing that the media perpetuates as recommendable (and possible) – we go about trying to CHANGE the man! I read a one-liner that said: “Never try to change a man unless he’s wearing diapers.” I think it was Oprah Winfrey who said those wise words!
A powerful message that comes through in the book is that, just like people can be addicted to substances (alcohol, drugs, food) and practices (sex, gambling), there are many women who are addicted to relationships, and instead of healing first and then moving on in a healthy way, they go from one bad relationship to another, sometimes with disastrous (even tragic) effects. A scary reality is that, as these unhappy relationships start to take their toll on women’s self-esteem, other addictions often set in as a form of coping with the unhappiness; in many women, the excessive intake of food or alcohol is a form of refuge. By the time these women go for help, there’s often more than one destructive pattern at work.
I’m at the part of the book that talks about how to break the patterns and move on to life a healthy life, making healthy relationship - and other – choices. The most important thing is that you can’t do it alone, so you need some kind of support structure. A list is provided of some of the most important steps to recovery, and the writer expands on each item on the list.
2010 is going to be a very significant year in my life.
This is my take on the book, right now. I’ve tried to be clear as to when I’m discussing the writer’s own points and when I’m adding my own thoughts.
Robin Norwood’s point of departure is that girls who grow up in families that are dysfunctional in any way end up being adults who make poor choices of partners, with seriously unhappy consequences, and that there’s a direct causal link between the childhood experiences and the adult choices.
She expands on what she means by “dysfunctional”, saying it includes things as obvious as any form of abuse (substance, physical, emotional, sexual), divorce, to things as seemingly innocuous as perfectionism, religious fundamentalism or any kind of excessive behaviour by one of the parents, including workaholism. (She purports that the male equivalent of ‘women who love too much’ is workaholism.)
Another of her theories is that we unconsciously revert to forms of behaviour, as adults, that we engaged in as children, simply because they’re familiar. She likens it to a dance, saying we do a form of dance with the parent of the opposite sex, and that whatever that dance (relationship) was like, regardless of whether it made us happy or not, we generally resort to that same set of ‘moves’ in our adult relationships with the opposite sex. Which means that, when we meet someone and the “fit” feels completely right, or the feeling of being with the person is so “comfortable” or familiar, that’s because it’s reminiscent of our childhood experiences. Scary already? Imagine how the whole book makes you feel! Especially if you started reading it because, like me, you see a pattern in your adult relationships with men that does not lead to fulfillment or happiness, but rather to disappointment and disillusionment.
So here’s an even more scary fact: you can actually go from one man to another, each seemingly different, and yet, because you’re carrying your same unresolved issues around inside, you’ll keep reaching the same unhappy conclusion!
She deals with the fact that in many families, children end up taking on adult responsibilities way too young, and that this tends to surface in situations where one parent is absent, either temporarily, sporadically or permanently. The child in the house starts to “take care” of the adult in the house, as a way of demonstrating love and gratitude, perceiving and trying to compensate for the lack of those things in that parent’s life. Sometimes this relationship becomes so complex, that it gets in the way of healthy adult relationships later on. The potential for the parent to engage in emotional blackmail in order to maintain the status quo, could also present problems. (This is where the stereotype of the jealous, manipulative mother-in-law finds its roots, I’d imagine.)
One of the most fascinating theories in the book is on the topics of denial and control, which she says are typically experienced by people in dysfunctional families. She says that children in unhappy homes often resort to denial, as a way of coping with what’s happening. This is usually accompanied by a strong need to control whatever can be controlled, since everything else feels so out of control. The issues of denial and control follow these children into adulthood, as they become the main way of coping and getting along in life. What’s particularly fascinating is how the denial and control manifest, which is usually in forms of behaviour that at face value come across as nurturing, caring, helping. The more extreme the need is to control (the environment, hence the people), the more extreme the “helping” ends up being. And so people get accolades for their humanitarian work, etc. or their successful careers in the helping professions, but what they’re actually doing is acting out old coping mechanisms that became a way of life.
In daily interactions, there is a point at which these offers of help become excessive and annoying, since the complexity of the issues at hand means lots of little games are being played all of the time: reject my offer of help and you’re obviously rejecting me as a person. Then I’ll sulk until you feel so bad, you’ll do anything I ask you to, in order to make me feel better. Some people live by these games – they actually don’t know how to engage in healthy daily encounters, free of the guilt and manipulative strategies. When they eventually do encounter people with healthier ways of communicating, who confidently articulate their boundaries, it’s easier to gang up against that person than to look at their own patterns and see the shortcomings that lie therein.
She talks about how children in troubled families typically resort to one of three forms of behaviour: being good, being bad (to distract the family from its real problems, and to provide a scapegoat for what’s going wrong), or being invisible, not drawing any attention to themselves.
The more I read the book and think about the people in my life, starting with myself, I can see how spot-on she is with her theories. Denial is such a strong coping mechanism – it can shape the way we use language, in our unconscious attempts to avoid dealing with the ugliness of the reality of our lives. When someone is passed out in a drunken stupor every single time his guests leave after a party, the sentence used to articulate the alcoholism is, “Tommy likes to take a drink now and then.” I don’t think so. Undiagnosed he may be, but Tommy is an alcoholic. His children learn the patterns modeled by the mom, and they go on, in turn, to hide ugly realities with euphemisms, denying the sadness in their own lives, years later, because that’s what nice girls do. Nice girls don’t make a fuss. “Never let yourself be called a nagging wife.” Why the hell not? The unspoken threat is, “He’ll leave you.” And you know how terrible it felt when your original family broke up; in fact you probably felt guilty in part, although you never quite knew why, but you silently make a mental note to yourself, that you’ll never cause a man to leave you. Whether that ends up making you choose someone you feel you can dominate, or turns you into the one who always has to do the breaking up, the scars remain.
And one doesn’t become wiser with age, with this kind of thing. I know people a generation older than me who are still living their lives trying to be invisible, trying not to draw attention to themselves, putting themselves at risk because they don’t want to ask anyone for help. So afraid to put a step wrong in the eyes of the world, in case people think they’re bad in any way. So scared to disappoint anyone, because “what will the people think/say”? Denial. Denial.
Flipside of the coin = control.
A: “I’ll do X or Y for you, so that you can take a break.”
B: “But I’m happy to do it myself; I really don’t mind.”
A: “I said I’d do it for you ok? Can’t you see I’m trying to help? Don’t you appreciate my offer to help? One day I won’t be around, and you’ll regret it.”
B: “Seriously, I really don’t mind doing it myself.”
A: “No, you’ve had a busy day, and I WANT to do it for you! I’m just trying to make life a little easier for you.”
After years of the same battle, person B has to decide if in this instance it’s worth anyone’s while to tackle the controlling attempts of person A, or not.
And then you have whole families of people caught up after years of doing the same dance in the unhealthy patterns of I’ll-manipulate-you-and-you’ll-do-what-I-say. Enter the outsider, the person marrying into that family, and then the sparks potentially fly. Unless you’re wary (or cowardly?) enough and you conveniently marry someone who fits right in.
Another very interesting dynamic she refers to is the way families react when someone from within the ranks calls the dysfunctionalism for what it is, and declares that he/she is no longer going along with the game. Families close ranks, and the member who dares to go against the established order becomes the outcast. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes overt. In extreme cases that reach the media, you hear of one person alleging publicly that she was a victim of incest as a child. Because this revelation threatens the carefully guarded family secret, and the implications for others in the family are huge, families often shun the one who went public, refusing to corroborate her claims.
One of the most fascinating things she points out in the book, which has opened my eyes yet again to the messages given to us by the media – movies, advertisements, talk shows, soap operas, magazines, etc. – is how the perceptions that love has to hurt and being in love is dramatic, even painful, are perpetuated. Women wonder why they’re attracted to “bad boys”, but it’s taught to us from an early age: love hurts! When we meet a nice, loving man, who appreciates us and is prepared to accept us as we are, we feel deprived of the angst, the heartache, the swooning, yearning, the pain that we read about in all those romantic novels as teenagers! And we reject said “normal” man in favour of the one with the dark brooding looks, the one who makes our pulses race, the emotionally unavailable one. Hell, he’s the one we want to marry! In fact, most of us do, and then we do the other thing that the media perpetuates as recommendable (and possible) – we go about trying to CHANGE the man! I read a one-liner that said: “Never try to change a man unless he’s wearing diapers.” I think it was Oprah Winfrey who said those wise words!
A powerful message that comes through in the book is that, just like people can be addicted to substances (alcohol, drugs, food) and practices (sex, gambling), there are many women who are addicted to relationships, and instead of healing first and then moving on in a healthy way, they go from one bad relationship to another, sometimes with disastrous (even tragic) effects. A scary reality is that, as these unhappy relationships start to take their toll on women’s self-esteem, other addictions often set in as a form of coping with the unhappiness; in many women, the excessive intake of food or alcohol is a form of refuge. By the time these women go for help, there’s often more than one destructive pattern at work.
I’m at the part of the book that talks about how to break the patterns and move on to life a healthy life, making healthy relationship - and other – choices. The most important thing is that you can’t do it alone, so you need some kind of support structure. A list is provided of some of the most important steps to recovery, and the writer expands on each item on the list.
2010 is going to be a very significant year in my life.
Saturday, 26 December 2009
Boxing Day 2009
It’s starting to dawn on me that in 6 days’ time it’ll be 2010! As I wolf down the last bits of Christmas decadence (fruit mince pie, heated in microwave for 30 secs, then covered with vanilla ice cream and custard………oh, man!) and wonder if I should get a second round now or later, I can’t help thinking about that one item that seems to appear on my list of New Year’s Resolutions every year (yea, THAT one!). Haha! It will probably be there in 2010 as well, glaring at me accusingly for 12 months.
Today I made the mistake of agreeing to let someone come and work in my garden. This happens about 6 times a year (the gardener, not the mistake), despite my other resolution to have someone here once a month. Had I not done that and basically been ‘on call’ as a result, I promise you I would’ve stayed in bed ALL DAY!!! I messed my back up again yesterday, doing 5 hours of housework before cooking lunch. Combination of picking up and moving heavy things and being terribly unfit. Looked at the name on the box of the painkillers: Sedapain. Thought to myself, “Waddayamean Sedapain?! All I can do is FEELDAPAIN!” This morning, the question was posed to me, at about 6am, “Do you want to go for a run?” I tried unsuccessfully to roll onto my other side, silenced by the pain, and eventually mumbled, “I take it you’re expecting an answer?”
What is the soundtrack to your life? With me, it changes all the time. Right now, listening to Tuck & Patti. It’s a cassette (if you’re younger than 15, you might want to look that up in the dictionary – or better yet, Google it. Even better, Blackle it!) that someone recorded for me many years ago, when the word “piracy” conjured up images of seafaring roughjacks with gold teeth and eye patches, swords, whiskey and rampant libidos. But, I digress. This T&P cassette has a song on it called “Dream” (one of Patti's many compositions), which could very well become my theme song for now, until the next powerful song comes along and sweeps me off my feet, as songs are wont to do. On the cassette is also a killer version of “They Can’t Take That Away From Me”. Do you know that the only version I’ve ever heard of the Beatles song, “I Will” is the Tuck & Patti one? What a cool song. I must say, no matter how much I love the sound of a piano, guitars just do it for me. There’s nothing more beautiful than a guitar and voice combination. Tuck & Patti are a husband and wife duo from America, who’ve been around for decades, crooning their soul-stirring ballads. He plays guitar like a genius, and she has the most amazing voice. I like! Oh, yes, I like! Their versions of “Dindi” and “My Romance” are absolutely beautiful.
Today couldn’t have been more different to what I’d anticipated. Two separate visitors, one from overseas to see my mom. Yup. And me looking as scruffy as the pirates in the previous paragraph. Virgoes take that kind of surprise badly! Will take me at least 6 months to live this down! Hair looking like a mop, not a stitch of make-up, wearing the clothes I’d do a hike in…….! Might just have to drown my sorrows with another bowl of afore-mentioned Xmas decadence. Heehee! I can be so hard on myself! Oh, Trudy, you masochist, you!
Later, same day, blogging with the tv on.
So SA television finally has an ad for a toilet bowl cleaner where Mutt & Jeff visit a black woman who’s freaked out by cleaning her loo. Yes, ad designers, blacks have loos too; they don’t just come into white households and clean yours. You’d think 15 and a half years after apartheid people would get beyond the stereotypes!
But wait, it’s still whackier – on one channel, an animated movie about a house that’s actually a monster, and on another, an animated movie about a family with special super-hero powers. And then there’s a Lotto programme where, after a young band has just done a hectic rock number, the presenter says, with all the finesse of a toddler, “That was a nice performance!” Don’t tire yourself with that vocab, now!
And life goes on……
Paging through the sheet music I unearthed while uncluttering my lounge, recently, I discovered a few songs that excite me. One I’ve just taught myself, a beautiful Rodgers & Hart ballad called “I Could Write A Book”. New to me, can’t remember hearing it done before. Sweet melody and lyrics. Then there’s one I’ve known a long time but never sung, “How Insensitive”, by my all-time favourite, Antonio Carlos Jobim. (Sting does a sexy version.) Time to find my key and add that to the repertoire. And then another Jobim song that I’d often heard but never really known the title of: “Once I Loved” – yet another Jobim beaut! What can I say? I have a soft spot for his compositions. Can’t wait to hear Diana Krall’s CD recorded in Rio (pronounced “Heeyo” by the locals). And then lastly, a song that will always make me think of pianist Onyx Phillips, working somewhere in Dubai or thereabouts, who plays it as an up-tempo samba, “You Don’t Know What Love Is”. Oooh!
From the sublime to the ridiculous:
Cockroach observations:
Have you noticed:
i) how cockroaches always run towards you when you’re emptying an entire can of spray on them, scared shitless?
ii) how they all look exactly alike? Are they all related? Probably not hard to trace your family tree, if you’re a cockroach.
iii) the weirdest cockroach characteristic…… those legs that carry on twitching for days after all other mobility has ceased!
And finally, a confession: that veg curry I made on Christmas Day, deliberately mild for my children’s palates – ended up tasting like stew, and I now have to drown it in mango atchar to make it even vaguely resemble curry!
Some people can sing, and some people can cook!
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Reflecting on 2009, Part 1
I love the fact that the end of the year happens during summer, for us. It's a great time to look back, because the season puts us in a generally optimistic mood, so we tend to look back in a positive spirit. I have had one of the most amazing years of my life! And the year's not over yet!!!!
One of the highlights was travelling to Brazil in March-April, on a 2-week marketing trip. Hadn't done much travelling abroad - previous time (my first overseas trip) was in 1998! This time round, I wasn't on holiday, but it was still a fantastic experience! We do destination marketing, telling people all about Cape Town and South Africa, which is a fun thing to do. Yes, there was some hard work involved, and there were some trying moments, but in the end it all worked out. I experienced Sao Paulo, one of the biggest cities in the world, and realised how relatively small Cape Town was! I spent time with South Africans outside of our country and felt the strong sense of pride we all carry inside of us. I loved meeting the people from the South African Consulate and hearing them speak equally fluently in English and Portuguese, as well as at least one indigenous South African language. Nice that they were so welcoming and so glad to host us. We all went out for supper one night, and there were about 20 of us around the table at this fantastic buffet restaurant, all proudly South African!
After 6 days in Sao Paulo, I travelled to the north-east of Brazil on my own, spending one day in each of Fortaleza, Recife and Salvador! Worked really hard, visiting agents, promoting CT and our school. Managed to catch some lovely live music on three ocassions in the 33 hrs I spent in Salvador, thanks to an ex-student, Adelmario, who proudly showed me his city. (In May, wrote a bossa nova song called "Salvador".) I got back to CT on the 2nd day of the Jazz Festival at the CTICC, but I was so jetlagged, I couldn't get myself to do anything other than take a hot shower, unpack a few things and flop into bed. Missing the festival because I'd been to Brazil was definitely not a problem!
I've just heard that I'm not going to the Sao Paulo expo next year, which means I WILL be going to the Cape Town International Jazz Festival in 2010. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Another major thing for me in 2009 was embarking on a new phase of my musical journey; on 1 February, I did a trio gig with my guitar teacher, Wayne Bosch, and double bassist, Shaun Johannes, in the first Jazz at the Nassau concert for the year. During the rehearsal period, the idea of working in duo format with Wayne was born, and we achieved our first regular gig in July, working every Saturday evening at The Food Lover's Market in Claremont. This gig was renewed on a monthly basis, and last night we did our last one there for the year, having played there every Saturday for 24 weeks, except last Saturday. (They'll be closed on Sat. 26/12 and Sat. 02/01.)
The growth I've experienced musically, since the beginning of 2009, is hard to explain without sounding arrogant, so suffice it to say that I've learnt a lot and I've changed a lot. The changes in my music life are part of a much bigger wave - starting to swell into a tsunami - of change I've been inviting into my life for a while now. I am so excited about what's happened this year, and the momentum's just building all the time. 2010 is looking better by the minute!
I'll be setting myself some tough challenges for the year ahead, but I have to push my boundaries even more than I did this year. And I have every confidence that the results will exceed all expectations.
I've learnt to trust my judgement without closing my mind to other possibilities.
I've learnt that dysfunctionalism can come in many guises.
I've learnt that having something to say doesn't mean I necessarily have to say it - sometimes it's ok to know something and not articulate it, for whatever reason.
I've learnt that what money can buy can be worked towards, but the most important thing, which no amount of money can buy, is to live your truth every single day.
I've learnt that looking at one's mistakes or bad choices can leave one feeling miserable, but that transformation begins with forgiving oneself.
I've re-discovered that books find us.
I've re-discovered that there's a strong link between physical fitness and spiritual well-being.
I've re-discovered that music is happily attached to every atom that makes me who I am.
I've gained a deeper appreciation of my link with my children and of how important my life choices are in their journey towards adulthood. I know that nothing could ever be more important than raising them as integrated, well-rounded adults who are capable of making healthy choices, because of me, not in spite of me.
This has been a fabulous year, and I am incredibly happy to be alive!
Friday, 18 December 2009
Summer holiday!
This picture was taken a year ago, at our school's end-of-year braai for our students. Dec 2008, Sea Point. We had a lot of fun that day!
Today we closed for two weeks. Some language schools stay open over this period, but we don't. Had a bit of a party: teachers, client services staff, marketing, housekeeping, managers, tour company. Nice-ish. I find these kinds of gatherings fun to a certain extent, and then I just find watching people really interesting. Always interested in how people who generally work together (and are not friends, per se) behave when they're at a staff party. Boundaries are so different for different people.
I enjoy my job, but I'm so happy to be on a break. For many reasons! I'm looking forward to the change of pace over the next two weeks. It's actually not all going to be R&R, because I've got this long list of things I want to achieve or at least start. I need to unclutter my physical environment, so that I can better unclutter my life spiritually and emotionally.
Also want to sleep late, read, journal, work in the garden and - of course - play my guitar and work on my new song!
I feel like I'm on the brink of a whole new phase of my life, and I need to make some significant changes to my surroundings, to experience the changes I anticipate more completely. It really is a long story!
For the past two nights, I got to sleep at 03h00! It's 22h55 now; I'm going to soak in a bubblebath and ease my way gently through some Mind Power exercises.
Excited about tomorrow night's gig with Wayne at Food Lover's Market. We'll be there from 7 to 10pm, doing three sets of jazz, swing, blues and pop, as well as a good selection of original music. This will be our last night there for 2009. We gave the gig to another duo last week (John Russell and Abigail Petersen), because we each had other commitments. That was my first Saturday night away from there since 4 July!
But hey,...... my bath awaits!
Thursday, 17 December 2009
Music Inside of Me
Photograph by Clark Little, famous wave photographer.
Did a gig tonight with Alvin Dyers - 2 sets at Baran's Khurdish Restaurant; an end-of-year staff party for a well-known company. Really cool to work with Alvin; he's easy-going, very professional and plays up a storm! I played my guitar quite a bit tonight, which was good. Recently I've been deferring to Wayne at our duo gigs, and hardly playing. It felt right to be playing and singing - that's who I am. I need to play more at my gigs with Wayne. (Memo to myself,......)
Today was a public holiday, and I stayed home with my children. It was very hot, so I tackled the laundry, which took me practically all day. About a week ago, my washing machine broke, and the laundry piled up. My friend fixed it a few nights ago, so it's all systems go. I managed to fit in an hour's snooze before getting ready for my gig.
Really tired (it's 01:35!!!) - will blog some other time. Drove home composing a new song, with the theme "Midnight Finds Me" - magic, poetry in the lyrics and such a cool tune! That mood was shattered, however, when I got home and found 4 huge cockroaches which had crawled into my house from under the kitchen door! Ugh! Big, strapping dudes! Emptied about half a can of Doom on them, and there are now two corpses lying on the kitchen floor. One of the four was extremely agile, crawling up the wall and onto the ceiling. I watched in horror as it walked upside down along the ceiling. Do you understand why I can't sleep now?! And then there's that outstanding matter of the unknown whereabouts of the other two!
Time to say goodnight. Listening to the recording of my concert. Quite a few mistakes throughout the evening. My favourite song on the CD is "Music Inside of Me", which makes me SO glad I chose it as the title of the concert! Interesting listening to what worked and what didn't. All I know is, there's a lot of work ahead of me, in more ways than one! There's most definitely a whole lot of music inside of me.
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Monday, 14 December 2009
So much to say
Life's moving so fast, it's like I'm skating on ice! A friend tried to explain to me, years ago, what it felt like to surf, to ride the waves, and something about the pace of my life in recent weeks reminds me of his explanation.
It's midnight, and I'm exhausted! The good news is that I now have the internet at home, which opens up all kinds of possibilities. Have just placed ads in three newspapers for my gig with Wayne at Food Lover's Mkt, Claremont, this Sat 19 Dec. It will be our last one there for the year. Not sure whether we'll be there next year or not.
I'll have to do this some other time, because I really do have a lot to say, but right now I am very tired!
Had a strange encounter with someone today. The best word I can use to describe the reaction I got from this person is "underwhelmed". I know, I know, it's not a real word, but it's such a good word! I went to check something out, and met with this underwhelmed reception. Ek verstaanie! Of course I could put two and two together and come up with all kinds of theories as to what all of that was about, but all I know is: that's a bad connection for me, and not one I care to nurture. Weird. I've heard people talk about the In Crowd in certain circles in Cape Town, and today I encountered that arrogance, that snobbishness, that whothehellareyou attitude. I experience it and I walk away from it, because I don't subscribe to that rubbish. It's like people who think they're automatically better than others because of their jobs, their houses or their cars. What amazes me particularly is people whose status is elevated by virtue of a spouse's accomplishments. Funny. Random categories by which people are evaluated. Someone said to me, a few months ago: "It would be a good option for ordinary people like you." The distinction being drawn was along economic lines. Crazy, I know! But that's another story!
Need to blog a lot more about this topic, but here's a tiny review: my concert on the 6th was so cool! There were about 76 people, and it went very well. There was, of course, the odd glitch from the band, but generally it went very well. I now have a CD full of professional photos, and I also have an audio recording of the show. Got the pics last Tuesday (Lavonne Bosman rocks!!!) and the audio stuff yesterday (Andre Manuel rocks!!!).
The band: Charles Lezar (double bass), Nick Geffen (drums), Wayne Bosch (guitar) and I(voice, guitar). Right now, struggling to upload a pic. Will try again sometime. Probably next post.
I have two and a half days left of work, and then it's a 2-week break. I am tired. Happy, excited, new restlessness starting: to complete my debut CD! Can't remember when last I've been this restless. As a young lady said to me the other day, mixing two sayings: "Patience is golden." I love it!
It's midnight, and I'm exhausted! The good news is that I now have the internet at home, which opens up all kinds of possibilities. Have just placed ads in three newspapers for my gig with Wayne at Food Lover's Mkt, Claremont, this Sat 19 Dec. It will be our last one there for the year. Not sure whether we'll be there next year or not.
I'll have to do this some other time, because I really do have a lot to say, but right now I am very tired!
Had a strange encounter with someone today. The best word I can use to describe the reaction I got from this person is "underwhelmed". I know, I know, it's not a real word, but it's such a good word! I went to check something out, and met with this underwhelmed reception. Ek verstaanie! Of course I could put two and two together and come up with all kinds of theories as to what all of that was about, but all I know is: that's a bad connection for me, and not one I care to nurture. Weird. I've heard people talk about the In Crowd in certain circles in Cape Town, and today I encountered that arrogance, that snobbishness, that whothehellareyou attitude. I experience it and I walk away from it, because I don't subscribe to that rubbish. It's like people who think they're automatically better than others because of their jobs, their houses or their cars. What amazes me particularly is people whose status is elevated by virtue of a spouse's accomplishments. Funny. Random categories by which people are evaluated. Someone said to me, a few months ago: "It would be a good option for ordinary people like you." The distinction being drawn was along economic lines. Crazy, I know! But that's another story!
Need to blog a lot more about this topic, but here's a tiny review: my concert on the 6th was so cool! There were about 76 people, and it went very well. There was, of course, the odd glitch from the band, but generally it went very well. I now have a CD full of professional photos, and I also have an audio recording of the show. Got the pics last Tuesday (Lavonne Bosman rocks!!!) and the audio stuff yesterday (Andre Manuel rocks!!!).
The band: Charles Lezar (double bass), Nick Geffen (drums), Wayne Bosch (guitar) and I(voice, guitar). Right now, struggling to upload a pic. Will try again sometime. Probably next post.
I have two and a half days left of work, and then it's a 2-week break. I am tired. Happy, excited, new restlessness starting: to complete my debut CD! Can't remember when last I've been this restless. As a young lady said to me the other day, mixing two sayings: "Patience is golden." I love it!
Monday, 30 November 2009
Blogging on a Sunday night (Written 29/11/09)
What an interesting weekend! On Friday I had the rest of my tickets printed, completing that phase of the preparation for my concert next Sunday. On Friday night, I stayed home and relaxed, enjoying the lovely change of pace after the busy week. I took the tv into my bedroom, and spread all my planning sheets around me on my bed, going over some last-minute details of the show. I was excited about some chord changes Wayne had made to two of my songs, so I played through the songs. Once again, I fell asleep with the light on, with my guitar, my song file and all my notes around me. I always feel a bit ridiculous when I wake up like that, and it makes me laugh at how flaky I can be – so different to the organised, focused person I have to be in other parts of my life. That’s why it’s called home, and that’s why home is my haven. It wasn’t always my haven. But that’s another story.
On Saturday I dropped some tickets at people’s houses, then developed a huge headache, which I suspect was migraine. I decided to cancel an appointment, and to lie down, so that I could be okay for my gig at The Food Lover’s Market that night. Although it didn’t quite work out that way, I managed to get rid of the headache by the time I got to the gig.
We started at 7:30, because Wayne had an earlier gig. The evening went very well, enhanced by the beautiful voice of our guest artist, Megan Francis, who sang four songs. It’s such a privilege to be hosting these guest slots, because I’m getting to hear and meet really talented young musicians. Like all the other people we’ve had as guests, Megan is not only talented and very musical, but also a lovely person, with such a cool style. She plays the piano, as well, which can only be an asset. This young lady will go very far, if she pursues music with all that passion I saw in her.
If I were to stop working in the industry I’m in right now, I’d love to work in the music world full-time, both as a performer as well as a promoter of young musicians. It’s so exciting to see, in my small part of the world alone, just how many gifted people there are. The fact that there’s so much raw talent around means there’s a need for more experienced people to formally guide, nurture and mentor the next generation. Younger people should benefit from the knowledge of those who’ve been in the industry for a while.
Today I went to town, for my lunch-time gig at Baran’s, but when I got there, the weather was really iffy – I’d had some rain on my way there – and we needed to make a judgement call about the gig, which was supposed to be outside, alongside the actual Greenmarket Square. I left the decision to Baran, who decided we shouldn’t take a chance. I called the musician I was going to do the gig with, and cancelled. I was really disappointed, because it was Errol Dyers, and it would’ve been our first gig together. I’ve always admired his music, and was really looking forward to the gig. Nice guy.
Before I left the restaurant, I met up with DJ and sound engineer, André Manuel, who’ll be recording the concert; he took a look at the sound setup there. It was good to connect up with him again. As all the elements start falling into place, I can feel my excitement growing. Last week, I secured the services of a photographer I haven’t met yet, but whose work speaks for itself: Lavonne Bosman. You can see her exquisite, unusual work on www.lavonne.co.za. She recently photographed the weddings of two of my colleagues, and I was so impressed with her shots. We’ve chatted on the phone, and I’m ecstatic that she’s agreed to photograph the concert.
My children came home at 6 this evening, and I had just a few hours to do all my housework, in my usual attempt to have the house organised by the time they get here. It’s quite crazy living like this (“joint domiciling” is the legal term), but we do. And somehow it works. Each of the four of us lives two distinct lives. I’m not even sure I’d know how to live just one life, given the opportunity! What does disturb me is that the children get the worse deal – the adults live in one place all the time, but the children move, every seven days. I don’t think this is the ideal arrangement, but I honestly don’t know what is. Sometimes I cynically speculate as to the careers they might choose later on – circus performers, maybe? Travel journalists? What I do know is that, because of my own turbulent childhood, where the longest I ever lived in one place was four and a half years, I have a deep need to put my roots down, a very strong need to call some place “home”. I’ve lived in my current house for almost 13 years, the longest I’ve ever lived in one house. But it’s not mine.
When my children are away, my evening meals are usually simple, quick, eat-to-survive kinds of food: seed loaf toast with all kinds of interesting toppings (usually involving smoked snoek paté, avo, cottage cheese, chutney or sweet chilli sauce), baked potatoes (same toppings) and then of course the trusty old 2-minute noodle option. Boring as hell, but does the trick. When they’re away, I work late, come home exhausted and eat something in front of the tv, iron my clothes for the next day, then either work on my music, read or journal, after which I soak in the bath, wake up in it much later (sometimes 1am or even later!), and make my way to bed, vowing that I’ll shower the next night, and not do that to myself again. The alarm wakes me up at 05:45, and it all starts again. Get up, shower, get dressed, eat, leave, work work work, home, etc.
One of the things I get used to when they’re away is silence. But all of that changes once they’re back. Especially in the first few hours that they’re back, I can’t believe anyone can talk that much, have that much to say! My daughter (11) has a need to narrate (now where could she get that from?!), and my son (14) is my resident stand-up comedian. He turns everything into an opportunity to ham it up. He’s so funny, I sometimes cry with laughter! God, he’s funny! And when I succeed at making him laugh, his laugh is so crazy and infectious, he has us laughing at him! And so together they fill the house with their energy and their wonderful spirits. My mom, who’s lived on the premises for just two and a half years, always tells them how she’s missed them, but I seldom do. It’s understood that we miss each other, but it’s a coping mechanism that we don’t say it too often. My daughter says it a lot, though. That’s just her personality – she says what she wants to say. I hope she never loses that quality.
And now, with these two fast asleep in their rooms down the passage, it’s time for me to call it a night. At 11:10pm, this is an early night for me. I wonder if I should play my guitar for a while?
You see? It starts!
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Books find us
Picture: A street in Pelourinho, a historic part of the city of Salvador, in Brazil. I stayed there for two nights, and fell in love with the place! Exotic, steeped in history (built in 15th, 16th and 17th centuries!), oozing slave stories, moody, sultry....
New topic:
I've had a theory for a while, like others I've spoken to, that books work their way into our lives when the time is right. If someone highly recommends a book, and you start reading it but it doesn't grab you, it's not the right time for you to be engaging with it. You have to put it aside and pick it up at another stage of your life.
Just before I went to Brazil, my dream country, in March this year (business trip for the English school I work at), I went to a bookshop to buy myself something substantial for the trip. I was going to be taking 8 flights in total, so I wanted something gripping to read. I ended up buying Barack Obama's "Dreams From My Father", and it was exactly right for me. We were born in the same year, he explores issues of mixed 'race'/ethnicity, and he deals very explicitly with lots of issues linked to coming into one's own, walking one's own path, and gaining the confidence to express publicly that one's views have moved away from those of one's family and childhood friends. I enjoyed his use of English, his graphic, lyrical descriptions and his quirky sense of humour. He had just become the USA's first black president, and I think I was, like the rest of the world, simply fascinated by him. I still am.
Yes, I read on the flights, but I also devoured my Brazilian Portuguese phrasebook, did Soduko till it came out of my ears, watched movies, listened to Brazilian music, and - my favourite - journalled.
And now another book has found me, called "Women Who Love Too Much", by Robin Norwood. I want to take my time with this one, because it's found me at a time that I need to address certain things and put closure on others. But most importantly, I need to break counter-productive patterns in my life. In the 1980's, I had an 8-year relationship that almost destroyed me. But it didn't: I survived, and emerged thinking I knew what I wanted and what I didn't. And life moved on. And then in 1992 I met someone who seemed exactly what I needed, we got married in 1994 and divorced in 2000. As with all relationships, there were important lessons I'd needed to learn. And life moved on. And then in 2003, I entered into a relationship which was to prove just as much a learning experience as the other two. And life moves on.
As no woman is an island, I realise that we learn most of our lessons about ourselves through our interactions with others. Had I been confined to a solitary life, without a social context, I would've stayed the same. I would've thought I knew all the answers. I would have stagnated, closing my mind to the many possibilities around.
A few years ago, I excitedly shared a book that had had a profound impact on me with a close friend. It was "Women Who Run With The Wolves", and it had been given to me by a good friend and strong woman, Nisa. To my dismay, the person returned it shortly afterwards, saying she'd not gone beyond a certain point, because it had been boring. I took it personally, because that's what I did back then. Now I understand that books have to find us. I also know that if someone doesn't like what I do, it's no reflection on me.
When I read "The Alchemist" (Paulo Coelho)for the first time, it also felt like the perfect book for me at that time of my life. More recently, I've had that experience with "The Art Of Possibility" (Ben Zander and his wife, Rosamund Stone Zander), which I must have read about 8 times by now, and of course, one of my 'bibles', "Mind Power Into The Twenty-First Century" (John Kehoe).
And now I have three books waiting for me: 2 I got as birthday presents this year: "Shantaram", by Gregory David Roberts (from Juan - reading it at the moment), "In the Land Of Invisible Women" (from Jacques - waiting for me to read!), and now today's arrival, "Women Who Love Too Much".
When my friend who lent it to me pointed out that one of the central characters was "Trudi", a woman on a personal journey to break old, destructive patterns in her life, I knew that this book had indeed found me.
Friday, 20 November 2009
More Than Words
A few weeks ago, Rafiek Mammon (journalist, editor of The Next 48 Hours, playwright, radio presenter, etc.) came to the Food Lover's Market to review our duo, and today it's finally in the paper (Cape Times supplement, Top Of The Times). Yay! I've attached the pic they used for the article. I'm sorry Rafiek's camera lost all the really cool pics of the duo, but this one was taken at home by my 10-yr-old daughter, Summer. This is a child with a great eye for photography, and she definitely needs her own camera.
Just because I'm feeling so proud of both my rooikoppies today, I've also attached one of the three of us, taken at home in June this year. First time I've put them on my blog. Nick is 14, and Summer is 10 (11 in 3 sleeps!). I know it's redundant for a parent to say this, but I love these two more than I can put into words.
Thursday, 19 November 2009
Incremental
Ha! Just noticed my followership has grown by 50%! hahahaha! Thanks, Tamzin! Welcome to the inner workings of the brain of a fellow-Virgoan. I can't believe you're leaving in a month's time! This is no laughing matter - you will be missed!
I've now got orders for 53 tickets for my show on the 6th of December. Heading inexorably towards 100, my goal. Watch this space! I anticipate a repeat of the show.
Music, the great healer and bringer together of people. Indeed.
I've now got orders for 53 tickets for my show on the 6th of December. Heading inexorably towards 100, my goal. Watch this space! I anticipate a repeat of the show.
Music, the great healer and bringer together of people. Indeed.
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Working the networks
Written Tues 17/11/09
Picture: Renae Barker and I, Sat. 14/11/09, at her Charity Tea (ingenious fundraiser for three charities, held at her home!)
Watching the last episode of one of the seasons of Lipstick Jungle. What is it about the show I like so much? I think it’s the fact that the three central characters are empowered career women and that, just like the rest of us, their private lives don’t always echo the symmetry and clarity of their professional lives. I also really like stories about strong friendships. And yes, I’m a sucker for a good love story! Can’t deny that!
My love-hate relationship with Facebook continues. The jury’s still not out as to how much longer I’ll stay on it, but a few things have happened that have made me see the value of this social networking system: I made contact with a high school friend, after 30 years, I heard from an ex-student from Russia, one from Japan and two from Switzerland, a writer friend whose work I love, and made an interesting connection with a musician I’ve admired for a long time.
As strange as it may seem, since I love blogging so much, I’m actually quite a private person, so the part of Facebook I like is the message writing between people, which happens privately. I really don’t care about all the frivolous stuff people write about all the time - and I actually don’t quite understand why some people have to say absolutely everything about everything – but I like the networking aspect. Basically, having been raised in apartheid South Africa, where I had so few choices, until the age of 32, when we gained political freedom, I prize very highly my right to choose, my right to set boundaries, and my right to do what feels right to me, without having to justify it to the world.
One of the off-putting things about Facebook (and here I know I need to learn how to install certain facilities) is the fact that I get to view all the little bits of mindless chitchat between my “friends” and their “friends”. When I realised that this sometimes entailed my being involuntarily exposed to gratuitous profanity and vulgarity, I wanted to ‘un-join’ immediately. And then I got six really interesting messages from people I’m so happy to have connected with, and I thought, “You know, there’s definitely something about this technology that I like - a lot!”
To be honest, this ambivalence is more about me and my pattern of behaviour when faced with change, than about anything else. But that’s another story!
Today was a day I wouldn’t want to repeat in a hurry, and yet it was a very good day, in many respects. It was filled with a variety of things that I’m sure many people don’t get to experience in a month! Bottom line – I love my job, and I’m happy working where I do. I put a lot of energy into whatever I do, and my day job is no exception. Tomorrow night I accompany, along with a group of other South Africans in the language teaching industry, a group of Italian agents and journalists to supper at an authentic African restaurant. I love the place – the décor is pretty and indigenous, the food’s unusual and exciting, from all over Africa, and a highlight for me, is that I get my face painted in African style, during the evening. The cherry on top of all of that, though, is that, towards the end of the evening, the waitresses sing. I don’t even want to describe what that feels like. I am profoundly moved and affected by that kind of singing, and I feel my skin tingling with excitement. Even though I always say I strongly suspect my roots lie on some island, or some Latin country, I am undeniably African, and my heart soars with pride when I hear those strong voices blending, rich in harmony, and I feel the sensations inside my own body when I watch them swaying rhythmically as they sing.
But the part of my life that ensures everything balances out nicely is the time I spend alone, journalling, blogging, practising my music. Earlier, I spent some time playing scales on my guitar. Tonight I won’t sing, because I wanted to blog, but I’ll have to start doing serious practising for my concert on 6 December, at Baran’s. I’ve already taken orders for 41 tickets, and that’s just from my own friendship circle (real friends, not FBFs) – I want to sell 100, which means I need to get 59 people from my broader circle and the public. Have to step up the marketing.
I think I’ve found someone to do the official photography on the night, and I might actually have the show recorded! Lots to put in place before then. I’ve always liked the idea of a live recording, and maybe this time it will all come together.
In conclusion, I want to talk about an excellent way in which I saw a network being used, over the weekend: I sang at a beautiful house where the owner,a really lovely woman, Renae Barker, had arranged a Charity Tea fundraising afternoon. She’d got a lot of women to buy tickets, treated them to delicious refreshments and live music (moi!), handed out great prizes (generous donations), and made some money, which she donated to three charities. One was Ons Plek, a shelter for homeless/abused girls, another was Building Blocks, a house where babies waiting for foster/adoptive parents are looked after, and the third was a new home-church in Lavender Hill. I admire the organizer and her team who did the tables, and I also applaud all the ladies who came to support. I was moved and inspired, and it was a privilege to do my bit for those organizations.
I am so tired, I shouldn’t bath – I should just shower! If I were to do my usual soak in the bath, I’d probably wake up in it tomorrow!
Tomorrow’s Wednesday, the day I have my guitar lesson. Another reason to smile.
Right now, my daily fantasy of getting to bed before midnight seems to be fading. 23h20. Can still make it.
Friday, 13 November 2009
And now I know
Picture: Janice De Lilly
On Sunday 15th November, I do the lunchtime gig at Baran's Theatre Restaurant, from 12 - 3, featuring Janice De Lilly (singer-guitarist) as my guest. She has a voice like silk, and needs to be heard by the whole world! This gig is part of the "Spirit Of Cape Town" cultural series I'm hosting at this delightful, exotic spot on Greenmarket Square. It's a Turkish/Khurdish restaurant, set up for dinner theatre, and the ambience is magical! Sunday lunch costs R50 for a main course (lamb/chicken/vegetarian) and the cover charge for the live music is R30. Drop by, if you're in the mood.
And so.... I've finally joined Facebook! Mixed feelings. I must admit, until I start achieving my main aim, i.e. getting my music out there, I'll feel like I've somehow cheated on my blog! I really like blogging, enjoying the fact that I can do it in my own time and ignore it when I get too busy. I honestly find Facebook too time-consuming (says she who's been a member for one whole day!), and part of me resents the fact that I'm expected to answer so many people. I think I have about 26 "friends". Now there's a label I find curious. When I call someone my friend, it encompasses all kinds of elements, like trust, honesty, loyalty and discretion, to name a few. A Facebook friend is just someone you're linked to electronically. Hectic!
And back to blogging:
This weekend, I have THREE gigs. Tomorrow afternoon, I'm singing at someone's house in Constantia/Kreupelbosch. It's a fundraiser for three different charities, including Ons Plek, hosted by Renae Barker. I'm doing it as a solo gig, and it's a "marketing opportunity", i.e. I'm not charging. I believe, like Stevie Wonder says in his incredibly beautiful song, If It's Magic: "there's enough for everyone".
Not everyone has money to give to charity, so you need to give what you can. In my case, I give my music. I've learnt, however, that it's not just enough to appear at these events, and to mention your name at the beginning and end of the gig - you have to leave printed material behind, marketing yourself, because at those occasions, people are relaxed, they're listening to you in an unstressed environment, and they're taking in what you're doing, consciously or not. Somewhere along the line, they might have a need for live music, and you'll pop back into their minds. That's how it works. If I've distributed my contact details, even better. Now that I'm blogging (and collecting friends on Facebook!), even better.
I SERIOUSLY NEED TO PUT SOME AUDIO OUT IN CYBERSPACE!
After that, I head straight for my evening gig at The Food Lover's Market, where I'll be working as half of The Rushin-Bosch Jazz Duo (with Wayne Bosch), from 7 to 10pm. This is undeniably one of the things I'm proudest of, right now. I put a lot of hard work into it, and not just musically - I do the marketing, which never stops, and I also do lots of admin related to the gigs. My personal development is also a big part of what's happening in my music career, because success at anything we do in life can be attributed largely to belief and attitude, skill aside. If I didn't believe in this journey, I'd find one closed door after the other. What's happening is the complete opposite, in fact!
Another fantastic piece of news reached me this week: that our duo has been hired to do New Year's Eve supper at Myoga, a restaurant at the Vineyard Hotel - another of my dream venues! I am so excited! I've been wanting to play at the Vineyard for years, and to get the NY's Eve gig is a major coup! I'm jumping out of my skin with excitement. As soon as I've established details like the cost of the dinner, I'll advertise it on my blog.
I started writing a song, last night, and I'm like the musical version of a nutty professor, when I'm in the process of writing. I feel like I want to drop everything for a few hours/days and just work on the song! This morning I was driving to work, and some new lyrics came into my head. I grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen, and for once, every robot I got to was green, so I was really frustrated because I wanted to write down the words as they came. It's actually one of those songs that I feel so intense about, it's like I'm giving birth to it. I was so caught up in the lyrics and their implications, that I started to cry. This has happened to me a few times before, but not for a while. When I write these kinds of songs, so close to my heart, I panic about performing them, because I'm so scared I'll be too emotional to sing.
I'm hoping to complete it before my concert on 6 December, so that I can include it. That would be something! It contains a message I need to say at this stage of my life, and it's a wonderful mixture of very necessary words and the new slant to my musical style.
I recently experienced something that reminded me to simply trust my instincts and NEVER to stop trusting them. I got involved with something I had decided, for many many reasons, to walk away from, and I knew I'd learn one of three things: that I'd been wrong to walk away from it; that I could dip into that world occasionally, when expedient; or, that I'd been right to walk away. Sometimes I can only establish by actually doing something how I really feel about it, and this was one of those situations.
And now I know.
Monday, 9 November 2009
Imagine
Saturday night's gig at The Food Lover's Market was special in quite a few ways. Firstly, I had to drop my teenaged son in Claremont an hour before I needed to be at my gig, so I had a very early start. Usually I get there between 6 and 6:30pm, but this time I got there just after 5. What was already special about the day was that it had rained all day! And not soft, gentle rain (jazz standard, Gentle Rain -beautiful piece!), but quite a heavy downpour. Superb for the garden, but not for my instruments as I was loading my car, nor for my hair! So I got to my gig looking like a wet dog, and sought (unsuccessfully) to find a "cool" attitude that would make the look seem intentional. On the best of days, my hair does its own thing, so I wondered, after the rain had put paid to the efforts of the shampoo and conditioner, what exactly my hair would decide to do that night, when it dried! See above photos! Haha! There are some things in life I can control, and then there's my hair!
So I carted my equipment upstairs, with the help of the doorman, and saw, to my delight, the high chairs we'd asked the owner for, a few weeks ago. The entire bandstand looked better, because we now also have our speakers on stands. I've always had a funny relationship with high chairs, at gigs! I hate chairs that are slippery and ones that don't accommodate my....em.... let's say, "girth", but I particularly don't get along with chairs that swivel! And the new chairs at FLM do exactly that, so now Wayne and I are a swinging duo. You dare not sneeze, because when you open your eyes, you might just have your back towards the audience!
After I'd set up, I ordered a cup of coffee, and sat down to do some planning for my 6 December show. That was a valuable timeslot, for me. It also gave me time to dry, to unwind and to prepare mentally for the gig. As a mom, it's hard to find a whole lot of time to sit and write. Of course, being a "part-time" mom, I get every second week to myself, so I try to regulate my space craving to coincide with that schedule, but, as you can imagine, it doesn't quite work that way. There's nothing organic about this way of living. After 9 years of it, I should know.
But, back to the gig.
I did three of my own compositions, and that always makes the gig more special for me. More than that, Wayne's playing adds a whole new dimension to my compositions. It's such a personal thing, such a risk, in a way, performing songs you've written: you can't help but be very invested in the moment. At restaurants, people talk all the time while you're singing, and you sort of end up singing for yourself and your friends who're actually listening. Which is why some musicians take stupid chances at gigs, settling for the path of least resistance, playing the same old material for years, not rehearsing, not freshening up their acts, allowing stupid mistakes to remain uncorrected, week after week. I don't subscribe to such mediocrity - I'm there to do a job, a job I love, so I'm going to work hard before, during and after the gig, always putting my best out there. That's one of the reasons I enjoy working with Wayne - he's a total perfectionist, and a consummate professional. I'm learning so much from him.
My partner was there, and that's always super-cool for me. He's such a supportive guy. I often wonder if he doesn't get sick and tired of coming to the gigs, but when I look up at a certain time of the night, there he is, and the little spark inside of me grows into a flame. What can I say...... he's my Achilles heel.
There was a big group of people who insisted on sitting up close to the bandstand, who spoke and laughed loudly all night, and took no notice of the music. After our very last song, our own version of John Lennon's "Imagine", they applauded like we were superstars. Imagine!
Saturday, 7 November 2009
Fortaleza
I could look at this picture for hours. I took it in Fortaleza, in the north-east of Brazil. It's my current desktop wallpaper. I love walking in the shallow part of the sea, where the water occasionally rushes up to cover my feet. In Cape Town, I love walking on Muizenberg Beach. Another fabulous beach to walk on is Noordhoek, and of course, the divine beach at Wilderness, on the Garden Route.
Music Inside Of Me
Tonight I do my next duo gig with Wayne at The Food Lover's Market, my 19th consecutive Saturday there, and the start of our fifth month. A few years ago, I had a 5-month resident gig at Off Moroka, in Adderley Street. I worked there with guitarist Keith Tabisher, and our duo grew into a trio when Donald Gain, a double bassist, joined us. The restaurant has since closed, and unfortunately the enigmatic guy who ran it, Richard Ishmail, has since died. I have many fond memories of that place, and one of them is doing my first guest appearance as a songwriter at one of the Poetry Sessions organised by Richard. That was in 2004, the day that South Africa heard the shocking news of Brenda Fassie's death. I remember a fairly inebriated guy in the audience asking me my opinion of her (music), and there was something so threatening about his demeanour, that I needed to draw on all my diplomatic vocabulary, to get through the experience intact, and to get to my performance in a focussed way!
I did a half-hour slot of my own compositions, accompanying myself on guitar.
The audience was filled with poets and others who had come to listen to poetry, so my inclusion, a departure from the usual programme, may easily not have been welcomed. To my delight (and relief!), the response was not only tolerant, but extremely positive, with people asking me all kinds of questions afterwards. It gave me an idea, for the first time ever, of how my songs mght be received by the public, were I to expose them more.
I sang my songs at a few other poetry sessions, organised by Dala Flat Music, and there again I realised that:
1. I needed a listening audience, like the ones that attend poetry sessions
2. people enjoyed my songs
What astounded me was how many women would come up to me after a performance and say they'd had similar experiences to what I'd sung about, but that they could never have articulated their feelings like I had done in my lyrics. That was interesting.
There was a time in my life that I thought I'd never sing my songs in public, because I was constantly told that they were "too personal". I've come a long way since then: I trust my own judgement about what's right or wrong for me.
In four weeks' time, I do a concert of original compositions, called "Music Inside Of Me", one of my song titles. I had been married for six years when we split up, and it was while I was going through a year-long divorce, that I wrote the song. I remember a friend commenting, when I told her I'd just written my first song since the split, " I suppose it's a sad song". I looked at her, smiled and shook my head. It was anything but a sad song! I realised how different people's perceptions of us can be to what we're actually feeling.
The gist of the song is, "If there's music inside of you, you've got to let it out."
I had had a period of years of viewing myself through someone else's eyes, of allowing someone else's perception of me to cloud my own, and I had emerged with the clarity I'd lacked before - that there's only thing you HAVE to do in life, and that's to be exactly who you are. (In one of her books, Maya Angelou says there are only two things she has to do in life: stay black, and die!). I'd tried to be what I wasn't, suppressing the confident, spontaneous, goofy side of me, and after too many years of failing myself in that way, I made a choice to free myself, and to live a more authentic life. The best way I could process that experience was to write about it, and because music and words course through my veins as naturally as my heart beats, I wrote a song about it.
An astrologer told me, once, that my relationship with someone had been karmic, and I asked what that meant. She explained that certain people were sent our way to teach us valuable lessons. It had nothing to do with how long the relationship lasted, or what the nature of the relationship was - it just meant that through that person's influence, positive or negative, you would learn certain important lessons. I now know that some of my most valuable lessons have been learnt through what seemed like extremely adverse circumstances. Which is also why I'm as patient as I am, because my Great Teacher, my garden, has shown me that sometimes you can't avoid handling some fertiliser before the true beauty of the garden can emerge.
But, I digress!
I need one more musician to complete my band for the 2-set concert on the 6th of December. This week, I'll choose the songs I'll be doing, and start working on them. I'm so excited, because I feel like my music has come alive in the past year, since I started taking lessons with Wayne, and I'm looking forward to performing my original songs to an audience, with my new approach, some new chords, and of course some new songs. I'm putting a fresh spin on all the songs, whether by changing the arrangements, the chords, the rhythms or the tempos. This concert will be different to any other I've done, where I've performed my compositions. The most important shift, with the whole show, will be the shift that's happened (and continues to happen)inside of me. Which is why I chose that title for the show. I'm way past the time of wondering how people will receive my songs - these are my creations, my inner processes, and all I'm doing is sharing them with the public. I don't care who likes them and who doesn't, who thinks they're too personal, or not African enough - seriously, I don't care.
Like recently, I had my hair cut, and had to deal with all the comments that people always feel they need to make. A young colleague (with the most amazing hair - long, funky, super-curly!), when I shared some of the comments with her, said, "People ask me why I don't wear my hair this way or that, and I always reply: Why would I want to look like everyone else?!". Oh, to have been that wise that young!
And so, with just a few weeks to go, I have a lot of organising to do. This week, I'm getting the tickes printed and starting with my 4-week marketing programme. I need to contact the media, and get some photos out there, as well as an article or two. I need to spend time on the overall concept, and work on how it translates into the details, the little extras one adds, to make the show memorable. If I can, I'll have it recorded, but I want it done properly or not at all. I have to think about the stage, the printed programme, etc. etc.
This is what makes me tick!
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Candlelight
There's something about this time of year, starting from September, that makes me feel that absolutely anything is possible! On Saturday I had my hair cut (a sure sign that a woman is welcoming change into her life) AND blow-dried (really not my thang!), which felt like some kind of new beginning. (The picture above was taken on Saturday night, at my gig at Food Lover's Market.)
It really was a 'new beginning' kind of weekend, because on Sunday night, Wayne and I played our first-ever gig at Baran's Theatre Restaurant, on Greenmarket Square, and it was so cool. We worked with a well-known electric bass player, Bernie Lawrence, and it gave our duo a whole new sound. I learnt many valuable lessons in the process. Yup! The acoustics are very flattering, so the sound was lovely! Four of our foreign students (I work at an English school) pitched up, and one of them, Jacob, from Angola, came up to sing a song with us. He has a great voice - so, so beautiful - deep, smoky, magical! I'd love to sing a duet with him, because our voices contrast so strongly.
And then it was Monday, and a whole new week. My children are back home and all's right with my world. My guitar lesson is tomorrow, and that's my mid-week highlight. Tonight I'll cram in all my homework that I should've been doing all week (heehee! Sorry, Wayne!) and take the journey a few steps further tomorrow.
Last week, in my lesson, I found the courage to play an instrumental piece I'd composed a few months ago, and it was well received. (phew!) It's interesting to me how many ultra-laid-back, subdued-seeming people I have in my close circle, being the chatterbox I am; when praise is forthcoming from one of them, firstly I have to be alert to the fact that it is indeed praise, and secondly I have to receive it and enjoy it. It's a breakthrough for me to have written such a piece, and I've decided to call it "Candlelight".
Some amazing gig offers have come my way, but no details on the blog until confirmed. I need to start marketing my next gig at Baran's, which will be on Sunday 15 November, at lunchtime, 12 - 3pm. Need to find a guitarist, because Wayne's got a regular Sunday lunch gig. Also need to start getting my act together for my concert on Sunday 6 December, which will be all original material.
Time to go. More when I have time.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
How does the grapevine know?
Just a quick note before I start my next round of activity for the day. I'm an amateur gardener - extremely amateur; the kind who likes to look at a nice garden, but prefers not to do the work herself. Actually, that's not entirely true; it's just that I'm SO busy, I seldom get time, on a regular basis, to work in the garden. When I do, it's limited to pulling out a couple of weeds and filling up the beds or pots with compost. Every now and then, I really get in the mood for gardening, and then I like to plant new seedlings and play around with the potting soil and compost, finishing it all off with watering. Now that's the part I really enjoy. In fact, anything involving water. I hate housework, especially the tasks that involve dust, because I'm allergic to it.
But one thing about the garden fascinates me more than the pretty colours of the blossoms and the cool shade of the trees - I'm fascinated by the lessons I've learnt from my garden. I've learnt from my garden that there's a natural cycle to things, and that if we wait long enough, there'll be another opportunity to experience something, usually within 12 months.
I've toyed with the concept of "How does the grapevine know?" for a while. The grapevine starts showing signs of life round about July, and by this time of the year, late October, it's full of bunches of ant-sized baby grapes. By December they're recognisable as grapes, with the vine filled with vibrant green leaves, and by January/February,we're picking and eating the fruit.
The thing is, by March/April, the vine looks as dead as can be, with the branches all gnarled and dried, as though it hadn't been part of an amazing life-giving process. And throughout winter I look at it and I wonder,..... is it REALLY dead, this time round, or is it going to start reviving in a few months' time? And when it does, year after year, I ask myself: "How does the grapevine know? "
The garden teaches me that when I plant a seed and nurture it, it will grow. When I neglect it, it won't. If I take good care of it for long enough, it will give me something beautiful in return - sometimes, shades of green that make me stare in disbelief, sometimes edible fruit, and sometimes blossoms so stunning, I can't believe such beauty exists right in my yard!
My garden teaches me that when I plant tomatoes, it will yield tomatoes, and when I plant daisies, it will give me daisies. My garden teaches me to be specific - don't plant daisies if you want roses - then you need to take the necessary steps to plant roses!
My garden teaches me that when I let the weeds grow, uncontrolled, they'll flourish and take over, simply because they've been given the space and time to do so.
My garden teaches me that it's not just what I can see that can calm me and put a smile on my face: when the wind wafts the delicate smell of lavender towards me, or I cut some and put it inside the house, I know, without a doubt, that beauty is to be experienced with all my senses.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, in 1998, a very good friend gave me two pot plants, and they were clivia plants. Five years later, they bloomed for the first time, and have done so every year. We gathered the seeds and nurtured them indoors and now we have a whole lot of clivia. And everytime they bloom, they take my breath away!
I also know that some flowers bloom for a long time, while others lose their petals very quickly, which is another lesson: I try not to take good fortune/blessings for granted; when we have them, we should enjoy them. Carpe diem!
I think the most important lesson I've learnt from my garden is that, when you see that you've messed up, and you make a decision to do something about it, life does give you another chance. If my garden looks terrible, from being neglected, and I consciously set about changing what I don't like, I'm guaranteed to have a beautiful garden within a relatively short space of time. My garden always forgives me and allows me to try again. My garden doesn't judge me.
My garden knows me, and reveals to me its beauty when I need it most.
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
Do, or don't do
It's been an exciting few months, for me, and I can feel the momentum building. On the 4th of July, this year, I started a duo gig (with Super-Wayne, Wayne Bosch) at The Food Lover's Market, in Claremont, and set myself a series of goals, because that's what I love to do. Some were (and always will be) more private than others, but the fact is, I've had an amazing time! Most of the goals were in the category of pushing personal boundaries and seeing how far I could go. Some were more altruistic, and some were just practical. Crooner, Michael Buble, in a silly moment during a recent interview, quoting a character from Star Wars (I think), said, "There's no such thing as try -there's just do, or don't do."
I like that concept. Over the past few months, I've sung songs I'd never have attempted a year ago - and the fun part is that while I'm singing, I'm checking myself out and thinking, "Ok, so you're doing this now - let's see how you do in the chorus, then the bridge, then the next verse, then the whole form again with some improvisation...." It's like a game, an experiment, but I'm never going to know if I can or not, unless I actually DO!
In many other parts of my life, I apply the same principle. Right now, I've committed to a project with Baran, a really nice person with great integrity, and a restaurant owner (owns Baran's and Mesopotamia, both in the Cape Town CBD), and a lot of what I'm doing is just pure gut feel. I love music, all forms of creativity, I love Cape Town, and I absolutely love Greenmarket Square, where Baran's Theatre Restaurant is located. This Sunday, I realise quite a few dreams, when I perform in my first gig there, alongside Super-Wayne.
Over the years, I've compiled a list of my dream gig venues, and Baran's was one of them: in 5 days' time, I achieve that dream! One that I seriously hope to achieve within the next year (I'll have to just open my mouth and talk to people, won't I?!) is the top of Table Mountain. (And no, playing my guitar in the overnight hut doesn't count!) Watch this space! Some of my others were Kirstenbosch (managed the Silvertree Restaurant, as part of the winter concerts, but not the outside venue), the amphitheatre at the V&A Waterfront (1998), the Table Bay Hotel (2008/9), Spier Wine Farm (did the Spier Village Hotel, but not the outside venue) and Strandloper (did a wedding there, a few years ago). Like a lot of other South Africans, I've also had on my dream gig list performing to Nelson Mandela. Wonder if he eats at Baran's?
And then there's Trevor Manuel......but that's another story!
I like that concept. Over the past few months, I've sung songs I'd never have attempted a year ago - and the fun part is that while I'm singing, I'm checking myself out and thinking, "Ok, so you're doing this now - let's see how you do in the chorus, then the bridge, then the next verse, then the whole form again with some improvisation...." It's like a game, an experiment, but I'm never going to know if I can or not, unless I actually DO!
In many other parts of my life, I apply the same principle. Right now, I've committed to a project with Baran, a really nice person with great integrity, and a restaurant owner (owns Baran's and Mesopotamia, both in the Cape Town CBD), and a lot of what I'm doing is just pure gut feel. I love music, all forms of creativity, I love Cape Town, and I absolutely love Greenmarket Square, where Baran's Theatre Restaurant is located. This Sunday, I realise quite a few dreams, when I perform in my first gig there, alongside Super-Wayne.
Over the years, I've compiled a list of my dream gig venues, and Baran's was one of them: in 5 days' time, I achieve that dream! One that I seriously hope to achieve within the next year (I'll have to just open my mouth and talk to people, won't I?!) is the top of Table Mountain. (And no, playing my guitar in the overnight hut doesn't count!) Watch this space! Some of my others were Kirstenbosch (managed the Silvertree Restaurant, as part of the winter concerts, but not the outside venue), the amphitheatre at the V&A Waterfront (1998), the Table Bay Hotel (2008/9), Spier Wine Farm (did the Spier Village Hotel, but not the outside venue) and Strandloper (did a wedding there, a few years ago). Like a lot of other South Africans, I've also had on my dream gig list performing to Nelson Mandela. Wonder if he eats at Baran's?
And then there's Trevor Manuel......but that's another story!
Monday, 26 October 2009
Revised gig e-mail for this week
Hi
Yes! Yes! Yes! After 4 months of one weekly gig, I have added a second one!
Please spread the word!
Gig 1
Date: Sat 31/10
Time: 7 - 10pm
Venue: The Food Lover's Mkt Restaurant & Sushi Bar (upstairs)
Address: Corner Vineyard & Dreyer Streets, Claremont
Band: TRUDY RUSHIN (voice, guitar) & WAYNE BOSCH (guitar)
Music: Laid-back jazz, swing, pop and originals
Menu: General menu OR Saturday night special: 3-course meal + glass of wine, only R95
Cover charge: None
Gig 2
Date: Sun 01/11
Time: 6 - 9pm
Venue: Baran's Theatre Restaurant (upstairs)
Address: Corner Burg & Shortmarket Streets, Greenmarket Square, Cape Town
Band: TRUDY RUSHIN & Guest Guitarist (as part of "Spirit of Cape Town" Concert Series)
Music: Laid-back jazz, swing, pop, African and originals
Menu: Special "Spirit of Cape Town" menu: Main course (lamb/chicken/vegetarian), only R50
Cover charge: R30
Bookings: 021-426 4466
Baran's Theatre Restaurant launches its "Spirit of Cape Town" Concert Series this Sunday, 1st November, with its resident duo, headed by singer-songwriter, TRUDY RUSHIN, a born and bred Capetonian, to celebrate its re-opening after recent upgrades to both the restaurant and Greenmarket Square.
Over the coming weeks, Trudy will be showcasing talented Capetonians at this delightful venue: musicians, dancers, poets, etc.
Baran has come up with a delicious main course, at a very special price, to accompany the live entertainment, in keeping with the true spirit of the Mother City.
Please pass this e-mail on along your networks.
If you would like to find out more about being a guest in the "Spirit of Cape Town" Series, or you would like to recommend someone, please e-mail me at rushintrudy@yahoo.com or call me at 083 491 3048.
I will be keeping my blog updated, as well: http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com
On Sun. 6 December, I'll be doing a concert of my original music at Baran's Theatre Restaurant, with a very special band. More info to follow.
“We have, at our fingertips, an infinite capacity to light a spark of possibility.”
From “The Art Of Possibility”, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
Yes! Yes! Yes! After 4 months of one weekly gig, I have added a second one!
Please spread the word!
Gig 1
Date: Sat 31/10
Time: 7 - 10pm
Venue: The Food Lover's Mkt Restaurant & Sushi Bar (upstairs)
Address: Corner Vineyard & Dreyer Streets, Claremont
Band: TRUDY RUSHIN (voice, guitar) & WAYNE BOSCH (guitar)
Music: Laid-back jazz, swing, pop and originals
Menu: General menu OR Saturday night special: 3-course meal + glass of wine, only R95
Cover charge: None
Gig 2
Date: Sun 01/11
Time: 6 - 9pm
Venue: Baran's Theatre Restaurant (upstairs)
Address: Corner Burg & Shortmarket Streets, Greenmarket Square, Cape Town
Band: TRUDY RUSHIN & Guest Guitarist (as part of "Spirit of Cape Town" Concert Series)
Music: Laid-back jazz, swing, pop, African and originals
Menu: Special "Spirit of Cape Town" menu: Main course (lamb/chicken/vegetarian), only R50
Cover charge: R30
Bookings: 021-426 4466
Baran's Theatre Restaurant launches its "Spirit of Cape Town" Concert Series this Sunday, 1st November, with its resident duo, headed by singer-songwriter, TRUDY RUSHIN, a born and bred Capetonian, to celebrate its re-opening after recent upgrades to both the restaurant and Greenmarket Square.
Over the coming weeks, Trudy will be showcasing talented Capetonians at this delightful venue: musicians, dancers, poets, etc.
Baran has come up with a delicious main course, at a very special price, to accompany the live entertainment, in keeping with the true spirit of the Mother City.
Please pass this e-mail on along your networks.
If you would like to find out more about being a guest in the "Spirit of Cape Town" Series, or you would like to recommend someone, please e-mail me at rushintrudy@yahoo.com or call me at 083 491 3048.
I will be keeping my blog updated, as well: http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com
On Sun. 6 December, I'll be doing a concert of my original music at Baran's Theatre Restaurant, with a very special band. More info to follow.
“We have, at our fingertips, an infinite capacity to light a spark of possibility.”
From “The Art Of Possibility”, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
Gig e-mail for Sat. 31 Oct.
You deserve a treat! You’ve been working hard all month - why not round up some of your favourite people, and surrender yourself to the pleasure of a well-deserved night out, enjoying excellent food, to the laid-back sounds of live jazz?!
DATE: Sat 31 October 2009
TIME: 7- 10pm
VENUE: (upstairs at) The Food Lover’s Market Restaurant and Sushi Bar
ADDRESS: Cnr Vineyard & Dreyer Streets (opposite MacDonald’s), Claremont
BAND: TRUDY RUSHIN (voice, guitar) & WAYNE BOSCH (guitar)
MUSIC: Jazz, swing, bossanova, folk, blues, pop & original
OTHER:
Saturday night menu special: 3-course meal + glass of wine, only R95
No cover charge for live music
Now that the seasons have changed, the restaurant is even lovelier at night – with the balcony accessible, you can enjoy the cool night air and have a bird’s-eye view of buzzing Central Claremont, while enjoying your meal and the live music.
It’s hard to pin-point one thing that makes this place so special – rather, it’s the combination of a few successful elements that makes it stand out: the food, the laid-back ambience, the staff and (of course) the music all blend, somehow, to create the setting for a memorable night.
Interesting? Interested? Please forward this to some of your friends. (Nkos’!)
Thanks to my friends who pitched up, the last two Saturdays – so nice to have you there! Big thanks to Janice De Lilly, our guest artist last week, whose voice is so beautiful, it gives me goosebumps! You’ll be hearing a lot about her, I’m sure.
A quotation, in conclusion:
“We have, at our fingertips, an infinite capacity to light a spark of possibility.”
From “The Art Of Possibility”, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
Have a good week!
Trudy
Check out my blog, at http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com
DATE: Sat 31 October 2009
TIME: 7- 10pm
VENUE: (upstairs at) The Food Lover’s Market Restaurant and Sushi Bar
ADDRESS: Cnr Vineyard & Dreyer Streets (opposite MacDonald’s), Claremont
BAND: TRUDY RUSHIN (voice, guitar) & WAYNE BOSCH (guitar)
MUSIC: Jazz, swing, bossanova, folk, blues, pop & original
OTHER:
Saturday night menu special: 3-course meal + glass of wine, only R95
No cover charge for live music
Now that the seasons have changed, the restaurant is even lovelier at night – with the balcony accessible, you can enjoy the cool night air and have a bird’s-eye view of buzzing Central Claremont, while enjoying your meal and the live music.
It’s hard to pin-point one thing that makes this place so special – rather, it’s the combination of a few successful elements that makes it stand out: the food, the laid-back ambience, the staff and (of course) the music all blend, somehow, to create the setting for a memorable night.
Interesting? Interested? Please forward this to some of your friends. (Nkos’!)
Thanks to my friends who pitched up, the last two Saturdays – so nice to have you there! Big thanks to Janice De Lilly, our guest artist last week, whose voice is so beautiful, it gives me goosebumps! You’ll be hearing a lot about her, I’m sure.
A quotation, in conclusion:
“We have, at our fingertips, an infinite capacity to light a spark of possibility.”
From “The Art Of Possibility”, by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander
Have a good week!
Trudy
Check out my blog, at http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com
Saturday, 24 October 2009
2009 Prize-giving at Westerford High School, Newlands, Cape Town
Written Thursday 22/10/09
Last night I went to the annual prize-giving celebration at Westerford High, where my son is about to finish his first year (Grade 8). The Noel Taylor Hall (named after the school's first Principal) was crammed with pupils from all the grades, as well as parents. The seating was demarcated, so everyone knew where they were supposed to sit. (That already impressed me!) Extra seating had been created in a temporary annex, giving the hall more capacity, and that was where the younger pupils sat.
It was clear that careful planning had also gone into the layout and decoration of the stage, as well as the seating for the orchestra, at the foot of the stage. Every pupil was dressed in full winter uniform (smarter than the summer one), as per the instructions in the notice to parents.
The evening was an interesting mixture of formality and informality, with the various pupils tasked with addressing the huge gathering speaking eloquently, with just the right amount of humour. It was good to hear the prefects giving reports on the many aspects of life at Westerford, from the sporting and cultural activities to the part that fascinates me a lot - the service organisations. It's clear that the ethos of the school is deliberately values-driven and aimed at promoting well-rounded citizens. I'm actually fascinated by the school and how it manages to get so many elements essential to education so right. Yes, their fees are relatively high (+- R17000 p.a.), but that's not the only reason they're able to deliver and produce such excellence. The people who run the school are the secret ingredient. Of that I'm 100% sure.
Not only are they people of vision, themselves, but their focus is squarely on developing people; their acknowledgement of everyone, no matter how menial their rank, is evidence of that. Something special, for me, was the way both the Principal (Rob Le Roux)and the MC mentioned all the pupils present who were not going to be receiving prizes, and acknowledged their hard work. What a nice gesture! I'm sure it went a long way towards soothing a few egos in the audience (of both pupils and parents!).
The orchestra played a few items before, during and after the event, adding another dimension to the evening. The odd mistake did nothing to detract from the overall beauty and significance of the music - played by pupils (and a teacher) from the school, conducted by one of their teachers - all proudly Westerfordian.
Once again, I want to mention the interesting balance between the formal and the informal, on the night. The staff entered the hall as a procession, and all or most of them wore academic robes. The staff member who read out the names of the prize winners was extremely formal - his voice, his register, his choice of words: everything about him suggested someone who'd been in academia for many years and who clearly loved what he did. The printed programme set everything out clearly, and I was impressed to see that the lyrics of Gaudeamus Igitur, their school song and our national anthem were all printed in the programme - all of us were included in the singing of all three! (I was, once again, impressed at the attention to detail, as well as the spirit of inclusiveness!).
Juxtaposed with that formality, were the many pupils who came up onto the stage to address the audience. They were definitely the highlight of the event, because they were essentially living proof of the success of the school: all of them were well-spoken, articulate, interesting, caring, engaging and funny. The sight of the principal having a good laugh at some of the whacky things said by the various pupils also gave an indication of the spirit at the school. One doesn't feel that old-style, draconian ethos that many of us suffered through, all those years ago, but rather a refreshing alternative - a truly empowering atmosphere, where young people are nurtured and moulded, encouraged and applauded, but most of all, respected for the individuals they are.
Before ending, I want to mention two other things: firstly, that the guest of honour was the Premier of the Western Cape, Helen Zille, who (I was relieved to find!) was not there to make a speech, but merely to grace the event with her presence, and secondly, that a few days before the event, The Sunday Times had published the top 100 public schools in South Africa, and Westerford had emerged as No. 1! Needless to say, everything about the evening had had, as a backdrop, that wonderful accolade.
I suppose the comment my son made afterwards (he'd been at school since the morning, and it was after 10pm that the event ended) was the perfect conclusion for me, given the emotions I had experienced during the evening: I had one of those lump-in-the-throat moments, as we were walking to the car - it was a beautiful night, we were walking on the pathway approaching the swimming pool, Devil's Peak towering majestically before us,when my son said,with all the innocence and enthusiasm of a 14-year-old: "I love this place!".
To read more about this innovative, ground-breaking school, go to www.westerford.co.za
Last night I went to the annual prize-giving celebration at Westerford High, where my son is about to finish his first year (Grade 8). The Noel Taylor Hall (named after the school's first Principal) was crammed with pupils from all the grades, as well as parents. The seating was demarcated, so everyone knew where they were supposed to sit. (That already impressed me!) Extra seating had been created in a temporary annex, giving the hall more capacity, and that was where the younger pupils sat.
It was clear that careful planning had also gone into the layout and decoration of the stage, as well as the seating for the orchestra, at the foot of the stage. Every pupil was dressed in full winter uniform (smarter than the summer one), as per the instructions in the notice to parents.
The evening was an interesting mixture of formality and informality, with the various pupils tasked with addressing the huge gathering speaking eloquently, with just the right amount of humour. It was good to hear the prefects giving reports on the many aspects of life at Westerford, from the sporting and cultural activities to the part that fascinates me a lot - the service organisations. It's clear that the ethos of the school is deliberately values-driven and aimed at promoting well-rounded citizens. I'm actually fascinated by the school and how it manages to get so many elements essential to education so right. Yes, their fees are relatively high (+- R17000 p.a.), but that's not the only reason they're able to deliver and produce such excellence. The people who run the school are the secret ingredient. Of that I'm 100% sure.
Not only are they people of vision, themselves, but their focus is squarely on developing people; their acknowledgement of everyone, no matter how menial their rank, is evidence of that. Something special, for me, was the way both the Principal (Rob Le Roux)and the MC mentioned all the pupils present who were not going to be receiving prizes, and acknowledged their hard work. What a nice gesture! I'm sure it went a long way towards soothing a few egos in the audience (of both pupils and parents!).
The orchestra played a few items before, during and after the event, adding another dimension to the evening. The odd mistake did nothing to detract from the overall beauty and significance of the music - played by pupils (and a teacher) from the school, conducted by one of their teachers - all proudly Westerfordian.
Once again, I want to mention the interesting balance between the formal and the informal, on the night. The staff entered the hall as a procession, and all or most of them wore academic robes. The staff member who read out the names of the prize winners was extremely formal - his voice, his register, his choice of words: everything about him suggested someone who'd been in academia for many years and who clearly loved what he did. The printed programme set everything out clearly, and I was impressed to see that the lyrics of Gaudeamus Igitur, their school song and our national anthem were all printed in the programme - all of us were included in the singing of all three! (I was, once again, impressed at the attention to detail, as well as the spirit of inclusiveness!).
Juxtaposed with that formality, were the many pupils who came up onto the stage to address the audience. They were definitely the highlight of the event, because they were essentially living proof of the success of the school: all of them were well-spoken, articulate, interesting, caring, engaging and funny. The sight of the principal having a good laugh at some of the whacky things said by the various pupils also gave an indication of the spirit at the school. One doesn't feel that old-style, draconian ethos that many of us suffered through, all those years ago, but rather a refreshing alternative - a truly empowering atmosphere, where young people are nurtured and moulded, encouraged and applauded, but most of all, respected for the individuals they are.
Before ending, I want to mention two other things: firstly, that the guest of honour was the Premier of the Western Cape, Helen Zille, who (I was relieved to find!) was not there to make a speech, but merely to grace the event with her presence, and secondly, that a few days before the event, The Sunday Times had published the top 100 public schools in South Africa, and Westerford had emerged as No. 1! Needless to say, everything about the evening had had, as a backdrop, that wonderful accolade.
I suppose the comment my son made afterwards (he'd been at school since the morning, and it was after 10pm that the event ended) was the perfect conclusion for me, given the emotions I had experienced during the evening: I had one of those lump-in-the-throat moments, as we were walking to the car - it was a beautiful night, we were walking on the pathway approaching the swimming pool, Devil's Peak towering majestically before us,when my son said,with all the innocence and enthusiasm of a 14-year-old: "I love this place!".
To read more about this innovative, ground-breaking school, go to www.westerford.co.za
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
This week's gig e-mail (for Sat. 24/10/09)
Picture: Janice De Lilly (accompanied by Wayne Bosch)
Hi!
Please pass this e-mail on to friends who enjoy live music. (Thanks!)
This Saturday, 24th October, I have the pleasure of performing with guitar legend, Alvin Dyers, with whom I’ve had a long association. Alvin was my guitar teacher in the early 1990’s, and again in 2008, at Jazz Workshop Music School. He also played on my first demo CD (At Last!) in 1997, and was the guitarist in the band that I performed with at the Jazzathon at the Waterfront in January 1998. He’s so cool to work with!
Gig details:
Date: Saturday 24th October
Time: 7-10pm
Band: Trudy Rushin (voice, guitar) and Alvin Dyers (guitar)
Venue: The Food Lover’s Market (restaurant and sushi bar)
Address: Corner Vineyard and Dreyer Streets, Claremont (opposite MacDonald’s)
Parking: Either on the street (tip the parking attendants) or inside Cavendish Square (pay per hour)
Type of music: Laid-back jazz, swing, Brazilian, pop and originals
(basically: toe-tapping, stress-busting, smile-inducing)
Cover charge: None
Menu special: 3-course meal + glass of wine, only R95
(huge helpings and utterly divine!)
Guest spot:
This week, we’ll have a special guest appearance by Janice De Lilly, a talented young singer-guitarist who performed with us a few weeks ago. Her voice has a soulfulness that will take your breath away. Fairly new to the world of gigs, she certainly has a bright future ahead as a performer.
Last week, we had “MJ” (Martin John Abrahams), another gifted young singer-songwriter, who blew us away with his renditions of “Sunday Morning” and “More Than Words”, amongst others. From a gospel background, his voice is shown off beautifully when he does rock, blues and folk/pop songs.
Couldn’t resist this quotation, by one of my all-time Superwomen:
Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
Ella Fitzgerald
There’s something new and exciting that I’ll be involved in, as from November. I’ll keep you posted via e-mail, but will also be updating my blog. You’ll find my random Rushin ramblings at http://alwaysrushin.blogspot.com
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